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Ferrero Rocher

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11:37 / 10.10.03

Good news: The "Ambassador's Parties" ad for Ferrero Rocher is returning to our screens apparently. Hooray and some indecipherable Japanese exclamations!

Bad news: The people who foist these unexciting little chcoclates upon us want to shake off their "naff" image. So they're investing in a better class of advert. Ambassador becomes female and the punch line "with these Ferrero Rocher you are really spoiling us" will be dropped.

Bizarre since the only reason they enjoyed a huge sales surge in the nineties was on the back of the memorably crap adverts.

Next they'll be getting rid of the old Danish Hannibal Lecterish lady in the Carlsberg adverts who asks "Would you like to use the baaaathrüm?" before consigning the lorry driver to her cellar.

11:43 / 10.10.03

but the chocolate gooze that's inside of "mon cheri" is the same as the stuff that goes by the name of "nutella", which is my disgusting eat-out-the-jar food of choice. I can only buy it about twice a year, for fear that if I consume any more my ass will surely explode.

tell me, please, that I'm not the only nutella fan.

also, I LIKE bad advertisements. even the ones that aren't good for a laugh are often good for some very smug tearing apart. you get to play little ad chica (although I know from experience I don't want to grow up to be one) and figure out all the different ways it sucks.

11:55 / 10.10.03

even the ones that aren't good for a laugh are often good for some very smug tearing apart.

Except for those zoom ZOOM zoom Mazda (maybe? it's such an effective advert I can't remember the product, just pain) ads. Listing everything that's wrong with them would be impossible, there's just layer after weary layer of pure awfulness.

(Nutella, tho -yes, very much so)

12:04 / 10.10.03

A woman ambassador ... what a startlingly original idea to sell chocolates ... so empowering ...

A lot of the crappest ads are designed to be international or at least inter-european I think. Half an hour's dubbing in the sound studio and it's ready for another market. Cheap but effective.

12:10 / 10.10.03

Lovely nutella!

And a curse of a thousand years on the heads of the advertisers who came up with Zoom Zoom Zoom. But then it's a car ad and I hate all of them, with reason or not. Never see a car performing in the conditions to which they are subjected in real life in an advert. Nobody's stuck at lights inhaling fumes at Vauxhall Cross, they're all zoom zoom zooming across a wide open expanse of empty and well maintained desert road.

And only pretty people drive cars evidently, so I am absolved.

Quite liked the "Papa!", "Nicole!" Renault ads though.

Seems to me the naffer the ads the better. Surely advertising executives know that stuff. I suppose they also have research that shows that the annoying ones are the stickiest and most effective too though.

12:13 / 10.10.03

There are two ads which are really twisting my melon at the moment, not because of any ethical/idealogical/political/anything-else-ical problems I have with them, but just because the people in them are just so fucking annoying.

1) Woman on the phone to friend while her partner makes some kind of fajita thing. "What're you making?" she drawls in fucking annoying Manchester accent. "Did you hear that? Blend of aromatic spices. Well, I'll give you a call tomorrow -- if I'm still alive."
At which point the poor Will Young-alike should shove the fajita into her gurning gob and scream: "Make your own fucking Mexican food you smug bitch!" and leave forever.

2) Two children are very excited about their impending trip to Disneyland. Small girl utilises every single fucking expression she's learned at the Sylvia Young Drama School in the space of one bleeding sentence: "Mum says it's just magical" she says, and on the word "magical" her eyes roll as though she's possessed by the devil and her mouth stretches to a grinning rictus like a dead fish batted on the head by Charon's oar. "Mum says you're going to a caravan park in fucking Garstang like I had to do when I was your age, you spoiled brat," says Sax, emerging from under the bed like the clown in Poltergeist and wrapping his freakily long arms around her neck.

Grrr. I'm all annoyed now.

12:45 / 10.10.03

Yeah, know the fajita ad you mean, Sax. Annoying as all Hell, partly because of the actress' stupid voice, but also just for the sheer sexism of it. How can they think a man doing some cooking (even if it's short-cut cooking out of a packet) is so remarkable? Good lord, they'll have women firefighters or taxi drivers next.

Now Ganesh doing some cooking, that would be really remarkable. He's so butch.

13:06 / 10.10.03

Brilliant Sax. That was very funny.

You know how at the Ambassador's Reception the good looking and old foreign type goes "Ett-cha-len-té" at the end - when I was in Italy many moons ago, I saw the whole advert with Italian voice overs, and the posh foreign type at the end says in OTT plummy yet camp English: "Excellent".

We've been had - he could speak English all along!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:12 / 10.10.03

Xoc wrote: Quite liked the "Papa!", "Nicole!" Renault ads though.

I read: Quite liked the "Papal", "Nicole!" Renault ads though.

Now that would be an ad...

"With these chocolates you are really spoiling us, your Holiness!

[Pope nods off]

"Aha! He is asleep! Quickly, conceal these contraceptives in the fruit bowl!"

13:13 / 10.10.03

watch the 'if i'm still alive' ad carefully. the very very final shot of the piece swings in for an instantaneous close-up on the boyfriend's expression. it's the kind of thing you're often too pissed off to miss, but if you get a good look at said expression, you'll surely perceive this to be advertman's overriding thought: 'i'm going to leave this bitch' as well he should. it's an annoying ad but ity has a happy ending cos he's going to leave her and cook nice stuff for someone who deserves it.

13:18 / 10.10.03

Perhaps he'll go and cook for Xoc. Ganesh better get butt nekked apart from a pinafore and quick-smart.

13:29 / 10.10.03

it may be a shameful secret but I always felt the ferreo Rocher ads played like the intros to bad 70's porn films.

They had that sleazy/cultured feeling that they seemed to go for back then. Just intercut the butler wandering around with trays of chocolates with a tray of drugs/sex toys/condoms/whatever. Or better still the posh woman and her driver and the secret compartment

Best leave now, hadn't I...

14:34 / 10.10.03

LOVE the old ferrero rocher tagline, LOVE nutella, HATE almost every other advert.
Did you know that 'Zoom zoom' shit advert stole that tune from Capoeira? It's a traditional song sung as you dance and flip, and goes (in Portugese) 'Zum zum zum Capoeira mata um'. Fucking car manufacturers piss me off.

15:20 / 10.10.03

Yeah I noticed the Zoom zoom conection when I saw some martial arts film with Brandon? Lee. He taught capoeira to street kids and gave them hope for a better tomorrow and he fought crime!! I wanted to see the zoom zoom kid in the movie getting his ass handed to him on a platter.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:40 / 10.10.03

bk: No, you are not alone in your chocolate and hazelnut heaven. I love Nutella, tho' I don't buy it much. Nutella and apricot jam sarnies... mmm.

23:47 / 10.10.03

Last time I went camping, Nutella was a major feature. On toast, and in truth or dare. Tastes even better when it's not on toast.

11:18 / 13.10.03

I would like to just jump in and say I hate that "aromatic spices" bitch. That guy should really just break up with her. And I agree with Xoc, this attitude that men can't cook is just wrong.

Personally I love it when the ferrero rocher, liquor, board games et al commercials start. That means the holidays are coming!

12:01 / 13.10.03

I know, why can't we have an ad where the Mazda zoom zooms over the aromatic spices bitch, causing the vehicle to spin out of control and into that irritating little zoom zoom boy, effectively killing three twat-birds with one, er, car...

And at the funeral the cooking bloke declares, loudly, that he was gonna pack the old cow anyway and then goes home to a nice dinner that he cooked himself?

We're The Great Old Ones Now

12:14 / 13.10.03

Could we also agree that on the way to the funeral, a large number of Personal Injury lawyers who advertise on t.v. ("Hi! I'm Jimmy Grabbe, of Grabbe, Baggit & Runne! We'll get you money for free, and all you have to do is sue one of your friends for not having a sign in their house warning you about the dog!") are tragically killed in a fat-frier accident?

12:29 / 13.10.03

I don't see why not.

12:33 / 13.10.03

Can we also dispose of the Churchill dog while we're at it? Please?

12:44 / 13.10.03

(Derek Guyler) Oh, yes. (/Derek Guyler)

13:08 / 13.10.03

Oi!! KCC - what's wrong with the Churchill dog?

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:29 / 13.10.03

It's only slightly less disturbing than the HSA rabbit, which may be the only puppet for which we have evidence that it's terrified of anal intrusion?

13:57 / 13.10.03

Anyone remember the old VW Polo ads with the spoiled NYC princess being driven around, blindfolded by her partner, only to be disappointed by the car then to have the shock that it wasn't the surprise her boyfriend had promised her.

I always liked to imagine the rest of the ad had her looking past her boyfriend to spot three burly looking "mafia" types who had been hired to silence her whiny, demanding voice once and for all.

Anyone else add their own endings to really annoying adverts.

Oh and the Churchill dog, which was once cute, deserves his time in doggy hell after the caption telling us who actually provided the voice of Sir Cliff in that advert.

14:10 / 13.10.03

Oh - you all love it really! What stage is denial again? Look - just in time for Christmas. Go on,
you know you want to.

Tryphena Absent

15:23 / 13.10.03

Oh I love shit adverts, they have character... except for anything to do with mortgage repayment or debts. They shouldn't be allowed to be shown more than once a day, inbetween the news and This Morning.

The Ferrero Rocher ad is brilliant, I adore it, not as much as the Tango foreign exchange student ad though. Damn everytime an advert thread comes up I say I wish they'd show it again and I mean it. Yes I do.

15:40 / 13.10.03

Fortunatly I dont receive many of the adverts from other parts of the world and likewise its fortunate that the rest of the world doesnt receive some of our adds. So naively I decided to check out the link Sgt. Jub Lo Mein provided. I have NEVER seen an animal I've wanted to kick more than that churchill dog. How bloody annoying are the commercials?
We have Carrot Top. We win. I mean loose.

and ferrero rocher are just wrong.

15:45 / 13.10.03

The mightiest ad slogan of all is for Otex Eardrops.
"Clinically proven to reduce the need for syringing."
That should be the tagline of every single product in the world.

15:55 / 13.10.03

The worst thing about that "hermetic spices" ad is the fact that we're supposed to know that the advertiser knows that we know it's sexist, and are meant to feel a sense of victory or righteousness when the guy shuts her up with his lovely golden plop.

The one that gets up my noodle the most, though, is the one for the Renault / Peugeot troop carrier, where the guy is walking through a packed street with an armoured personnel carrier shaped space around him, to the sound of Jimi Hendrix's 'Crosstown Traffic'. "Keep a luxurious distance between yourself and the teeming prole hordes in a Renault C-ntmaster!" That's the message, innit? Almost as blatant as the recent billboard ads for the Ford Boring, which seemed to be aimed at Mail-reading boy racers with its anti biker images and "A car that commands respect" (and those are the actual f--king words) tagline. Cock-ends. Cock-ends!

Oh, and speaking of annoying voices, what about Channel 4's trailers for it's own 'poncey magic' season? What is it with this cutting edge crap and "Uh, I've just woken up and I've got a glollop of chewed up digestive biscuit in my throat but, uh, like, I'm real clever" f--king voices? Gargh!

18:40 / 13.10.03

No no no. The worst one is the Starbucks espresso shots one, with the young scruff fighting off his suit in the morning as his suit attacks him. Then he goes to the fridge and drinks the Starbucks drink and in the next shot, cute young scruff is dressed up smoothed down in the suit. So what the ad is saying is, drink Starbucks and become a corporate clone? Wait, that's truth in advertising, isn't it?

09:21 / 14.10.03

In case there's any confusion, I'm not saying the aromatic spices ad and the zoom zoom ad are shit, far from it. No, I'm saying that they are incredibly annoying, and annoying really isn't good.

They make me very angry.

Now, if it's shit you want, anyone remember this...

"Chilli con carni ready in a can. New from Tyne Brand, quick as you can"

Amazing

Oh yeah, what about the radion campaign? That was deliberate shit if ever I saw it.

09:31 / 14.10.03

Another teethgrinder to add to the list:

Baby lying alseep in crib and starts to dance to Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel in its sleep. Creepy, creepy, creepy. Rest of the family flinging their limbs about in their sleep supposedly too but the baby is the creepy, creepy bit. Advertising a radio station, I think, Magic FM or summat.

And tampon adverts. There are specially trained women with annoying, breathy voices who spout euphemisms on those. Epiglottis coated in candy floss syndrome. Is there a sex difference here, do women respond less negatively to those adverts, or just the ones with hearing difficulties?

09:36 / 14.10.03

I saw some martial arts film with Brandon? Lee. He taught capoeira to street kids and gave them hope for a better tomorrow and he fought crime!!
That would be 'Only The Strong' with Mark Dacascus, who is also in Brotherhood of the Wolf as the Indian. He was shit, the Capoeristas in the background rocked

"Chilli con carni ready in a can. Clinically proven to reduce the need for syringing."
I'd buy that.

09:38 / 14.10.03

"Tampax Ultra-Phallus vibrato-slick tampons- Clinically proven to reduce the need for syringing"
Nice.

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