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Citizenship exam

Goodness Gracious Meme

02:24 / 16.11.03

For my beloved town:

1)all residents must attain proficiency in one of the following:

poy, capoeira, firesticks, stiltwalking, trapeze.

2)all residents must have travelled in at least 3 continents, and refer to this as having 'done' somewhere, eg 'yeah, i've done oz, thailand and goa'

3)all residents must have claimed state benefits for no less than 12 months out of the previous 4 years.

03:03 / 16.11.03

What town is that?

Goodness Gracious Meme

03:12 / 16.11.03

07:24 / 16.11.03

5. All residents must have an annecdote about the time they met Norman Cook

17:47 / 16.11.03

What happened to the 4th criteria?

10:18 / 17.11.03

Don't know a great deal about Brighton but for all spaces in between there and London, Condition 4 is possibly:

If you are a boy, define people by their choice of automobile,"and this is Toby, he drives a 2-litre Subaru," and carry on talking about that. Or maybe skiing. If you are a girl, even though your community is about 0.00000000037 per cent non-white, talk about the coming lefty-generated race wars: "I mean, a black Father Christmas on Teletubbies. How are you supposed to explain that to a four-year-old?"

Tryphena Absent

11:01 / 17.11.03

I'm missing number 3! Damnit, no Brighton for Tryphena!

13:08 / 17.11.03

heh, none. been waiting for them to notice and throw me out for a while now, too busy smacking themselves in the face with their poi thankfully.

12:01 / 20.11.03

1. A true citizen of Portsmouth should walk about the crowded streets as if they are the only person there. Remember, every inch you concede to an oncoming pedestrian is an inch further down in the pecking order. It's an inch off your cock!

2. A civic minded citizen will help to keep council employees busy by ignoring bins and dumping their rubbish on the pavement instead. Ideally it should be discarded with a refreshingly devil-may-care attitude that says to the world: "shitting on your own doorstep is subversive and fun!"

Goodness Gracious Meme

16:14 / 20.11.03

heh. certainly squares with my memories of portwmouth.

(oh, and blush to admit that i score 2 1/2 on my brighton criteria. 1/2 as i have been to three continents but you can suspend me by my piercings if i ever say i've 'done' them.)

Khao-I've tipped off the authorities, you'd better scarper.

18:35 / 20.11.03

1)All residents must carry a caffeineted beverage with them at all times (except Fri. and Sat. nights, of course). Foam is optional.

2)Cellphones are to used frequently regardless of setting or activity, and all cellphone conversations are to be carried out with a maximum amount of drama, flourish, and exclamations. Hand gestures to convey emotion are optional.

3)When driving: a large gas-guzzling SUV, jeep, minivan or Hummer is the preferred vehicle. Do not pay attention to other drivers or pedestrians for that matter, they are optical illusions and are there only to serve as distractions from cellphone conversations (please see #2 on the list), eating, and grooming activities. The rules of the road are subject to individual interpretation. Yellow lines are for decorative purposes only. Turn-signals are of course, optional.

4)Don't forget that when eating at a vegetarian restaraunt, leather is the look you want. Buttons on your backpack proclaiming "Meat is Murder" are, as always, optional.

I'm sure I could come up with more...