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More on adoptions

17:08 / 10.02.04

not so long ago grant posted a thread about adoptions from china. there were a lot of opinions, some of them seemingly very informed. I'm wondering about adoptions right here.

I like to think that in 10-15 years I'll be more settled, my daughter will be an adult, 19-24, and in school and/or moved out. I have my own house and by then I intend to have more money. I doubt I will have much money, however, and by no means well-off.

though I'm a romantic and like to think of finding my very best friend and living out the rest of my days with them, when I really think ahead into the future it's just me. me and my girl - not a bad prospect! so I figure I'll be single.

I figure I'd adopt one, maybe two. siblings, maybe. a child, not a baby. I'd be willing to adopt a special needs child, though I don't think a kid who will need care for the rest of it's life would be an option I'd consider taking. I don't want any more children of my own. I wouldn't want to foster.

some of things, I'm aware, would make it more difficult for me.

in your opinion, informed or not, what chance does a 40 something single woman have to adopt? should she?

18:05 / 10.02.04

Gawd BK, bless you for even considering it! There are so many children in the world that need a loving and safe enviroment to flourish in, I can't understand why it wouldn't be a good idea for a woman to do this. I suspect you have a financial plan to accommodate the/se child/ren, but of course, there is always the stodgy red tape that hold togther the bureaucratic brick walls you might have to overcome. No doubt, you will be met with at least some predijudice because you are single, (Oh, and a woman!) but you are also (from what I can tell) a level-headed and upstanding individual.

Perhaps thinking about this and planning now is indeed a good idea. Perhaps even, society will be much more open to this when you intend to go about it.

Damn, I sure hope so. There are too many kids that are suffering in this world to ignore the benevolence of those that wish to do something about it.

Can I give you a big hug for having this sincere wish to try?

*huggles*

18:12 / 10.02.04

A lot will depend on the kind of adoption you're going for. If international, then depends on country. If foster care/state system, then depends on state. Like, I don't think a single woman has high priority here in Florida, but China don't mind single moms. And private adoptions are wide open.

Why wait until you're settled?

Oh, and in this state, you have to be a foster parent first before exercising an option to adopt (and there are many slips twixt that cup and lip). I don't know how it is in your state, but there are bound to be agencies near you that do. And they're generally staffed by nice people who enjoy answering questions....

Lilly Nowhere Late

19:07 / 10.02.04

Well, as usual, my reply on this is based on chitchat with clients. I have a couple of clients who work in social services in London and one in particular who handles adoptions. She gives the impression that being willing to adopt a child(read:non baby) is so rare and that here at least, there are so many children who are in need of homes, that adoption is quite easy. I agree with May that this is a rather noble thing to want to do and hope that you will look into it and find a successful solution.
Perhaps some research/education on the matters of special needs or "damaged" children would help to make up your mind and further your goals.
good luck!

19:25 / 10.02.04

Oh! I just remembered!
In this state, once a kid reaches a certain age, they automatically get considered "special needs". I think the age is 7 here, but I'm not sure. I'd imagine other states have similar rules.

19:31 / 10.02.04

my reasons aren't noble - I really like kids, and I especially like that if you work hard enough, you can honestly make a difference in the way kids see the world. maybe the kid you raise won't change the world, but there's nothing that says they won't.

I also feel like, although I didn't have an idyllic childhood, as an adult I have a big family who loves and supports me, a comfy environment, and much luck, so it's easy for me to give a little space to another person. I don't see it as a sacrifice at all, and in fact I think I'd be pretty damned lucky to have a kid I didn't have to birth myself, a sibling for my child, and be doing a bit of good for them while I was at it.

the reason I feel the need to wait is simply that I started being a mom at 20 - I need some time between little ones!

fostering would be difficult, I think - the thought of falling in love with a kid and then sending them off back home...ouch. I'd have to really think about it, but it's a reasonable requirement, I think

thanks for all of your input. I don't have any plans for this other than the desire to do it, and it's good to have some advice.

19:45 / 10.02.04

my reasons aren't noble

Ultimately, nobody reasons are noble for anything one does. If there was no satisfaction for you, most likely you would not be a good candidate. As it stands, having a desire to raise a child, especially that is not even of your blood, is noble in itself, IMO. It can only do good for the child by having a loving parent. Unless of course, you wanted to sell it inot slavery or somehow otherwise exploit the child...which, I somehow don't believe are your intentions.

My personal experience is only from the birth mother's POV, and that is in a different situation than you are stating here. From a birth mother's POV, I can say that the relief their child is in a good home, would be a blessing. Then again, if you are talking international adoption, they may never know, but their prayers/wishes would be granted, for certain.

Ex

11:11 / 11.02.04

There may be ways, even if you think you're going to be too aged/single to be high up the list - the UK has started using a system (running in bits of the US for years, now) called "concurrence" where you foster for a limited period while the birth parent(s) assess their options/get problems sorted, and then, if the birth parent(s) think the best option is adoption, you adopt the kid you've been fostering.

It's riskier than straightforward adoption in that you may end up just fostering when you really wanted to adopt, but I believe it gives people ouside the "ideal" adoptive parent criteria more of a chance.

Here, as you'd expect, is a Guardian article.

19:30 / 11.02.04

my reasons aren't noble - I really like kids

Personally, I think to genuinely like kids and enjoy having them around is probably the most important thing. It's probably the worst and most damaging thing to a kid to feel that their presence is unwelcome. But for a kid to feel that who they are, and the things they do, bring a bit of sunshine into your life, will probably give them a more solid foundation for adult life than any calculated attempt to "do what is best for them".

Parents should like kids. That's the most important criteria.

And I'm sure the kid will really enjoy having such a cool mum.

40% of US may be deficient in vitamin D

15:24 / 16.02.04

Note: just had lunch recently with a friend who has another friend (a lesbian) who's adopting a baby from Russia. Already in the process. If she's not in her early 40s, she'll be in her mid- to late-30s at least. If you want to get in touch, I can do that.