BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Underground > Temple >

What would you suggest

  
 
Rosslyntemplar
13:17 / 21.09.03
My 13 year old son is being bullied at school,he does not want me to approach the teachers for fear of causing more upset.
I at a loss as for what to do.
So looking for an alternative solution, any help folks would be most welcome.

Thanks all.

Phil
 
 
C.Elseware
15:24 / 21.09.03
Cruel as this sounds, quite a lot of bullying is a product of both personalities, not just the bully. If you give out victim vibes then you get bullied more often.

The school pecking order is instinctive. Very few kids really see it for what it is; normal animal behavior. Assuming the bullying is not based on something unchangable (eg. being the only asian kid) then the best way to stop being bullied is to stop being the kind of person being bullied.

When I was a kid I always wondered why I got picked on and stuff. Eventually I realised it was a combination of the fact I expected to, that I acted like I expected to, and while I didn't enjoy it, it ddi give me the attention I craved.

Eventually I realised I was a jerk and had to change who I was, started apply a home-grown approach to meta-programming (change to your own personality in conformance with will) and ever since have been growing as a person and 15 years later my life is, frankly, amazingly good.

(I'd like to point out my experence was in the UK school system, I think that playground politics in the USA are even more social-heirarchy-oriented and less flexible and maybe my advice isn't as relevant if he's there)

Perhaps getting him to step back a level and look at the situations with him in it. Maybe the two of you could go to the zoo and watch the animals (pack animals) and get your son to work out which ones are the "bosses" which are middle and which one are the bottom of the pile. Then ask how he can tell, and both learn about the way they act to each other, physical signals, not verbal. Body language. If not the zoo, the a good documentary on the subject.

The worst advice I ever got was "they're just jealous of you, ignore them and they'll go away, turn the other cheek" - this just made them see me as arogant, aloof, weird and weak. Exactly what you look for in someone to bully. Sometimes a token effort fighting back will gain respect (even if you lose) far more than running away.

The physical severity of bully varies widely. Mostly it's just scrapes, bruises & damaged property. If it is more serious than that (requiring hospital) then all bets are off.

Long ramble there, sorry. To finish on a more magicky note; often the best way to change the way people treat you is to change yourself (macrocosm & microcosm). If you're not willing to change then accept the way the world treats you.

good luck, if you do try something with a magick bent to it please post results on the forum...

-chris. (elseware)

ps. one of the meanings of my username is a reference to metaprogramming. Although maybe selfware would be better.
 
 
Papess
16:00 / 21.09.03
First, a topic abstract. Just suggesting, anyway.

For your son, I really think taking this to the Principal is actually a good idea. It need not be a big production, just some sort of awareness about the abuse your son is receiving. IMHO, I think it is a good example for your son of showing spine in an acceptable way and asserting themself. There is a lot of support in schools these days about bullying, as it has been the cause of a lot of suicides...and that is another point I do not want to belabour, but it is something to consider.

If you want to do something magickally, I think a protective talisman would be the way to go. If your son is intrested, you may want to include him in the making of it. It could be very iempowering. On the other hand...13 year olds...ya know :rollseyes

I found this on making talismans.(The lessons are below the highly imposing advert.) It seems to be pretty comprehensive, but I am not really a talisman user myself, so check it out.

I do make amulets. One could very well be made for protection. Here is a variety of methods at this site.

Lastly, I suggest you enroll your son in a martial art. Nothing builds up a child's self-confidence and self-repect (as well as respect for a whole lot else) than martial arts.

Bullies Suck!
 
 
Grey Cell
19:32 / 21.09.03
May Tricks: "Lastly, I suggest you enroll your son in a martial art. Nothing builds up a child's self-confidence and self-repect (as well as respect for a whole lot else) than martial arts."

I was going to suggest the same, but you beat me to it.

In fact, we got a similar case in our dojo, about a year ago - a twelve-year old boy who had been bullied for several years. No amount of therapy seemed to help (well duh...) so while patching him up after the latest beating the doc suggested to his mother to "let him learn aikido"

One year later, the bullying has stopped. Increased self-confidence, definitely. The fact that he eventually hurt two of those bullies pretty badly was also a major factor, I guess... but it only happened once, and in the 1,5 years he's been training with us he has, if anything, become less aggressive and more respectful (not to mention trustful) of other people, so I assume it was proper self-defense.
(Not that I'd feel sorry for those bullies otherwise - some people just have to learn the hard way...)

Find a proper dojo (not the McDojo or Macho Inc. kind) with a sincere teacher, and give it a try.
 
 
C.Elseware
20:07 / 21.09.03
Good point about the martial art. That would have probably done me a world of good, but fell into roughly the same category, for my parents, as witchcraft or roleplaying.

If you know you are able to defend yourself (and avoid getting hurt while doing it) then you won't be giving out the body language signals of weakness.
 
 
frownland
11:35 / 22.09.03
My two cents' worth on martial arts: it's probably less likely to provoke the "rollseyes" response mentioned above, than some other approaches. However, you should bear in mind that, while martial arts training can provide a profound personal transformation, it's not going to be instantaneous.
 
 
cusm
14:55 / 22.09.03
You know, I was going to suggest that the best thing to do with a bully is kick him in the nads. All that "ignore them and they'll go away" crap only gets you picked on worse. Kids are like animals, and they don't respond to more civilized ideas of turning the other cheek. But someone alreasy mentioned Martial Arts, so second on that.

I grew up in a similar situation of being the one at the bottom, and I can tell you exactly when that stopped. After a couple of years of Judo, I went up against the biggest muscle head of the bunch that picked on me when the bunch was play wretling. He beat the snot out of me, being that I was still a weakling in comparason, but I had enough spunk from my martial arts work to hang in there and laugh the beating off as good fun. That won me enough respect to not be a punching bag anymore, even if I was never actually liked.

So really, the moral of the story is, don't hit first, but do hit back, and hard. You don't have to win, you just have to show that you're willing to fight. Don't act like prey and you won't be treated like prey.

Now magickly, I recommend the Helm of Awe as a good talisman for strength in dealing with this sort of thing:"

  
 
Quantum
15:04 / 22.09.03
...or a set of silver Helm of Awes to throw as deadly magickal shuriken :-)
Nice image, I like it. Beware giving the child a talisman though, make sure he doesn't wave the protective talisman about and claim immunity, it will get him a beating- it's hard enough defending magic as an adult. A hidden talisman will help, I also second the suggestion of fighting- for all the reasons given above. I discovered the hard way that blind rage is a good defence, bullies will mostly go for the victim that is least effort.
Like the old gag about the wildlife photographers- one ties on running shoes to photograph cheetahs, the other, puzzled, asks him why- he can't outrun a cheetah. "I don't have to" he says "I just have to run faster than you".
Don't be the straggler the predators pick off, be the hedgehog with the pointy spiny spikes- more effort than you're worth. Good luck to your son, tell him school won't last forever.
 
 
Papess
15:12 / 22.09.03
"Beware giving the child a talisman though, make sure he doesn't wave the protective talisman about and claim immunity, it will get him a beating- it's hard enough defending magic as an adult. A hidden talisman will help... "

Terribly good point Quantum.
 
 
Lionheart
17:00 / 22.09.03
If nobody objects in the next 24 hours then I'll add a topic abstract to this thread.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
18:41 / 22.09.03
As a former target of bullying myself, I understand what your son is going through and you both have my sympathies.

As well as the advice above, which is all good stuff, you might want to check out bullyonline.org, which has information and resources including helpline numbers.

Does your son's school have any anti-bullying strategies in place? Perhaps you could make some discreet enquiries.

I congratulate you on the fact that you're taking this seriously and not just letting things slide. Bullying can have a catastrophic effect on a child's life.
 
 
Rosslyntemplar
13:45 / 24.09.03
Thanks for the ear people,the situation is being resolved,my son has decided to take my (ahem )advice lol and join a Jujitsu class.

Thanks again
 
 
MrCoffeeBean
07:37 / 08.10.03
here are no alternative solutions. talk to the teachers. end of story.
the problems lay in the tstructure of the school. they need to change. its their resposobility to mak ethe school work. thats it.
 
 
Seth
08:17 / 08.10.03
Too much coffee, MrCoffeeBean?
 
 
MrCoffeeBean
09:03 / 08.10.03
Always!i do not worship the Java God for nothing...

And i was bullyd in school from age 6 to 15 so i guess im a bit sensetive about this stuff...
stil in thearphy and on antidepressives to deal with that shit...

there is no easy solutions to this problem.
 
 
Nietzsch E. Coyote
10:43 / 08.10.03
My advice is fight back and take the consequences that is what I did and the bullying mainly stopped. And years later the bully who had found wicca came by my house and apologized for all the shit he put me through.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
12:13 / 08.10.03
Rosslyn - depends where you are and what kind of school it is, and also what we're talking about when we say 'bullying'. I have to say, though, that this is not an area where I think magick is a good answer. I'd say Judo or Aikido was a good call. I'd also suggest some discreet chats with other parents to find out if the problem is wridespread. Together, you're strong. And frankly, it may sound weird, but you could do an anonymous tip. No names of bully or bullied, just some general stuff. That kind of thing sends head teachers into a state of massive self-flagellation, though, so you have to pitch it right.
 
  
Add Your Reply