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How should I annoy you?

 
  

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000
11:58 / 09.09.03
Me, me, me.

This is, roughly, my third anniversary at Barbelith. To commemorate this special occassion, I have conducted this thread where you are encouraged to congratulate me, or simply bow at my seniority; if I am not your senior then you may simply bow at me and give me all your available surplus energy with which I can strike down my enemies. And I mean my enemies. Full stop.

A few days into my new life here, three years ago, I chanced and gambled upon Ganesh. Finding my thread lacking in engagement, I theorized that controversy and heated debate would bring about considerable attention. This might sound deliberately nasty and it is, however, I sincerely decided that the ends justified the means (the ends being about bringing more visitors to my friends' website) and in this I succeeded well. Astoundingly well, in fact.

Much arguing took place between me and Ganesh, it was as if we knew exactly how to press the other's buttons. He was basically my archnemesis, foe and The Enemy for as long as we kept it going and a lot of joy and gnikcuf rage flew across the board with finely calibrated (and some not so) bouts of sensational disagreements.

Since peace was reached with Ganesh, I have found less reasons to visit Bartbelith or participate in the given debates because I just find very few compelling reasons to remain within this community -- especially since an identity crisis fell upon me when I denounced Laila's means and convictions.

At the moment I can't decide whether or not I'm being sincere or ironic, but I trust in your abilities to show me the way.

I need an archnemesis, I need engaged disagreements if I am to continue here. This is where you enter the picture. If you are a contender to the throne tell me how best I can annoy you with detailed descriptions of how I can maximize the insults in any debate.
 
 
Smoothly
12:05 / 09.09.03
It would really annoy me if you fucked off altogether.
 
 
000
12:10 / 09.09.03
Been there, done that.

It's a considered option, Smoothly Weawing, but try harder.
 
 
Quantum
12:14 / 09.09.03
Hey, I'd make an excellent nemesis- I am tenacious, arrogant and well informed with a bent to sarcastic dismissal of opinions not my own.
How best to annoy me? Erm, talk shite about something and pretend you are an expert, that usually does it. Try me!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:31 / 09.09.03
The Pyrennes are coming to consume you RRM.
 
 
Spyder Todd 2008
12:35 / 09.09.03
Quantum, will you marry me?

Wow. Anyway, I try to be well informed on everything, and hold strong opinions about everything, except when I don't. So, since arrogance always fights worse with arrogance. So, strongly disagree with me for some reason. Arguments are always fun.
 
 
Quantum
12:41 / 09.09.03
redypS, are you rich?
C'mon RRM, show us your mettle!
I'll start if you like, the use of internet chatrooms and bulletin boards stunts the psyche and leads to an overly didactic discourse and a greed for intellectual overstimulation. By looking for an argument online you deny yourself meaningful relationships IRL.
(and yes I am aware of the irony and hypocrisy inherent in my position)
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
15:33 / 09.09.03
I think the best way to annoy me is not to know who Jack Kirby is, say that he's a hack and then praise the people who make a living using his creations.

Or NOT GIVING ME PIE.
 
 
w1rebaby
15:42 / 09.09.03
I don't know who Jack Kibry is.

Is he related to Grant Morrisno?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:03 / 09.09.03
Fewer reasons.

I'm not sure pathologically seeking attention is the best way to convince over your beliefs about the evils of noncelizard Zionists, but it's your dollar.
 
 
—| x |—
21:11 / 09.09.03
Would GM have written the Invisibles if his name was "Morrisno" instead of "Morrison"?

A much more pressing question than how the caramel gets inside...
 
 
w1rebaby
22:12 / 09.09.03
I think Morrisno has a nice Christmassy feel.

Perhaps he would have written a version of "It's A Wonderful Life" instead.
 
 
Spyder Todd 2008
01:54 / 10.09.03
Q, if I say no will you still say yes? If I say yes will you say no?
 
 
Timewave Zero
04:28 / 10.09.03
Pick me,Monty!
 
 
000
08:28 / 10.09.03
I see a couple of promising contenders.

To sort out the weak and useless, I shall type up a test which has been meticulously designed to reveal everything you ever wanted to know about yourself and was afraid to ask. In an archnemesis-type situation.

Stay tuned => A coupla hours, I say.
 
 
Quantum
10:19 / 10.09.03
Spyder, you can't second guess a fiance contender it's not cricket- I can't answer until I know your financial situation (and possibly how sexy you are). Oh, and maybe gender. Nah, we're all enlightened here...

RRM, we're waiting... I hope you are the crazy zionist lizzard person, that would be great fun. I could definitely be your nemesis then.
 
 
Quantum
10:27 / 10.09.03
Ah, the name changed to Robot Man, all suddenly becomes clear...
 
 
000
10:47 / 10.09.03
The compatibility test:

1) Are you:
- a) Short-tempered?
- b) A push-over?
- c) Stoical?

2) Do you prefer:
- a) Psychiatric wankfests?
- b) TV?
- c) Psychic wankfests?

3) Do you keep cats?
- a) Yes
- b) I don't know
- c) No

4) Are you humorous?
- a) Yes
- b) Maybe
- c) No

5) Are you:
- a) Scottish?
- b) British/American/Other?
- c) Greenlandic?

6) Are you a:
- a) Homo?
- b) Hetero?
- c) Bi?

7) Are you slightly:
- a) Deranged?
- b) Boring?
- c) Warped?

8) Are you into:
- a) SM, Golden Showers, etc.?
- b) The missionary position?
- c) Nothing too sexually deviant?

9) Jack Davenport:
- a) I detest him
- b) Who?
- c) He's allright, I guess

10) How do you envision a successful online relationship with your archnemesis:
- a) 50% attraction, 50% repulsion -- in that order
- b) 100% apathy
- c) 50% repulsion, 50% attraction -- in that order

.

.

.

.

.

To determine which category you belong to, you'll have to do something very complicated. Yes. Complicated. Incredibly. Very complicated it is. This is, arguably, the most complicated system ever created. No really.

Count the accumulated a's, b's and c's you have acquired by particpating in this test. The highest count of one of the three letters determines your corresponding personal category. If you have the highest count of a's, then category 'a' is where you'd want to go. If you have the highest count of b's, then category 'b' is where you'd want to go. If you have the highest count of c's, then category 'c' is where you'd want to go. In the unlikely event of a draw between the highest accumulated amounts of the letters by particpating in this test, go through the test again and fake at least an answer. This should do the trick and any confusion about where you belong will be avoided. If, however, that did not do the trick, repeat ad nausiam until you pass out from exhaustion*.

* = You are responsible for your own health, and in no way, legally or otherwise, do I take any responsibility for any damages -- physical or intellectual, or both -- inflected upon you during your involvement with this test. Um, aieee.

.

.

.

a = Yesss.

You are archnemesis material.

Wear out the competition and you might be the lcuky, final one, darling.

b = What on earth are you doing here? What do you think you're doing? Did you ever realise that you're in the wrong thread? And, possibly, the wrong forum? Vulnerable nancy boys and girls isn't what this thriving thread needs. Stay out of this altogether or go out and toughen up in the real world for a couple of years before you come back to this thread.

c = Are you kidding me?

I'd rather we were friends, as you are a potential soulmate.

I'm your no. 1 fan.

We could love each other until the end of the world ((c) Laila), or until you wind up looking like a disgusting, used up piece of raisin. That is, if you have the stamina to beat the impressively stiff competition of hopelessly addicted suitors to my special, brand of luuurve, darling.
 
 
Quantum
10:57 / 10.09.03
a verging on b. But wait, shouldn't a diligent archnemesis be scotching your plans about now and foiling your careful schemes? A proper nemesis will of course choose secret option d) none of the above, and flout your personality test just to piss you off.
 
 
000
11:25 / 10.09.03
You are one persistent critter, Quantum.

I like dedication.

What more pisses you off? In detail, please. How can I make you, oh, let's say, cry? How can I make you seethe with rage almost to the point of inertia? Describe your first humiliating sexual experience.
 
 
Quantum
11:30 / 10.09.03
Conspiracy theories make me cry, and use of the word 'Critter' to describe my handsome self. Rage can be induced by typoes and non-sequitors (I'm a pedant) and my most humiliating sexual experience is, um, this. (If only you could see me)
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:57 / 10.09.03
Quantum for new RRM nemesis! Yay! You guys are already displaying the cut'n'thrust needed for a proper relationship.

(Quantum... if you buy me beer, I'll tell you the secret way into RRM's headquarters. Shit. I didn't PM that, did I?)
 
 
A
12:00 / 10.09.03
Seniority? Dude, I gots more posts than you. Respect MY authority.

...also, it's a little-known fact that the infamous Bond villain Dr. No's first name was actually Morris.
 
 
000
12:41 / 10.09.03
I had a look-see around for any Quantum posts in other threads ... Not only am I disappointed but I'm appalled by the fact that you thought you seriously could provide the yang to my ying. Urgh. Not funny enough.

However, Count Adam provided a nasty laugh, so I live in hope.
 
 
Spyder Todd 2008
12:46 / 10.09.03
I'm sort of half a and have b. A won by one.

Q, I don't believe I need to work for money. I am in tune with the universe, it provides me all my needs.I'm dashing and charming, with a touch of naughty. And bi, so it doesn't matter. Whee, that was fun. Of course, thatmakes me an artist, but...
 
 
Quantum
12:53 / 10.09.03
Spyder, I'm yours. Robotman, I am cruelly disappointed I can't be your nemesis, I'll have to settle for laughing at (not with) your every post. BTW it's Yin you half wit.
Check out some other Robotman posts, people, they truly *are* funny.
(Do you think he's annoyed yet? Can he see the irony? We shall see...)
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
14:32 / 10.09.03
The answers:

1. Gallifrey.
2. Due to the lower air pressure it boils at a lower temperature.
3. Wedgewood and Hillary.
4. They all left the BBC for rival channels.
5. Michael Dukakis.
6. He had some sort of fetish for fish.
7. They can only be divided by themselves and prime numbers.
8. Baker Street Station.
9. Andrew Carnegie.
10. Respondez s'il vous plait.

What do I win?
 
 
—| x |—
20:01 / 10.09.03
An all expense trip to the "compound" on Greenland?
 
 
000
12:54 / 11.09.03
One hard make out session with manly women. Or womanly men. I can't tell the difference sometimes.
 
 
Spyder Todd 2008
16:41 / 11.09.03
I've had days like that. So, Q, when should the wedding bells ring?
 
 
000
10:18 / 12.09.03
Haus is the only contender to the throne -- YEAH !!!

I asked him to please consider some facts and apologized to him for any ill I might have inflected upon him -- instead I got an increasingly disturbing fixation on the wrong side of the tracks. Sorry Haus, but it was so good I had to share ...

Subject: Re:
From: A Haus Anna garden and a white picket fence
Date: 11.09.03
Time: 00:19

I am quite happy to accept that you don't believe in lizards. For the purposes of making jokes at your expense, it hardly matters. The truth didn't stop your hilarious shared-suit coterie from accusing people of abusing children,after all, now, did it? As I have attempted to explain through language barrier and comedy self-importance barrier before, and as evidence seems to bear out, nobody really cares about your or your erstwhile suit-sharers' presence on Barbelith for anything other than comedy value. Likewise, if you babble about Hitler in order to get attention, you should probably realise that most of the attention you get will be mixed in with anger, contempt and, ultimately, indifference.

This is indifference. It is possible that you will contribute something worthwhile to Barbelith at some point, but if you just want attention then I'm afraid this is the sort of attention you are likely to get - mockery when anyone has the energy.

Subject: Re: Re: Re:
From: A Haus Anna garden and a white picket fence
Date: 12.09.03
Time: 00:55

Haus, I can't determine if you seriously believe the contents of your PM, and I'm therefore hesitant to go at it point by point. I know that you're only a man, and I know that you sometimes hold flawed opinions -- but for someone as evidently smart as you, I think it, mostly, is below you.
>
> I am writing this in sincerity and you shouldn't read this as a provocation.


Dude. Here's the thing. At some point, whether through boredom or medication, you fall in with a group of nonce-sniffing shit-flingers. You and your encopretic brethren manage to piss off just about everybdy in the pursuit of attention, accusing anyone who disagreed with you of, among other things, urophilia, paedophilia and various other philiai.

Now, subsequently it turns out that the peer group you believed were going to anoint you as a leader of the secret battle for the world are not quite as likely to offer succour, psychic power and sexual favours as you had previosuly imagined. Unfortunately, you are still too self-important to admit that you have made an arse of yourself for nothing more than the friendship of people you seem to have less in common with than you imagined. So, you claim that it was all a big joke. You embarked on your persecution of Ganesh to get people to go to waisays, apparently without noticing that the way you did it made everybody conclude that you were an unstable young thing espousing badly-formed and badly-articulated beliefs. Likewise, you now claim that the anti-semitism, the abuse and whatever else you wish to disown was all a clever, clever joke to get attention.

Well, fine. But you probably ought to understand that they are loathsome whether done sincerely or in an attempt to be humorous. So, short of pleading misguidedness or instability, you are probably going to be the butt of jokes and little else. that is unfortunate, but your decision. If I were you, I would probably try to make a clean break and behave like a rational human being, rather than seeking *more* bad attention, but I am very clearly not you, and decline therefore to judge or advise.

Yours aye,

Tannhauser.
 
 
Ganesh
10:34 / 12.09.03
*delurks*

Oh, I like "philiai"...

*relurks*
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
23:30 / 12.09.03
Well, Madboy Slim appears to have displayed how much respect he can manage for other human beings by publishing private messages - perhaps I should publish the one where he accuses me of exhibiting psycopathic behaviour, exhibiting the same desire to pathologise any viewpoint outside his own narrow and dull self-aggrandisment as per? But grown-ups don't need to do that, now, do they?

If anyone fancies moderating this for decency, they are welcome to. But it seems to sum up the tortured soul that is the Idiot Robot Boy. Desperate for attention, desperate to perpetuate any received attention, no matter how disparaging, and hoping desperately that somebody out ther might still believe him to hold the keys to the kingdom.
 
 
bio k9
02:48 / 13.09.03
How about I dug up the thread where he makes vaguely threatening comments directed at my kid? Or post the PM he sent to me when I asked him to stop? Top notch.
 
 
000
04:25 / 14.09.03
Remember this, Haus, is indifference. Indifferent indifference.

Your sexy and impressive revisionist capabilities made me stop my designs -- I was originally going to welcome any of the sickness from the past and hopefully excorsize that in a controlled environment -- but your dramedic (comatic?) treatment made me realise that not everyone has such a soecialized past and I made peace with the conceptions directed at me rather than trying to transgress them. You should thank yourself and your conviction that like a cheap, bad fortified wine, I can't get better with age.

Your adult pants smell of pee. And poo.

How about I dug up the thread where he makes vaguely threatening comments directed at my kid?

July is the International Abuse Month thread started by Qalyn. Threatening comments? Your imagination was what threatened it, not I.
 
  

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