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Underground > Art, Fashion & Design >

Help a Tranny Out

Our Lady Has Left the Building

14:40 / 19.01.04

I have a black skirt (yep, ANOTHER Illig I'm afraid) which opens at the front, so a certain amount of leg showing is pretty damn unavoidable. Which would be why I've not worn it outside yet, as I'm not too keen on exposing the world to the great white horrors that are my legs. Sooooo, I was watching an Eddie Izzard DVD today, AYD, and it occured to me that tights might be the way to go to deal with this. Soooo... Help!

What different types are there, which are best, Are they measured from shoe size or arse-size? Will I have to shave my hairy legs before I put them on (and if so, diversifying briefly into the best/least painful way of doing that)... Basically, help me out with all the stuff my mother never taught me...

14:55 / 19.01.04

Well. There are three basic types: opaques, sheer, and patterned, all of which do pretty much what they say on the tin. Opaques and sheers come in various deniers, that is pretty much thicknesses - the higher the denier, the more opaque the tights. If you wear sheers you may prefer to shave your legs, though YMMV on that one (I definitely would - somehow tights over hair reminds me of something nameless but horrific and obscene - same goes for see-through plastic). They tend to come in small, medium or large at best (more often the dreaded 'one size' which fits no one). I usually go for the largest size they have - more comfortable, though they do bag more quickly. You need to balance close-fitting-ness on the legs with uncomfortable tightness in the crotch area, and also with the degree to which they roll themselves down. M&S is probably the best place to go, though they aren't cheap.

If you are worried about them cutting into your tender waist flesh, roll them down around your hips.

Personally I am a great advocate of the humble fishnet, but you knew that. They do hole quite easily (especially if you buy cheapo versions like I do).

Tryphena Absent

14:59 / 19.01.04

I never thought I'd ever be giving anyone advice on tights. Okay so it goes a little something like this, if you go somewhere like M&S than the sizing's all on the back anyway. They do three or four sizes and go by hip measurement I think. It's pretty clear when you're looking at the packet. Fashion tights (stripy/diamonds etc.) in chains like Topshop tend to be one size only but I think John Lewis do a range of that kinda thing with sizing plus you can buy colourful woolly tights from there and they're warm and funky. It's quite expensive but the thicker the tights the longer they last without holes. Thin tights always ladder first time for me. I see you in green tights tbh but that's obviously up to you. If the hair on your legs is soft than you can easily get away with thick, opaque tights without it showing but don't go near semi-opaque or sheer. If you want to buy skin-coloured tights than you need to shave- remember women's ads, just like that but you might want to trim the hair with scissors unless you want to use a hundred blades. I can't use men's razors because the blades aren't sprung far enough apart and I always leave oodles of time between shaving my legs because I find it tedious.

When you put tights on you should always bunch them up so that you can put your foot directly in to the toe to save them laddering when you put your foot through them.

I'll go tight shopping with you if you fancy it?

Our Lady Has Left the Building

16:23 / 19.01.04

Now that sounds like a plan...

18:09 / 19.01.04

There's little to add to this veritable smorgasbord of hosiery knowledge, save to say some women put their tights on with special gloves because they are less likely to ladder. That's for the more sheer ones, obviously.

[Tangentially], an ardently feminist female friend of mine always accepted men paying for her when she went out, on the basis that the upkeep of being a woman, vis-a-vis regular tights purchasing, meant that in her view it was the most equitable way. [/tangent over, thank the gods]

21:27 / 19.01.04

On the back of tights packets there are often guides to what small / medium / large mean in terms of hip sizes and heights. It's worth knowing both, generally in imperial (but occasionally in metric).

As for shaving, if you have a shower + wait a little while before shaving (say you wash your hair or something) then your hair is softer and easier to shave. Also: lots of foam. When I first shaved my legs I cut my ankles because they're boney places and I didn't know how hard to press, but just go gently and it's ok. The skin on your face is probably tougher than the skin on your legs (apologies if you knew this stuff already).

The best cheap female razors I've used were the own-brand dispoable three blade ones (available at a superdrug / boots of your choice). I haven't used anything posher, so I can't compare, I can just say don't use bic! Also you can use shampoo to make foam, anything that will make bubbles + be slippery.

08:36 / 20.01.04

I had to wear tights at school, and nail-varnish was everyone's favourite useful accessory to tights. Basically, if they start to ladder, you can stop them laddering further by sticking a bit of nail-varnish on them.

My feet always feel uncomfortable and too restricted in tights.

Ex

11:47 / 20.01.04

How much leg are you exposing, if that's not a personal enquiry? I disliek tights, generally, and am fond of very long socks - my red stripey pair stretch up to a couple of inches above my knee, which is far enough to dissaude the casual eye. And they're cosy and come in nice shades and patterns.
If you're not careful, though, you suddenly flash expanses of furry thigh.
I find shaving dull and depressing - scraping huge quantities of foamy hair off myself you just makes me aware of how hirsute I am. But you may take to it better. You can use a nailbrush to push the dead bissected bits of hair out from between the razor blades when they're blocked (mmmm, yum). I also use shaving foam or cheap body lotion to shave with, rather than soap lather. You want to be lubricated; detergent makes bubbles but is also an irritant.

12:23 / 20.01.04

Or... you could wear leggings? If the skirt's heavy enough, i think that could look okay. They're thicker than tights, so no worries about hair showing through, no feet, no runs - and they'd keep your legs warmer?

If you're nervous about shaving you could always try Immac. It's a bit messy and smelly but it does the trick - you just smear it on, stand around covered in goo for a few minutes, hoping the fire alarm doesn't go off, and then take it off. It does tend to lighten your skin a little, but that's only a worry if you have a tan/ dark skin.

Or you could be brave and get the lot waxed off? Ouch. Although not quite so ouch as you might think. If you do decide on waxing, get it done professionally - the home waxing kits are pretty rubbish.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

16:08 / 20.01.04

I'm not going to be exposing much leg a.t.m., though if I should accidentally be electrocuted in the heed and want to show more leg this skirt can be converted into a mini-skirt. The leggings are an option but I'm now thinking of just saying 'to hell with it' and see what tights feel like, although I suspect the answer to that may well be uncomfortable and sweaty.

16:41 / 20.01.04

Nah, they're not so bad. Though if you want to stay cool, you could always try stockings!

01:37 / 21.01.04

don't feel bad, flowers: I've been wearing tights/pantyhose my whole life, and had NO IDEA about half of this stuff. my head swims. deniers and special gloves, oh my!

also - I have very, very white legs and sometimes go without tights at all. if you're brave and want to try it out, you'd probably want to shave them first

I use a gillette mach 3 men's razor (it's RED!), which I adore endlessly. I'd say you could probably just shave it right off, just make sure they're nice and wet with a damned good lather (I don't use expensive and useless shaving foams, but instead opt for johnson's baby soap, which gives a good lather and doesn't smell too strongly). I always make sure they're EXTRA smooth with an exfoliation in the shower (don't be too rough, though, or you'll end up with broken skin) and a second helping of my best lotion after.

the sugar scrub that I use is made up largely of oil, so when you scoop up a bit to scrub with you also get a handful of oil. sounds gross, but not only is it NOT but it leaves yours skin so soft and with a slight gleam that's quite inviting, and not greasy at all. the best thing about really soft, freshly shaven skin is that it makes you feel ultra-sexy, even if you're the only one who gets to feel it. so while I'm certainly not anti-hair on others, if asked, I always recommend a shave!

Tryphena Absent

14:59 / 23.01.04

I suspect the answer to that may well be uncomfortable and sweaty.

I think your personal response to tights depends on the way you feel about material. Some of my friends find them constrictive and hardly ever wear them but I really like wearing heavy and close fitted material and I tend to layer my clothes in winter so tights just suit me. You'll have to try them if you want to see.

10:08 / 30.01.04

...And what with this here 'cold snap', what better time to try a dummy run - stick 'em on under your trousers for that extra warmth, while getting used to the sensation. OK, so it's practical in a maiden aunt kinda way and totally not sexy. But, having conducted a drunken vox pop of my friends, you would be surprised how many people are doing it. Right. This. Minute.

Tryphena Absent

01:20 / 01.02.04

Why on the Thursday just past I was meandering through the streets of London wearing grey trousers over electric blue tights. Snug as a bug in a rug I was.

Disco is My Class War

03:49 / 01.02.04

Perhaps it would be good here to distinguish between stockings and tights/pantyhose. Stockings are the kind you wear with a garter belt. Panthose and tights are the kind that come up to your waist.

I like stockings, myself (considering the only time I wear anything like this nowadays is when I'm dressing up ultra-femme stylee). They give you a bit of air around the crotch area and you don't have the trouble of making sure the waist of the tights doesn't show above your skirt. Which is a bitch if you wear hip-hugging things.

If you don't want to mess around with garter belts, you can get stay-up stockings that go to your mid-upper thigh -- they have a 1.5 inch sticky band around the tops which sticks to your legs and works very effectively. You'd probably find those at a lingerie shop or at a department store. Real proper stockings with the attachments for garter belts, and garter belts themselves, are somewhat harder to find. Possibly an explicitly sexy-oriented lingerie shop would be the go. Don't be afraid to spend a little money if you can: the better made they are, the less they'll be likely to get holes. But do be careful with putting them on, and don't ever pull them off from the toe: roll them down from the top so you get a nice smooth 'inner tube' of fabric.

I second the whole exfoliate-before-you-shave school of thought. Actually, now that I shave my face I always use a scrub beforehand. It makes the skin heaps softer, you get a better shave and your skin doesn't feel so dry afterwards. For the legs, maybe you could try clippers first and then a razor?

(Heh, this is funny

Why do I find it so much more enjoyable to dispense femme information now that I'm a boy?)

Our Lady Has Left the Building

14:54 / 02.02.04

Because you're one of Satan's hellish minions, obviously

As it is, I only need to shave every couple of days, so tend to shave right after having a bath. As it is, the Gillette Venus is looking like an option...

Tryphena Absent

16:36 / 02.02.04

The problem with Stay Ups is that the sticky band just stops working after a while. I hate them... but I love long socks, they stay up better than Stay Ups.

21:55 / 02.02.04

Gillette! The best Our Lady can ge-e-et.

I agree with the long socks. I have a black over the knee pair, which could be mistaken for wooly tights through a skirt-split. I rarely wear any socks but thigh high. Lovely and cosy and funky.

You know how much I've learnt from Mister Disco? I had no idea about stay-up-stockings being sticky. If you'd asked me, I would have said they had a big elastic bit round the top. But sticky! How odd! Do you get replacement sticky bands? Sorry, I just dont quite understand the whole concept. I have never worn stockings/suspenders, though my mum showed me her mums s-belt from the war, and it did look like some scary hardwearing army carpenter belt or something. In a silly way, I hope she had the same waist/hip measurements as me.