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Love this guy.
here's a few I scraped off the net:
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him.
Nasrudin said, "First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?"
"Of course."
"Have you ever seen me before?"
"Never."
"Then how do you know it was me?"
********
"Why are you sitting at the crossroad Mullah?"
"One day something will happen here, and a crowd will gather. When that comes about, I may not be able to get close enough to see - so I am preparing my position now."
********
Nasrudin returned from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.
"At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me."
All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.
The remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?"
"What he said - and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear - was 'Get out of my way, Imbecile!'"
*********
Nasrudin sat on a river bank when someone shouted to him from the other bank:
"Hey! how do I get across?"
"You are across!" Nasrudin shouted back.
*********
One day Nasrudin found a dervish stealing figs in his orchard.
As he grabbed the fakir by the neck he shouted:
“What do you think you are doing here sheikh?”
“Nothing wrong," answered the Sufi with insolent confidence. "I am Allah’s loving servant, feeding on the fruit of God’s tree in Allah’s garden.”
“Is that so”, growled the Hodja and proceeded to beat him with no pity but with a solid wooden stick instead.
“Wicked sinner! screamed the dervish, how do you dare rising your hand upon a saint? Don’t you see what you are doing?”
“Nothing wrong," replied the Hodja, "Just hitting the servant of Allah, with the stick of Allah, under the tree of Allah, to preserve Allah’s garden”
************
One day Mulla Nasrudin got lost in the jungle. The whole day he spent trying to find a way out, but he could not...
He was tired, hungry, exhausted, bleeding, and his clothes were torn apart because the jungle was so thick and thorny. It was getting darker, the sun was setting and the night was near.
The Mulla had not been attending the mosque and prayer lately, and feared his predicament might be a result of his neglect.
So he knelt down on the ground and he said, "Dear Lord, please help me find my way out of this jungle, and I will always worship you. I will start attending the mosque regularly. I will faithfully follow all the rituals of Islam."
"I promise you! Just save me. Forgive me. I apologize for my negligence. I was a fool, an utter fool!"
Just at that moment a bird passed overhead and dropped something in his outspread hands.
He said "Please Lord, don't give me any of that shit. I'm really lost!"
*********
A neighbour came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey. "It is out on loan," the teacher replied. At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable. "But I can hear it bray, over there." "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
*********
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity. The servant said "My master is out." Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window. Someone might steal it."
**********
Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?" he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more."
**********
Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie. Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from his hand. As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird! You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"
**********
One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the truth. A gallows was erected in front of the city gates. A herald announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a question which will be put to him." Nasrudin was first in line. The captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going? Tell the truth -- the alternative is death by hanging." "I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows." "I don't believe you." "Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!" "Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
************
Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate. The first man said, "This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation." The second man said, "He bit it himself." Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear. He succeeded only in falling over and bruising his forehead. Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine the man whose ear was bitten. If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself and the case is dismissed. If his forehead is not bruised, the other man did it and must pay three silver pieces."
************
Nasrudin the Mullah - A Dinner of Smells
Once, long ago, a very fine and expensive restaurant stood
on a busy street in a bustling market town.
One day, a poor man passed by this restaurant. He was
tired and hungry, for he had had nothing to eat all day. His
nostrils caught the smell of the delicious food being cooked
inside. He stopped and sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to
walk away.
But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant came
storming out into the street.
"Come here!" he bellowed. "I saw that! You took the smell
of my food, and you'll have to pay for it!"
The poor man did not know what to do.
"I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!"
"No money!" shouted the restaurant owner. "We'll see
about that! You're coming with me to the Qadi!
A Qadi is a judge in a Muslim court. Naturally, he is very
powerful, and the poor man was frightened.
"Hmm," said the Qadi, when he had heard the story.
"Well, this is an unusual case. Let me think. Come back
tomorrow, and I'll pronounce the sentence."
What could the poor man do? He knew whatever sum
the Qadi demanded, payment would be impossible.
All night long he tossed and turned, unable to sleep for
worry. When dawn came he said his prayers and, tired and
dejected, made his way to the Qadi's court.
As he passed the mosque he spotted a familiar figure --
Nasrudin the mullah. Suddenly, his heart lifted. For he knew
that Nasrudin was a clever man, who was sure to be able to
think of a way around the problem. He poured out his story,
and Nasrudin agreed to come to the court and speak for him.
The rich restaurant owner was already at the court,
chatting with the Qadi. The poor man saw that they were
friends, and feared the judgment would go against him.
He was right. The Qadi began heaping insults upon the
poor man as soon as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a
very large sum of money.
At once, Nasrudin stepped forward.
"My lord," he said to the Qadi. "This man is my brother.
Allow me to pay in his place."
Then the mullah took a small bag of coins from his belt an
held it next to the rich man's ear. He shook the bag, so that
the coins jingled.
"Can you hear that?" asked Nasrudin.
"Of course," the man replied, impatiently.
"Well, that is your payment," said the mullah. "My brother
has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The
debt is paid."
And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and
the poor man went free.
*********
‘If you want truth’, Nasrudin told a group of Seekers who had come to hear his teachings, ‘you will have to pay for it.’
‘But why should you have to pay for something like truth?’ asked one of the company.
‘Have you noticed’, said Nasrudin, ‘that it is the scarcity of a thing which determines its value?’ |
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