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Barbelith Holiday Bazaar & Gift Emporium

pachinko droog

17:07 / 17.12.03

The Barbe-store is now open!

Browse among the market stalls, displays, and show-rooms of the most fantastic, phantasmagorical gifts gathered from across the omniverse!

Now on sale:

A life-sized reproduction of Michelangelo's "David" rendered in transparent plastic, and filled with gumballs.

A chorus line of singing, dancing clockwork hedgehogs. (They take requests, Broadway showtunes only.)

And praytell what other sundry items are now available?

illmatic

09:03 / 19.12.03

(This idea stolen from Saveloy)

Living jellybabies. 3-4 inches high They come in a speically sealed bag, and a variety of colours and squeal and scream in high pitched sugary voices as you eat them. The truly sporting will open the whole pack onto the floor and chase them round the house. Be careful though! If any of them get away (they can conceal themselves in nooks and crannies) with a sufficient supply of sugar they can grow up to a foot and a half high, and will seek their revenge. Houses have been rendered uninhabitable when gangs of huge, renegade jellybabies have armed themselves with kitchen implements.

illmatic

09:15 / 19.12.03

Flameable peanut butter. Everbody's favourite breakfast spread now with added Napalm! The monment it's out the jar it's starts to catch fire - you'll have to gobble it down quick to avoid to avoid burning the toast! The truly dexterious can use it to throw flames across the kitchen table! Crunchy variety comes with gunpowder nuggets for extra explosive force!

WARNING: Do not eat more than two servings in one sitting. Can cause intestinal blistering, haemorrhages and incendairy flatulence.

Tryphena Absent

09:36 / 19.12.03

This Xmas I would like a daemon. It's a little strange, extremely improbable and in fact entirely impossible but I would still like one.

10:56 / 19.12.03

Automated blessings-counter (quartz workings, but gunmetal pocket-watch casing).

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