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Killin an that

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16:11 / 11.03.04

who would win in a fight a silver back gorilla(combat experiance) or a shark? considering the water is around thigh level and both are hungry and angry....

Less searchable M0rd4nt

16:23 / 11.03.04

My money is on the gorrilla. I reckon that the shark is going to be incapacitated by the shallowness of the water, and unnerved by the furious splashing of the gorrilla. The gorrilla would certainly suffer some damage, but all he's got to do is kick the shark on the nose reall hard and the shark is fucked.

16:33 / 11.03.04

....gorilla's cant swim,so would be unsettled in the water, the shark edges it

16:35 / 11.03.04

unless the shark is a v.small one ...and then ,usettled or not the gorilla would kick it's arse

16:44 / 11.03.04

What if the gorilla is also very small?

17:15 / 11.03.04

...gorilla's cant swim,so would be unsettled in the water, the shark edges it

Less searchable M0rd4nt

17:22 / 11.03.04

But the water is only thigh-deep, and gorrillas can wade comfortably.

17:24 / 11.03.04

Are they being bombarded with microwaves? I can't help thinking the shark is more susceptible to microwaves, since its actual brain and sensory organs are fully immersed.

17:25 / 11.03.04

Immersed in the super-heated waters, that is.

17:34 / 11.03.04

But what if the gorilla just shoeved his/her fingers up the sharks nostrils? Thats gotta hurt! And then just dragged the shark up onto land? Then the shark gets all dirt in its gills, clogging them up, seeing as how the nostrils are already thumb-blocked the shark will suffocate. Score 1 for the big hairy.

17:43 / 11.03.04

Are they 100% healthy, natural specimens? Have they been fed on a special high protein diet, or even performance-enhancing drugs? Do they have cybernetic appendages of any kind? All these factors need to be considered before I cast my vote. What if it was a shark with a dolphin brain versus a gorilla with a human brain? I’d need to know the relative IQs of the brains in question, of course, so I could factor capacity for psychotic violence (x) against inclination to reach a negotiated settlement (y).

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

17:46 / 11.03.04

I don't think the thread starter has provided the requisite information for any of us to make a truly informed decision.

I need something to work with, goddamn!

17:55 / 11.03.04

What I want to know is who is the sick son of a bitch who caused a shark and gorilla to fight in the first place? Some sort of evil animal world Don King?

17:57 / 11.03.04

Some sort of evil animal world Don King?

Don Kong? Donkey King? Take your pick.

18:00 / 11.03.04

come to think of it,I'd like to know more about the gorilla's alledged combat experience before placing my wager

18:20 / 11.03.04

monkey style kung-fu!

18:33 / 11.03.04

Depends which gorilla and which shark. There are some silverbacks around who are frankly unworthy of the name. In fact, most are just big on bluster and chest beating but shy away from a square go. Poor outlook for the gorilla, really.

And we might be talking basking shark here. They're scared of lilos, let alone primates. Quite a few pathetic sharks around, so it's hard to call this one.

Gorillas can use tools though. He might have a pointy stick or a big rock secreted about his person.

18:56 / 11.03.04

monkey style kung-fu!

Y’know, Keggers, that would probably be the Greatest Computer Game Of All Time. Fighting games always seem to feature humans doing the kung-fu grappling ‘n gouging. Instead, imagine a game where your choice of characters is any one of the great apes and other sundry simians, each with their own particular fighting ‘style’ (Silverback gorillas, for example, would have lethal swinging punches but be shite at kicks due to terminal stumpy-leggedness, whereas orang-outangs would have superior reach advantage, or monkeys would be damn quick, etc etc.). Not a jokey cartoony game, but serious, 18-certificate, gory ape-on-ape combat! To the bloody death! With lots of blood and pain and evilness, and beautifully rendered fur effects.

I imagine the outcry over a videogame that pitched one endangered species against another in a fight for survival would generate oodles of controversy/publicity/column inches, but just as the public mood begins to turn nasty, you could pull off the publicity coup of announcing all proceeds from the game have actually secretly been going to charities and activist groups dedicated to protecting these species all the time.

What a great fucking idea. The greatest computer game ever! Which generates a shedload of cash! All for a good cause! How can this fail?

19:23 / 11.03.04

How can this fail?

Ahem: "ape-on-ape action"

20:07 / 11.03.04

Super Monkey Brawl?

20:40 / 11.03.04

In order to cast my vote, I'd have to understand the motivation of the combattants...

In the case of mere hunger I'd have to go with the shark, as gorillas are vegitarian to the best of my knowledge (but what if it's a YOFU SHARK?!?)

Has one insulted the other?

Is it a turf war?

Perhaps they just both really drunk, and after a minute-and-a-half of fighting they hug and say "I love you, man!"

We need more information.

10:43 / 12.03.04

the combat taketh place in a 200/200/100 metre room,with .75 metres of salt water. t'combatants have been robbed of copulation for 2 years, and are frustrated and angry.
michelle (tiger shark)3 years old
47 previous kills, has killed most of her children as was hungry at the time of their birth.
Lloyd (gorrila)7Years old
has killed 14 challengers to his alpha maleness, and has mild homosexual leanings fueling self loathing and general lust for death!

11:06 / 12.03.04

More info please....the kills you mention...14 challengers to alpha maleness,would indicate battles with other alpha's,making Lloyd a tuff cookie...however Michelle's kills seem to be rather low quality(her own kids etc.)..../have you rigged this ...should there be a stewards investigation?

11:41 / 12.03.04

They weren't actually alphas themselves just potential userpers of Lloyd and his not particularly forefilling loving privalidges
Michelle only killed four of her own kids, the 47 refers to kills over a mass of around 40 stone or something...

02:11 / 16.03.04

Not gorilla and shark but Bear v. Shark is a cool book by Chris Bachelder which deals with a premise quite similar to G v S.

Red Cross Iodized Salt

03:37 / 18.03.04

Neither Gorilla vs. Shark nor Bear vs. Shark, will Crocodile vs. Shark do?

beelzebub jones

02:13 / 19.03.04

how about dichondra verses crabgrass. there's a battle you can really sink your nine iron into.

02:50 / 22.03.04

What annoys me is when my friend says that a Kodiak Bear could beat a Rhino.

Could it fuck.

04:16 / 23.03.04

about the whole ape combat game thing, I seem to recall having played a squirrel combat game once. Nice concept, but the game itself wasn't too good.

And btw, if a rhino charges, it's gonna take more than a bear to stop it.
What if we say gorilla and bear teamed against a rhino?

04:58 / 23.03.04

The american comedian George Carlin once described a fight that i'd quite like to see. It takes place in an enclosed arena. In the red corner, we have a convicted child molester. In the blue corner, a rabid wolverine that's high on angel-dust. Of course, if the kiddy-fiddler happens to kill the wolverine, we let the rhino, kodiak bear and the silverback take their turns. Failing that, we flood the cage, and release the tiger shark. Can't help but feel that it might be a hell of a lot more entertaining if you replace the paedophile with the entire current US administration tho.....

07:17 / 23.03.04

I do believe we have a hit. It'd be the most entertaining thing on tv.

11:59 / 23.03.04

if you replace the paedophile with the entire current US administration tho.....

David Icke would have you believe that's just a plural group of nonces.

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

16:29 / 23.03.04

how about a baboon with a hammer versus some sort of medium-sized feral cat?

23:53 / 23.03.04

What, like a tiger cub?

Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero

17:15 / 24.03.04

Right, baboons are a bit small. How about an orangutan with a hammer? Those fuckers are insanely strong. Put it against a cougar or something.

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