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Bruce Willis vs. Mel Gibson in a fistfight

 
 
Jack Denfeld
21:01 / 24.09.03
I was watching signs and I started wondering who would win in a fight. Mel Gibson vs. Bruce Willis. At first I thought Bruce Willis, because he just seems like a tougher guy, but then I started thinking that Mel Gibson might be bigger. I don't know. What do you think?
 
 
Mazarine
21:17 / 24.09.03
What's the arena? Is this bare-knuckles boxing?
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:18 / 24.09.03
Mel Gibson would paralyse Bruce in a moment by pulling on his chest hair.
 
 
Warewullf
21:19 / 24.09.03
It's Willis all the way, man. You know he'd fight dirty.

'Sides, Gibson's getting on a bit and an Ultra Christian (TM) so probably not much cop in a scrap.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
22:17 / 24.09.03
This is ridiculous.

Bruce Willis would take Mel out in the street and beat his ass where everyone could see it! He'd chainsaw his car apart! Then he would make Gibson eat a lawnmower!

When it was all over with, he'd put Mel's exsanguinated corpse in the filthcan.

 
 
w1rebaby
22:23 / 24.09.03
Mel would beat Bruce around for a long time, and leave him bleeding all over his vest. But then Bruce would rally right at the end and throw him into a river.
 
 
Char Aina
22:26 / 24.09.03
it depends if they are both good guys when it goes down...

my money is on bruce unless he has just murdered some children, in which case he will win until the last punch volley.

when mel would obviously teach him a lesson.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
01:24 / 25.09.03
I think, whoever wins, the world of the cinema would be the ultimate loser.
 
 
Char Aina
01:30 / 25.09.03
nah, i reckon its over for mel.
its about time we got some good retrospective TeeVee specials on him, and for that he really should be dead.


GO BRUCE!
 
 
A
04:24 / 25.09.03
Bruce would grab Mel by his stupid designer mullet and spin him around and around until finally letting him go and flinging him towards the moon at escape velocity. Mel would either burn up on re-entry, creating a fabulous visual spectacle to brighten the lives of children everywhere (not to mention causing spectacular sunsets for months to come), or collide with the moon; the impact creating a crater that would be visible from the Earth with the naked eye. The crater would be known as the "Anyone Else Care To Tangle With Mr Willis? Crater".
 
 
Jack Denfeld
04:37 / 25.09.03
 
 
I The Golden Dawn-nie Darko U
06:36 / 25.09.03
Ðoes Mel get to have the backing of his soon to be built compound?

Will Willis storm it?

Will someone die hard?

Do we have to speak Latin and Aramaic to get it?

StÅy tuned...
 
 
Ganesh
07:42 / 25.09.03
Gibson was hot homo tottie throughout the 'Mad Max' trilogy; I reckon he could open up like a flower and take Willis's fist no probs.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
08:39 / 25.09.03
Ha! I thought everyone knew that Mel and Bruce are in lluuurrrvvveee. Mel is currently going through a mpreg and Bruce apparently gives the most fantastic foot rub.
 
 
Jub
08:45 / 25.09.03
Willis would win....

unless Gibson was fighting to avenge the honor of his father, brother, adopted child, etc - after Willis had cold-bloodedly killed them. If this was the case, Gibson would beat Willis and he'd be left lying in the mud for dead, and Gibson would turn his back and then all of a sudden Willis wouls sally forth again, just for Gibson to win.

Tried and tested fighting formula innit? The kids love it.
 
 
Warewullf
09:39 / 25.09.03
Damn, 'Nesh, that would be SO worth watching!
 
 
Ganesh
09:40 / 25.09.03
Indeed - especially if it then morphed into a 'turning the tables' scene...
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
14:03 / 25.09.03
When Mel went to my school (which he did, actually) he got continually beaten up for being a smart-arse Yank. Nothing will have changed. Willis will win.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
14:11 / 25.09.03
But Willis is a smart-arse Yank, too. PLUS: he'd beat the snot out of Russell Crowe, too. At the same time. Go drink some lousy beer, Jocko!
 
 
Ganesh
14:11 / 25.09.03
He'll be more of a smarting-arse Yank after a good Willis fisting.
 
 
MJ-12
14:45 / 25.09.03
Gibson has, like, eighteen kids, or something. Willis could throw children at him all damn day long.
 
 
..
15:12 / 25.09.03
Ever the peace-maker, I'd offer the less violent approach: Whoever can think of more creative ways to label this simple graph wins, hands down:

 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
13:31 / 26.09.03
"The 'Grant Morrison Is Really Cool And Has A Consistently Original Writing Style' club membership table".
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
13:35 / 26.09.03
Oh, I thuoght that was a contest for Bruce and Mel. If not,

"Incidences of Spontaneous Combustion Among Foreign-Born State Department Employees".
 
 
..
16:52 / 26.09.03
How about: Number of ego driven words spoken by one Alternative Alternative over a six year period.
 
 
cusm
20:50 / 26.09.03
See, the problem is, both win on the same hero-power: being tough to take more of a beating than the other guy. Mel, from insanity and sheer tenacity, Bruce cause he's just a fucking rock. I think they pummel each other into respective bloody messes until the sun goes down, then go have a drink and do it again tomorrow. Kind of like Valhalla for action heroes.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
21:12 / 26.09.03
This is such an interesting topic. The more you think you look beneath the surface, the more surface you find.

At first glance, it seems clear that Bruce would fold Mel into a wallet-sized pad of meat; I definitely sense genuine hardass capacity in Bruce, while I feel Mel's badassery is all done by stuntmen... But then there is Chuck Palahniuk's axiom that skinny guys will fight until they're burger. I don't know. Who's more likely to have razors under his fingernails? Who's more likely to throw his own blood in the other's eyes? What's at stake? Who has more to lose?

Ah. There's your answer. Bruce has more to lose. If Mel lost, he could say, "Well, what do you expect, I was fighting Bruce Willis." Whereas Bruce would fight with the knowledge that, should he lose, he would be "That guy who got his ass handed to him by Mel Gibson."

I am reminded of the final confrontation between the two heroes of Guy Gavriel Kay's The Lions of Al Rassan, who are bound together by mannish manlove and an appreciation of horseflesh, but fundamentally divided by their loyalty to warring kings. In that book, Bruce Willis' Rodrigo is slain by Mel Gibson's Khammar, and by dying in ritual combat wins the ideological war.
 
 
William Sack
21:21 / 26.09.03
It's far simpler than that Qalyn. Willis would win because he's got 3 pairs of bollocks and a wooden head.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
21:22 / 26.09.03
True.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
10:18 / 27.09.03
Well, Gibson is the Son of God but then Willis is Unbreakable, so unless Gibson got Willis so mad that he chased him into the sea or any moderately-sized lake then I think they're evenly matched unless Gibson starts crying like a girl to Daddy. In which case I'd have to say Jack Palance.
 
  
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