Let's start, rather unoriginally, with a dictionary definition.
Confidence - freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities
Ok, you meet two people at a party. Person A is outwardly confident, attractive, intelligent and charming. Person B is outwardly confident, unattractive, dim and hostile. I think most would agree that they've met both types.
Where does their confidence come from? The models above suggest to me a couple of different possibilities. Or maybe not. When you meet person A, you say to yourself. 'Hmmm, attractive + intelligent + charming = confident'. I'd guess that throughout their life, person A has been told or has learnt through more subtle signals that they are liked and capable and therefore appear more confident. What about person B? Looks like despite the fact that thay've probably recieved less positive signals from others, they still enjoy a seemingly more personal, internal confidence.
Do they really? Is it really possible to be confident without the approving influence of others? I guess when you perform an action, you generally know whether you've done it/done it well and would assume some kind of confodence in your abilities. But does the confidence building potential of an event more heavily rely on what other people think of what you've done? If you do something that you know is pretty bog standard but people fall over themselves to praise you for it, I reckon it'll give you as much confidence as doing something you consider to be well but without praise. Is person B therefore, just pretending to be confident? Or are they happy in the knowledge that they are in fact more intelligent than they look and people give them credit for and that's enough?
I'd guess for many people it's kind of both. It would seem as though maturity, or rather experience, has a role to play. You're born, can't do shit. Well... anyway. Mummy and Daddy and maybe a few others say 'who's a pretty boy' lots and lots and basically keep doing it for a while. In the meantime, you explore your own capabilities and ultimately reach a conclusion as to how generally capable you are and establish your confidence level on a more personal level. Dunno.
Is everyone playing at being confident? Does pretending to be confident elicit some kind of positive response that ultimately builds confidence?
Once established, how solid is your personal level of confidence? Confidence appears to offer a barrier to the negative opinions of others but how long does this last if your confidence level is based on their assessment in the first place? Do you just have to go and do something well for yourself to restore it or do you need the praise? Is it possible to reach a state where your confidence level is so high through other people's opinions of you that it's basically infrangible? or does your own, perhaps more honest, evaluation of your own self worth and ability undermine this?
Are the criteria for confidence building personal or fairly standard? I guess I want people to like me, find me amusing etc. if I think they do, good for me, confidence soars. Egor appears to be confident because people find him scary and he can beat them up with great ease. Is he really more confident because of this? Do people just want to have their own self image (I know) reinforced or are there more universally applicable values that, if acknowledged, lead to higher confidence and self worth?
Anyway, enough rambling. Some food for discussion I hope, if not, probably plenty of attackable error and bollocks. I wait. |
