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Yesterday I had my own "WORST DAY EVER". Need help.

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13:28 / 03.10.03

From 9pm to 01:00am yesterday I was entrapped in one of the worst days of my life. top contender.

It was a "'The Tower' card" day. Everything that was built upon my hopes and efforts crumbled to pieces. In front of way too many people. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. EVERYTHING. It dragged for hours and hours. I couldn't escape. I feel tainted and wrong. Misplaced and unworthy.

Now it's the day after, my back is hurting from the emotional strain, I feel my neck rigid, my jaw is clenched. I have this huge lump in my throat and in my chest and I don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with it.

I now this will pass eventually, but right now I'm lost. I'm used to go through vast plains of tediousness in my life, so I don't even know where to begin to deal with this huge thing.

When YOU go through a massive personal catastrophy, how do you deal with it? This thread wasn't created out of curiosity, but out of need. Maybe one of you has the secret that will allow me to better endure the next days.

13:33 / 03.10.03

More details, please.

13:35 / 03.10.03

I let it slide, and get muntered if necessary. imagine all the shit receding into the distance and shrinking, and remember you're alive and appreciate the simple things like breath, and the sky, and how funny monkeys are.

Cheap. Easy. Cruel.

13:37 / 03.10.03

I usually go to the gym and pound out all of my aggression/frustration/whatever. It sounds kind of trite, but it works for me. I find that the pure clarity of mind that comes after putting myself in physical agony helps to put into perspective whatever is bothering me. If that doesn't work, I go jump out of an airplane. For some reason, when I am staring at the ground from 10,000 feet up with nothing between me and it, the bits of life that have been troubling me just don't seem that important anymore.

13:38 / 03.10.03

Sorry, Sax, I'd rather not to.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

13:39 / 03.10.03

I stare at the ceiling, and I read the books which make me feel safe and warm. I refuse to go out, drink tea, and demand that my friends come round and see me. They feed me Indian take-away, and gradually, it looks like a Bad Thing rather than the Mother Of All Bad Things.

I also punch things, go to bed and sleep, demand sex, refuse sex, over-eat, forget to eat, have my hair cut, forget to shave, get drunk, stop drinking, and any number of other things depending on what's going on.

If it's really bad, I leave town and stare at the sea or the mountains.

I rarely 'talk it through', but sometimes I do, and it has to be with someone carefully chosen. I do not confide my secrets to one specific person - I spread them out, so that no one has the whole story.

I go to movies - trashy ones - and eat sweats. I spend money on nice clothes (assuming I have any money at the time).

You know. I do stuff.

13:43 / 03.10.03

Fair do's, Jade. I had a less than good day yesterday when I found out one of my best friends was mown down by a hit and run driver in London on Wednesday evening. What to do? Ring round a lot of friends, talk about it, immerse self in work, hope things are going to get better.

13:43 / 03.10.03

Tomorrow it won't seem quite so stingingly painful. The day after that, you'll feel a bit better again.
In the meantime, put your head under a pillow and howl, go and get drunk with a friend till you either cry your eyes out or start to laugh. Or go for a long walk. As Nick said, go and sit and look at the sea.

Deep breaths. It'll be okay.

Tryphena Absent

13:46 / 03.10.03

I sit on my bed and cry and then I eat ice-cream and read slash, watch a film, drive for miles in the middle of the night. Think about driving and not coming back. You know, fantasise about escaping. So pretty normal except for the crying and the escape fantasy.

13:49 / 03.10.03

Write it all down. (not here)
And im with Nick on the tea, preferably underneath a big duvet in front of Richard & Judy. And getting lots of hugs....

13:57 / 03.10.03

I spend months wallowing in a pit of misery and despair. Drown my consciousness in a continual miasma of whisky, drugs and cigarettes, have one-night stands I utterly regret and wake up to find myself broke, jobless and collapsing under stress and debt.

Follow Nick and gingerbop's advice: tea, food and friends - and write it all down. Good luck, Jade.

14:15 / 03.10.03

Friends, friends and friends, as Nick and others said above. Not even to talk it through though, sometimes just as a distraction, makes you realise it's not the complete end of the world. People will let you know they still care about you (even if it's done in a bluff, machismo, "have another pint, you big poofter" kind of way). There's a line from a book - "he could make me smile when I'm staring at razorblades with my sleeves rolled up" - people like that are good to have around.

I often have a self-righteous sulk, read favouite books in bed, eat shit food that kind of think. I use divination systems as well, though sometimes tehy give my advice I don't want to hear ("I'm trying to wallow!! Will you otherworldy beings LEAVE IT OUT with all that positive stuff!!). After The Tower you can always rebuild, Jade, though it proably feels like your still falling at the moment. Best wishes. Take care.

Tryphena Absent

14:20 / 03.10.03

I can't bear to talk to people when I'm in a state. Unless they're blood relatives or extremely reliable... and sometimes barbelith's a good place to discuss these things but only if they're properly miserable. The advice is sensible and no one looks over-sympathetic because ha, you can't see them!

14:20 / 03.10.03

you guys forgot to mention barbelith

tonite i'm gonna get drunk, read my favorite passages from one of my favorite books and have a good night of sleep.

this section of the post probably will interest the magickheads:

i'm trying to face the thing from a taoist perspective: bad times, good times, cycles of death and rebirth.

i'm trying to rationalize the event and try to get something out of it. now a question: trying to get the best out of a situation like this (like good Dr. Midas in Marvel Boy) doesn't go against the whole "accept the bad with the good" thing? Isn't the Tower supposed to fuck you good, and not to be "dealt with", "rationalized" and so on? Is it wrong to try to profit from the disaster, or should this always be your goal?

14:21 / 03.10.03

I tend to get drunk, but as we all know, that's no really solution. However, it has led to mistakes which I've learnt from - such as, don't compound the problem by doing too much about it while still het up about it. As someone said re Barbelith - don't type angry. Similarly, I always try to rememebr if it's that important it will be that important tomorrow. A sort of theraputic procrastination.

It's important to get a bit of distance, and as I say I tend to booze, but Nick et al's advice of tea, comfort and decent mates sounds far more sensible. Either way, gaining persepctive and calming down before reacting too strongly seems to be the most prudent and helpful way of dealing with tricky situations in my experience.

Hope you manage to sort it Jade.

14:35 / 03.10.03

In answer to your question, Jade, I would say that surely your desire to get out of the situation is part of your responses to the situation, and so shouldn't be ignored either. People sometimes think that the I Ching (say) counsels a kind of quiescent acceptance of everything. I'd say this is not the case, not at all. Sometimes we will be counselled to act and act strongly. To be acting in accord with the Tao (or whatever) doesn't mean we surrender completley to everything - movement and rest, two parts of the cycle. As to whether to profit or not, there's a nice line from the Tao Te Ching the counsels us to "invest in loss", however you interpret that particular paradox. What's best for you in this individual instance, only you know that I guess.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:40 / 03.10.03

You SO don't want my advice, seeing as how it consists of "get really, really drunk. Like, forever." You can have some huggles, though, and the fervent hope it all gets better.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:51 / 03.10.03

Jade - the Tower is destruction. It doesn't care how you respond. That's up to you. Similarly, the Dao is not merciful - it is rapacious. It's not that it takes the bad with the good, but that it sucks them both down and becomes more itself.

Frankly, though, I find the consolations of philosophy pretty hollow in these situations. It's like the difference between being told and seeing it for yourself. When the chips are down - and it seems they really are hitting the table for you right now - find the things you love, whatever of them you have left, and bathe in them. If there aren't any left, find new ones - it can be as little as buying a cat and a grandfather clock.

And we're here.

14:54 / 03.10.03

jade, go to a yoga class if you can. it will help you w/yr body tension leftovers. doing poses over and over and focusing on yr breathing makes me forget everything else, mostly, and even gets me a little stoned-feeling. it could work for you! good luck and huggles to you.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

15:02 / 03.10.03

Aww, Jade, I'm really sorry you're going through this. Don't really have any advice, except to go along with what's already been said. Go snuggle under your duvet with a bag of sweets and a good book, and take care, okay?

Regarding the Tower thing: I've always seen it as part of a cycle. Sift through the rubble, salvage what you can, then start rebuilding anew.

15:37 / 03.10.03

Nick said: "the dao is not merciful, it is rapacious".

- there's a line in the tao te king that goes in the same direction: "the skies and the earth are not human. they have no mercy."

I know what you mean and I wrote about this on my blog earlier. I *know* how I should react, or view what happened to me. But I don't *feel* it. And there's one more thing: This is the conscious me speaking. I have no idea about what my little sly unconscious me is building with all the rubble and ruins. Maybe things are already being settled in ways I'll figure tomorrow - or in months, or years... Since I am at work (not the warmest place to be in days like today), the only source of consolation I'm finding are Barbelith and some random texts, like the parable of the tiny plants that bend in the windstorm and live to see the other day, while the proud oak is split in two.

One thing I know: I'm resilient. and right now I'm singing to myself "in the future I'll remember this and laugh". Again, thank you all for being here. Someday I'll take you all out for some coffee flavored ice-cream.

15:50 / 03.10.03

Situps and solitude. That's what works for me.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

15:58 / 03.10.03

Jade -

That's the fundamental thing in Daoism - the difference between knowing what the way is, and walking it. I suspect that if you follow the path you know is the way, you wake up one morning and realise that you're also walking it.

As I say, though, I'm with you - in actual time of trouble, I find the texts don't connect with what's happening to me. I believe - and I think it's a Daoist answer - in the flesh, the immanent experience of life; the simple consolation of warm fires and the ticking of the clock. I think these things take us much closer to the peaceful, balanced mindfulness of the Dao than the attempt to understand and apply it.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

17:49 / 03.10.03

Sad to hear of your bad times Jade. Not sure I can give you any “good” advice (I often try to drink my troubles away, doesn’t work, unless you think that new troubles will divert your attention from old ones).
But I think it is good that you can come here for support, the worst thing to is to bottle things up, something I know well. As long as you have people you can turn to for help you will be okay and I think that you will always find it here. Stay strong, as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Whisky Priestess

19:33 / 03.10.03

When I'm getting completely worked up/depressed about something, I try to take the long view: i.e., will this seem so important/the worst thing ever, tomorrow, in a year, in ten years? Cliched but I find it works.

And talking to people, never being alone long enough to let myself start obsessing about whatever it is. La la, I can't hear you, misery, pain pain go away ... etc.

(Although I could do a Nick and try eating sweats, but I suspect I'd get cottonmouth).

20:16 / 03.10.03

Jade, you are a good man and you're not going to succumb to this momentary hassle. I was having one of the best bnmights ever tonight and a text babout 7.30 nthgrew that all into peril.

20:16 / 03.10.03

Jade, you are a good man and you're not going to succumb to this momentary hassle. I was having one of the best bnmights ever tonight and a text babout 7.30 nthgrew that all into peril.

20:16 / 03.10.03

Jade, you are a good man and you're not going to succumb to this momentary hassle. I was having one of the best bnmights ever tonight and a text babout 7.30 nthgrew that all into peril.

20:19 / 03.10.03

I punch holes in the wall.

Pretty irresponsible and more than a little mental, but by damn it works.

As ever, rocking out also helps.

20:22 / 03.10.03

It worked out fine. Sorry I am too pisssed at this precise moment moment to make sense. But, trust me you will feel better soon, lovely Brazilian babe... Been there, I promise, and it will come good.

10:35 / 04.10.03

What they've all said.

Staring into the black pit and rubble that has been left behind makes it hard sometimes to see that all is not lost. It's good to hear that you are a survivor, and that gut instinct will help to guide you through. Immerse yourself in good friends, the kind that you love and trust implicitly, and comfort things be they food or activities and don't sit still and contemplate until you feel you want to. You sound like you know yourself pretty well, so you will know when you are swinging too far to either side.

Oh and did I mention the being with good mates. The kind that will either help you to talk it through or sit down and distract you whatever they feel is necessary.

Like Xoc, have been there many times, and as you well know it is possible to come through to the other side.

Much love and hugs to you hon, positive and gentle vibes coming your way.

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

11:33 / 04.10.03

Hey dude, it must be the week for it.

Not for nothing was I posting on Monday asking how seriously other people take life, and what to do about it if you do feel all serious and empty and whatnot.

Have to hand it to Quantum, who advised similar in both threads...It sounds really trite, and crap, but some true things do.

Google up some pictures of monkeys. Better yet, get some good mates together, have a bevvy, and go see the chimps at the zoo. It won't seem so bad. Worked for me. (Cheers Quantum)

11:44 / 04.10.03

i have nothing new to add, but if i were there i would give the hugging.

11:47 / 04.10.03

oh, and go and look at the teen girl squad.

honestly.

12:22 / 04.10.03

Sorry to hear 'bout that Jade. Big hugs.

I'm not having the greatest time, either. My means of dealing with it all seem to involve repressing the problem and looking for solace elsewhere, all the while never actually dealing with anything. I won't be much help in the advice stakes. My shitty attempts to make myself feel better are now becoming a large part of the problem, they're starting to impinge on my sense of self.

Sadly, my position is too much of a Kobayashi Maru. It's a no-win situation, and I don't know how to change it to make it work. It's long, slow, drawn out and extremely painful, and I don't even have any idea of whether it'll be worth it in the end. I guess all I'm trying to say is be careful that you don't pick a solution which will become part of the problem.

At least I can still make goofy Trek references, though.

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