Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Underground > Conversation >

What The World Needs Now

Matthew Fluxington

11:26 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is David Brent/Gareth Keenan slash.

Tryphena Absent

11:41 / 03.11.03

Which falls under the general category of love sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of.

11:48 / 03.11.03

I was watching The Office before I went to bed last night, and I noticed that Ricky Gervais has unbelievably sharp canine teeth. They must be dental implants. Has he ever played a vampire or warewulf, or does anyone know if he's an avid LURPer?

What the world needs now is an umbrella that won't go all topsy-turvy in a gale.

(I'm very tempted to write David Brent/Gareth Keenan slash - although - Tim/Gareth slash would probably be more on point. Or Finch/Brent. That would be SM fer shure.)

Matthew Fluxington

12:02 / 03.11.03

There's so many slash opportunities with The Office, isn't there? I'd prefer Finch/Brent over Tim/Gareth, though.

12:38 / 03.11.03

What the world needs right now is stop/rewind/pause/erase buttons. And preferably a three second pause before transmission.

And more huggles.

Plus some Last of the Summer Wine slash.

12:41 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is Shout Powered Vehicles. We all love shouting, and we all love sitting down and going along quickly, so why not combine the two? I envisage a simple craft with:

- a balsa wood body
- a seat
- a funnel in front of the driver for them to shout into.
- a shaft which directs the shouts down through a series of chambers which cleverly amplify the noise and convert it into powerful jets of propulsive air. This is split into two streams: one pointing downwards to give the vehicle hovercraft-style floating action, and the other out the rear to push the vehicle forwards
- a rudder, for steering

The bigger the noise you make, the faster you go. A polite cough will get you started. Humming or muttering should be used when trying to manouvre round a car park, a medium volume "doo-de-doo-de-doo" for cruising round town, bellowing through a megaphone when you want to overtake on the fast lane of a motorway. Startled shouts of "HOLY CHRIST WE'RE GOING TO DIE" may get you out of a difficult situation fast.

Murray Hamhandler

18:58 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is an umbrella that won't go all topsy-turvy in a gale.

Todd, Sharper Image has these. I have one and it rocks. It has a vented canopy, which allows the wind to escape the underside of the umbrella w/o demolishing the whole kit and kaboodle. Truly, we live in a wonderous age.

What the world needs now is portable EMP devices for pedestrians. And oatmeal cookie flavored soda.

19:30 / 03.11.03

Jesus, Todd, you ridiculous professional, it's LARP.

The world needs to focus on my needs a little more.

Goodness Gracious Meme

19:34 / 03.11.03

What the worlds needs now is the endowment of a Huge Fund For The Development of Saveloy's Inventions.

And stroking. Much more stroking.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:44 / 03.11.03

More flightless birds. Flightless birds combine poingiancy with absurdity.

ONLY NICE THINGS

20:02 / 03.11.03

Shrews, obviously. Tiny intelligent shrews with high-pitched voices, who sit on your lap and eat crushed-up Pringles and crumbs of fruitcake, are carried around in a tuckbox and help you out with the crossword.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

20:08 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is Michael Shanks, on my bed, covered in Marmite. Believe me, you'll all be happier that way.

Mmm, Michaelmite...

20:27 / 03.11.03

Desk midgets. You know you want one.

20:28 / 03.11.03

More gay bishops. More men in frocks generally.

And lots more Dutch people, please.

20:59 / 03.11.03

Tiny animals...not just shrews or tiny hampsters but Pocketsized pachyderms, handheld whales, runted rhinos and portable hippos.

20:59 / 03.11.03

& thank you, Smoothly Weaving for reminding us, via your link in another thread, that What The World Needs Now™ Is: this fine Rothkoidism".

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

21:03 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is more yummy snack foods and pie.

Lots and lots of pie.

21:23 / 03.11.03

Or cheesecake.

21:34 / 03.11.03

What the world needs now is portable EMP devices for pedestrians. And oatmeal cookie flavored soda.

Oddly, cinnamon (like in the cookies) is a major component of Coca Cola's flavoring. They also have some citrus stuff in there too.

21:43 / 03.11.03

OMG, Kegboy, I thought that said you just bought a "penis" Oh my...*chuckles*

This is from my three year old when I asked him what the world needs more of....

"The world needs more...uhmm...earth."

How could I argue that?

01:46 / 04.11.03

What the world needs now is good lyricists.

04:13 / 04.11.03

"What the world needs now is another folk singer, like I need a hole in my head."

05:39 / 04.11.03

What the world needs now are clones of grant.

You're like the trivia equivalent of heroin. More dammit! More of your sort!

gotham island fae

06:42 / 04.11.03

One word. Rothkoidwit.

And, always, more Xoc. (though I know others will say less)

FUCK nae-sayers.

06:44 / 04.11.03

Well, Mr. Fist, the board appears to have presented me with a quandry. I would normally not even need to think about this, as the obvious answer would be a motor powered warthog, with wheels, so I can drive my warthog towards all perpetrators and scare them with the violently gnashing snout of my vehicle. However, as I currently find myself up a tree, running from three gentlemen planning to take me by force, strip me, bind me, gag me, cover me in marmite and leave me for snail food, what I could really use right now, would be a friendly pterodactyl (friendly to me of course, not friendly to the monks intent on my demise). Ideally the pterodactyl would be a little like Battlecat, ie armoured and tough, and with bonus firepower if at all possible. However, so long as it can take my weight and fly me to safety, your average common or garden pterodactyl will be just fine. However, if the board could see to this with some urgency, it would be most appreciated, as my plan of hurling feathers at their faces, thus causing sneezing and confusion, can only hold them off for so long.

Much obliged.

gotham island fae

06:52 / 04.11.03

More portable PC's like whisperingfist's.

07:28 / 04.11.03

Yes, The Organisation has kindly provided me with the latest fingertip sized micrcomputer, which enables me to keep in touch with you guys, no matter my situation, as The Organisation realises that being able to communicate with you guys may save my life (as I'm hoping it will now). Unfortunately, these computers cannot be given out freely, and so only if you have sacriced your life to the cause of vanquishing the Meddling Monks of Mimpiston are you eligible to receive one of these.

Not to hurry you guys, but I'm rapidly running out of feathers, and things are getting desperate. These monks have spatulas.

09:37 / 04.11.03

What the world needs now is more miniature bands. Cute in a really creepy way - or was it the other way around? They're the must-have in any social occasion. And, Haus, I think they can help you with your crosswords.

16:42 / 04.11.03

More sesame seeds! On everything!

16:51 / 04.11.03

Penguins. The world needs more penguins. Tropical ones! Temperate ones! I don't want to have to go all the way to Argentina to be surronded by penguins! I want wild penguin herds to populate the forests of Canada! And wouldn't they look cute, lying on the beaches of Mexico and Jamaica?

...who wouldn't want this, really?

14:49 / 07.11.03

What the world needs now is fuzzy phones.

The fuzzy phone is so-called because it allows you to be imprecise about who you call. It gives you the option to call a person who is similar to the one whose number you have, but different. The degree to which they are different is determined by you, the caller.

Reader, pushing cowboy hat back and scratching head: "Well I'll be! How the ding dang doodly davis does it work, fella?"

The fuzzy phone doesn't have buttons or a rotary dial - it has a slider, which you can move up and down a numbered scale (like the ones at the top of this here organ). To dial a number, move the slider to a precise number (there are notched stops for this, so you know when you've got it) OR somewhere slightly above or below a number (there's about a centimeter space each way, before you enter the next number's zone) and hit the Select button. Repeat until the entire number has been input, then hit Dial.

A full set of precise number selections will give you the person who owns that number. A number selection where all but one of the numbers is precise, and that one is 0.1 millimetres off will give you someone remarkably similar to the person who owns the number you nearly dialled, but ever so slightly different. You can work out the rest.

Different designs are possible:
- standard number buttons and a big slider to the side. Select number, then move slider up from bottom for variations. Allows for greater range.

- a slider for each number. Allows you to store slider settings, so you can call 6 people who are all equally and identically different to 6 pals.

- standard numbers and a joystick.

- standard numbers and a piece of string attached at one end to the phone body. Select number and wiggle string.

Morlock - groupie for hire

15:09 / 07.11.03

Marshmallows for everyone. Ones as big as your head, no wait, as big as my head.

It's the only thing that makes sense. Trust me.