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Let Down TV

12:01 / 13.11.03

As I mentioned in the Battlestar Shambolica thread, I feel that Battlestar Galactica's fantastically epic theme tune was the best thing about the show. Which programmes have annoyingly great opening sequences or music but then drop you into a dungeon of mediocrity?

Other candidates:
The Drew Carey Show
Not the early seasons with the appropriately crap animated Drew face, but the later ones with the beautifully choreographed dance sequence set to the Presidents' cover of 'Cleveland Rocks'. And then the awfulness begins.

Neverwhere
The opening sequence of Dave McKeanish stylish weirdness probably cost more than all the special effects, sets, actor's fees and catering of this series.

Conjugal Rites
Okay, no-one remembers this, but I used to tune into this ITV sitcom just for the Stephen Appleby designed animated sequence before turning over the second the actual show came on. After a couple of episodes I had it timed perfectly.

12:17 / 13.11.03

'Tales of the Unexpected'. It'd be unfair to dismiss the self-contained plotlines as "mediocre" but they did tend to vary hugely in quality - whereas the opening music and gimpily-dancing silhouette-woman were the bee's bollocks.

12:51 / 13.11.03

This is very true.

Apart from the one where the man was buried alive, that rocked.

13:25 / 13.11.03

Even though I actually liked Neverwhere, I'll still agree that by far and away the best thing was the opening titles.

Dave Mckean on visuals? Brian Eno does the music?

What the hell happened to the rest of the damn thing?

13:31 / 13.11.03

Neil Gaiman.

20:13 / 13.11.03

UFO!
ok, I know UFO was actually pretty good, but the opening titles were amazing - anthemic and catchy yet freaky and groovy organ-based themetune, montage of insanely impractical clothes and haircuts, crazy futuristic cars and Gerry Anderson rocket launches, all based (I think) around the rhythm of a typewriter..

Such a disappointment when the show itself turns out to be quite po-faced and serious, as opposed to the cavalcade of camp nuttiness promised by the opening..

Also, as briefly discussed with sleazenation and others on the weekend - The Littlest Hobo. Promising opening credits and great name.. but absolutely sucks!

Oh, and how could I forget! QUINCY! "Gentlemen, you are about to enter the most fascinating area of modern medicine..", and then the series of clips inside the big Q symbol.. it's got a car exploding and stuff to provide the promise of excitement, and best of all, Quincy drinking champagne on a yacht with a girl in a bikini, before a close-up of his face with a big shit-eating "hey, this is the life for me!" grin! Amazing!

10:28 / 14.11.03

Fantastic descriptions, Riz. You remember that crap book you described in another thread, about the bloke who has his nuts nibbled off by an alligator, so he goes mad and builds an army of giant insects to kill his wife? And I said they should forget the stories and just publish your synopsiis of those sorts of books, as little literary cartoon thingies? Well, this is the same thing - they should just make and show title sequences like the Quincy one, and forget the rest of the prog. That way the viewer can enjoy imagining what it would have been like, which is bound to be better.

How about:

The Rockford Files (currently showing on BBC2 on sat afternoons) - the answerphone message, the rocking tune which sounds like it was done on a stylophone, the series of still shots of Garner being ruggedly charming with various ladies in the sultry LA evening, all done in that 'magazine-ads-for-classy-spirits' style. Especially the one of the back of his car with the lovely red brake lights on - why is that so cool?

Jack The Bodiless

10:57 / 14.11.03

Knight Rider. A brilliant, "squiggly, proto-acid theme tune" ([C] Q Magazine about a thousand years ago), with Trailer Guy muttering "Knight Rider... a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist... and you just think DUDE! This looks like it ROCKS!

And then it's just Hasselhoff. Being completely and utterly hasselhoff. All over the place. And no even bothering to clean it up. Arsebiscuits...

12:45 / 14.11.03

this seems to be a thing for bbc1 lunchtime seventies u.s 'tec shows. into the ring i'll throw ironside, brilliant 'incoming!' shrieks, kill bill and sniper-viewfinder, falling red silhouette, and it's called 'IRONSIDE!' followed by forty-five minutes of perry mason in a wheelchair trying not to shuffle his feet on camera. poo

13:01 / 14.11.03

So know we have people slagging Thundercats, Quincy and Knightrider! What the hell's going on, call yourself nerds?

One man can make a difference.

13:05 / 14.11.03

Shit fire, I swear it wasn't that big before - I'll remove it... It rocks though.

Whisky Priestess

22:03 / 14.11.03

I feel utterly let down by the fact that Tea and Biscuits is not a real programme. Picture the scene:

SCENE: Screaming "Aaaagh!" chaos, gunfire and blood everywhere. Pull focus to two 70s-style britcops standing watching the aftermath of violence, mugs of tea in hand. Well-groomed one says to poodle-perm:

Tea: Bit of a mess.

VOICEOVER: (Monster Truck Extravaganza voice) Two English cops on the wrong side of the pond ...

SCENE: The Chief in his office, dressing our heroes down - again. They are still drinking tea.

Chief: You guys gotta learn, we do things differently in Detroit!

Biscuits: (sotto voce) How many bags did he put in this?

Chief bangs his fists on the desk.

Chief: This isn't Scottish Yard!

SCENE: Our heroes present their credentials.

V/O: Meet Jack Tea and Arthur Biscuits. You have the right to -

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

FTN ad guy: Most programmes just aren't good enough.

No no no! This one would be fantastic, if you FTN fuckers would only make it!

03:28 / 15.11.03

DUEDE! i'm, LIKE, sold!

what channel is this on?

duede.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

06:43 / 15.11.03

The Outer Limits (though admittedly I'm only really talking about the first few seasons of the crap 90s remake shown on BBC2): "Do not adjust your set... blah blah... we control the horizontal... blah blah... we can deluge you with pictures or expand one to crystal blah... for the next hour... blah... the awe and mystery from the depths of the human blah to... The Outer Limits!" Great build up, invariably followed by forty-five minutes of bollocks morality tales telling us we should neither aspire to be better than we were, or to seek a simpler, pastoral existence, because if we did a space alien would eat us.

However, the space alien that came to do lots of shagging and in the end "was defeated by love" was a riot.

16:28 / 15.11.03

Good call - the Outer Limits credits were freakin' great.. far classier than the show.. didn't they have those slightly creepy images and I can't quite remember what they were.. like a tree with really long roots reaching into a house or something..

16:55 / 15.11.03

Oh yeah - the theme tune to UFO is just fantastic. Big, symphonic, stirring chords...

and it all descends into Porn Guitar! Awesome!

18:24 / 15.11.03

Agreed - it's so great I'll admit I used to tune in every week just for the chance to hear it..

19:08 / 15.11.03

I have it on CD, thus saving me the trouble. All good choices, especially the Outer Limits, which seems to promise Lynchian mindfuck weirdness, but if you can't guess the twist five minutes in then you've accidentally watched five minutes of something else.
See, now while I may deep down loathe title sequences that are made up of clips from the show, they should at least alert you to a stinker, whereas there are some cases of blatant false advertising here...

19:12 / 15.11.03

tour of duty.
great tune, rocking intro, suckass show.
well, the later episodes at least.

09:10 / 18.11.03

Paleface:

"Big, symphonic, stirring chords...

and it all descends into Porn Guitar! Awesome!"

I reckon you're thinking of the theme to Space 1999 there, fella, which alternated between being funky and sweeping and grand. The UFO theme was more tight and groovy, lots of staccato trumpet prods.

Space 1999 was the one where Martin Landau and a load of admin people ride the moon out into space and they have to keep apologising to all the aliens they bump into. Both series mixed action with pondering, but UFO was scarier and had sexier outfits.