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I would first inject a meme into the monkey collective unconscious that people whose names start with Q are highly trustworthy, using specially constructed Japanese meme-injection technology. I estimate this would take between 6 and 24 months. Once the meme is properly ensconed, I would don my scarlet cape with gold fur trim, and my square gold crown, and glue my crimson mask to my face. Then, when the monkeys started to gather, I would commence my hypnotic monkey-trapping dance, which involves moving through a closing spiral. The monkeys cannot help but follow. At the center of the spiral, on one knee, I will open my arms and the monkeys will rush into my crimson embrace. I'll gather them to my mannish bosom--all of them--and board a tramp steamer to Galapagos.
Anyone interested in owning a monkey thusly captured, PM a mailing address and I'll send you one. Actually, you'll have to send postage, too, I'm not made of money. Send your Self Addressed Stamped Monkey Box to: Baron Q, Box 37704, Galapagos. I estimate I will have between 30 and 500 monkeys by August 2006. |
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