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Coffee beans are not the only fruit

 
 
Mourne Kransky
14:16 / 15.10.03
You spiked my interest on a thread below, now locked, with some remarks about species of fruit. I remember hearing somewhere that apples are basically deformed and genetically mutated pears, and that tomatoes and nuts are really fruits, so I investigated and found out some arcane fruit facts.

adapted from this taxonomical extravaganza

Fruits may be categorised according to whether the mature fruit is fleshy (juicy) or dry.

There are three major categories of fleshy fruit:
drupes, berries and pomes

The drupe has a stony inner layer surrounding (usually) a single seed. This fruit has a pit. Examples are:
cherries,
coffee,
coconuts,
almonds
and
peaches.

A berry is a fleshy fruit that has no stony layer in the fruit, but contains seeds. Good examples of classic berries are:
grapes and
tomatoes.

The berries that develop in citrus flowers have exceedingly oily surface layers over a pithy subtending layer. The specialized berry in citrus fruit is known as a hesperidium. Examples are:
lemons,
limes,
oranges
, and
grapefruit.

Other specialized berries develop from flowers with inferior ovaries. These will, of course, have accessory layers contributed by the surrounding receptacle and other tissues. In these plants the specialized berry is called a pepo. Examples are:
watermelons,
cucumbers,
pumpkins
, and
squashes.

A third type of fleshy fruit is known as the pome. This fruit consists of a cartilaginous core (the true fruit), surrounded by a fleshy accessory layer. Examples are
apples,
pears,
and
quinces.

Dry fruits can be divided into two separate groups: dehiscent and indehiscent.

Dehiscent dry fruits are those that open on their own to shed seeds into the environment or onto an animal for dispersal.

Indehiscent dry fruits do not naturally open to shed seeds; rather they disperse their fruits into the environment or attach them to an animal for dispersal. Of course these contain the seeds.

The strawberry is not technically a berry, not even a fleshy fruit. The red part you eat is a fleshy accessory to a dry fruit. The true fruit is the tiny dry fruit on the surface of the strawberry. It passes through the digestive system of a bird which weakens the fruit wall. When the fruit is delivered to soil, along with some fertiliser, the seed inside can sprout.

Nuts are indehiscent fruits. "Fruit and nut" is a redundant expression because a nut is a fruit. Not everything that people call "nuts" are botanically nuts. The coconut is sold as a pit from a drupe. The peanut is the seed from a legume. The almond is the seed from the pit of a drupe.

So complex. And what about bananas?
 
 
Smoothly
14:33 / 15.10.03
To complicated matters further, I think bananas are herbs. Really.
 
 
Quantum
14:43 / 15.10.03
Nuts are indehiscent fruits...pit from a drupe...pome pit seeds...
I officially now know too much about fruit. Kill me.
 
 
Jub
14:46 / 15.10.03
Xoc, you're a big liar. Everyone knows that Tomatoes are vegetables. And Coffee is in a class of it's own! I refuse to believe your taxonomical propaganda. Elitist!

And Smoothly... you big banana herb confusing mass of...confusion - encourage lying Xoc like that! Shame, SHAME!

But interestingly - and this is FACT - the guy off the James Bond films Cubby Broccoli's great great grandfather invented Broccoli. It's true. That's why his family got so rich and why he went on to make films. They were learning more and more about genetics and he crossed a cauliflower with something or other (that was green!) and hey presto and new species. A bit like an ass being a cross between a horse and a donkey but with vegetables.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
15:00 / 15.10.03
hesperidium

Definitely shrewhog food.
 
 
nowthink
15:07 / 15.10.03
you guys are waaaaaay too smart for me.
I better mosey on back to the more thugged out message boards for while.

that ali g stuff was hilarious.I think I understand him now.
I think that guy is great,whoever he is.

but I think he's a nowthink impostor not the other way around
 
 
Lurid Archive
15:16 / 15.10.03
Fuck me thats impressive. Either that or you are extremely bored, Xoc.
But how do I decide which are the manly fruits?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
15:57 / 15.10.03
Oh God, the tomato issue again. THAT old chestnut (or something).

Next you'll be telling me that dolphins, DESPITE quite blatantly having fins and living in the sea, where they swim, fishily, with all their other fishy friends, are mammals. Fish with t1tz. I ask you. Have you ever heard such nonsense?

Tomatoes are vegetables. Dolphins are fish. So are whales. (And I know the whale thing is true cos there's a rather cool cartoon whale on the opening titles of Rex Hunt's FISHING adventures. And if you're telling me you know more about sea-dwelling thingies- or even stuff you put in salads- than Rex Hunt, then I KNOW you must be taking the piss.)
 
 
bitchiekittie
16:09 / 15.10.03
I love this thread.

just when I thought I couldn't ♥ xoc any more....
 
 
Mourne Kransky
16:11 / 15.10.03
It is true, Lovely Jub, that I am a big liar but that's only what I get paid for. Everything I write on the Lith is 100% true, so far as my enfeebled-by-alcohol brain can determine. Thus you can be sure that I speak only the lore of the ancients and the wisdom of the sages when I say that:

I have a theatre director friend who knew Cubby Broccoli and, apparently, what you say is true in most respects. The curly loveliness that is Broccoli was indeed invented by old Don Carcioffo Broccoli, now the Blessèd Broccoli, thanks to the present Pope's saint-making mania. Cauliflower is deeply suspected by the Italians for its white blandness and cooked mushiness and the "Miracle of Broccoli", when the Don prayed to God for a cauliflower with a bit of bite and some colouration, is still celebrated in many rural parts of Italy and sometimes on the same day as the national holiday for Pizza Day (a moveable feast).

Another little known fact is that Giuseppe MacNab, a young Italian composer of Scottish descent, was so profoundly moved by his first taste of this delicious new green vegetable that he changed his name to Giuseppe Verdi.

Lurid, with his Latin genes, will vouch for the above I'm sure. I was indeed rather bored in late afternoon. According to recent research the following, in order of manliness, are the most virile fruit:
1. Bananas, for phallic reasons (more of a spice than a herb, therefore)
2. Olives, for aphrodisiac reasons
3. Gooseberries, because of their rough skins and hairy surfaces, and also their sourness requires a strong and manly constitution to digest.

Incidentally, the most effeminate fruits are:
3. Kiwi fruit, just big fat swollen gooseberries after spending time at a health farm
2. Watermelon (that well known berry!), all juice and no taste
1. Figs, their succulence spoiled for me forever by D H Lawrence's description of Gerald Crich performing cunnilingus on one.

My colleagues want me to take a drug test because they are suspicious of my extreme silliness today. I'll go and watch the News. That'll bring me down to earth with a bump.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
17:00 / 15.10.03
I think a banana must be a pome--it has a visible but textureless rind around its mushy little fruits (not virile at all, sir!). But, Xoc, oh Xoc, what about pomegranites?

"Mon dieu!" my father, who speaks no more French than I do, once ejaculated. "Le pome granite!"

Oh, I'm going to Hell.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
17:03 / 15.10.03
Quoth myself:
mushy little fruits (not virile at all, sir!).

The appearance of virility with none of the stuff! Give me a Bosc pear any day.

I've been reading entirely too many books lately.
 
  
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