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Self belief

16:09 / 15.11.03

I seem to be hearing a lot recently about what a good thing self belief is. And not just good for one's mental health by way of self-esteem, but also effective in terms of achieving the things you want to achieve.

Take Pop Idol, for example. It's determination in the face of adversity distilled. Rejected contestants are never seen to accept failure as any evidence that they're not quite as special as they thought, and that maybe their dreams of pop stardom are unrealistic. Instead they chant the self-belief mantras: 'You can be anything you want to be if you're determined enough'.

Importantly, I think, this philosophy of Optimism is lent great support by people who have realised their dreams. When those successful in a given field are asked 'What advice would you give people who want to be actors/pop-stars/writers/long-jumpers?' the top answer is generally a variation on 'Have confidence in your self, don't let rejection discourage you, never give up, etc.'; the intended conclusion - often stated explicitly - being 'if you work hard enough you will achieve your goals'. In this way, we get this sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Since only successful people are asked for their advice, they shore up this mentality in much the same way that a jackpot winner will encourage us to play the lottery.

I wonder what other people think about this. I know a teacher, for example, who is concerned that so many of her students plan to be footballers, internet millionaires, superstar DJs or the next JK Rowling, because that's what they want, and that - they're led to believe - is the only requirement.
I feel conflicted about this. On the one hand, I approve of youngsters being encouraged to pursue their hearts' desire, and of course (as discussed elsewhere) self-doubt can be terribly debilitating. And praps the blow of failure can be softened with the thought 'Maybe I didn't want x as much as I thought I did'. But I worry a little that when Eminem tells us 'You can do anything you set your mind to, man', he believes it, and moreover that people believe him.

Thoughts?

16:53 / 15.11.03

i think there's an important difference between "put your mind to it" and "want it enough".

if you put your mind to something, that will probably involve actually studying/practising and working towards your goal.
wanting something can be done without any attempt to make it yours.

i have been sold that lie myself, and i bought it for ages. i wanted to be a great bass player in a band that i could respect. i didnt do nearly enough to actually make that dream a reality, and so i am a great bass player who cant really claim to have been anything like respectable.
i wasnt even a great bass player until i slapped myself a few times and realised i was going to have to learn some stuff and practice it over and over.

i do think the power of the will is enormous, and our growing belief in it only adds to its power. i dont think you can 'win the lottery without a ticket' as some scotch prick once wrote.

22:19 / 15.11.03

Well, has to be a bit of both.
When you're told that you cant do something- well its just plain mean. I've been told all the time, that I can be anything I want to be, upto the point of saying "i want to be a hairdresser" or "I want to join the circus."

I now, hate this phrase, because what it really means is You can be anything I want you to be

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

11:13 / 16.11.03

I think 'You can have whatever you want if you want it enough' needs to be appended with 'and don't care who you step on in order to get it.'

It's generally the amoral, egocentric gits of this world that have the determination to go that extra mile, breaking a few souls along the way in order to achieve their goals. There are exceptions, of course, but rare ones in my experience.

13:36 / 16.11.03

'You can be anything you want to be if you're determined enough'

I've found that this, if you are aiming for something vaguely realistic, is true. But the determined part involves doing the things you need to do to get there. Which involves sacrifice, work, patience, persistence, etc.

I don't think that the teacher should be concerned. It is great that the kids have ambition as long as it is linked to effort.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

18:35 / 16.11.03

I've just reread my previous post and am totally stunned at what a ridiculously cynical mood I must have been in earlier today.

And I'm usually such a happy, chirpy chap, too.

Honest.

15:18 / 17.11.03

And I guess part of the problem is that it’s hard to judge if your own self-belief has a sound basis; the lunatic and the genius alike isn’t understood in their own lifetime, and we only get to hear about the geniuses (Blake, for example).

I like to think I’m more Beatles than the Cheeky Girls, but … well, what if I’m not ? An alarming thought, as it’s easy to think ‘ah well, 133 publishers rejected ‘Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’ or whatever, and assume other people don’t know jack.

Though on the other hand, just believing in yourself and doing nowt, or cultivating the tormented bit without being creative and/or a genius is no good. You have to make yourself be in that right place at that right time, with the ability to do something about it. Hell, even Darius got out of bed and went to that round of PopStars.

Having dabbled in stand-up comedy in London on and off over the years, the rise of Jimmy Carr strikes me as a good example; I don’t think he’s necessarily any better or worse than a large number of comedians, but he’s now all over TV like a rash, presenting Have I Got News For You, appearing on US chat shows, etc (all of which I presume are things which are on his ‘to do’ list, not necessarily mine, but chacun a son whatsit), and I think a large factor in this is because at almost every open mic night I attended for a while, he was there. He did the legwork.

You can want it as much as you like, but until you get off the arse (or onto it, in the case of writing that novel or screenplay or triolet or whatever) and do the necessary, you might as well be whistlin Dixie. Or Pixie.

17:49 / 17.11.03

I wrote an article on this very topic a few months ago. Titled Put Your Mind To It (I even used American Idol as one of my examples).

This is pretty much the crux of my argument right here:

"Delusions of grandeur breed closed-mindedness and stunt the spread of knowledge. That is to say, a person who has become convinced that he excels at something in which his actual abilities are dismal has, by necessity, erected certain mental walls. He has to unwaveringly believe that he's right and good, despite evidence (such as repeated failure, the criticism of others) to the contrary, in order to maintain the dream. A nearly perfect example of this can be seen in the early episodes of each season of American Idol. Kids who come to auditions and croak out tuneless murders of pop songs are duly shot down by the judges, and are then given the opportunity to tell off said judges, bragging that 'I will be a star, you just don't know.' (At which point Paula Abdul sweetly applauds their self-confidence and determination.) This mindset, this tendency to screen all incoming information for accordance with existing opinions and preconceptions, tends to leach into other areas of life. Being obstinate in his pursuit of unattainable goals, a person becomes obstinate in general. Being unreceptive to criticism (constructive or otherwise), he becomes unreceptive to suggestions and new ideas. Growth and learning are slowed, not only for the individual, but for those around him as well."

22:08 / 17.11.03

I think a message that doesn't always get out enough is the message that you can't change who you are. This can give you peace and contentment, where fueling greedy ambitions only breeds dissatisfaction. I think the teacher has reason to be concerned because all of the ambitions mentioned are centred around fame and wealth. And very few people can attain those things.

You can't do everything. We all have our particular strengths and weaknesses, and if we put our attention into the right areas, we can all be successful at something. But we don't always get to choose what that is.

Personally, I wonder about the motives of the kids going in for these contests. I make music because I have a talent for it, and because I enjoy it. Those two reasons which should make a case for anything. I think I enjoy it precisely because I'm supposed to be doing it. If that makes sense. My feelings of enjoyment are a signpost saying "yes, you're on the right track - do this!" just like feelings of boredom are telling me "no, you took a wrong turn - this isn't where you're supposed to be".

So if kids think they can just turn themselves into whatever it suits them to be, they're sorely mistaken. You are who you are, and you need to find out who that is and then be that person. If a kid feels drawn within themself to a certain pursuit which might also happen to result in fame and wealth then that's fair enough. But you should be guided by your own internal signposts, not by those external ones which are so much less reliable.

08:42 / 18.11.03

Ibis - That is precisely the sort of mindset I was thinking of. Not so much having the self-confidence to pursue challenging but realistic goals, but rather putting faith in one's dreams; and in fact in the power of dreaming.

It could have been that I was falsely abducing this from some of the behaviours in things like Pop Idol and self-help motivational maxims. They might just be evidence of delusions; but I've just been getting a sniff of an almost metaphysical belief system here: That by taking a leap of faith in our selves, bona fide, according to Hoyle miracles can occur.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

09:02 / 18.11.03

Smoothly Weaving When those successful in a given field are asked 'What advice would you give people who want to be actors/pop-stars/writers/long-jumpers?' the top answer is generally a variation on 'Have confidence in your self, don't let rejection discourage you, never give up, etc.'

What people who listen to such advice subconsciously ignore is that for each person for whom belief was apparently enough there are hundreds for whom it wasn't, because even ITV isn't desperate enough yet to spend hours of airtime on ITV2 on people who were determined but didn't get through the first round of the contest.

09:36 / 18.11.03

Oddly enough, I've recently come across two instances of 'discouragement' from writers for would-be writers; Alan Moore, quoted in George Khoury's biographical book, gives as his first tip "Don't", and the novelist David Armstrong has dedicated a whole book 'How Not To Write A Novel' to tips, most frequently-repeated of which is, again, "Don't".

Our Lady of The Two Towers

11:45 / 18.11.03

Yet obstinance, in itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. Warriors, or those who have done some feat of endurance, are by nature obstinant, or they wouldn't have achieved it. So there's a good and a bad time for such qualities as with all else.

This has been a 'stating the bleeding obvious' newscast.

13:58 / 18.11.03

There are millions of people who have tonnes of self belief who get nowhere. It takes that and luck to succeed.

20:47 / 18.11.03

quantum, yr right. unfortunately, too many people don't put in the effort, thinking they don't have the luck. however, you can't tell if you have the luck unless you put in the effort.

that sounded a lot more "GO TEAM!" than i'm actually feeling lately.

07:28 / 19.11.03

"Thoroughly worldly people never understand even the world; they rely altogether on a few cynical maxims which are not true. Once I remember walking with a prosperous publisher, who made a remark which I had often heard before; it is, indeed, almost a motto of the modern world. Yet I had heard it once too often, and I saw suddenly that there was nothing in it. The publisher said of somebody, "That man will get on; he believes in himself". And I remember that as I lifted my head to listen, my eye caught an omnibus on which was written "Hanwell".

I said to him, "Shall I tell you where the men are who believe most in themselves? For I can tell you. I know men who believe in themselves more colossally than Napoleon or Caesar. I know where flames the fixed star of certainty and success. I can guide you to the thrones of the supermen. The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums".

He said mildly that there were a good many men after all who believed in themselves and who were not in lunatic asylums. "Yes there are", I retorted, "and you of all men ought to know them. That drunken poet from whom you would not take a dreary tragedy, he believed in himself. That elderly minister with an epic from whom you were hiding in a back room, he believed in himself. If you consulted your business experience instead of your ugly individualistic philosophy, you would know that believing in himself is one of the commonest signs of a rotter. Actors who can't act believe in themselves; and debtors who won't pay.

It would be much truer to say that a man will certainly fail because he believes in himself. Complete self-confidence is not merely a sin; complete self-confidence is a weakness. Believing utterly in oneself is a hysterical and superstitious belief like believing in Joanna Southcote: the man who has it has "Hanwell" written on his face as plain as it is written on that omnibus."

And to all this my friend the publisher made this very deep and effective reply, "Well if a man is not to believe in himself in what is he to believe?" After a long pause I replied "I will go home and write a book in answer to that question". This is the book that I have written in answer to it.

Orthodoxy, G K Chesterton

15:35 / 20.11.03

I believe that activity is a good thing, so I like the sort of general, all-encompassing self belief that encourages people to have a go at things and not care about whether or not they are any good at it, to not care if they make a living out of it - the kind of self belief that says you don't need to be good at something to justify your existence. Quite a difficult state to achieve for a lot of people, these days, in a so-called meritocracy, where you are judged by your actions, where so much time is spent assessing people and the things they do, putting everything into rank order etc.

ibis:
"Kids who come to auditions and croak out tuneless murders of pop songs are duly shot down by the judges, and are then given the opportunity to tell off said judges, bragging that 'I will be a star, you just don't know.'"

I don't think it's neccessarily evidence of self delusion - it could simply be an attempt to save face. They've put their arse on the line, someone's given it a hefty whack, the cameras are on 'em - are they meant to just slink off weeping? It's quite possible that once the cameras are off and they've had a bit of time to think about it they'll come round to the same opinion as their critics. The other alternative, of course, is that they persue their quest with a renewed vigour - "I'll bloody show them!" and all that. Which is arguably all the more damaging in the long run.

23:41 / 20.11.03

I think the maxim might be true if it is firmly coupled to a willingness to be ruthlessly honest about your skill set, about what it will take to achieve the dream, and honest about what parts of the dream are what you actually want.

I guess I'm saying, you can do anything if you want it enough, with the caveat that 'wanting it enough' might entail, say, doing 12 hours a day of musical training for years at a stretch, or taking horrendous jobs to pay for schooling, or whathaveyou.

I'm suddenly reminded of a Deep Thought by Jack Handey: "It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

08:21 / 21.11.03

Alan Moore, quoted in George Khoury's biographical book, gives as his first tip "Don't", and the novelist David Armstrong has dedicated a whole book 'How Not To Write A Novel' to tips, most frequently-repeated of which is, again, "Don't".

I'd agree with that, in the sense that if a person felt that they had any alternative option that would make them happy other than writing, or painting, or playing music, or whatever - then they should take it. I think you have to be brutally honest with yourself.

10:24 / 21.11.03

So...a person should only enter a creative profession if they feel they cannot be happy any other way? Why's that then?

Regrettable Juvenilia

10:33 / 21.11.03

Y'know, I have 10 times more respect for every single one of those people doing Pop Idol auditions, no matter how tuneless or clueless, than I have for people who sit around bitching about reality TV shows on the internet...

11:48 / 21.11.03

Gypsy Lantern:

"I think you have to be brutally honest with yourself"

I assume you're talking about being honest about the quality or merits of what you do. I think that can be extremely difficult. Not because it's hard being honest with yourself, but because it requires certainty. You have to know whether or not something is genuinely good or bad. Which means that your inner critic doesn't just have to be unbiased and objective, they have to have knowledge of the tastes and expectations of your audience. That can be very tricky with creative endeavours, where subjectivity rules and you don't have to look far to find two people with entirely different opinions on the same subject. There are no precise levels to reach for, no specific contracts to fulfill. Writing, for instance: once you've sussed all the rule-based aspects, ie spelling and grammar - which you can look up in various manuals and about which there is a general consensus - how do you know how good or bad the rest of it is?

13:10 / 21.11.03

I don't think I'm putting as fine a point on it as Gypsy or Saveloy. I'm not really questioning whether someone has what it takes to be a great writer (or singer, whatever), or to "make it" in a creative profession. I'm more concerned with the way the "You Can Do Anything" mentality seems to turn people, young people particularly, into bullheaded stargazers who refuse to learn or accept constructive criticism. It's the mindset that bothers me -- the inflated ego, the antagonistic stance toward "the world" because it's full of people who are perceived as trying to "get in their way." They make lousy citizens, they are thorns in any educational setting, and they're boring humans.

And not to mention - I think that message also emphasizes greatness and stardom to an unrealistic and unhealthy extent. You can't do anything. (Read my article for the blind filmmaker example.) Some people have no special talent. Many people are mediocre. Are they less worthy of respect and admiration then? Should we assume that the cashier at the donut shop is just a lazy, unmotivated person? Or a stupid or boring person? Ambition is fine, good. But it's not everything, it's not a measure of human worth, and though that's not an explicit part of "Put Your Mind To It," that's where you can end up.

Tryphena Absent

13:24 / 21.11.03

I've actually always approved of the mindset that says 'You can have whatever you want if you want it enough'. To work it has to be coupled with other things that counteract a refusal to take criticism. Moreover in order to be happy you have to be able to cope with change. I happen to really believe that the most worthwhile thing a person can possess is the ability to change all the time. That includes those wants that people have. If you don't have the ability to realise that actually you don't want something after all than you're just never going to get anywhere. As for that guys who sells donuts... maybe he wanted other things, put his mind to something other than career and achieved it. You're talking about the message as if it's only about stardom but not everyone desires that, some people work their arses off to get to the point where they have a home, to the exclusion of everything else and maybe they have whatever they want and wanted it enough to get it. Ambition's just not that limited.