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Q weilds a torch

  
 
8===>Q: alyn
10:11 / 18.09.03
More than one Barbeloid has expressed interest in my welding skeelz, which I have set out to improve and capitalize on in a community college Adult Ed course that started this past Monday and continues tonight. I welded as a sculptor in college, mostly oxy-acetylene torch welding, but this is salt-of-the-earth Union man stuff, accomplished with TIG and MIG "torches"--no fire, but a bigger shower of sparks! I will finish the first course and sit for the NYC Dept of Buildings test in December; I'll take a 4 week winter course in gas welding, and a 3 month Spring course refered to lovingly as Arc Two. That's where we weld pipes and butterflies and roller skates and pancakes-you-can-wear.

I bought all the gear yesterday (it was surprisingly affordable). I have a suede jacket that covers only my arms and chest; it snaps up to my jawbone and has pointy shoulders, and includes a detachable "bib"--they call it a bib but it's actually very flattering. I have a face shield with a flip-up dark window and head-straps that tighten with a knob in the back. A knob! I have gigantic black suede gloves. I have a wirebrush and chipping hammer. I feel like a fucking superhero. All I need now are those riding pants with the reinforced crotch, shiny knee-boots, and possibly an eyepatch (I'm working on these).

Yes, I am also going to buy some legwarmers, get a perm, and learn to dance, for my alter ego. As soon as I can afford batteries for the gypsy camera, I'll take a picture of all this and post it here.

There are 7 other people in the class, four of whom are from the "steamfitters union". Just what is a steamfitter? I shall do my best to answer that question in the near future. One of them took one look at me and said, in a friendly way, "You're an art student, right?" Yes, kind sir, I was one, but I could use a job, too!

But the best part is the teacher. He's a 7.5' black man in his 50s named Hank, with long, ropey arms and legs and a tiny body with a big gut. He looks just like I imagined that Spider-God thingie in KING RAT (the China Mieville KING RAT, not the James Clavell KING RAT). He has a scraggly beard and wears a cap that looks like an old-fashioned train-conductor's cap mated with a chef's hat, printed with furling American flags. When he called me "Chief" I got a warm flush and almost ran to the bathroom to masturbate.

I guess there's not much to discuss here, so it's not the best topic in the history of Barbelith, but goddam I'm pleased about it and I wanted to share. You don't mind, do you?
 
 
The Strobe
10:26 / 18.09.03
Not at all. This sounds fucking cool.

God, this thread's so full of testosterone... welding really is about as manly as it gets. And it's useful as well as an excuse to buy cool clobber.

Nah, it's fine, Q. Interesting, too.
 
 
Jack Denfeld
10:27 / 18.09.03
Does suede protect against sparks and flame? Is it bulky? Could you wear it to a nightclub? I wanna see a picture of one.
 
 
Quantum
10:40 / 18.09.03
After welding you have to learn to drive a digger, and get a tattoo of a heart with 'Mom' on it...
 
 
Ariadne
10:40 / 18.09.03
I tried welding once! But it was part of a namby-pamby twirly-steel-as-art class. I was stunningly bad at it, being too featry to actually want any flames near me, but I feel things would have been different if the teacher had only called me chief.

Good for you Qalyn, I'm all a-flutter just reading about it.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
10:45 / 18.09.03
Paleface, thanks a bunch, but I thought the admission of my crush on the teacher would've let some of the testosterone out. I should've mentioned that last night my imaginary band THE BITTER FLESHPOTS did a sold-out show in my living room, covering the entire Ween album CHOCOLATE AND CHEESE with me in full uniform, using the handle of the chipping hammer as a microphone--I used it like one of those skinny Bob Barker mikes that you hold with two fingers. It looked really cool with the face shield down but the dark visor flipped up.

Jack, suede protects against flying bits of molten steel--it wouldn't work if you poured gasoline all over it and lit a cigarette. I'm a welder, not a fireman. Pics, pics...hrm, if you can't wait for custom pics of me in full gear here's something I googled up:



That guy even almost looks like me, though I'm less of a pretty boy and more of a dashing gallant.

The "bib" is the part that covers the his belly and is removable. Personally, I think it looks cooler without, but I do have a scar on my stomach from a large chunk of molten steel that burned through my flannel shirt in college, so I may forgo coolness this time. Or I may not. It's only a tiny scar.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
10:49 / 18.09.03
Quantum, I'm going to get a tattoo of a heart that says "New York State Department of Labor" on it. On my ass.
 
 
bitchiekittie
11:37 / 18.09.03
wow. I would really dig seeing that outfit.

with the perm.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
12:03 / 18.09.03
Wow, I never knew welders looked like Ren Faire outcasts! And you should definitely wear your face mask while biking around Brooklyn.

Congratulations, Q! I was all excited about the life-drawing class I'm starting this weekend, but now I feel that I need to do something more "manly." I'm not likely to be scarred or burned while looking at naked people for 3 hours. Anyone have any ideas for a more rough-and-ready pursuit I can take up, so that the next time I see Qalyn at the bar we'll have injuries to compare?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:19 / 18.09.03
No, no, Todd, this is not a contest. I'm not trying to be macho here! Life drawing classes are awesome.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
12:24 / 18.09.03
I'm just kidding, Q - would a self-involved metrosexual like me really want to indulge in an activity that might lead to blemishes on my otherwise perfect body?

Seriously, I'm psyched for you! Mazel tov etc.!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:56 / 18.09.03
I thought we were retiring that joke.

Yeah, THAT guy looks like a Ren Faire reject, but I don't. Not with my face shield and chipping hammer. Or maybe the welder is the natural descendant of the blacksmith, I dunno. Whatever. Ren Faires are cool. There's one at the Cloisters on Sunday, wanna come with?
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:21 / 18.09.03
Please, please tell me that while you pursue your dream of being a ground-breaking maverick in the world of welding, you have to pay the rent by dancing to 'What A Feeling' in a leotard.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
13:27 / 18.09.03
I already covered that joke, Flyboy! Keep up!

Oh, wait, I get it--you reversed it. Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing.
 
 
pomegranate
13:31 / 18.09.03
lmao @ flyboy...no really, like, my ass is off now.
q, that sounds awesome. i know a lot of women who find blue collar men v. sexy, fyi.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:34 / 18.09.03
I thought that was a reference to the J-Lo video.
 
 
Mazarine
14:35 / 18.09.03
"New York State Department of Labor"

I think there's a hiring freeze on. You could still get the tattoo, but maybe you should free lance first. I've always thought welding was nifty, but I am not allowed to try to learn, as I am a klutz.

What have you made?
 
 
grant
15:48 / 18.09.03
Fire! And pieces of metal!


That's what he has made!

UNK! UNK! OONGAWA!
 
 
000
16:24 / 18.09.03
welding is good.

I am happy that you have found something you love to do.
 
 
MJ-12
22:48 / 18.09.03
So, what would that welding torch do to, say, a zombie?
 
 
Mazarine
00:36 / 19.09.03
-Hugs grant, cause pretty much everyone should- You big silly.

Do you have any specific projects planned, Qalyn? Sculpture, maybe? I've heard chainmail is difficult cause the rings are so small. Ooh, you could make the world's most diesel sports cup! What else, what else... I suppose you could make just about anything, except out of metal. But still, I'm curious as to what direction your mad welding skills, now honed, will take.

OH!! You could make your own custom jungle gym, that would be so ginchy!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
01:09 / 19.09.03
Well, they're not honed yet, Maz. In fact, tonight I learned I am a very poor MIG welder. That's okay, that's why I'm taking the course. I used to do oxyacetylene welding which is very different--you hold the torch in one hand and the rod in the other and sort of knit them into the "bead"--that's the weldy-liney bit where stuff is joined together. (Back then, Maz, I made some sculptures, of which I threw out all but one.) A MIG welder--FUN FACT: a MIG "torch" is called a "stinger"-- sends an electric current down the rod, so it's sort of like mushing tallow around. TIG welding, which I've done a little less extensively than gas welding, is a bit like using a caulking gun.

"Excuse me, do you know a lot about caulk? Do you know what caulk tastes like?"

Paul, Hank's assistant, showed me how to MIG properly so that the bead doesn't have craters on the side of it or puddles or wads and doesn't splatter too much. Paul's bead looked just like a row of dimes. Then I spent three hours making beads that looked like birdshit on chewing gum. I also flashed myself several times. It's difficult because the light is so bright that the shield is completely dark, and you can't really tell where the end of the rod is until it's touching something, and usually it's touching the wrong thing. And if you don't do it just right the rod just sticks to the plate. You have to hold it an exact distance from the plate, so that the rod melts into the plate and you get a little puddle, which you mush back and forth. You flip the visor up and down a lot and sometimes you don't time it quite right--FLASH! You are face to face a giant purple squid with bright yellow hair and he seems to be where ever you look. It's also fun that the flickering bright light still comes in under the bottom of the shield so it seems like your pants are on fire.

That's way more than you wanted to know, isn't it! I also rode about 8 miles home, 2 or 3 miles of it uphill! I'm such a sporto!

As for what I will make, well, I dunno. Sculpture is definitely part of my plan, as is construction work. I have promised a certain someone roller skates and even suggested I would weld a note to their refridgerator if I had to leave suddenly. I'd like to weld myself up a three-storey house with an aerie and and a restaurant kitchen and gigantic flapping iron wings so that I can travel in style with all the amenities of home--I think I'd need an electrician for a housemate, though, or at least a stevedore. And I suppose it would get cold in there.

Is there anything specific you'd like, Maz? Some elbow spikes for riding the tube?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
01:32 / 19.09.03
MJ, a welding torch would not do much to a zombie unless you had very good aim. I still think the best way to deal with zombies is to destroy their eyeballs so that they can't see you, so it's possible. Also, a cutting torch has a really big, really hot flame, so you might be able to vaporize their flesh, if they were the dry kind of zombie. But you'd have to get so close. Much better to use, like, napalm. You can make napalm with gasoline and kitty litter.
 
 
Mazarine
02:00 / 19.09.03
Is there anything specific you'd like, Maz? Some elbow spikes for riding the tube?

Oh, thank you darling, but no, I'm afraid I live in the US out in the sticks, so public transportation isn't really a huge factor in my life. I just want to see pictures, know what you eventually make. I think anyone who can actually make something is pretty neat, just on the grounds, that, you know, they can make something. Knitting, welding, sculpting, dry wall, it all wows me.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
11:32 / 26.09.03
Hey Qalyn, seen these?
 
 
Ethan Hawke
12:52 / 26.09.03
I vote for "Patriotic Gorilla." That's such an awesome link, Mordant.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
13:09 / 26.09.03
Wow, cool! MC, you are such a good friend. Anyone who wants to buy me one of these should contact me privately.

I like the Patriotic Gorilla, too, but hah hah it's sold out. What a brain-smashingly weird fucking country this has become. I also really like the Razorback, the Gold Android, and the Burning Skull.
 
 
Cat Chant
09:19 / 27.09.03
You flip the visor up and down a lot and sometimes you don't time it quite right--FLASH!

Oh! Is that why the movie's called...?

I'll get my coat.
 
  
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