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It is true, Lovely Jub, that I am a big liar but that's only what I get paid for. Everything I write on the Lith is 100% true, so far as my enfeebled-by-alcohol brain can determine. Thus you can be sure that I speak only the lore of the ancients and the wisdom of the sages when I say that:
I have a theatre director friend who knew Cubby Broccoli and, apparently, what you say is true in most respects. The curly loveliness that is Broccoli was indeed invented by old Don Carcioffo Broccoli, now the Blessèd Broccoli, thanks to the present Pope's saint-making mania. Cauliflower is deeply suspected by the Italians for its white blandness and cooked mushiness and the "Miracle of Broccoli", when the Don prayed to God for a cauliflower with a bit of bite and some colouration, is still celebrated in many rural parts of Italy and sometimes on the same day as the national holiday for Pizza Day (a moveable feast).
Another little known fact is that Giuseppe MacNab, a young Italian composer of Scottish descent, was so profoundly moved by his first taste of this delicious new green vegetable that he changed his name to Giuseppe Verdi.
Lurid, with his Latin genes, will vouch for the above I'm sure. I was indeed rather bored in late afternoon. According to recent research the following, in order of manliness, are the most virile fruit:
1. Bananas, for phallic reasons (more of a spice than a herb, therefore)
2. Olives, for aphrodisiac reasons
3. Gooseberries, because of their rough skins and hairy surfaces, and also their sourness requires a strong and manly constitution to digest.
Incidentally, the most effeminate fruits are:
3. Kiwi fruit, just big fat swollen gooseberries after spending time at a health farm
2. Watermelon (that well known berry!), all juice and no taste
1. Figs, their succulence spoiled for me forever by D H Lawrence's description of Gerald Crich performing cunnilingus on one.
My colleagues want me to take a drug test because they are suspicious of my extreme silliness today. I'll go and watch the News. That'll bring me down to earth with a bump. |
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