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Funny and clever ways to kill yourself

02:34 / 22.09.03

For a few years now I've had this funny suicide scenario in my head. Dress up just like silver age Hal Jordan Green Lantern. Put on the ring. Paint your car green and have the Green Lantern symbol painted on the doors and hood. Don't buckle seatbelt. Slam full speed inta a parked schoolbus (yellow of course). Wait for police to arrive at the scene and hope one of them is a comic fan so he can have a great big laugh.

02:40 / 22.09.03

Helium overdose. But call up the intervention line right before you get your card punched. Brighten their days.

02:42 / 22.09.03

i am LOVING that.

i am also thinking that if my local costume shop has no hal jordan, i will make a golden age green lantern suit myself and smack into a tree.

02:43 / 22.09.03

Are you gonna paint the tree yellow first?

02:46 / 22.09.03

Golden Age Green Lantern's weakness was wood.

02:49 / 22.09.03

don't kill yourself!
you know too much!

save it for the youth, man, the youth!

02:51 / 22.09.03

Golden Age Green Lantern's weakness was wood.

I did not know that. I retreat to my homework in shame.

02:55 / 22.09.03

the only real plan for me if i commit suicide is that i will not ruin the good name of another metal band with my angsty death.

anything as long as the soundtrack is bad.

REALLY bad.

02:59 / 22.09.03

I've thought of that too. Like "Don't Worry Be Happy" or some really upbeat top 40 stuff.

04:19 / 22.09.03

yeah, man. ozzy has suffered enough. let Sclub7 take some of the heat.

12:56 / 22.09.03

...I would be more likely to kill myself after listening to Sclub7 for 24 hours than Judas Priest I think....

A friend had the idea back in high school to make a noose of piano wire, while crazy gluing your hand to the side of your head. Put a basketball net halfway down the building you're about to jump off of, and see if you can slam dunk your head...

20:43 / 22.09.03

Over the course of a decade or so, accumulate a large number of feral cats in your backyard. Feed them, of course, but not too much that they grow very accustomed to you. Then one fine spring morning after not feeding them for a few days, self-induce a stroke that leaves you utterly paralyzed and speechless on your back patio. Then just wait for them to begin the hesitant, investigatory nibbles before they swarm you, rending the flesh from your living bones.

20:45 / 22.09.03

Add a hundred points if you're dressed like Hal Jordan.

Or the Golden Age Mr Terrific.

A

02:32 / 23.09.03

I once had to listen to an entire Judas Priest album whilst on acid. It completely freaked me out, by virtue of being so lousy, that I had to go home and watch some movie about a talking mouse instead of staying out and seeing the bands I'd paid to see. Give me Sclub any day.

04:03 / 23.09.03

For suicide dos and don'ts you should all listen to Better Way Down by The Makers.

05:05 / 17.03.04

Any others?

05:25 / 17.03.04

you should try and get a copy of that old big brother magazine that told youthful wannabe dead people how to.

ebay, maybe.

the consummate self-immolater might try the juggernauth, however.

05:35 / 17.03.04

A friend had the idea back in high school to make a noose of piano wire, while crazy gluing your hand to the side of your head. Put a basketball net halfway down the building you're about to jump off of, and see if you can slam dunk your head...

That's an original one, never heard anything anywhere near that.

05:47 / 17.03.04

With tools of Satan!!!!

(this is my 666th post)

09:59 / 17.03.04

In two months?! Isn`t that somekind of a record?

Doctor Singapore

23:14 / 17.03.04

Anyone ever heard the rap song 1-800-Suicide (link goes to lyrics...plenty of ideas there...)

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:33 / 18.03.04

Ah, the Gravediggaz... fucking ace.

The whole S Club 7/Judas Priest thing... reminds me of a few years back when I was working in Forbidden Planet at the height of the Pokemon craze... myself and a friend came up with the idea of just getting LOADS of the merchandise, packing our flats full of it, then going out and killing 149 people- each in the style of the different Pokemon. We'd go down for life, we figured, but the rest of our workmates would NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE SHIT AGAIN!!! And we'd have been remembered with beer.

02:23 / 18.03.04

Pokemon rocked, you philistine!

15:44 / 18.03.04

Trouble is, when the police caught you they'd lock you up in a little ball, only bringing you out occasionally to fight other serial killers.

16:20 / 18.03.04

Yay Fridgemagnet! That made me giggle.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:23 / 19.03.04

Me too. Although I kind of like the idea...

"Nilsen! I choose you!"

Maybe not.

05:25 / 20.03.04

I have an idea. Why not stuff your face and nose with bread dough, just enough so you can still breath, then gag your mouth and duct tape your hands together. Lye by an open stove with the heat on and let the rising bread dough slowly take your sweet oxygen from you.

19:17 / 21.06.05

Get some pants with a ridiculous amount of pockets. Get a shirt with a shitload of pockets. Get a trenchcoat with even more pockets. Get a bookbag. Fill all pockets and bag with cigarettes, thousands and thousands of cigarettes. Put 5 cigarettes in your mouth and light them. Then jump in front of a moving bus.

paranoidwriter waves hello

21:22 / 21.06.05

Smoke ten fags, eat processed food, experiment with illegal drugs which push your brain to bursting point, swill it all down with of gallons of cheap booze and coffee, turn on the TV, switch over to the News, and wait.....

Repeat daily and the world will do the rest.

"Life is a slow suicide. Get on with it and stop ya whining!" (joke)

Hattie's Kitchen

08:14 / 22.06.05

I shit you not, the following is a true suicide attempt, reported in a US paper a couple of years ago.

Depressed guy decided to commit suicide, but didn't want to do the usual pills/hanging/jumping methods. He wanted to do something that would finish him off instantly and quickly.

He decided that the best way to go would be to blow himself up.

So he swallowed a load of nitric acid with the intent of exploding. The only way he could figure out to set light to it was to strike matches and try to swallow them really quickly in the hope it would ignite in his stomach. Unsurprisingly, this didn't work.

Then he decided the best way to ingnite the acid would be to "anger" it so that it would spontaneously combust inside him.

So he proceeded to hurl himself against the walls in his apartment, hoping that all the jolting would rouse the acid enough to explode.

After about half an hour, his neighbours called the police, who thought a burglary/assault was taking place, what with all the banging and thuds and howls of pain they heard coming from the guy's apartment.

The police broke in and found the guy slumped against the wall, covered in bruises and somewhat dazed, having knocked himself out while flinging himself against the walls repeatedly.

Poor bastard. But funny.

lonely as a cloud...

08:57 / 22.06.05

I recall reading about a very determined Frenchman - on a cliff by the sea, he took poison of some description, tied a noose to a stake he'd driven into the ground by the cliff, tightened the noose around his neck, then jumped off the cliff. After setting his jacket on fire. While dangling there, he attempted to shoot himself in the head with a revlover; unfortunately, he missed, instead hitting the rope, which broke, dropping him into the sea. Which put out the fire. He accidentally swallowed some of the water, which caused him to vomit up the poison. He was rescued by the coast guards and brought to hospital, but eventually died of exposure.
Could be just an urban myth, but it's kinda amusing.

paranoidwriter waves hello

13:59 / 22.06.05

You've all probably seen it already, but for those who haven't, check out The Darwin Awards: [to] "salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways."

P. Horus Rhacoid

03:06 / 23.06.05

cloud- Snopes says myth.

I've always been partial to the method suggested in Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency: cut your own head off and place it on a record that is playing the chorus to a song on repeat. I would probably choose something like 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go,' or a cut off of Don Johnson's album 'Heartbeat.'

05:46 / 23.06.05

trouble today, yore, is that ya head won't fit inside the cd player... d'oh!

i always liked the double suicide colleagues did (ie 'attended' - when i was mr plod in days of yore) where a young couple tied wire round their necks, sat in the front of the panel van, tied the wire out the window to trees either side and accelerated, garotting themselves to the sounds of ac/dc, apparently. (back in black? it was a black vehicle...) the heads ended up face to face in the back - sweet...

the other thing to remember is that if you lay your head on the railway tracks, it will remain pretty damage-free while the inertia of the cut by the ensuing carriages will pretty well annihilate your body; not too much left. think of the poor driver...