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Waking Up and Saying "What the Hell?"

Spyder Todd 2008

12:32 / 05.12.03

I had a dream last night. This in and of itself is a rare occurrence (I only dream about once a week), but this dream was weirder than most. This dream was very much of a sexual nature, which again was weird, because I've had maybe two of those in my entire life. But all this I would pass off as just dream surrealness, except for one thing. In the dream I was starting an affair with someone I've never thought of in a sexual way. And it was definitely an affair, I kept saying "Wait, I shouldn't do this" and she kept saying "Don't worry, she'll never know..." etc.

This is really weird. First off, I would never, ever cheat on my girlfriend; I really think that's a shitty thing to do. And, she and I are totally obsessed with each other, so I don't think this dream was a result of a strain or something. And the fact that this dream was with someone I've never even thought about... it was just weird.

So, what do my fellow Barbelithers think of this? 'Cause I'm all curious and stuff. I'd like some feed back, but I'm not particularly comfortable with sharing this face to face with many people. So, who says what?

Ex

13:18 / 05.12.03

Oh, the cheating anxiety dream... Terribly common (and I mean that in a reassuring, not a belittling, way).
In mine, I'm walking round a country village with my partner; round the next corner is my illicit lover, and I have to distract the partner to avoid a collision.
I'm paging my mate Sigmund, who's a bit of a pro at this kind of thing, but until he responds, I'd say it's just lurking anxiety. You like your girlf, you fear doing something out of character and losing her.
Self-flagellation helps.

13:31 / 05.12.03

There's a real cheating meme going on at Barbelith at the moment. I don't like it.

15:07 / 05.12.03

My quick take on it is that sometimes people in dreams are substitutes/placeholders for other folks. That may not help any in this case; it didn't sound from your summary of life-as-it-is as though you have an obsession with anybody but your girlfriend.

(Examples - had a dream in which a woman I'd worked for in real life packed up the entire office, invited me to go with her, then gave me a very sweet and soft goodbye kiss when I declined: I woke up and thought to myself that "That wasn't Betty, that was Beth!" I'm still good friends with Beth, though - have no idea what that was about.

(Another example - had a dream about being at a party with a bunch of friends. They were all who they were supposed to be, except for my then-lover - there was a more or less generic placeholder figure who didn't look like my lover at all, but I (and everybody else) related to the placeholder as if it was my lover. That one's kind of telling, in that the lover and I split up over longterm relationship difficulties that I thought were pretty insignificant at the time of the dream....)

17:42 / 05.12.03

I think Ex's interpretation is good. Also, often when you dream of connecting (sexually or otherwise) with someone you know, it's actually more some quality of theirs that you're trying to integrate with yourself. Particularly because you don't think of this person sexually in waking life, that could be the case for you. Maybe you think of her as ambitious, or outgoing, whatever, and you're lacking that. In a similar way, sometimes other people in dreams are stand-ins for 'other' aspects of ourselves, some neglected trait that you're trying to hook back into. Maybe something you're ashamed of or keeping from your girlfriend ("don't worry, she'll never know").

Spyder Todd 2008

16:59 / 06.12.03

Ex, I'm hoping you're right, although I somehow don't see me taking a whip to myself (refraining from S&M joke...).

ibis, you might be on to something. I've been waiting to tell her something, and because we're both really busy, I'm waiting til things calm down, which will be in a couple days. But I don't know if I should tell her or not, so I'm stupily second guessing my own decisions, which I know only messes me up.

And Ex, how is the dear doctor these days? I hear he's become a bit of a dead beat, but I'm sure he's just as brilliant as ever.