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Magick and me

  
 
Bloody Chiclitz
17:07 / 08.08.03
Okay, let me begin by saying that I know next to nothing. In high school, I became interested in gnosticism because I was reading a lot of Philip K. Dick's late-period sci-fi (based on his own experiences of the godhead), and that led me to explore kabbalah a little in college, which led to skimming the surface of Crowley, particularly the Book of Thoth. Other than that, though, I have no knowledge of any formal systems of magick (not that Gnosticism is a formal system of magick; it just led me to the other two). I'm curious, though.

This next bit may make me sound a little strange, but when I was in high school (I'm 26 now, by the way), I would sometimes wake in the middle of the night, completely paralyzed (literally unable to move) and hear a whisper in one of my ears that filled me with terror. It would usually be a couple minutes before I could move, and then I'd have trouble sleeping the rest of the night. This happened about five times over the course of two months, but then I started envisioning these sort of spheres of protection surrounding me before I would go to sleep; I would "move" six hemispheres along the x, y, and z axes through the center of my body until I was surrounded (in my mind) with these three perfectly overlapping spheres. After I started doing that, I was never awoken like that again. Since then, I've decided that what was happening to me was something completely rational. When you sleep, your body paralyzes you so that you don't hurt yourself acting out your dreams, and that I was just waking up suddenly without my body unparalyzing me: sort of the reverse of sleepwalking. And I figure that my whole thing with the spheres was just sort of a silent meditation that would ease my stressed out mind (I was going through quite a bit of ordinary teenage angst at the time) into not waking up. My question is, "is this magick?" I don't have proof of my rational explanation for everything: it's just a guess. But even if I'm right about what caused my troubles and what cured them, could it still be considered magick in that it was sort of a ritualized belief system that noticeably affected the actual world? I've had other experiences that fit the same pattern, but I feel one anecdote is enough.

I ask because comics (Invisbles, Promethea) have recently renewed my interest in magick, and I'm wondering what people think it is. I believe that magick, whatever it is, can have an effect on the world. But what is it? I know this is a big question, and I probably sound stupid for asking it here, but I've never really found satisfactory answers in dogma, so I thought a virtual meeting place of those interested in Chaos magick (I'm a little unsure what that is, too, actually) might be a good place to get some ideas.

I realize my questions are kind of big and vague, but I'm just hoping that someone can set me on the right path to finding my own answers. Thanks for reading, at least.
 
 
electric monk
20:15 / 08.08.03
Well BC, the sphere story you relate would certainly be classified by some as magic. You were able to cause change in conformity with your will. Sounds magical to me. How did it feel?

As for what magic is, my feeling is that each person who would follow a magical path needs to answer that for themselves and I think you may have given yourself part of your answer already. The best advice I can give you is to search the web for Chaos Magic material and try the stuff that you feel speaks to you most. I'd recommend looking up the writings of Ray Sherwin (Theater of Magic and the Book of Results are my personal faves) and Phil Hine.

Let me tell you this too. Magic (again, to me) means that you've taken your spirituality into your own hands. You are 100% responsible for learning what it is, what it means to you, and what you should do with that knowledge.

The Magic here at Barbelith can be an excellent resource as well. Have a look around and keep the questions coming. Pretty soon you'll be answering questions for the enthusiastic newbie.

Peace,
warhol
 
 
Bloody Chiclitz
20:50 / 08.08.03
Thanks for the response. Rereading my own post, I realize the "spheres" thing sounds weirder than it was. It's hard to describe. It seemed a perfectly normal thing to me at the time, though, and I was a pretty rational kid. I mean, I came from a Christian family but stopped believing in Christianity by the time I was thirteen, but somehow whatever I was doing to "protect myself" before going to sleep seemed very normal. It's only recently that I've begun to think of it as magic.

I confess I only added the "k" to magic in my earlier post because of the Barbelith heading. Is there any reason to spell it that way rather than with just a "c"?
 
 
—| x |—
13:33 / 09.08.03
Hey there B. Chiclitz and welcome to the wonderful world of magic/k (like you haven’t always been there, but more are simply starting to wake up to where you are as opposed to where you merely dreamt you were…but all this might sound rather cryptic, but if so, then simply yell at me or ignore me or take it how you’d like)!

As for the spheres, well, sounds to me that you developed your own spontaneous protection ritual, which is one of the first things any novice magician needs to learn—in the West often typically the “Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram,” or some variant. Keep yours—sounds nice & seems to suit your character (“rational” (in general) = “x, y, z axes” (in specific)) with the added bonus that you’ve made it work for you, and in magic/k, that’s the big sticking point: not what’s true or false, but what you can make work for you, see? It can be seen to be about the reception, generation, manipulation, and alteration of meaning via information. Or not.

As for your “rationalization,” I find that this might be a stage that we go through in the beginning, and it also comes around again and again (as things do), to try to cope with how the ultimately unexplainable functions in our lives & how we relate to it. Put differently, and in a specific “alchemical” formulation (care of Joderowsky), turn your shit into gold. And I would add that this requires the ongoing pursuit of knowledge of the Self (which the GD—“Golden Dawn—and such will call the “Conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel” while others will frame it in different names and images but the general structure is the same): who are you? What is “the Self?” The answers to these sorts of questions assist in understanding and accomplishing the “alchemical” transformation, OSISTM.

So, tell yourself whatever tales work to make the meanings work for you, which in turn makes the world work with you (mostly—but always: undiscovered Self = shadows = Hagalaz (disruptive “outside” forces)). But at the same time, use your discretion well, cultivate wisdom, and stay grounded in the “real” world. Good luck, and all the best.

PS: As for ‘magick’, some will have different reasons and histories for why this is sometimes used. Some beckon to Crowley and Thelema, while others will simply say (which is somewhat common), “to distinguish it from stage magic.” Use the k or not—like other things, it is your choice, but try to be (somewhat) consistent (if only for your own sense of organization). I have used ‘magic/k’ for awhile now and it seems to get the point across well enough!
 
 
gravitybitch
04:17 / 10.08.03
There's a whole thread devoted to that K located here.

Enjoy!
 
 
Quantum
09:37 / 11.08.03
My question is, "is this magick?"
Yup. Personalised sphere of protection spell. I do something similar to ward my bedroom, I imagine a bubble of light around myself and power it up, then inflate it until it fills the room like a balloon. When it fits the shape of the room I solidify it and charge it again, then go to sleep.

What is magic? It's one of those things you can recognise but not define, you know it when you see it.
 
 
Bloody Chiclitz
16:16 / 11.08.03
Hmm. Thanks for taking me seriously everyone. I felt a little weird asking about this, but you've all given me things to think about.
 
 
h3r
18:26 / 11.08.03
hey bc,

have you ever heard of the condition "sleep paralysis"?
it sounds to me what you described, being unable to move and hearing whispering.....
some peole even report alien-abduction-like encounters, or encounters with outher supernatural entities when in that state.
there are actually theories about this being caused by DMT being released in a persons brain "by accident", and so other dymensional planes are accessed,and therefor other dimensional beings access your perception.
so maybe its not even necessarily something you need protection from. on the other hand, maybe you do! but it does indicate that you have an ability to access the "bigger picture" beside our normal awareness of 3rd dimensional "reality".
whatever work worx! i have used similar sphere techniques, a can relate to your spatial x,y,z thinking when visualizing, I do the same.

maybe try to connect with whoever tries to contact you rather than protecting youself. that might be interesting.
 
 
illmatic
08:07 / 12.08.03
Wasnt' there a thread on here about sleep paralysis? I seem to remember Skillant Pig (nee Runce) making a big post there.
It's something I've had loads since I was in my teens and can bring on now basically by over sleeping. Doesn't happen as much as it used to but I've defintely had the sense of someone else being present in the room - I always used to feel it was my dad or flatmates, but I can see how if I was of a more paranoid frame of mind, I might be able to convince myself it was an attack by demons or aliens.

I've found lately that, just as you're able to open your eyes in this state, you can also control your breathing. if it happens while I'm next to my girlfriend, I can fuck around with my breath significantly enough to signal to her to shake me awake.
 
 
illmatic
08:10 / 12.08.03
Here ya go.

Proof that you're not mad at least!
 
 
Bloody Chiclitz
16:19 / 12.08.03
Wow, that's exactly what it was like. And here I thought I was all alone in my weirdness.
 
 
h3r
19:18 / 12.08.03
interesting that whole "sleep paralysis" thing. I just recently heard about it in my dmt research through a friend, now i hear you describe it...
i wonder how common it is.
does it still happen to you? how frequently?
 
 
The Natural Way
10:01 / 13.08.03
Well, the Interesting thing about sleep paralysis H is that, both times it's happened to me, I've remembered the feeling! So it's prolly happened more than twice, only I'm not aware of specific instances at a conscious level.

My experiences of SP have been pretty much singularly terrifying. The first time, I woke up and felt something sitting on my back and breathing on my neck. Fucking horrible, until the fear and shit woke me up.
 
 
Mr Messy
13:52 / 13.08.03
There's some interesting stuff in 'Astral Dynamics' by Robert Bruce on sleep paralysis. Can't quite remember all of it off the top of my head but I think he relates it to out of body experience. The theory is that if you wake up suddenly in the middle of a projection then you experience paralysis and often the accompanying feeling of fear. He believes that our astral selves go out and about all the time - we are usually unaware of it and sleep through. It's all rather complicated and involves split memories and the like. I'll try and read up tonight and see if there is more.
 
 
Papess
14:49 / 13.08.03
Last night I experienced being in between wake and sleep. In the dream, something startled me and I because I was aware of both bodies at the same time, both of them moved the same way.

In a very delirious state I remembered this thread, so I thought I would post this.
 
  
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