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Underground > Creation >

Criticize/read my work

20:08 / 15.03.04

Hey. I wrote some stuff up. Can you please read it and comment/criticize it? And, if you read some previous threads, I respond to criticisms and give my reasons for doing things the way I did them. Uhm..yeah.

Here are the links:

Individual pieces:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/leoz/329982.html

http://www.livejournal.com/users/leoz/328786.html

Parts of a larger whole:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/leoz/325166.html

http://www.livejournal.com/users/leoz/325788.html

(Most of these need at least some editing.)

21:29 / 15.03.04

I respond to criticisms and give my reasons for doing things the way I did them.

Thus missing the entire point of criticism, which is to listen and learn.

Your reasons should be apparent from the work itself: if they're not, that's a problem. When you send your work out into the big world, the majority of your readers won't be able (or won't bother) to ask you, "Why did you do this in this way?" There's just going to say, "This piece is unclear and confusing," and they're going to throw it aside.

If you put as much effort into your writing while you were actually writing as you do into explaining & defending it after the fact... then you wouldn't need to explain it afterwards.

21:38 / 15.03.04

No, you misunderstand. The last piece that I wrote that could be publishable was "The Teller" (it's posted somewhere in the Creation.) The main criticism I recieved from people who've read it was focused on things absent from the story. More specifically the most common criticism was "The narrator is too de-attached from the counterfeiter. It's like he doesn't care for her. He should at least show his love for her." and I'm like: "You fools! He doesn't care! That's why the story reads like he doesn't care. Cause he doesn't!" That's what I mean by "explain why I did things the way I did."

22:49 / 15.03.04

Yeah, dude, and I explained to you about a million times why if the narrator doesn't care about the story, the audience for damn sure won't care about the story. You're not looking for criticism, you're looking for reinforcement, which is not the same thing. If you're that sure the story is already 100%, you shouldn't be asking for opinions, you should just send the story to a publisher.

23:01 / 15.03.04

I'm not looking for reinforcement. But saying that you don't like an aspect of the story because it doesn't match up with how you'd like it to go isn't exactly going to make me rewrite the story. I wrote the Teller specifically about a detective who's de-attached from the case. I can't change that cause for me that's the most important part of the story. You're telling me that, no matter how good a story is, if the narrator doesn't care about what's going on then neither will the audience? Come on! That's not true. I mean, just cause the narrator isn't being emotional doesn't mean that the story can't be engaging, or interesting, or fun to read.

00:07 / 16.03.04

Well, first of all, it doesn't make very much sense to ask for someone's opinion -- okay, their *opinion* -- and then try to argue them on it. Remember, you came to the board; the board didn't come to you. I mean, if you don't actually want to hear anyone else's opinion (unless it conforms to your own), then it doesn't make very much sense to ask for an outside opinion, in my opinion. Second of all, there IS no second of all. I was impossibly patient with you when it seemed you actually wanted advice, but what you actually want is for someone to tell you what you want to hear. Sometimes as a writer you'll get that, and sometimes you won't, and this time you didn't, so...yeah.

00:08 / 16.03.04

No, no, I respect your opinion. I just don't agree with it.

02:34 / 16.03.04

That's fine. Criticism, however, is not about trying to browbeat other people into liking your story. Like Jack said, that's not a chance you'll have when you send your story out. You said your peace when you wrote the story. This is about getting people's reactions, which can't be right or wrong. They just are what they are. It's not personal. If it becomes personal -- if people read your work and make assumptions about you, as a human being, because of it (this has happened to me) -- then, by all means, you should react. But if someone's just reading your story, *at your request,* then it behooves you to say thanks for their effort (not necessarily for what they say) and move on. When you contest the validity of the opinion that you asked for, you are not displaying the respect that person showed they had for you when they gave you a truthful response to your work. This is not your chance to show other people how to write. It's your chance, if you're interested, in getting feedback from others that may be useful in your own writing. Because I know you aren't interested in that, I'm not gonna bother. I hope, though, that you treat anybody who does with more respect than you showed me and others who were only trying to help -- because you asked for help -- in the past.

14:25 / 16.03.04

Hm, I read the first piece before I read Eddie13's and Jack's comments, so I guess I'll post. In general here are a few things you should watch out for: spelling, tense shift (in something this short pick past or present and stay with it), and awkward construction ("solid rusted plate exo-skeleton joints").

Maybe you can get around the uncaring narrator problem in the other story by switching to 3rd person omniscient...?

.

16:00 / 16.03.04

Eddie Thirteen: Perhaps my only problem with your criticism is the fact that you say " if the narrator doesn't care about the story, the audience for damn sure won't care about the story."

I don't care about what you think the audience will like or not. Do you like it or not?

16:03 / 16.03.04

Topper: Yeah, I know about the spelling. I should get around to fixing that sometime soon. Now, how much of a problem is tense shift? Cause the "story" is meant to progress from the past into the present. Is the tense shift too distracting while being read?

Also what do you mean by "awkward consruction"?