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Hank: (standing by Phoenix Egg) It is now time to awaken Jean, for our Phoenix to hatch! I have made all the preparations...
Assistant: But we don't have the two tiny Japanese girls...
Hank: Wrong egg! That's for THIS one... (taps much larger egg) We'll wake HER up, later. This will be a multi-step process. First, the clock radio, which I've programmed to play songs from 137 years ago that she was waking up to...
Clock Radio goes off, and the Egg glows! It cracks! A PHOENIX CLAW reaches out... and hits the Snooze button on the radio.
Jean: mumble... five more minutes... (rolls over) zzzzz....
Assistant: Um... Was that supposed to happen?
Hank: It was expected. She was never a morning person. Used to really annoy Scott. He'd schedule early morning meetings and training sessions and she'd always be the last one there... Now, we prepare her morning fuel.
Meanwhile, at X-Men HQ...
Cassandra: The Beast has captured the Phoenix Egg... But, can he crack it?
Logan: Damn right, he can! He knows her as well as I do... He's probably putting together her morning fuel formula, right now...
Back at Hank's Place...
Assistant: She needs morning fuel?
Hank: A very specific formula, that always got her running in the morning. Ah, I see the main component has finished brewing (pours freshly brewed coffee into mug). Now, to mix the precise formula, the scent of which will rouse her... (pulls out bottle of Jack Daniels, pours shot into mug).
Assistant: She drank that every morning? How does she have any stomach lining?
Hank: She's Phoenix....
Jean: (stumbling out of Egg) mmm... grumble... i'm up, i'm up... mumble... thanks, hank... (sips coffee) Mmmm... Why do I have this feeling I've overslept? Um, Hank? Your fur's all white.
Hank: Yes. Old age, I'm afraid.
Jean: Oh, come on, you're only... How long have I been asleep?
Hank: 137 years.
Jean: Oh... WHAT?!!! One... hundred... and thirty seven... YEARS?!!! Why the HELL didn't anyone WAKE ME UP?!!! I can't leave Scott and that plastic bimbo in charge of things THAT long!!! The whole WORLD will go to hell... (looks around) Damn...
Hank: I would have woken you sooner, but I couldn't find you until now.
Jean: Wow... 137 years... OK... How many people do I know are still around?
Back at X-Men HQ...
Cassandra: So, SHE has awakened, at last... And, our worst fears have come to pass... All that power, in the possession of the Beast... Right now, she's probably contemplating how she's going to judge us... Our species, our world, perhaps all of existance...
Logan: Actually, right now, she'd be singing in the shower... Something by the Beach Boys or Dolly... It's usually Dolly in the mornin'...
Cassandra: This is no time for jokes, Logan...
Back at Hank's Place...
Jean: (in the shower) She's an eagle when she fliiiiiees... (pauses, feeling a familiar presence) Ororo?!!
Water and mist form into Ororo, who's turned fully elemental over the last 137 years...
Ororo: Jean!!! (hugs)
X-Men HQ...
Cassandra: Should I ask how you know what she sings in the shower?
Logan: No. (smiles) This one time, Scott told her, "I thought you didn't LIKE Whitney Houston". I'd hadn't seen a reaction like that from her since she was Dark Phoenix... That boy was in pain for days...
Hank's Place...
Jean: Hank TOLD me you could be elemental and physical...
Ororo: I've missed you, so much...
Jean: Um, Ororo?
Ororo: Yes, Jean?
Jean: Us hugging each other while we're naked in the shower like this... It's a bit femmeslash subtexty, don't you think?
Ororo: What?
X-Men HQ...
Cuckoos: Gasp!!! Phoenix has breached the Fourth Wall!!!
Cassandra: The WHAT?!!
Logan: I was afraid she'd do something metatextual before it was all done with... Ro must have shown up...
Cassandra: Sigh... You're starting to get annoying with that, Logan...
Cuckoos: The integrity of the Universe has been compromised!!!
Logan: Saw this happen, once before. There was this guy with animal powers...
Cassandra: Would you PLEASE stop that?!!! |
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