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'K.
Searched for pre-existent advice threads, and none of them were adequate for what I'm attempting here - and instead of this being all me me me, I hope this can be more generally applied to everyone.
I don't necessarily need any sympathy, and if you have anything to say, could you please proceed directly to the points in my case?
I don't know what I want. I have a full year before I commence university, and have decided upon a year of work. But - and this is driving me crazy - I don't know where I want to be.
1) The place where I'm currently at. Where my family is, and where I don't have to struggle as hard to maintain the level of luxory (which ain't much, still) I've become accustomed to. The ideal setting where I can work, feel safe, and be reasonably certain that I can erase some of the accumulated debts, and still have a nice chunk for unilife afterwards. And where I can easily obtain a bigger apartment.
2) Move to the capital, where getting a place is difficult, but where the pulse of the city is faster and, thus, livelier. I can rent a room, but this prospect I'm not so hot about. However, a jolt to the sytem might be good.
3) Try out a year in Paris. Like 2) but times a hundred. Reasonably certain I can carve out a nice existence for myself down there, as I know where to look for jobs and rooms from the getgo.
4) Go back to my home country. Getting a place for oneself is difficult, but I have some family there, and I can be reasonably certain that I will have saved a nice chunk for unilife at the end during the stay.
The problem, essentially, is that I can see so many enticing possibilities within each choice, that I have locked myself into a state of stupor.
Contributive factors:
I have amorous hang ups. Went through a particularly painful date last week, where I realised that I'm too smitten to a particular guy, who lives alternately between my home country and here, although he spends more time in the former.
I might have suffered from a slight concussion from the previously described biking accident; I have migraine, not too much of it but enough to know that it's still there, and my body feels tired all the time, as if I had just cried extensively. Making any decision making process irrelevant.
Fearful of trying out new things, where I'm less certain where I might end up. Some of my past choices have almost killed me, because I went allll the way.
Have a sneaking suspicion that my occasional self destructive manners have to do with trying to shake my current existence out of it's tranquility.
And it's driving me mad. All of it. Help! |
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