| |
|
New York, Thursday. The US moved a step closer to a deal with the 'chocolate-making countries' on sending money, troops, and aid to Iraq. The European Union states demanded tough concessions from George W. Bush, however, in the aftermath of a war many of them feel should never have been fought. Even the United Kingdom, America's principle ally in the region, is looking for considerable policy shifts from America.
"Number One," said Prime Minister Tony Blair, "And I feel I have to get this absolutely clear, is that we're not having any more of this drivel about how you saved our butts in WWII. I don't want to hear one single word from an American politician about how we're always needing to be rescued. Never again, all right?"
Russian President Vladimir Putin agreed. "Twenty million Russians died in WWII, and we have to listen to this bullshit about how the US saved the world. The only time the US saved the world was when Wesley Clark didn't manage to declare war on Russia during that whole Kosovo thing. Oh, and you owe us ten billion dollars for all those cargo planes you rented from us during the invasion we didn't support. And Botox. Lots of Botox for my eyebrows.'
France, one of the states which vehemently opposed military action in Iraq, will be demanding further sweetners for bailing out George Bush's poorly-planned invasion. "America will stop refering to that rotten cow's milk you people eat as 'cheese'" asserted Jacques Chirac. "We're not going to be hearing about 'Surrender Monkeys' any more, either. Oh, and I want a Crossfire. I hear those things really go like hell."
India and Pakistan agreed that they would only participate in a multinational force with UN approval. "We will also be wanting to be allowed to have our own little Nuclear Arms Race," the Indian delegate explained.
A UN negotiator proposed a rider which would have guaranteed Iraqi self-governance within two years, but the wording could not be agreed, and it has been dropped.
Rooters Press |
|
|
