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Sorry to hear that hon, hope the below helps a little:
One idea might be to seperate the elements of mind and body a little - and stop and relax each one in turn. Firstly, try and listen to ongoing mental denunciation of whoever it is (it may be directed against your self - the idea still applies) and try and get it to stop. Regard it as a pattern or a self fulfilling loop that's playing over and over again, reinforcing itself. It's a series of habitual words in your head, rather than being the essential you. See if you can stop it, change the tone of voice or the content. Let it simmer down. You can then look at the tensions in your body, all our feelings have specific internal dialogues, postures and tensions associated - you could either a) try and reconfigure the bodily tensions you have as a differen feeling ie. fear can become excitement quite easily. Anger might become some sort of arousal? Not sure with that one but you get the idea - or b) relax the tensions away - assume a different posture, consciously let go with the belly, shoulders, what have you, tense and release. That sort of thing works for me, not that I rememember to do it all the time. Or indeed that we should do it all the time. A bit of indulgence might be fruitful. It's just reinforcing the recogniton that you are not that thing, rather that's soemthing that is passing through the trinity of your mind, body and emotions. I did an ongoing meditation on anger and a variety of other emotions for a while which was quite effective.
Another technique might be too try and contemplate whatever it is that's making you angry from a different perspective. Austin Spare refered to this as generating free belief. I'd tried this with people I've really hated at work and for instance, in the middle of a vicous mental denuncation, have imagined how they might appear as a loving parent to their kids or lover to their partner or whatever. This reinforces the fact that what you're feeling isn't the objective truth, it's a product of your own subjectivity - and in some way, you are keeping it going or contributing to it by holding certain fixed ideas about them or some certain course of action - by for instance being particularly obstinate at work, sticking to your job description etc Having the idea in mind that each person is just seeking happiness in their own peculair (sometimes very peculair) way helps me with this. With the free belief thing, Spare suggests if you can keep this going to continual oppose your ideas with opposites, until you're left with nothing but free floating pool of arousal and energy, not focused on anything which he would then use to charge sigils.
Anyway, hugs hon, hoep you're okay and hope to see you tomorrow. |
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