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HEY MOTHERFUCKER IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE IT WITH MY FISTS

02:45 / 16.02.04

SO you wanna start shit with me? Well you can start it, but you better know right now that I'm gonna be the cunt who finishes it! Or to put it more precise, I'm the cunt who's gonna finish you! I'll hit you so fucking hard that when you wake up your whole comic book collection will be outta style! It's gonna be like Image pt.2, you'll have to complete your runs by going through the quarter bins, only you will have been in a coma so long that the quarter bins will have increased to a dollar and a quarter! I'll kick your teeth so far down your throat that you'll need new teeth to replace the old ones, cuz no one's going to go inside you to try to get your old teeth back, and even if they did I'd just as likely put them back in their place. Not in the gums, but back in your throat. I'll stomp you so bad that you'll be like "Nooooo, I'm sorry!" and I'll be like, "Yeah, you're about the sorriest piece of cunt I ever had the pleasure to stomp a mudhole in old son.". I will twist your arm so far behind you're back that you'll think you're some kind of shit headed mechanized bat zombie who shat his last piece of mouse-bait cheese out his fuckin' ear! You hear me asshole!? Don't even try it!

03:15 / 16.02.04

Still need that blood, Toksik? I'm about to cancel this motherfucker like a stamp.

Remember, less is more (just like you tell the ladies).

03:34 / 16.02.04

Yeah, and I'm about to control you like my carbs.

Remember my fist in your face (just like you tell the ladies)

(see, the insult was i kind of called you a wife beater or a woman hitter or what-have-you)

04:24 / 16.02.04

Fuckin wannabe. Do it, kill me. I'd enjoy haunting a prick like you.

Just remember not to go crying to mummy when something from 'the other side' won't leave you alone.

04:32 / 16.02.04

Your mouth is signing one of these

That your ass can't cash

05:35 / 16.02.04

Fuckin wannabe. Do it, kill me. I'd enjoy haunting a prick like you.

Just remember not to go crying to mummy when things from 'the other side' won't leave you alone.

05:47 / 16.02.04

05:57 / 16.02.04

Mike Robot, I bet you work in a record shop, don't you ?

07:57 / 16.02.04

Nah, I work in a donkey/tae kwon do center. So I'm kickin' someone's ass all day!

Ex

13:17 / 16.02.04

IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE IT WITH MY FISTS

I'm having trouble affixing the flag to the top of my scale-model matchstick Eiffel tower.

14:41 / 16.02.04

I'm the cunt who's gonna finish you! I'll hit you so fucking hard that when you wake up your whole comic book collection will be outta style!

But i only just finished collecting series 3 of the invisibles, you can't do that.

........

.........

............

TOUCH MY INVISIBLES COMICS AND I'LL FOCKIN STOMP YOU DOWN LIKE ASTAROTH ON FIRE!!!

17:59 / 16.02.04

I really enjoy a good fisting, but can't find a top willing to go beyond the first knuckle. Can you help?

18:43 / 16.02.04

I love you Ganesh!

ONLY NICE THINGS

19:00 / 16.02.04

Damn. I came too late with the fisting gag.

Gosh. That sentence sounds filthy.

I'm Rick Jones, bitch

20:09 / 16.02.04

22:45 / 16.02.04

That is fucking class.

03:14 / 17.02.04

My cause is just...my will is strong...
...and my gun is very, very large!

It's the story of my life.

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:05 / 17.02.04

IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE IT WITH MY FISTS

My hands have been amputated at the wirst in a freak shear-cropping accident. I need a hand donor.

13:44 / 17.02.04

IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE IT WITH MY FISTS

I've got a Rubic's cube from 1985 that I haven't been able to solve yet. Do you think you could sort it out for me? It's dead old, and the stickers are starting to peel off. If you could manipulate it to the correct conclusion without opening your hands, I'd be terribly impressed.

09:37 / 05.04.04

Problem solved? WELL, IS IT?!!!?

10:12 / 05.04.04

Well.. here I am.. make me smile Mike. No, not with your fists..

10:25 / 05.04.04

Mike? You invited me here god damn it, and besides I can see you behind that curtain! jeezezz..

10:42 / 05.04.04

I don't have any problems right now Mike, but thanks for asking. You're a really good friend and I appreciate your kind offer of help. I know how busy you and your fists are these days, and the fact that you can take the time out of your hectic schedule to check in with me and see if I need anything is a testament to the strength of our friendship, which I hope will endure for many years to come. I remember when we first met all those years ago at the office of the arthritis specialist. Remember when they told you that you'd never open your hands again and that you'd have to go through life with only fists? You didn't let it get you down did you? That's what I admire about you, and you can bet that if there's ever anything that you can do for me, you'll be the first to know. Keep up the good work old friend.

17:40 / 05.04.04

Actually, I'm only gonna need one fist, big guy. I'd take care of this myself, but I've got carpal tunnel from all the cybering. I really need a new girlfriend. I know it's a little embarrassing to come out and say this, but we all have needs, and...well...thanks, Mike. YOU THE MAN!

17:48 / 05.04.04

Loomis, I want to turn your response into a movie. A heart warming Tom Hanks kinda movie, but with fisting and whatnot.

Celeriac Is Ugly Vegetable

18:14 / 05.04.04

Hi Mike, I'm new 'round these parts and I hear you're the man to come to when the shit happens.

My rings keep slipping off my delicate fingers sometimes but other times, my fingers swell and it's like trying to remove the sword from the stone.

What do you recommend?

Did I mention I'm new? How do you do?

18:43 / 05.04.04

mike robot, I'm gonna rub your back til you weep with gratitude. and then, when you fall asleep after all that blubbering, I'm going to steal your cajones and sell them to some really stupidass kids to smoke.

what you gonna do about it, man?

03:36 / 21.04.04

I'd like to thank everyone for all the phonecalls and letters regarding my fists. Many of you folk would like to see these fists up close. Well, let's hope it never has to come to that, as 92%(actual documented fact) of those who got a close look at my fists got a one way ticket to a dirt nap and the other 8% had to have extreme reconstructive jaw surgery (the most famous example being Johnathon Leonard who in the early 80's played TrapJaw on tv's He-Man).
I'm afraid I don't have any online pictures of these peacekeepers at the moment, but this picture will do as a good representation of my fists for the time being.

03:55 / 21.04.04

Ha, it's good to know that your fists are on our side Mike. So i take it our spat at the beginning of this thread is over?

I thought you'd just joined and was here to annoy everyone.

03:59 / 21.04.04

Just joined? I'm one of Barbelith's oldest and dearest members. I was once King ya'know.

04:03 / 21.04.04

As a matter of fact if you point at my name you'll see I am member number 369. Which fits perfectly as that's how many people my fists knock out a month. And here's a special treat for you, rap lyurics for my fists!

Yo, I got solid steel fists, so don't get em pissed
they connected to my wrists with a magical twist
of lemon
and they can send you to heaven
(and then a sample of disco duck or something not too expensive)

04:52 / 21.04.04

Ha! Oh well then, i withdraw the fuckin wannabe comment from the top of the thread then.

No star here laces

08:20 / 21.04.04

All the damn name changes since I was last posting regularly are confusing. I don't recognise Mike's fists and can't figure out who he used to be. Maybe whoever-it-is has been exercising his fists and that's why they look different.

mattydontlikeit

08:22 / 21.04.04

just can't take a John-Byrne-drawn-Danny-Rand-fist seriously...maybe if it were written better, but not unless or until.
'Til then, comfort yourself with the knowledge that wherever that fist has been, the mouth you're putting it in has been deeper South.