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All New Barbelith

Our Lady Has Left the Building

13:59 / 18.03.04

I'm betting that it's going to turn from a formerly Morrison orientated forum to one that revolves around the Godlike Genius of Simon Pegg.

Forums will be renamed after Pegg shows, Pegg and heterosexual life chum Nick Frost will become the honoury members that never turn up, we'll all be made to wear the obligatory short sleeves look Simon (herafter refered to as 'The Peggster') models in Shaun of the Dead). It will be great. Oh yes...

Tryphena Absent

14:15 / 18.03.04

There will be flowers and bunnies and giant yellow mini eggs and a dancing koala as well. It will be like BarbelithEasterWonderland. Yippee!

Sax

14:17 / 18.03.04

I think it will look more like a supermarket. A Morrison's supermarket, perhaps, with black and yellow livery, and the fora divided into "aisles". There will be periodic announcements by Tom such as "Get two Derrida quotes for the price of one over at the Head Shop" and "Any three movie threads for £20 in Film and TV".

You'll also be able to get cashback when you log out.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:56 / 18.03.04

A return to spandex superhero costumes.

The Apple-Picker

14:57 / 18.03.04

Will fried food items be sold from roving carts? With the oil in the deep fryers sloshing about? I'll be in charge of a fry cart. I'll sell the apple fritters and yeasty donuts.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:59 / 18.03.04

It'll be the same, only a musical.
But with a twist... (SPOILER ALERT!)

It'll turn out at the end that it's all just a big experiment being performed on ME. None of you are real, least of all the ones I've met in meatspace.

But there'll be badgers. Lots of badgers. And mashed potato.

Jack Fear

15:03 / 18.03.04

Widescreen.

And Odorama.

gridley

15:08 / 18.03.04

But there will be a terrible lingering sadness. Because each day, one of us will be MURDERED!!

And only the badgers can solve the crime, because Stoats is eating Anna's yeasty donuts!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:13 / 18.03.04

Shit, do you really think Tom'll use the tried'n'tested comic/soap opera routine of KILLING ONE OF US TO LIVEN THINGS UP???

"And... a poster shall FALL!!!"

ibis the being

15:14 / 18.03.04

Stoats is eating Anna's yeasty donuts!

Please, what they do in private in none of our business.

8===>Q: alyn

15:15 / 18.03.04

I think it will be like Playboy magazine in the '70s: airbrushing, chest hair, soft-gelled lenses. Fuzzy pubic hair, and arm hair! Did you know women in the '70s had arm hair? Wild. Lots of advice about hi-fi stereo record players. Dirty jokes and cartoons that are not, by any stretch of the perverse imagination, either funny or erotic. Controversial interviews. Serialized stories by Norman Mailer and Gore Vidal. And, oh yes, Pet Peeves. Lots of Pet Peeves.

Now accepting applications for Barbelith Centerfold.

Jack Vincennes

15:17 / 18.03.04

"And... a poster shall FALL!!!"

It'll be heavy previewed in all forums, though. So it'll be obvious when it's going to happen, even if that's the only thing we'll know!

The Apple-Picker

15:37 / 18.03.04

I don't remember Anna paying for those donuts.

w1rebaby

15:58 / 18.03.04

I think the new forum will contain every possible post in the world ever, so instead of writing them we have to remove them. Thus everybody becomes a moderator except the moderators, who are the only people allowed to add posts, provided other mods agree.

It'll either be like that thing where you to carve an elephant by chipping away all the marble that doesn't look like an elephant, or a big game of internet Jenga.

aus

16:05 / 18.03.04

That's a great idea, but wouldn't the database be rather... you know... big?

Jack Denfeld

16:19 / 18.03.04

Could we put a background picture of me on the welcome page? And have some text saying, Our leader, or Once and Future Kinf of Barbelith? That'd be killer2000.

Tryphena Absent

16:46 / 18.03.04

Gosh, Anna's a very naughty girl. Everyone knows the best donuts are spelt doughnut and aren't yeasty at all. She was right not to pay for them.

The Apple-Picker

16:53 / 18.03.04

Ew, don't tell me you like blueberry cake donuts. Grody!

fluid_state

17:21 / 18.03.04

Once and Future Kinf

Ah, you've seen Tom's new ad-copy then. Like "Fair and Balanced", but fundamentally incomprehesible.

grant

18:30 / 18.03.04

It'll be all Flash, and when it's working correctly, the background will oscillate between dark grey and light grey at exactly the right frequency to cause involuntary orgasm.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

18:44 / 18.03.04

I get that already, every time I reread the innercircle thread. But it'll make for interesting discussions:

"No, you see, Derrida's mistake here was to confuse the - Oh, I'm sorry, I've just come."

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

04:53 / 19.03.04

I have heard rumors that we are all being replaced by the cast of "Friends" when that show goes off the air so that the site will be making money for Tom as he plans to bring back Mystery Science Theater 3000 with the profits.

But then I also heard that we'll all be told our sentence is up and the site will shut down and be replaced with X-Men fanfiction.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:25 / 19.03.04

To finally sort out the issue of moderation once and for all, John Byrne's gonna take over and draft in a bunch of jackbooted Godwin-invokers to bend us to their will.

bjacques

08:25 / 19.03.04

At the very least it'll be five-dimensional. And doughnut-eating badgers will populate (badgulate?) it. I tell ya, nothing but net!

Sax

08:32 / 19.03.04

I think Tom will be summoned to the White Hot Room where he will be informed that Barbelith is dying, and that a temporal anomoly occurred when Bengali in Platforms started the "Sax is Uncouth" thread, rupturing the fabric of hereNow and creating a dismal future where Haus is a triplet entity, Whisky Priestess is covered in fur and Flyboy has strange sex with a big robot. Using his innate power cosmic, Tom will return us all to a pre-Sax is Uncouth world and we'll all take our clothes off and rub lard on each other in celebration. And I'll get to wear a flimsy white bikini and a fake-fur hat, and snog Stoatie in a graveyard.

---

12:21 / 19.03.04

I know this is a bit much but do you think Tom will be able to add a multi-dimensional function so that aliens can sign up?

Maybe if we arrange something with the entitiy Barbelith we can get it to send out four or five transmitter probes around various areas of the galaxy and other beings can log on via those machines and sign up. I suppose it comes down to money in the end, maybe we can see what type of offers are available?

I dunno, it could take a bit of time but i think it will be worth the effort.

Oh, and if we end up having an orgy in a graveyard i want a pink scarf and purple slippers.

Baz Auckland

16:15 / 19.03.04

Actually, Tom confided in me that Barbelith is going to try and compete with suicidegirls.com, so from now on, all posters must have links to naughty pictures of themselves.... or at the least, the site will feature naughty pictures of Tom...

Cat Chant

17:05 / 19.03.04

the site will shut down and be replaced with X-Men fanfiction

Finally.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

17:06 / 19.03.04

I just knew it.

Deva was Magneto all along.

■

22:02 / 19.03.04

That's tight, because like Magneto's plans for the earth, the whole site should be turned on its head, so that posts are in reverse order. It's so clear that Fantomex is behind it all. Look, I can even do this:
FANTOMEX
XFANTOME
EXFANTOM
MEXFANTO
OMEXFANT
TOMEXFANT!
Now, tell me that's not significant...
No, come on. Please. Tell me. I think I'm losing the will to post.
So... glad... Grant... has finished...

Regrettable Juvenilia

22:18 / 19.03.04

Barbelith is going to try and compete with suicidegirls.com, so from now on, all posters must have links to naughty pictures of themselves....

Finally.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:20 / 20.03.04

creating a dismal future where Haus is a triplet entity, Whisky Priestess is covered in fur and Flyboy has strange sex with a big robot.

Sorry, in what way is this:

a) dismal?
b) different?

Jack Fear

10:54 / 20.03.04

I was wondering that myself...

What do your two other selves think aboutit, Haus?

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