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My favourite bit of William Topaz (particularly the last lines):
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of th’Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
How true.
Connoisseurs of bad Scottish poetry will also wish to admire McIntyre’s classic ‘Oxford Cheese Ode’ –
The ancient poets ne'er did dream
That Canada was land of cream,
They ne'er imagined it could flow
In this cold land of ice and snow,
Where everything did solid freeze,
They ne'er hoped or looked for cheese
Or
Our muse it doth refuse to sing
Of cheese made early in the spring,
When cows give milk from spring fodder
You cannot make a good cheddar.
The quality is often vile
Of cheese that is made in April,
Or
We have seen thee, queen of cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.
All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.
Personally, I think this beats McGonagall hands down.
All this is nicked from an excellent site here Check out the section on Sir Thomas Urquhart- not a poet, but also Scottish and nearly as crazy as the two above. |
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