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This is the skit I wrote as performed for a production called Oracles from the Living Tarot.
This entry is specifically written after the performance took place, as a memory of how it all went. I can't promise the words are exactly what came out of my mouth, I'm afraid - live performance while in divinitory trance is a bit variable.
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[The DECK is arranged in a tableau of poses on steps behind the READER, who is mediating a discussion of faith between the SKEPTIC who believes only what science tells her, and the FANATIC who believes everything she reads in Llwelyn books.]
[The READER has audience members pull cards for the reading.]
[The CHARIOT is pulled, and announced.]
[MUSIC plays]
"And the sign said the words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls and tenement halls
and whispered in the sound...
... of silence"
[I, the CHARIOT, walk casually towards the audience wearing a felt fedorah with a coyote tail hanging from the band, an oversized oilcloth duster, a green bandana, a plaid button-up shirt, jeans, and black boots with white felt wings attached.]
CHARIOT: [Wave] Hey.
[Remove hat] So, Coyote walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Oh gods, not again." and Coyote says "Whaddya mean?! I never..."
[Phone rings]
[Look alarmed, then embarassed]
[Swear quietly while putting hat back on]
[Fish around in coat for the phone]
[Answer phone]
This really isn't a good ti...
Why yes, I DO have an audience th...
No, I'm NOT going to tell them that, they'll lynch me!... No, I... NO!
Ok, but I don't have that ...
[READER brings a canvas bag full of envelopes. The bag reads "A wizard is never late, nor early. He arrives pricisely when needed."]
Oh. Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Okay... FINE!
[Hang up phone and glare at it]
You know, I keep asking them: "Why me?"
You know what they say?
"Because you listen!" [Audience laughs]
It's enough to make me want to crush my cell phone.
[Sigh and pick up the bag] Well, anyway, here. These are your messages.
[Start passing out envelopes, giving one each to the SKEPTIC, the FANATIC, the DJ (who helped me fill all the envelopes), and one to my boyfriend for his birthday. The rest are for audience members, except for one red envelope which stays in my hand.]
[FANATIC reads her message, and becomes outraged. She follows me into the audience]
FANATIC: What the hell is this?!
CHARIOT: That's your message.
FANATIC: This is NOT my message!
CHARIOT: Well, here, what does it say? "Don't believe everything you read." Well, there you go - You're off to a great start!
[Audience laughs.]
[Return to passing out messages]
FANATIC: But this can't be right, that's not what the message is supposed to say!
CHARIOT: Oh, by all means, you tell me what it's supposed to say.
FANATIC: You're the Chariot! You're supposed to come in, sweep me off my feet and carry me on to my next big adventure!
CHARIOT: Wait, you want me to lead you somewhere?
[FANATIC nods emphatically]
CHARIOT: For gods sake, don't follow me! I am NOT your guide. If you want a leader go find the Empress, or hell, even the Hermit is better than me! Actually, no. If you want a guide, you know what you should look for? A MIRROR. I have better things to do.
[Move past the FANATIC to hand out yet more messages]
FANATIC: Who ARE you?!
CHARIOT: What's that got to do with anything? It's YOUR story. I'm just a cameo, a... a machina ex deus dropping in to provide a bit of exposition before moving on to some other story. Who I AM doesn't... [Look at red envelope in hand and realize it's for me]
Oh, huh, this one's for me... [Open the note and read it.]
[Scream in frustration and anger. Throw down the note. Throw my hat at the note.]
[Drop the bag, and go collapse on the steps in a heap to cry.]
[READER gets up from the table, picks up the note, reads it, and comes to talk to me.]
READER: Come on, honey, you're not done. [Hands me the note] "Tell them who you are."
[I fend off the READER, flailing, and return to center stage, taking off the oilcloth duster as I go]
You want to know who I am? My name is Angela. I have a boyfriend, a sister, a brother, a cat, a car, and an addiction to Starbucks Chai that I have to maintain. [Audience laughs] I'm a... a computer science student who hates school. I want save the world in my spare time - if I had any. [Audience laughs] I want to get married, have kids, and a house with a white picket fence, and live happily ever after!
I'm not different from you!
The only difference between me and YOU [turn to point at the FANATIC] is that I LISTEN.
Maybe I have more faith in the voices in my head.
But I'm still scared... and overwhelmed... and I'm so tired.
But I know [Put hat back on] I just have to pay attention
[Point to the bag of envelopes, then pick it up]
and Keep Moving!
[throw duster over shoulder, and start to head out]
[Audience is silent]
[Remember something, suddenly, and turn back]
I'm sorry! So... The bartender says "Oh gods, not again" and Coyote says "Whaddya mean?!"
[Bitter sarcasm] "I never screw you the same way twice!"
[turn angrily to grab my card on the way out]
[stalk my way around the circle to go sit in the reading]
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--Ember-- |
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