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Haus, I'm asking you out!

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gridley

20:07 / 10.03.04

I was thinking brandy and crepes. Maybe somewhere with a view. What do you say?

8===>Q: alyn

20:10 / 10.03.04

DEAR Q STOP PLEASE LET GRID KNOW I WOULD BE DELIGHTED BUT I AM STUCK IN PARAGUAY AT THE MO ON THE TRAIL OF THE ROYAL SPINY LEOPARD PIP PIP CHEERIO STOP MAYBE IN MAY STOP TRULY HAUS FULL STOP

Tryphena Absent

20:16 / 10.03.04

Wow, this is so romantic. I can't believe Haus went to the trouble of sending a telegram all the way from Paraguay. Gridley, he must really be interested in you. I see love on the horizon, can I be a bridesmaid?

gridley

20:18 / 10.03.04

Absolutely, Anna! It is very romantic, isn't it?

Imagine an ordinary boy like me having a beau (is it too soon to call him that?) roughing his way through some savage land on some heroric quest? Thank god, I still have this photograph of him...

Goodness Gracious Meme

20:19 / 10.03.04

all together now...

BARBE-WEDDING!!!!

Anna and I will start planning the dress code/guest list.

Saint Keggers

20:23 / 10.03.04

Im imagining a Romancing The Stone/Jewel of The Nile theme.

Grey Area

20:25 / 10.03.04

Whatever the theme, Haus is in the prime location to bring back a splendid selection of tropical plants with which to grace the chapel. Paraguayian plants...that alone will make it the must-see event of the year.

Sugarimp

20:27 / 10.03.04

Knocking balls...

now that's some good lovin'.

Tryphena Absent

20:32 / 10.03.04

Hmmm. Someone should send him a telegram to suggest the collection of flowers. Mind you with such a romantic soul I'm sure he's collecting some right now!

The seating plan will have to be just right for an intrepid explorer and his common but intriguing boy. Someone bring out the etiquette books!

Grey Area

20:36 / 10.03.04

Why, for an explorer wedding there cannot be any other seating plan than that adopted by the infamous Marquis de Paslumiere, who used to seat his guests in total darkness so that they may experience the thrill of discovering who is sitting next to them.

Sugarimp

20:39 / 10.03.04

Goodness Gracious Meme

20:42 / 10.03.04

Consulting the Wimsey book of etiquette, I found this rather useful passage:

When planning seating for a ceremony involving an explorer, ensure that there is sufficient room for the explorer's traditional entrance. This applies whether this is to be by horseback, or through a window.

Furthermore, tradition dictates that humble friends should be seated at the back, nobility to the front.

Grey Area

21:17 / 10.03.04

However we decide to seat the guests, we will need something or someone around to deal with that frightfully uncouth character Sax. His presence alone would be enough to lower the tone of the whole affair. I suggest a Tesla coil, and the judicious application thereof.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:22 / 10.03.04

Haus has already, I recall, expressed his views on his dream Barbe-wedding- it involves Fred Dibnah, the Union Chapel, Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards and a CGI Joey Deacon.

I am so there!

Goodness Gracious Meme

21:24 / 10.03.04

I can work with that...

And Grey, well it rather was Sax I was thinking of with the 'humble friends' comment. Keep him near the door so we can have him removed without fuss if neccessary.

Mourne Kransky

21:38 / 10.03.04

Ah, the secret of the perfect night out in London town: The Oxo Tower with London all a twinkle out the plate glass walls and some recently dead but marvellously crispy prawns winking up at you from below. M. Le Marquis de haus is weariong a green carnation in his button hole and getting all attic on your ass. Then you have a noisy disagreement over an obscure joke in Herodotus and off you flounce, tuxedo flapping.

And there, putty in your angered hands as you cut a swathe through the wannabe sophisticates, temporarily engaged as a lift boy, is the very couth and lithe young Sax who'll give you a blow job for a fiver. Did I just say all that out loud?

aus

22:16 / 10.03.04

Brandy and crepes - delightful! That's a fine idea that I might borrow for my own nefariously seductive purposes.

Does anyone know a licensed restaurant in Nashville that serves low-carb crepes? Or maybe I could throw some together myself...

Goodness Gracious Meme

22:20 / 10.03.04

Xoc. Please. No-one was supposed to know about Sax's other job

Deletion might be in order?

the Fool

22:20 / 10.03.04

low carb crepes? Extravagance doesn't come in diet-lite! It sort of defeats the purpose. You need a resturant that serves things with double super fat with mountains of cream and sugar!!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Grey Area

22:24 / 10.03.04

And unless they make low-carb flour these days, a low-carb crepe is pretty much an impossibility. Sorry.

aus

22:33 / 10.03.04

And unless they make low-carb flour these days

They do, except it's not really flour. It's mainly soya protein isolate and costs about ten times as much as wheat flour. I have some and am just about to try making crepes.

Double super fat with mountains of cream is perfectly acceptable on a low-carb diet. Substitute sucralose for sugar and I'm there!

Grey Area

22:34 / 10.03.04

"Better Living Through Chemistry" Low-carb flour...whatever will they think of next?

passer

01:18 / 11.03.04

plastic food: durable and nutritious!

aus

01:33 / 11.03.04

The low-carb crepes were very moist and quite edible. The experiment was a success!

I'll add brandy, whipping cream and sucralose to the shopping list. This weekend, it's the whole shebang!

Sax

07:07 / 11.03.04

I always cry at weddings. Well, I always have a drop of moisture in my eye, which maybe isn't quite the same thing.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

09:08 / 11.03.04

Re we not getting a little ahead of ourselves?

Still does this mean I get to buy a new hat?

10:58 / 11.03.04

CAN’T BRING FLOWERS BACK STOP FLOWERS THERE WITH YOU ALREADY SURELY STOP WHY IS OUR LADY FLOWERS FOLLOWING ME ACROSS PARAGUAY STOP ARE YOU ALL ON SNUFF MY FREAKY DARLINGS STOP MUST BE BRIEF SPINY LEOPARD ADROIT WILY STOP PANSOUDIA HAUS

8===>Q: alyn

13:30 / 11.03.04

I don't know who this Ex person is, but ze's obviously got delusions if ze thinks Haus ever calls anyone "darling", not even gridley.

This just in:

"TUCZOLULACA, Paraguay. World famous British explorer and grammarian Haus Brandlepfeffer, III, has vanished en route to the semi-mythical Royal Leopard Waterfall Resort & Casino, deep in the Paraguayan jungle. Brandlepfeffer was searching for the legendary Royal Spiny Leopard, which he planned to shoot and mount, not necessarily in that order, in the name of Queen and Country. There was also something about flowers. Brandlepfeffer's American fiance, gridley, could not be reached for comment."

Gasp! I didn't know Haus's last name was Brandlepfeffer! Is that Belgian?

Grey Area

13:35 / 11.03.04

Sounds German...probably translates as fire pepper or something like that. *gasp* Could it be? Haus shares a genealogical link to the Queen, stemming as they both do from Prussian aristocracy? We are indeed honoured.

---

13:35 / 11.03.04

Hey Ex, i thought i'd try something. I put your text into a cut-up machine on a William Burroughs page, and look at this!

SPINY LEOPARD BE BRIEF SPINY LEOPARD ADROIT WILY STOP PANSOUDIA ADROIT WILY STOP PANSOUDIA HAUS HAUS PARAGUAY STOP ARE YOU ALL ON SNUFF MY ALL ON SNUFF MY FREAKY DARLINGS STOP MUST FREAKY DARLINGS STOP MUST BE BRIEF SURELY STOP WHY IS OUR LADY WHY IS OUR LADY FLOWERS FOLLOWING ME ACROSS FLOWERS FOLLOWING ME ACROSS PARAGUAY STOP ARE YOU CAN’T BRING FLOWERS BACK CAN’T BRING FLOWERS BACK STOP FLOWERS THERE WITH STOP FLOWERS THERE WITH YOU ALREADY SURELY STOP YOU ALREADY

Head hurts huh?

illmatic

13:37 / 11.03.04

Poor Gridley! My heart goes out to you, luvvie...you must be so worried. Don't you fret, Haus is made of strong stuff. He'll be back in no time, with that Leopard turned into a kebab.

The resistable rise of Reidcourchie

13:49 / 11.03.04

I'm calling my first born Must Freaky Darlings, yep Must Freaky Darlings Smith with be her/his name.

Tryphena Absent

13:53 / 11.03.04

Damn! He can't bring flowers back. We shall have to import them through some other means. I wonder if interflora delivers from Paraguay?

Are there no other explorers around here? Could we not send one out to save Haus and get some flowers? This is absolutely terrifying. Gridley, I am so sorry. Can I do anything for you in your time of need?

8===>Q: alyn

14:02 / 11.03.04

I'm not an explorer, but I'm a cowboy, which is the next best thing. If thar's gold in them thar hills, I'll go after that dandified Brandlepfeffer.

Tryphena Absent

14:03 / 11.03.04

Okay... we need bright colours and some exoticism. You get that monstrous beastie. You get it good.

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