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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Lapdance Island

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23:01 / 17.08.03

Right, people, time for a vote. Is Lapdance Island real, or is it a new Chris Morris vehicle? The voice sounds very Ted Maul, and the concept is preposterous enough to fit right in as a third series of Brass Eye.

Haus of Mystery

23:10 / 17.08.03

To be honest the line between the Morrisverse and the 'real' world of TV has become so blurred recently it doesn't matter. The coverage of the war, for example, was so close to the 'war' episode of Brass Eye it wasn't even funny. I haven't seen the trailer for Lapdance Island though. Sounds grrrrreat.

01:13 / 18.08.03

you touch the girls... and you're off the island!

what a fucking daft concept.
i'm sure it'll make many deposits at the communal hetero male wank bank, but for shit's sake.

how hard can it be not to touch a woman, even one gyrating in front of you? keeping your hands to yourself, for money?

idiots will be on the telly, that's for sure. sexed up idiots with viagra spiking in their water bottles.

01:24 / 18.08.03

Sign me up!

08:59 / 18.08.03

You're right about the war coverage. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for someone to describe the "Flying Scissor-Beans" and "The Electric Cornflake".

09:15 / 18.08.03

I'll watch this only if the contestants are 9 sweaty mid-40s businessmen and Stephen Hawking.

09:20 / 18.08.03

Third series of BrassEye? What was the second? And isn't he working on an Asylum special for it?

09:29 / 18.08.03

Well, it is a spoof for those of you wondering, but I can't *quite* work out the point of it, as they're investing a lot of time in something that is funny for, like, three seconds. Having said that, I was mildly surprised the other day that Scare Tactics made it past the taste police. Watchable programme mind.

Has anybody read the current issue of Jack Magazine (guilty pleasure #278) which has an indepth-ish analysis of The Day Today? Apart from making me feel nostalgic, it did make me wonder whether it would be possible today.

Tryphena Absent

10:06 / 18.08.03

Coo, I thought it was real... well you can't blame me, all that ridiculous Ibiza Uncovered, it's amazing that no one's thought of doing this seriously (or as seriously as these things can be). If it's a spoof then I might be tempted to watch it.

10:47 / 18.08.03

See, first of all: Is it really a real programme? The website isn't working on my computer, and the only other thing I've seen is that advert. Funny joke, just like that. Is there even a date for this to start?

And I'd find it a lot funnier, and more watchable, if it was real. The idae that someone, somewhere, thought that this was a really, really good idea is great, no?

Fiddling... burning...

Tryphena Absent

11:05 / 18.08.03

you are going to hell.

Seriously I mean this appears to be the stupidest idea in the world until you remember that alcohol exists. Suddenly the whole show takes shape and you realise, someone could win this on the sheer strength of their natural ability to drink. In fact, hey, call the show alcoholics and lapdancers. Why not abuse the willing population?

11:13 / 18.08.03

Another improvement: The no touching rule should apply to themselves as well as the dancers. They should all be fitted with steel chastity belts.
Then, three weeks in, you float rafts of metalworking equipment out in the shark infested water.

Whisky Priestess

15:03 / 18.08.03

Hmm. Well, the T&C and privacy policy seem in order, but having just tried to sign up twice (under an assumed name and email) the site has fucked up both times ...leading me to assume that it's either a clever way of getting your (and up to five of your friends') email addresses, or the site's knackered by too many applications.

What an amazingly stupid waste of money if they do put it on though ...

Our Lady of The Two Towers

16:14 / 18.08.03

Oh yes, it's always nice when Channel 4 decides that rather than compete with BBC2 it's got to compete with Sky One. Is there any justification for this, or have they admitted "it's a way to get lots of T&A on prime-time telly"?

17:20 / 18.08.03

When is this ? Which channel ?
... Please. Thank you.

20:13 / 18.08.03

Re: the website.
When I was casting around to see if anyone had noticed the MOrris-voice, I came across a site which claimed to have got through. Apparently one of the disclaimers reads something like "lapdancing can seriously affect your vision. We cannot be held responsible for this".

Jack The Bodiless

21:45 / 18.08.03

Having applied under a false name and put my alternate email address down as a referee, I've received another form by email asking me (as the referee) why I think my friend Jack Desincarne put his name down for Lapdance Island, in no more than 150 words.

It's a devious reality-TV survey, no more. No doubt the results will be published in the Guide in a few weeks...

06:58 / 19.08.03

I had a look at the online application form and in the "occupation" field the options in the drop-down menu are cab driver, police officer, MP, High Court Judge and Other. I wonder if this is the Chris Morris/Charlie Brooker collaboration I have heard vague rumours about.

14:04 / 19.08.03

I swear that one of the "lad" magazines (maybe Loaded) had a piece about this and from what I remember it's a spoof that will be part of a larger comedy series.

If memory serves (hang on let me dig out the magazine)...

I was right.

It's part of something called "The Pilot Show", and if you'll forgive me I'll copy what the magazine (and it was Loaded) says about it:

IN A NUTSHELL: Point and laugh at the general public
WHAT'S THE POINT: Gulliable idiots are lured into auditioning for spoof pilot TV shows, while hidden cameras film everything. Watch out for Lapdance Island, where dedicated wannabes try to carry out menial tasks and answer questions while having arses wiggled in thier faces. Genius.

So there you have it, now the question is have they already filmed the series because the ads do seem to be aimmed at the "loaded reader" and it's not going to get many responses considering the August issue carried the above. That is unless I'm the only one who actually "reads" the damn thing rather than use the pictures as stress relief?

15:02 / 19.08.03

Ah, so it's a twunt trap then not just a parody. Hmmm. I suppose I find it morally more appealing than the 'Richard Taylor Interviews' whose ground it will presumably cover. Having said that, it does smack of the whole "Up it's own arse" trope that's meant the only programmes I've watched in the last month are sports shows and The Shield.

15:51 / 19.08.03

Apparently Morris's next project is provisionally titled CUNT. My mate's just been working on it.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

16:17 / 19.08.03

All well and good but as someone has already done the 'lets pretend we're setting up a reality show to see what kind of people volunteer' thing (and I think it was on C4 too) why do it again?

The Natural Way

16:41 / 19.08.03

Errr.... Did you watch that, Flowers? That wasn't it AT ALL.

The guy that set the thing up was a mad bastard who genuinely thought he might have a hit TV show on his hands.

Haus of Mystery

21:57 / 19.08.03

'Twunt Trap' sounds like a good TV show to me.

finger n' thump

10:43 / 20.08.03

lap dancers are so beautiful

Tryphena Absent

10:51 / 20.08.03

Is it their faces you like?

10:56 / 20.08.03

I just like to watch good dancing.

Tryphena Absent

11:24 / 20.08.03

Really? Do you limit that to contemporary or do you enjoy a broad range of styles?

Haus of Mystery

11:45 / 20.08.03

I like both the Lap and Pole genres.

El Gato Was Right: the t-shirt

13:32 / 20.08.03

This is totally off topic, but I saw "Lapdance Island" and the topic "Cabin Fever" below it. My mind told me "Lapdance Fever."

It's sung to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever." Everyone, now!

They give me lapdance fever
Lapdance fever

The first time that I got it
I was just ten years old
I got it from some kitty next foor
I went and see the Dr. and
He gave me the cure
I think I got it some more

They give me lapdance fever
Lapdance fever

(air guitar)
Da-na-na-na-nawr!

13:52 / 20.08.03

There was a half page ad for this in Sundays "News of the World" asking for contestants. I guess thats an example of the type of people they're after.

Why was I reading "News of the World"? Well to laugh at the headlines of course!

Honestly!

Okay, it was for the breasts really.
I'll be filling in my Lapdance Island application form shortly....

15:16 / 20.08.03

Contemporary and Private are my special faves.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

16:17 / 20.08.03

Bobbu- No I didn't watch it, I was too busy masturbating over pictures of cutlery at the time, so thanks for the correction. Thinking it over it sounds like it's going to end up a statement of the bleeding obvious, "We put a fake ad for an island where men get surrounded by lapdancers. To our shock and suprise we found we were contacted by men mainly in their twenties who enjoy drinking a lot, looking at the pictures in Loaded, don't like puffs and refer to women as 'birds'. Whodathought?"

08:41 / 21.08.03

Its nice to know I'm not the only one who accidently spells poofs puffs.

Hattie's Kitchen

09:05 / 21.08.03

According to the papers this morning, it is a spoof, set up by E4 for something called The Pilot Show - 20,000 blokes applied to be contestants. Tee hee....

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