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Coming out to your parents

02:13 / 28.03.04

as a practitioner there must be many obstacles to overcome, many trials and travails on the path to enlightenment.

one of those, as far as i can see, looming large on the horizon of fear, is telling mum and dad that you like to piss about in the dark with only a few candles and a pentagram for company. oh, and demons.

well, okay, but thats how she'll hear all your protestations of rational experimentation, religious freedom and the common sense of using all the mental tools at your disposal. especially when you bring out the "oh, but i always banish them from the garage before dad gets back" line.

so.

who's told their mum and dad already?
what did they say?
would you handle it very differently in hindsight? get less drunk first?
do you have any hints or tips for anyone thinking about it? especially, i suppose, for the benefit of those who are younger/still live at home?

who hasnt?
why not?
is it from fear?(fear is the mindkiller, yaddayaddayadda)
do you plan to some day break the news that junior is the next great beast?

and finally,
who was brought into the world of sorcery by their parents?
does it affect your style?
is it like being a doctor because dad was?

03:09 / 28.03.04

My parents are perfectly accepting of my magic, but then they are both conspriacy theorists. My mom thinks the Templars/Aviogense Papcy/ Priory of Sion run(s) everything.

What frightens me is coming out to my grandparents.

Information in formation

07:04 / 28.03.04

My dad and I don't talk about it. We used to get into some fabulous arguments over it, he's a rather devout Roman Catholic. We came to an agreement about a year ago that if he stopped telling me that I was going to be like him when I grew up I'd shut up about the magick. Recently I've started attending mass at a Gnostic Church in Vancouver, when I told himn that I had started attending their services his comment was "Us Catholics used to burn Gnostics" I told him that was why I left Catholocism, I think though that despite what to him must seem like heresy on my part, he's just happy that I'm back at a church. My mom on the other hand has always been a fairly free spirit when it comes to religion/mysticism, though some times she will make ignorant comments about my practice she understands that I have a very strong sense of ethics, and to her credit she is trying to understand it a bit, at least she is making an effort. The only person on either side of my family that I feel comfortable talking about all this to is my aunt Trish, she's the youngest of all my aunts and uncles on my dad's side, but since she lives on the opposite end of the country we don't talk all that much at all. as for my grandparents, I don't see why it is relevant for me to talk about it with them in the first place. The way I see it, they are from a genneration that wasn't really big on any of this stuff, so they wouldn't understand.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:00 / 28.03.04

Having had a vicar for a father, I always figure telling his widow (also a devout Christian and the best person in the world ever) would really upset her. So I don't bring it up. Not difficult... we don't see each other often.

I'd love to "argue" (in the debating sense, rather than the fighting one) stuff like this with her... she's a fucking intelligent woman, and I know we'd both get something worthwhile out of it. But at the cost of her becoming really, really upset. And I can't do that. Not when I don't have to.

10:25 / 28.03.04

My mum is an ex-Catholic (she's French) and when I was 16 and getting into magick for the first time she was a hardcore atheist. I think her reaction was bemused pity. Thankfully my mum knows better than to challenge a stubborn teenager and is generally tolerant of my various madness, if a little superior.

Eventually she saw some merit in what I was doing and even attended the Beltane festival in my city.

Funnily enough, since my stepfather died my mum has taken up Buddhist (sp?) meditation and it's really working for her. It's kind of sweet to see her begin to explore her spirituality.

My dad is the person I credit for most of my pagan leanings. He's like a natural, unconscious pagan, it's odd because he's very "straight" in his day to day life. He's so earthy- loves gardening passionately, taught me everything I know about plants and trees. As a child on weekend visits my dad would take us to sacred sites and forests. One of his favourite holiday spots was the village next to the Cerne Abbas (chalk man) in Dorset which has really powerful energy even a little girl (or perhaps especially) can pick up on.

But I'd never talk about magick with my dad. It's something unspoken for him and I worry if he had to examine it too much he'd lose it. Sad eh?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:15 / 28.03.04

Hmmm. I come from a fairly magicky background myself, one which seems to go back quite a long way. You'd think that would help, buuuuut...

My mum's always been interested in ritual and divination but in this odd, skittish way. A couple of my mad aunts were in Subud for years, and did lots of divination (tarot, regular cards, palms) but they have this really weird attitude about it, like they have to be the ones who can do it and no-one else is allowed.

So even though magick and divination weren't exactly frowned upon (hell, I was given tarot cards for my 12th birthday) there were a lot of mixed messages and interference from various quarters. It was like: Magick works, divination works, but it's all pretty dangerous and you're going to suck at it, and if you don't suck at it you'll go evil and start summoning demons or something, so don't get too good. So I kept pretty quiet about my ritual experimentation while I was growing up.

One of the mad aunts became a Jehova's Witness, and I've been Not Speaking to the other one after she told my Mum I was possessed.

I'm pretty open to my folks about what I get up to these days; they don't know all the gory details, but I talk about my big projects sometimes.

14:55 / 30.03.04

My parents don't have much of a religious background, but my maternal grandmother is a very devout southern baptist. As it is, my mom gets chewed out once a year for not forcing my older brother and me to attend church. Thus, my parents don't know my occult/religious views because I know they would be just stupid enough to tell my grandparents (after all, they couldn't just be quite that I was going to a concert on a certain day, lo and behold, my aunt (also baptist) does research, finds out I'm going to a Slayer concert... you can imagine the rest)

I think my dad would understand, he always seems curious/accepting whenever there is a news story regarding local wiccans (they like to stir up trouble every no and then in Texas), but I think he does hold some pretty Christian beliefs.

I haven't told my brother because I don't think he would fully understand, and I don't want to risk losing his respect, as he's also my best friend.

All in all, my family doesn't know my beliefs, and that's the best way for it.

15:24 / 30.03.04

My parents dont mind at all, my dad is away for most of the year (spends atleast 6 months a year on oil rigs), so doesnt spoil the time we have together with arguments and he is not very outspoken anyway. My mum doesnt mind either and is to a slight degree interested as she was into Pop-Divination (Tarot, Palmistry etc) in her Student days.

20:50 / 30.03.04

i don't really talk to my family, other than the occasional phone call to make idle chit-chat and make sure they're still alive. i visit about once or twice a year now, although we don't really talk much then either.

Shanghai Quasar

00:02 / 31.03.04

My folks seem to think anything I engage(d) in is "neat" and leave it at that. Needless to say, my teenage rebellious years were a great disappointment.

"I'm a communist, mother. All power to the Soviets!" "Interesting!"

"I'm a satanist, father. Hail Satan!" "That's nice."

"I'm going to my room to summon the Elder Gods. Cthulhu ftagn." "Bring back the power tools when you're done."

Well, OK, maybe the first two never happened.

01:05 / 31.03.04

When I was a Wiccan I tried telling my mom. Bad idea. Although she dabbled in the occult in her youth and is hardly Christian, she seems to view the occult as extremely dangerous and wouldn't stop bugging me until I quit. My dad just thinks it's all garbage. So I keep it to myself.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:48 / 21.04.04

Okay, not probably harder, but definitely weirder... when talking to your alcohol counsellor about your vicar father's death and your subsequent rejection of God (even though you made up with The Guy many years later), having to answer the question "so what do you believe now?"

"umm... have you ever read Pete Carroll?"

Not adding too much to the thread, I know, but picture it. The consequences WERE hilarious.

Or would have been, had I been watching, and not the maladjusted fool (rather than Perfect Fool) sat doing the talking.

16:19 / 21.04.04

My parents were always extremely supportive of anything and everything I was interested in, which was good because I am interested in anything and everything!

I began to get into the occult and paranormal stuff when I was 9 or so. I remember my father bringing me books and generally being really happy that I was so curious. Neither of my parents had a problem with me shutting myself in my room and doing magick. It was never an issue.

I think it all comes down to how open-minded and accepting your parents--or anyone else for that matter--are. If they are going to freak out and think you are the antichrist, is it worth your time and energy to tell them?

17:03 / 21.04.04

I have a good relationship with my parents. they understand that I'm spiritual but not religious (they raised me catholic), and generally well-adjusted and friendly. I've seen no reason to fill them in on my personal heresies.

Why do you need to come out to your parents? There is a certain advantage in stealth...

17:30 / 21.04.04

Why do you need to come out to your parents?

well, because you might care about them and their feelings towards you. they might worry about the wierd stuff you have in your room, for example, or misunderstand the significance of a ritual if they stumble in on it.

alternatively, if they find out that you are into the occult through someone else, it could go very badly. the mainstream press doesnt exactly fill their heads up with good information about the positive aspects of practising ritual magick, and they may well assume the worst.

if you keep it a secret, i can see how that would make it seem more seedy and evil to them.

21:02 / 12.01.05

i was reminded of this thread by a more current one and, looking through it, have realised that i didnt actually share about my experiences.

i have explained to my mum what i understand about various 'psychic technologies' as i like to call them, and suggested to her that i am looking into them.
she knows i find religion and belief generally fascinating, so could be assumed to have guessed that already.
i made the leap to letting her know i do rather than watch after being prompted by the discovery that my mum was starting to get into things through the 'self help gone mystical' route that seems common among some of her age group.
she showed me a crystal she had bought and explained what she had been told it could do for her and the conversation flowed naturally from there. it was a bit odd i would have to admit, but it was refreshing and certainly felt comfortable.
on magick, she has been reading all sorts of books from the same bit of the bookshop but other side of the new age divide(the one in my mind) and doing very little practical work with it.
i took the opportunity to not only 'come out', but to also try and influence her journey to make it one of action rather than observation and reading.
she seemed interested by all i said and in fact took a few of my invisi-lifts on board to the point where she now uses them herself without having read any morrison at all.
she has also started asking after my development and telling me about hers regularly, and even paid for my first reiki class shortly after.

all things considered, i am glad i shared.

i have not opened up completely, but then i dont think i ever will.
there are things i will not share with anyone, and everyone is on a sliding scale of how much i trust them with.
mum is now a lot higher up that scale but still has no idea the extent of my interest in the scarier and less obvious stuff.

dad is another matter entirely, and will remain so.
he is not and will never be the kind of person who will in any way benefit from the information, and i dont feel his knowing would be better for me.
he finds it hard to talk esoterically about many things, and exceptionally difficult to see teh other facets of a situation, let alone a reality.

11:15 / 13.01.05

" Umm... Have you ever read Pete Carroll ? "

Not meaning to pry if you don't want to go into it Stoat, but had he ?

14:18 / 13.01.05

when i was a teen both 'rents were Xtians and I was totally closeted. Sending off for mail order books and kit and getting up really early to catch the postman and stuff them inside my dressing gown, staying up late at night to do my rituals really, really quietly, all the usual stuff.

Now Mrs Posters is a New Ager, ah the irony. Mr Posters is still a Xn. I was accidently outed in a TV documentary some years ago, a public ritual which was filmed by many film crewes and to my surprise and horror, for once I didn't end on the cutting-room floor. My father's eminently Christ-like response was to say, "William, you looked an absolute pratt."

15:10 / 13.01.05

Nope nope nope. I spent years hiding the fact that I played D&D, for crying out loud.

Actually, at this point in time, I expect Mom would be interested and fine with it all, and Dad would be upset - which is exactly opposite of what their respective reactions would have been ten years ago. For all I know it'll change again, too, so I'm saying nothing to anyone.

Visits home are weird enough without heart-to-heart discussions about why what I'm doing makes baby Jesus cry.

farseer /pokes out an i

19:38 / 13.01.05

Since I live so far away from my family, I accept that they just don't get to know all the aspects of my life. I see them like once, sometimes twice a year, for a few days. If they're interested in a specific aspect, they ask. And they also understand not to ask questions that they don't really want to know the answer to, as I'm likely to 'splain it bluntly, or at least concisely.

My sister was trying out Wicca for a while when I was younger, but now she claims it was just for a book report, but I know better.