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No More lonliness, add 3+ inches

  
 
gornorft
10:40 / 28.02.04
Is everyone else really THIS obsessed with the size of their own penis? Well, men only, obviously. I've never really given much thought to amplifying my cock, it's fine as it is and although I am sure there are men with much larger ones I've never felt a need to actually DO anything about it. I suppose if I had a really small one I might suffer some degree of envy but is the proportion of men who feel like that really enough to justify my having to receive all of this spam with the following subject headings within the last 24 hours?

!ncrease erection s1ze n hardness
enhance the length and width of your manh00d! xnkksuvdvjzab usmy
please her easily mkwahvg agqzgy twuve
Are you insecure about your c0cK size? fflzmrk
Enhance Bedroom Ability
the women want a b1g....
turn your Spud into a stud!! g vcscat cytredraey
Want to en1arge your C0ck? We can help...
the wonder pi11 for your love tool!
Increase Your Penis Width (Girth) By 20%
the miricle for your pen1s!
enhance the length and width of your willy! scienctists have proved and approved our product
Want to en1arge your manhood? We can help! rtohogurve dtjuc
women want it b1gger zmbmhy pqkfse jqr
feeling depressed about the size... o ttro crgogumgfzb
-->You will add inches with this amazing pill
Continuous grôwth with the pill
No More lonliness, add 3+ inches
Are you satisfied with the smallness of your c0ck? o nnc
Let this give you the extra boost in bed! opv ofv tjuj
Are you fully happy with your...
amplify your cock. today! science has proven it dslcmhvwi

It just seems so... silly!

I mean, does having a small penis mean you will lead a lonely life? No, of course not, surely. Can a pill actually change the size of ones naughty bits anyway? I sincerely doubt it, but then, I have no medical training and base this statement entirely on my usual scepticism of anything that arrives uninvited within my inbox.

Spam seems to go through phases. Last month it was viagra, generic viagra and xanax, this month it's penis size, next month it'll probably be dodgy financial investments again. This month has annoyed me though because, somehow, as a man, I take it all as a personal affront to my masculinity. Each time one of these arrives I tell the computer screen that no, I DON'T want continuous growth, no, I'm NOT insecure about my cock size, yes, I AM satisfied with the smallness of my love tool and how dare you refer to it as smallness anyway, it's HUGE thank you very much for asking now fuck off and leave me alone.

It's probably just me, right?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:16 / 28.02.04
Whereabouts in the world are you? My spam (never too bad, fortunately) seems to have dropped drastically in the last few weeks- nobody even seems to want to tempt me with their forty million in a Nigerian bank vault somewhere.

I feel rejected.

What am I doing wrong?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:22 / 28.02.04
I got a spam email for a penis enlargement pill/cream/magnifying glass with the heading "Why be so tiny?"

To which I immediately thought "well, it's practical. I don't have to eat too much, and I can squeeze through tiny spaces and under doors. My high-pitched chittering is comprehensible to the shrews and the hedgehogs, and when I wish to communicate with one of the big people I can dip my feet in ink and scurry across a piece of paper. Also, I can curl up in the crook of a friend's elbow and take a nice warm nap if I get tired in the pub."

That all seemed a terribly good argument for being tiny. Can anyone sell me some tiny pills?
 
 
sleazenation
11:26 / 28.02.04
I just want to know what socket a cock amplifier (an idea that almost comes out of mumu's original post) would plug into.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
11:36 / 28.02.04
and when I wish to communicate with one of the big people I can dip my feet in ink and scurry across a piece of paper. Also, I can curl up in the crook of a friend's elbow and take a nice warm nap if I get tired in the pub

You are Sylvia Plath and I claim my ten Guineas...
 
 
5% nation
11:54 / 28.02.04
Last year my friends got an e-mail entitled SATISFY YOUR WOMAN, YOU PIN-DICK!! All-caps, just like that. I wish I'd gotten it. I'd write them earnest letters in reply about clit enlargement.
 
 
Cat Chant
12:05 / 28.02.04
Well, men only, obviously.

Humph. (Though I suppose if I want to add 3+ inches to my cock, I can just go to blowfish.com and do so without the need for faffing about with medicines... Mind you, so can men, come to think of it. Hey ho.)

I keep misreading "spam" as "sperm" in this thread, which is probably very revealing.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
12:54 / 28.02.04
It's always the people who are in no way insecure about the size of their cock who start a thread to talk about it, eh?
 
 
Cat Chant
13:20 / 28.02.04
What are you implying about Ganesh, Flyboy? (And dear God, is that thread really two years old?)
 
 
whothehell@where?
13:21 / 28.02.04
if spam is a reflection of internet consumer's priorities, it would seem that everyone wants bigger cocks, lower home mortgages and some good filth to stroke to

maybe that's the connection, every man subconciously wants a bigger cock to fondle because we're all assramming nancies in denial
 
 
Nobody's girl
18:55 / 28.02.04
I was spammed by someone pretending to be Saddam Hussain's daughter. It was a long begging letter for money. I was a bit surprised that someone thought a good way to get money is to pretend to be Saddam Hussain's daughter.

I bet you could do some great divination with spam. Hmmm...
 
 
Baz Auckland
20:01 / 28.02.04
Spam as found poetry
 
 
Alex's Grandma
23:53 / 28.02.04
Well the thing is I've tried it, and it does seem to work. I've gone from average to small, to perhaps a bit larger, consequently am very much happier in my relationship. And I'm going to get promoted at work, I think. At least let's put it this way, when you lob out your weeping old bill, and the entire boardroom seems to burst into tears... well you've got their attention, yeah ?
 
 
Tom Coates
18:18 / 29.02.04
I'm actually thinking that this is a more serious and thought-worthy issue than we're giving it credit for. I mean, let's think about this. This kind of blatant exploitative spam is concentrating its focus on what it believes to be significant issues of anxiety to people. It wouldn't work if people were not - in fact - profoundly neurotic about these issues. Paralysingly neurotic about them in fact. And - for the most part- they're aimed at men with anxieties about performance and sex.

Now in the time I've been alive, the role of women in society has changed dramatically, and quite rightly, although there's a way further to go before we can legitimately say that we've resolved issues of sexism. But I would like to suggest that we're now rapidly approaching a time where masculinity is under enormous amounts of pressure and where some men are directly suffering as a result. The idea that it's perfectly acceptable for both women and men to mock a man because his penis is small (a fundamental fact of their biology) where it's not acceptable to mock someone for being fat, seems troubling to me and particularly troubling when it comes from the politically enlightened who would defend everyone while still considering it ok to humiliate men because they represent an oppressor class. Let me make myself totally clear here - this is not me decrying liberals as politically correct man-haters (how could I, since I am both liberal and politically-correctish), but it is me arguing that we should look towards the desperate misery of people who would answer this enormous plethora of spam (and towards all the adverts that now routinely mock men as being stupid) and recognise that somewhere along the way we may have forgotten that the aspiration is a world in which men and women, gay and straight, black or white are equally respected and in which none feel under unmanageable pressure to be something that they're not.
 
 
Tom Coates
18:21 / 29.02.04
And before anyone should leap to any conclusions, I'm quite comfortable with the size of my member, thank you.
 
 
w1rebaby
19:10 / 29.02.04
I see a lot of right-on people who would never dream of making fattist comments abusing gun advocates and Nazis, say, for compensating for a small penis. But there's also an element in that of not only "you have a tiny cock ha ha" but also "you are the sort of person who's overly concerned with your penis size and obsessed with outward signs of masculinity". Something of a mixed message there.

I'm not sure that this is particularly a modern thing; penis size has been a dominance symbol forever, regardless of actual utility, and I expect that there are equivalents of cock pills to be found throughout history. "Gentlemen! Do you suffer from anxiety concerning the proportions of your member? Try Dr Forsyth's patended Organ Extension Cream at the generous price of merely 2s6d per jar!"

Incidentally, a lot of my spam seems to assume that I want diplomas and diet pills. I get more of those than the "break through walls with your cock" ones.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:18 / 29.02.04
Yeah... I mean, when I first started finding all this prick enlargement stuff in my inbox I thought it was all a bit of a joke. Well, a lot of a joke. I sort of looked at it the way I look at financial scams: "Hey, if you fall for that you deserve everything you get!" But it's really not that funny, not when you see those dick-enhancement ads next to the ones that tell you to get ready for the bikini season with Phentermine. (Man, I remember back when speed was something you did for fun. Now it's a dietary supplement.) Same shit, different hang-ups.

And the fucking tone of these things! Some guys pay through the nose for pro-Dommes to send 'em emails like that. "Do WOMEN LAUGH at your TEENY PACKAGE? Well, don't worry, PICKLE-PRICK! We'll fix you up!" (And just think: for a lot of today's teenagers, spam is going to be their main source of sex education. Ee-eesh.)
 
 
Ganesh
22:52 / 29.02.04
Ahhh, memories. Thankyou for that, Deva. I'm pleased to report that my penis is quite as large as it ever was, and I remain its faithful servant.
 
 
gornorft
01:59 / 01.03.04
Tom, thank you for getting what I was talking about and for posting a reply that actually answered, or at least expanded upon, my questions about this stuff. I know I write flippantly but there's usually something underneath that I live in hope someone will spot.

This particular theme of spam has gradually gone from amusing me, through annoying me, to pissing me off and I now think the reason is probably much the same as many people, particularly women, feel when confronted with constant advertising dealing with body image issues such as weight, bust size, flawless skin etc etc. This has given me a small taste of what that must be like and I don't like it one little bit. If nothing else I have gained a fraction more understanding of one of the traditionally female dillemas. One might be perfectly happy with one's body but some unknown committee decides that there is a minimum or maximum dimension for the aesthetic appeal of something, be it waist, bust, bum, penis, and everyone else is supposed to feel like a failure if they deviate for whatever reason. But hey, there's always someone willing to sell you something that can fix that, right?

I'd thought of this as a relatively new phenomena, but fridgemagnets "Dr Forsyth's patended Organ Extension Cream" sounds convincing enough to have me wondering now. I suppose it has a lot to do with the internet's role as a vast and accessible source of porn. This means that it's largely occupied by people being exposed to Young Russian Virgins Being Impaled On Huge Black Cocks who may never have seen that shit before. So Huge Cocks have become the new milleniums Big Boobs. At least, this seems to be the case here in Australia, Stoatie da burninator, since you wanted to know where I am.

Perhaps it's just we Aussies that have sparrow dicks.
 
 
Cat Chant
12:09 / 02.03.04
If nothing else I have gained a fraction more understanding of one of the traditionally female dillemas

This is all really interesting stuff, particularly because I don't think it does, quite, translate into the same kind of pressure as is put on women to 'look right'. The thing that always intrigues me in these adverts is the insistence that a man will not be able to satisfy a woman in bed unless he conforms to a particular anatomical standard. There's this sort of instrumentalization of the penis - there's never any sense that it might be a site of pleasure for the man. (Something similar always fascinates me about the rhetoric around erectile dysfunction: it's so often put in terms of failing a [usually female] partner, and almost never in terms of interfering with the man's sexual pleasure.) I can't imagine quite what that would feel like, since sexual competence for women is usually hyped as being dependent on a set of learned skills ("Dear Cosmo, how can I give a blow job?") rather than on appearance/anatomy. It's also a question of competence rather than 'ability', which makes a difference...

Anyway. That's something that I've been wondering about for ages, but I don't think I can articulate it properly... how weird it must be, as a man, to be expected to equate your genital organs/site of pleasure with The Phallus. I was serious about men being able to use prostheses as well, above: a way of detaching fantasized investment and pleasure in being Big and Hard and Infallible from, you know, actual bodily sites and sensations, and possibly reducing anxiety as a result.

Mordant, your point about kids learning about sex from spam is chilling.
 
 
40%
12:50 / 02.03.04
the aspiration is a world in which men and women, gay and straight, black or white are equally respected and in which none feel under unmanageable pressure to be something that they're not.

And before anyone should leap to any conclusions, I'm quite comfortable with the size of my member, thank you. I'm also equally happy with my white skin. And I'm also somewhat relieved to say that I am a man.

Still, let's try and look out for the poor bastards who aren't so lucky, eh?
 
  
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