BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Jay Leno is an utter disgrace.

 
 
Alex's Grandma
23:53 / 31.03.04
Opening scene, in an LA carwash.

Attendant - " Hey Jay/David/Conan ( whoever, ) I really dig all your shows... Is that a Porsche ? "

Jay/David/Conan - " Yeah, yeah it is. Buddy. "

Attendant - " Wow, that's so cool... What I really wanna do, being a big fan an' all, is give you guys the executive treatment. Free of charge. "

J/D/C - ( in some sort of competition to say this more throatily, running wedding ring fingers through silver-grey hair - these guys are still hip. ) " Well hey man, why not ? "

( They put on their aviators, Sam Cooke on the stereo, give each other high five. )

J/D/C - " Goddamnit we're cool. "

The water turns out to be sulphuric acid though, in concentration it turns out to eat through the roof.

Oh well.
 
 
Hieronymus
00:53 / 01.04.04
Wha?
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
01:05 / 01.04.04
You've instantly invalidated your thread by lumping Jay "Fucking" Leno w/Conan O'Brien. Sorry.

But I do want to thump Leno on the skull w/a ball-peen hammer until he suffers acute brain damage. Just acute, though. Enough so that he's constantly confused about where he is and what he's doing. That might make him funny, if no less pathetic.
 
 
diz
12:47 / 01.04.04
You've instantly invalidated your thread by lumping Jay "Fucking" Leno w/Conan O'Brien. Sorry.

i couldn't agree more. Conan's brilliant. the rest of them can go suck donkey dick, but Conan's not in the same league.
 
 
bjacques
11:00 / 02.04.04
Bill Hicks (peace be unto him) had a go at Jay Leno years ago, on "Relentless" I think. Still one of his funniest bits.

"...a company man to the bitter fuckin' end!"
 
 
bjacques
11:02 / 02.04.04
And the hell of it is, I saw Jay Leno when he guested on Dennis Miller's show long ago, before Dennis did a PJ O'Rourke and traded in his remaining sense of humor for rightwing ideological purity. Leno seemed a lot smarter and funnier than on his own show.
 
 
raelianautopsy
19:52 / 02.04.04
Leno may not be the greatest talk show host of all, but he is funny every once and a while. To me David Letterman represents the status quo of celebrity worship coupled with awful dry comedy. I particularily despise David Letterman. And Jimmy Kimmel sucks too.

But Conan is goddamn funny. He's the man.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
04:35 / 03.04.04
Well I've never actually seen O'Brien on telly, I know nothing about the man whatsoever, except that he occasionally writes for The Simpsons. However, just to clarify, does he seriously " dance " on his show when it moves to the ad break ? Behind his desk ? Because if he does, there are certain things that are unforgiveable.

The irony being that his carcicature did " the desk dance " on The Simpsons, and that's all I'm basing my view of the guy on, so I really don't know. Over here in England, we just assume that irony is something you guys in the States try to do with your " laundry, " while exporting real talent like Rowan Atkinson, in his role, Mr Bean.
 
 
Hieronymus
05:24 / 03.04.04
Well I've never actually seen O'Brien on telly, I know nothing about the man whatsoever

You're missing out, Frankie. Letterman? Leno? Not even in the same ballpark as Conan O' Brian.

And Bean? Feh. Buster Keaton on thalidomide.
 
 
Bastard Tweed
09:09 / 03.04.04
Now hold on just one second there delicious mass. Defending the incomparable Conan is one thing but denigrating Bean is something else entirely. I don't think I've ever seen such a touching portrayal of a handicapped adult's struggles with the world since "Children of a Lesser God". The way he just pulls apart the most mundane of activities in his desperate attempts to cope cuts through all of my cynicism and really makes me feel for a brave (if imaginary) human being. Mr. Bean is nothing if not the modern realization of the Faulknerian idiot manchild.
 
 
Ganesh
13:50 / 03.04.04
Rather than kill them en masse with sulphuric acid (which would be difficult to transport and store, and would necessitate considerable planning), couldn't they just be kidnapped individually (perhaps with Mafia help, if anyone's got sufficient funds), mutilated and tortured to death? If we cut into their tracheas at just the right angle, we could dissect out the actual vocal chords while they're still alive, which would stop them making any noise. Then we could drill into their kneecaps, say, and not be bothered by screaming and stuff.

Etc.

Female chat-show hosts might be more difficult to torture, because obviously their genitals are harder to actually sever. With the right tools, it could be done, though.
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
17:03 / 06.04.04
An angle grinder, or electric router with just the right bit should do the job...
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
04:39 / 07.04.04
Leno is a very typical hack. His jokes go for the most obvious punchlines, he panders to his guests and is number one in late night, which is probably as it should be. He can do good stand up, but why should he try anymore? He's supposed to generate money for NBC and does it quite well.

Letterman has fallen into a shadow of his former self, and almost seems like he'd rather be sleeping than doing his show, which is a fucking shame. In the 80's, he decontructed the whole "talk show" genre and was the funniest man on TV. There are still hints of it and any time he is interacting with the audeince or people in his neighborhood, it's great TV, but the rest of the show just feels like it is going through the motions.

Conan has grown into the only consistantly watchable host, and his show is VERY much like Letterman's early work. And, of course, he's starting to make noises about wanting to move to an earlier slot, so we could have another "late night war."

The oddest thing about it is that I remember Carson at his peak, and when he was good, no one could possibly have been better. He was able to wring laughs from ANYTHING, always made his guests look good and had the best eye for comedy in history. It's too bad that most of his monlogues were so focused on current events because it made them hard to watch now. Carson left while he was still good, and when he left, he didn't keep coming back like so many others in show biz have done. He was a class act, and his actions after leaving NBC show that he was a friend to Letterman and wanted him to get the NBC slot.
 
 
DaveBCooper
15:39 / 07.04.04
I saw some Leno recently, and it left me cold, and then Dennis Miller had me thinking ‘hmm, don’t buy this at all’, but then I found ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ on HBO and that was much more my kind of thing. Ideas that swim against the tide, and swearing too, at 8 in the evening ? NICE !
 
 
Haus of Mystery
20:49 / 08.04.04
Jay Leno has perhaps THE most punchable face I have ever seen.
 
 
Ganesh
00:47 / 09.04.04
That's just because it has a particular high surface-area-to-fist ratio.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
10:45 / 09.04.04
I imagine one's fist would dissappear into his face like dough, while he lisped his way through another painful 'routine'.
 
 
TeN
14:54 / 09.04.04
Conan is hillarious!

Tom Green's show is worth a watch once in a while too.
 
 
Lord Morgue
11:27 / 13.04.04
If you want to get rid of Jay Leno, just give him one of these, and take cover behind someting solid. Think Wile E. Coyote.
http://www.dodge.com/tomahawk/flash.html
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
12:11 / 13.04.04
Tom Green isn't on the air anymore!
 
  
Add Your Reply