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Private Messages - problem

 
  

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ONLY NICE THINGS
20:35 / 19.07.03
So, I recently asked somebody to stop PMing me. There are all sorts of reasons for this, most of which I could not go into without revealing elements about the situation which I hope can be avoided. In essence, I suggested that if ze wished to pursue the matter further ze should do so in the Policy, where the presence of onlookers might possibly help hir to maintain a more civil tone, but that I was not comfortable with continuing to receive abusive messages from hir by PM, and that further content would be treated as harrassing.

Perhaps inevitably, ze has PMed me, expressing the belief that one does not get to say when a conversation should end, and citing a previous thread where the request of the creator of the thread that it be deleted was not followed. I would suggest that this bespeaks a basic misunderstanding of the difference between a private message and a public thread.

So, I'm wondering what one does in this situation? Clearly, I cannot respond to this person within the PM system, because I have made it clear that I no longer feel comfortable using the PM system when it seems to be being abused in this wise. The obvious thing would be to ask the admins and moderators if they have dealt with such a situation previously, and if so how they approached it. Any thoughts?
 
 
bio k9
21:05 / 19.07.03
I remain of the opinion that the recipient of unwanted PMs can do whatever the hell they want with them. If someone can't respect your request to be left alone, I don't see why you should worry about their request (or expectation or whatever) for their messages to remain private.
 
 
bio k9
21:07 / 19.07.03
HARRASSMENT=BORECORE
 
 
Spatula Clarke
22:01 / 19.07.03
I'm increasingly convinced that the only way to prevent - or, rather, call a halt to - misuse of PMs is to introduce some kind of admin/mod/Tom-enforced block, either between posters, or in extreme cases on all PM abilities if someone repeatedly misuses the function.
 
 
Mazarine
00:37 / 20.07.03
...expressing the belief that one does not get to say when a conversation should end, and citing a previous thread where the request of the creator of the thread that it be deleted was not followed. I would suggest that this bespeaks a basic misunderstanding of the difference between a private message and a public thread.

Well, that's not really true, is it. If you were talking in real life, you could walk away, which wouldn't keep other people from talking about you once you'd gone, if you were on the phone you could hang up, if you were on some sort of IM program you could block, I'm not sure how it would work with letters, but you could just throw them out unopened.

I have to agree with E. Randy, an ignore function that extends to/only includes PMs. I suppose the best thing to do in the meantime is to delete the messages unopened, and try to ignore the subject lines. Pretty much a version of the "just ignore hir" reply, and not that helpful in the long run.
 
 
Lurid Archive
13:32 / 20.07.03
I think this is an important issue, which we shouldn't back away from just because it is difficult to address. That said, moderators don't have too much *actual* power here, so it is bound to be messy. First, make sure advice to save all PMs from the other party.

After that, it depends on how you feel about the situation and what you want to do about it. If you simply want the PMs to cease, do not respond further. Having started this thread, it should serve as a strong signal as to your feelings on the matter. If the PMs still don't stop, you should make more noise here about it. At that stage, you would have a pretty strong case that you are being hounded.

On the other hand, if you feel that you are being harrassed and want something done about it...that will be trickier.

In any case, I don't think you should feel bound by the privacy of the messages. Though you probably realise that making PMs public is likely to make matters worse in the short term.

Hope that helps.
 
 
—| x |—
16:50 / 20.07.03
I think this might be a tricky issue because we don't have established guidelines (other than common sense) as to what is to be taken as “harassment.” I mean, this word gets tossed around—perhaps sometimes too freely—yet, beyond obvious insults or threats, it is difficult to decide exactly what is to count towards one member “harassing” another. Perhaps we could try to hash that out here?

As I think was somewhat established, it is perhaps not the best to simply “do whatever we want” with unwanted PMs; i.e., even though PMs from some individual might be unwanted by the recipient, I do not think this constitutes harassment in and of itself. I mean, I get all sorts of junk in my email and snail mail that I don’t want, but none of it would be considered harassing, merely undesired.

Really, I think in many cases it likely boils down to what Lurid has said: “If [we] simply want the PMs to cease, do not respond further.” It’s easy, clean, and reasonable. If the person in question continues to send a deluge of PMs to us, then this likely is harassment. In such cases, it is likely best to make some sort of contact with mods—but admin is likely best—and then handle it from there.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
17:29 / 20.07.03
I don't think harassment is really all *that* difficult to define, >0< . Continued attempts to contact someone who's indicated that they don't wish to have such contact sums it up pretty well for me.

Contact a moderator or an admin as soon as you feel that the boundaries are being overstepped, would be my advice. It's rare that this issue crops up and each case needs to be taken on its own merits. Decisions about things as important as this need to be made in front of the whole board, so I'd suggest that if moderators feel there *is* a problem, they initiate a thread discussing the complaint without mentioning the usernames of the individuals involved and reach a decision based on the views expressed therein.

That's a suggestion of a stop-gap until we (hopefully) get the ability to block PMs. There may be some value in informing a poster when a PM they've sent has been blocked and tracking the number of PMs sent in the same direction after that first message has been shown.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:34 / 20.07.03
I think that one should give warning that continued contact after an express request to desist will invalidate any claims to confidentiality that further messages might have, which is a rather different situation than simply quoting a PM without prior warning, just as asking somebody to cease sending private messages is rather different to asking the entire board to stop contributing to a public thread. As it happens, I hope not to have to go public with this one, because I feel it might lead to further problems that might be avoided in future by good sense.

The junk mail comparison is again an obfuscatory one, since by definition a private message is intended as a direct communication between one person and another, both of those people knowing the identity of the other and the sender having specifically desired the recipient personally to receive it. It's apples and oranges.

As for what constitutes harrassment - grizzled veterans may recall that we do have a standard for determining harrassment, albeit an imprecise one. That standard is that somebody feels that they are being harrassed, states that they are being harrassed and that there is a reasonable degree of consensus that they are on the receiving end of harrassing behaviour. For example, conveniently, we have a thread or two further down the policy where the making of threats in a PM was discussed. This was, in one case not identified as actionable harrassment, because the recipient did not at the time feel particularly threatened by them; another member might have felt differently. In another, it was judged to be both threatening and harrassing, and the individual in question has been essentially ejected from the board.

I would say that it is fairly obvious that, if somebody requests that somebody cease to PM them, and that person continues to PM them, the party of the second part has decided that they are not going to respect the party of the first part's wishes and (insert irony here) privacy. This may be due to a basic failure to understand the difference between private messages and public threads, which may bespeak a broader problem with boundaries of acceptable behaviour on barbelith, or it may just be puppyish enthusiasm. The two are probably not mutually exclusive.

At that point, the point at which somebody says "please either cease to communicate with me or do so in a public forum; I no longer feel comfortable receiving PMs from you", we can perhaps draw a line and say that after that, whether according-to-Hoyle harrassment (i.e. an offence likely to lead to expulsion or reexplusion from Barbelith, which has so far happened twice for PM abuse, I think...), this is pretty clearly a dodgy approach to the PM system.
 
 
—| x |—
17:37 / 20.07.03
Also, upon reflection, I remember writing this:

Harassment and PMs

First, I feel it is unwise, regardless of the following choice you might make, to under any circumstance delete a PM that feels harassing. Basically, I see the following three choices upon we have upon receiving a harassing PM:

1) We can reply and try to work out whatever the difficulty is on our own. Still, it is wise to keep a record of the conversation and the best way to show that it is legitimate (if one should have to come to show as such) is to have the original PMs in our message profiles. This way a moderator or administrator can verify their authenticity if the case need be.

2) We can ignore the PM in the hopes that it was a one shot affair and perhaps with the spirit of “there’s no need to dignify that with a response.” Again, save the PM in your message profile in case it is needed in the future to build a case of repeated harassment of several members by the same individual.

3) We can contact a moderator or administrator immediately with our concerns. While I agree with (was it Rizla or someone else?—sorry) the idea that mods and admin are not here to be police, I do feel that they are here to ensure a more or less pleasant and enjoyable Barbelith experience—such experience does not include being threatened or harassed via PM. I think it is reasonable to say that any mod or admin would be receptive to such difficulties or would put you in touch with another mod or admin who will address such problems.”

Which seems to me like the options we have if we are being harassed by PM.

Of course, if we have also participated in an exchange of PMs with the person in question, then we might also have to accept some responsibility for what we might have said that could have been interpreted as insulting or threatening by the person we feel is harassing us. That is, it seems to me that in some cases there is likely what could be called “harassment” on behalf of both parties towards one and other. It seems to me that in such cases it is not simple to point the finger at one or other member. Perhaps in such cases, if one of the members involved wants something done, then maybe s/he could start a thread about it in which the total PM exchange is posted in the thread so the community (anyone interested) can evaluate the situation. From such community input it might be possible to settle the issue between two members—esp. if they can both be shown by constructive criticism that each one is “in the wrong.”

Sometimes it is so much easier to see someone else’s messages as rude, insulting, or harassing, than it is to see these same elements in our own messages. Perhaps community input would smooth out such inadequacies and remove the blinders that we may have.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
17:47 / 20.07.03
You mean, dressed like that ze was asking for it?

I think Randy has made a fairly salient point....there may also be a case for group moderation, although if in some cases the person persisting in sending PMs after a clear request that they cease to do so is seeking attention, I'm not entirely sure that this might not act as a reward system - I'm thinking of a Knowledge or a Twart, say...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
18:27 / 20.07.03
On:

Of course, if we have also participated in an exchange of PMs with the person in question, then we might also have to accept some responsibility for what we might have said that could have been interpreted as insulting or threatening by the person we feel is harassing us.

It occurs to me that this is not really immediately germaine. Ganesh and I have both previously been in PM contact with trolls, and people were in PM contact with the Twart, and in both cases there was a point when it was decided that their use of PM was inappropriate.

Also, this appears to miss a fairly fundamental point. The case in this thread is of somebody ignoring a direct request to stop sending PMs, and to raise any concerns that they felt needed to be addressed further in a public forum, where the freedom to be abusive (on either side) without fear of being "overheard" would be curtailed. I am not quite sure how one party could *force* the other to send PMs after having been specifically requested not to - perhaps by neurolinguistic programming or telekinesis - but notwithstanding such occult practices it seems, as Randy says, a fairly useful distinctor between merely snippy and actively refusing to respect others' wishes, which is pretty much bound to make Barbelith a less pleasant environment in which to interact.
 
 
Robot Man Reformed
18:36 / 20.07.03
"For example, conveniently, we have a thread or two further down the policy where the making of threats in a PM was discussed. This was, in one case not identified as actionable harrassment, because the recipient did not at the time feel particularly threatened by them; another member might have felt differently. In another, it was judged to be both threatening and harrassing, and the individual in question has been essentially ejected from the board."

Haus, would you mind linking to this thread?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
18:57 / 20.07.03
Which one? We have...

The status of "you dumb fuck" and "if you fuck with me then I will fuck with you" as instruments of policy.

And we have:

Threats delivered via PM of the ever-popular legal action. Ganesh, who had some time previously been in PM contact with Knodge, also got one of these shortly thereafter (suggesting btw that the change of heart Knodge appears to have expressed to >0< about such threatening behaviour was rather a brief one), but I can't find the thread offhand.
 
 
Robot Man Reformed
19:12 / 20.07.03
Isn't 'threat' a rather strong word in these particular cases?

For instance: Threat, defined by www.dictionary.com:

"threat ( P ) Pronunciation Key (thrt) n.

1) An expression of an intention to inflict pain, injury, evil, or punishment.

2) An indication of impending danger or harm.

3) One that is regarded as a possible danger; a menace."

I can't see how ones saying that one might take 'legal action' could be construed as an intention to punish a person, per se. More an intention to persue a situation through to its natural, 'just' conclusion. (Legally, of course.)
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
19:19 / 20.07.03
So, the phrase "the threat of legal action"...oh, never mind. RRM is pretty much inevitably going to criticise any attempt to reign in behaviour on Barbelith that might impair hir right to call people paedophiles and rail against international Jewry. This should surprise nobody.

Does anyone mind if further interruptions off the topic are ignored? The topic is:

Can private messages, whether harrassing in intent or not, be recognised as "harrassing"? Does somebody have the right to request a cessation of private messaging? And what precedents are there for such situations?
 
 
—| x |—
19:22 / 20.07.03
No offense, E. Randy, but “Continued attempts to contact someone who's indicated that they don't wish to have such contact,” seems a little too general and vague to count as a blanket that will cover all cases. I’ll expand on this shortly. But first:

Yes, perhaps the junk mail comparison isn’t the best. Let’s try again. Let’s suppose that I am receiving messages from some creditors. They’re phoning me up demanding money, sending me notices in the mail, threatening future financial discord for me or something if I don’t pay up. Certainly I’d like it if they stopped calling me and leaving me messages and etc., but my request for them to “just leave me alone” is obviously going to go unheeded.

“Ridiculous!” some of us might now cry, “It isn’t at all like that wrt to PMs because I haven’t done anything to accumulate the debt that the creditors are after. I merely requested that someone stop PMing me!”

Oh really?

Now, it seems to me that there is at least two ways to ask someone to stop PMing you—wrt the abstract, yes, anyone has “the right” to ask so and so to stop messaging hir, but the way in which we ask either works towards creating an obligation on behalf of so and so to stop messaging or it does not.

In the first case, if we have received an unwelcome PM & have decided to respond, then if our response is some reasonable variation of:

Please do not send me another PM as I have no wish to have a private dialogue with you. Thank you,

then it seems to me that if so and so continues to PM us, then there is a clear case for looking at harassment on behalf of so and so towards us. Such a response creates a clear obligation for so and so to not send us further PMs.

In the second case, we choose to respond; however, our response is not the simple, succinct, and reasonable request as above, but instead we make a series of claims, statements, or etc. about so and so or such and such, and then request that the person not PM us any longer, then it seems to me that we have failed to create the obligation upon so and so to stop PMing us, and in fact, in this second instance, we appear to create “the right” for that person to respond. Like in the “creditor” example above, the message might be unwelcome, but we have, in a sense, created “a debt” for ourselves with our decision to respond in this manner.

In this latter situation, it might be (depending on the PMs exchanged previous to our request) much like having an argument with a person in a room and then whipping out a grenade, pullingt the pin, and then asking the other person to kindly wait in the room until the grenade goes off while we beat a hasty retreat.

So, which instance does your particular case fall under Haus?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
19:32 / 20.07.03
So, once again, you mean dressed like that I was asking for it?

The response addressed the demands made in the previous PM. They then explained why no further personal communication was going to be engaged in, and asked for no further PMs to be sent, explaining clearly that to continue to send PMs would be unwelcome, and that further discussion of this matter should take place in the Policy if anywhere. as such, it would appear that your creditor comparison is again inappropriate, since an "alternative method of paying" was made available. Removing specific references for now, the phrasing was:


So, I must ask you with regret to refrain from PMing me further. Any further PMs will be taken as harrassing, and dealt with as such. I regret also any inefficiencies that may result from this in the process of moderation, but am sure they will be surmountable. I suggest that if you have a question about x, you ask one of the other moderators, or use the Policy. Likewise any continuation of your problems over my choice of words, which I feel other members of Barbelith should have access to if it is worth this amount of bother; I am, after all, hardly equipped to comment, being in your eyes so clearly partial.

I am very sincerely sorry for this, but as I say I am terribly busy and you are quite right - as time-consuming and only fun for the wrong reasons, I should not be indulging in this profitless antagonism.

I remain ktl.,

T.


This seems pretty clear. Does it seem reasonable to quote the response, since it was sent after this sincere and quite unambiguous request to move any further discussion to the Conversation?
 
 
—| x |—
19:42 / 20.07.03
You mean, dressed like that ze was asking for it?

Yes, of course that’s what I meant—that’s so obviously the “correct” interpretation: ten points to Haus for excellent reading skills!

No only goofing around there. Seriously, how many of you have seen the South Park episode that was Terrence and Philip feature film? In this episode an annoying guy called Scott calls up T & P on the phone. I don’t exactly recall which one of the two Scott talks to, but the conversation on the phone consists of Scott and either T or P taking turns calling each other a dick:

“You’re a dick.”

“No, you’re a dick.”

No, you’re a dick.”

Repeat several, several more times.

What I am saying is if there has been an exchange that is more or less like this, then obviously both people involved share some responsibility and fault. Clearly.

It occurs to me that this is not really immediately germaine. Ganesh and I have both previously been in PM contact with trolls, and people were in PM contact with the Twart, and in both cases there was a point when it was decided that their use of PM was inappropriate.

Obviously there are going to be exceptions to rules, and specific cases that do not quite fit into what is “established.” Please take care to notice the implications of my ‘if…then…’ statement, esp. the implications of the word ‘might’. I said, “If we have also participated in an exchange of PMs with the person in question, then we might also have to accept some responsibility…” Clearly, we could be in a situation where we have been exchanging PMs with an individual & we have been hot-headed ourselves; therefore, we might (or likely would in this case) have to accept some responsibility for our own inappropriate and harassing behaviour. Thus, this point does in fact seem “immediately germane” to the discussion at hand: it applies directly to some possible cases of PM harassment.
 
 
Robot Man Reformed
19:47 / 20.07.03
(I'm sorry if this derails the thread at all, and I'd be happy to move this side-topic to a different thread entirely.)

"So, the phrase "the threat of legal action"...oh, never mind. RRM is pretty much inevitably going to criticise any attempt to reign in behaviour on Barbelith that might impair hir right to call people paedophiles and rail against international Jewry. This should surprise nobody."

I don't see how what I have posted elsewhere has anything to do with what I am saying here.

What I am saying here is that 'threat' is a bit of a loaded word to be throwing around. I tried to back up what I was saying with a definition of the word from a dictionary.

By your response, which shows an apparent lack of interest in the questions I raised, I think you have evidentally dismissed it out of hand and decided that it relates in some way to how I might feel about actions taken in order to stop bad behaviour on Barbelith.(I take this from my reading of your post and please correct me in the event that I have read it wrongly.)

I don't see what connection this has to my point though.

How does my querying a particular word used in your vernacular, more importantly, the inherent conotations of this word, relate to actions being taken to stop bad behaviour here on Barbelith?

I don't see the relation, personally, although I'm sure there is one and would you be nice enough to communicate it to me? Otherwise I might allow myself to think that it has about as much relevance to my original point as your unattributed quotation: "the threat of legal action," which I have never heard anyone say, and, whilst you may have, does not really hold much water if you can't attribute it to somebody in the legal profession. And even then, the case would have to be loooked at based on its own merits.

I would be quite happy to begin a new thread on this though, if you would be happy to Haus.
 
 
—| x |—
19:47 / 20.07.03
Well Haus, that seems like a reasonable request. Was that the full contents of your message, or was there more to it then that?
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
20:00 / 20.07.03
These jejune attempts to "catch me out" rather than actually look at the issues, or indeed the text of what I have written, are eerily familiar...

If you cast your eyes up, >0<, and apply your excellent reading skills, you will notice the paragraph reads:

The response addressed the demands made in the previous PM. They then explained why no further communication was going to be profitable, and asked for no further PMs to be sent, explaining clearly that to continue to send PMs would be unwelcome, and that further discussion of this matter should take place in the Policy if anywhere. as such, it would appear that your creditor comparison is again inappropriate, since an "alternative method of paying" was made available. Removing specific references for now, the phrasing was:

It seems fairly clear from the bold sections that I have omitted the opening section, which is clearly mentioned in the post above, out of a wish to protect the identity of the other person involved, who may yet not yet be a hopeless, albeit hubristic, case.

(RRM - if you would like to start a thread on the meaning of the word "threat", please do. I suggest the Conversation, or possibly the Head Shop, or if you want to look specifically at the actions of Knodge and >0< then the Policy. Kindly refrain from rotting this thread, however)

So, >0<, there may well be "responsibility and blame" for the behaviour of both parties prior to the point where one of them asked the other to refrain from further PMing. Unless you mean that when possessed of sufficient righteous indignation one is enfranchised to break the rules, I'm not sure where that impacts upon the right of the party of the second part to ignore the request, especially as it contained a clear and clearly spoken alternative to sending a PM, that is starting the discussion in the Policy where an abusive tone might be more generally commented on and possibly discouraged.
 
 
—| x |—
20:08 / 20.07.03
Well Haus, I am not comfortable with the fact that you are omitting what might be important elements from your PM that would be to the point of this discussion and perhaps bear a relation to some of the statements I've made in this thread. Would it be possible for you to post the whole of your message? I am sure you would be able to edited it with tact so as not to give away the identity(ies) of anyone involved.

Also, I am especially curious about your use of the word ‘demands’ wrt the member in question—what sorts of demands was s/he making? This might well contribute towards building a case of harassment regarding the member in question.

[btw, what does ‘ktl.’ stand for anyway?]
 
 
Spatula Clarke
20:19 / 20.07.03
Er, maybe I'm missing something here, but the issue is that one person ignored another's request not to contact them via PM - what led to this is neither here nor there. That should remain the case as long as neither party wants to run through the entire saga.

Poster X has asked poster Y not to PM them. Poster Y has ignored the request. That in itself is a misuse of the system, regardless of the dance that's brought us to this point.

Again, I may have missed it, but you don't seem to have expanded on what you think is wrong with my definition of harassment, >0< .
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
20:19 / 20.07.03
kai ta loipa. It's like etc. for etcetera.

Now, since the person who sent the PM is currently requested not to PM me, and I don't see that rolling that back in the interests of getting hir consent to risk identification is a terribly good precedent to set, we are at a bit of an impasse. I don't want to take the risk of identifying somebody unnecessarily by accident - again, we have precedents - but it appears that nothing less will allow us to move on to the next stage of attempting to undermine me. Maybe while we wait we can talk about all those people who have expressed their reservations about how I abuse my moderator powers...it's traditional.

Perhaps if the person in question could contact another administrator expressing their willingness to be identified, and that admin were to pass this on to me, then it might be fairer to reproduce the entire correspondence...it wasn't that long as these things go.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
20:46 / 20.07.03
Or, of course, we could answer Randy's question. There's that possibility as well.

I believe, Randy, that >0< is arguing that when the content of a PM requesting that somebody ceases to send PMs contains anything other than a request to cease sending PMs, the recipient of the request is not only entitled but almost compelled to continue to send PMs. Even if the other person has made it quite clear that they are happy to continue the discusion, but not in a private arena where the other person is presumably taking advantage of the privacy and the protection of private messaging to be unpleasant and rude, but rather in open field. It's a vampire duelling code of the Torador, or something.
 
 
—| x |—
21:12 / 20.07.03
OK. Let’s look at an example of a response and see if it successfully creates an obligation upon the person receiving the message not to respond or if it fails to create such an obligation, but instead actually creates “the right” of the receiver to neglect the request and have the option of responding.

Well, I wanted to get this straight: you admit that you have done wrong, and you recognize that it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Moreover, you accept that your actions could be labeled as “suicidal.” So, in effect, the only problem you have with me is that I did not tell Suzanne that her actions were suicidal as well?

OK, that’s simple enough. Suzanne was questioning your ability to drive really fast. Thus, although she was driving fast as well, her driving wasn’t suicidal, but merely “speeding.” I mean, I asked both of you not to drive that way, and you both seemed to have slowed down. Thus, as a piece of advice from one who cares it worked really well—aside from your feelings about being labeled as “suicidal”—which I feel bad about but I cannot let that interfere with my duties as one who cares.

Besides, Suzanne is a really good driver. Thus, she knows how drive that car fast and has a feel for how it handles. I have the utmost confidence in her ability to drive, and it seems that my telling her she was speeding was appropriate because she isn’t speeding anymore.

Now, I’m kinda’ busy, but I’d like to add:

When you said that you did not understand what I was saying, what I meant was that it seems that you are going to talk back to me every time I criticize you, and so, I am simply going to have to rejoice and revel in everything you do. This might not be how you see it, but that is exactly how I feel.

Anyway, your snide little comment about me calling you suicidal clearly shows why I must ask you to stop. You are not a very nice person and don’t treat others well in a very consistent manner—frankly, I am tired of it. Calling me on my driving, the childish imitation of my skills—it’s boring. So far I have tried my best not to comment on or get you to change your ability to handle the car (even when you sometimes fail to come to a complete stop at every stop sign), but—and I am not going to bother telling you all these little faults about yourself because I am bigger than that—I have no real want to sit around here and listen to what you are saying in response to me.


[and here we’ll add your part, Haus]

So, I must ask you with regret to refrain from PMing me further. Any further PMs will be taken as harrassing, and dealt with as such. I regret also any inefficiencies that may result from this in the process of moderation, but am sure they will be surmountable. I suggest that if you have a question about how to moderate in the Head Shop, you ask one of the other moderators, or use the Policy. Likewise any continuation of your problems over my choice of words, which I feel other members of Barbelith should have access to if it is worth this amount of bother; I am, after all, hardly equipped to comment, being in your eyes so clearly partial.

I am very sincerely sorry for this, but as I say I am terribly busy and you are quite right - as time-consuming and only fun for the wrong reasons, I should not be indulging in this profitless antagonism.

I remain ktl.,

T.


So, what do people think? If we received a PM like this—with Haus’ pleasant request wrapping it up—would we feel obligated to abide by his request or do you think that his request is effectively negated by the rest of the content of the message, and in fact creates “the right” for us to respond?

Haus, what sorts of demands was this person making? I believe this is directly relevant...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:22 / 20.07.03
I do not wish to risk revealing the identity of that person without their express consent, >0<. This is good practice, which you are taking advantage of with irresponsible comparisons, and I suggest that your fantasising is not only threadrot but also intended to generate a prejudicial response. So far you have made three specious comparisons - the junk mail, the creditors and now this strangely thanatomaniacal speculation - and I don't see that any of them have added anything of worth to the discussion beyond a brief guide to sophistry for tiny hands.

Whether it is your intention to attempt to disrupt the discussion, or merely the effect of your best efforts to contribute meaningfully, I must ask that you restrict your flights of fancy as far as you are able.
 
 
Ganesh
21:22 / 20.07.03
The final paragraph is extremely explicit in articulating the sender's desire not to receive further PMs - and has suggested alternatives to some of the possible problems this might generate (eg. go through another moderator). Under these circumstances, I might send one further 'are you sure' message - but anything beyond this would constitute a pretty blatant disregard (on my part) for the sender's expressly-stated wishes... for the purposes of what? Point-scoring? Having the last word?

I'm not especially good at dropping an ongoing argument but, in this situation, I'd feel obliged to at least try.
 
 
—| x |—
22:05 / 20.07.03
Well, Haus, why don't you go ahead and post the full PM, and then we’ll see how much “strange thanatomaniacal speculation” the above really is.


There: you've my permission.
 
 
Ganesh
22:13 / 20.07.03
Getting too wrapped up in specific examples seems somewhat secondary to the point - and a little too much like the same old same old cock-fighting. Returning to the abstract, I'd say someone does have the right to request a cessation of PMing - and if this is a) made explicit, and b) persistently ignored then yes, I think it would begin to constitute harassment.
 
 
Robot Man Reformed
22:38 / 20.07.03
ha·rass ( P ) Pronunciation Key (h-rs, hrs)
tr.v. ha·rassed, ha·rass·ing, ha·rass·es

1) To torment persistently.

2) To wear out; exhaust.

3) To impede and exhaust (an enemy) by repeated attacks or raids.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
22:40 / 20.07.03
Righty-ho: From the top:

>0< said:

Hello Haus.

First, let me say thank-you for interjecting a voice of reason wrt Lurid’s personal thoughts and opinions on my status as a moderator. That said, I’d like to address your concerns expressed when you wrote:

“>0<, you *are*, however, a moderator of this forum. This should not generally affect your behaviour as a poster, but if somebody raises a concern, you probably should try to address it in a reasonably adult way. Your last post was pretty much pure ad hominem, and was also perpetuating threadrot.”

Yes, I am a moderator of the Headshop, and so, yes, writing that post did require a certain restraint, which—believe me—I tried my best to exercise: I didn’t simply tell Lurid to “Fuck Off” and that I’d see him in Hell! You see, this is nothing new to Lurid and myself; put differently, had someone else raised this concern, my response would have likely been different, but it was Lurid who voiced this concern, and it is nothing more than his repeated attempts to antagonize me. Note that Lurid is an adminstrator and has at least as much responsibility to “act in an adult manner” as I do, and perhaps a teensy bit more. That is, notice how Lurid steps in to stir something up that is entirely unrelated to the anything in the thread.

Now, ad hominem means “argument against the man,” which clearly Lurid’s post is. He says:

“Personally, I am rather disturbed that a Headshop moderator sees comprehensibility as an optional extra. There are certain minimal standards of intellectual debate and the ad hoc redefinition of words in order to conform to an agenda is rather short of that.”

Here we see that he is voicing an opinion about me, the man, wrt the role as a moderator. His reasons, “…a Headshop moderator [who] sees comprehensibility as an optional extra,” is merely opinion & not argued or supported by anything other than his assertion. Furthermore, this reason is clearly “putting words in my mouth”: Lurid seems to think that everything I say is in absolute terms, and does not appear able to appreciate that I am an adult, and so, able to exercise discretion and appreciate context. Put differently, Lurid tends to paint me with bold strokes and ignores details. My saying that “I don’t feel the need to be constrained by popular belief nor popular usage and understanding of words” clearly does not entail that I see “comprehensibility as an optional extra”: such a conclusion requires extra assumptions, which Lurid seems unable to recognize or report.

Also, Lurid attacks me, the man, again with the line about “minimum standards of intellectual debate.” This is the default position that Lurid appears to have towards me: he figures that I am incomprehensible and appears to hold to this very rigidly and tightly. I notice that Q and I have been having an “intellectual debate” fine all on our own—staying on topic, giving each other mutual respect, and etc.. Neither him nor myself are complaining about one or the other. Included here is the unsupported accusation that I am defining words “ad hoc.” There is no evidence of this. It hasn’t occurred in the thread other than in my thesis, which is that relations and things are identical &/v that things are bundles of relations and not anything more, and this is exactly what the “intellectual debate” is about. Thus, my redefinition is obviously not “ad hoc” but has been argued for consistently and clearly throughout the thread. As well, this idea that I am always operating from a position of “agenda” is really something that Lurid seems to say again and again wrt to my messages and threads, and yet, he doesn’t ever once seem able to say what such an “agenda” is. I have discussed some of these things with Lurid via PM recently, and yet, he seems unwilling to see anything but my shortcomings.

All things considered, it seems that Lurid’s post very much “argues against the man,” and does so on mere assertion of opinion with disregard to any actual evidence.

Is my post ad hominem? Show me the money.

Suggesting that Lurid take a hot bath to relieve tension isn’t argument—that much is for sure—and so, it doesn’t appear to “argue against the man,” Lurid. A somewhat sarcastic and flippant remark certainly, but not attacking Lurid.

Next I say:

“And quit putting words in my mouth that aren't there. What's this "agenda" that I have, Lurid, please tell me because I am getting a little tired of you throwing this word at me all the time without knowing what you think you see, but merely knowing how you see.”

Here I fail to see any “argument against the man.” I ask Lurid to be more clear about this supposed “agenda” I have (granted, not in a “friendly” way, but not in an insulting way either), and I ask him to quit interpreting me in ways that seem to suit his “default position” attitude towards me.

After that I write:

“Also, I don't merely redefine words "ad hoc": I typically try to give good reasons to think that we use them incorrectly or don't understand what they mean as well as we'd like. Geez, Lurid, give it up, OK?”

This pretty much addresses Lurid’s concern in an “adult manner.” Granted, the final sentence is not necessary, but again, reflects the circumstances of Lurid’s and my recent private interactions, which obviously you are likely not aware of. However, I still fail to see argument against Lurid the man here.

Finally, I write:

“Why do you keep posting in Headshop threads only to try to pick a fight with me: I already discussed this with you via PM--speaking of minimal standards of debate and all...”

Again, I ask Lurid a legitimate question, and there is evidence for this in the thread about Language where Lurid posts to pick a fight about “the incorrect use of Godel,” when clearly Godel was not being used at all, but only explicated for the sake of another member who seemed to know only a little about such matters. This feels to me to be an excellent example of what neglecting the minimal standards of debate is. Again, I fail to see this as argument against Lurid, but argument against what appears to be his position.

It is worth noting here that >0<'s understanding of Latin is poor - "ad hominem" does not mean "argument against the man", it is *short* for "argument against the man". This is important later

Short version? I wasn't rude enough to Lurid for his tastes.


Then I - alas, I did not keep my message, so cannot speak for it, but his response:
> Would you rather "inflammatory, offtopic and rude" rather than "ad hominem"? I'm happy to go for that, if it will be a more comfortable fit for you.

Yes, AAMOF.

> It seems to me that you are pretty clearly attempting to criticise and belittle Lurid as a person...

No.

> as you believe he has you, and thus suggest that his argument is baseless, at some length...

What argument?--he's not provided one. He made statements, but does not provide evidence to support his “personal” claims (other than taking a single quote, and blowing it up out of any relation to sanity or sense).

> This is ad hominem.

"Argument ad hominem is a kind of argument that uses personal attack against the arguer to refute her argument. In the abusive or personal variant, the character of the arguer (especially character for veracity) is attacked; e.g., 'You can't believe what Smith says—he is a liar'."
~fr. Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy.

Note how close the above example is to Lurid's post. Lurid says, in essence, "You can't believe Greater than Zero because he doesn't use language correctly and he doesn't argue fairly." This is rude, abusive, and belittling to me. I don't take people's shit, Tann—you know this.

Again, I fail to see how asking Lurid to explain to me more about this “agenda” (his word) I am supposed to have or asking him why he has been trying to pick fights with me is abusive, rude, or belittling to him. Yes, I fully agree that the opening line to my post (the “take a bath”) is rude, but abusive?—maybe if you are really soft, and belittling?—hmm…perhaps somewhat.

> You and Lurid are both, to my mind, misbehaving here.

I agree.

> You are both rotting the thread with a personal argument…

We are both rotting the thread, yes; however, it seems to me that Lurid had made the argument personal—am I not entitled to respond? I mean, it’s not like I was ready and poised to destroy the thread because of such nonsense, but I did want to make a little remark.

> Mutual responsibility.

Yes, great idea in theory—looks good on paper or in pixels. Great if both sides can see this. Perhaps you could share some of your thoughts about this with Lurid? I’ve tried to explain to him that our differences and difficulties are not merely all about me, but he’s not so inclined to take what I say sincerely.

> "Inflammatory, offtopic and rude" has much the same force.

Hmm, not really. I do not feel that my post was “inflammatory,” off topic only insofar as it was a response to someone’s message, which was way off topic. Yes, rude—no doubt. Rude is not the same as ad hominem.

> It is bad for the thread, and bad for the Head Shop. You are a moderator of the Head Shop. I believe that it was Descartes, when teaching Queen Christina geometry, who suggested that she do the math.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Lurid is an administrator of the board: what sort of remarks and guidance have you offered him?

I believe it was Jesus Christ who suggested to people in general that they ought to, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” and I also believe it was Confucius who suggested to people in general that it was generally a wise idea to “Do not do to others what you would not want done to you.”

Mutual responsibility indeed!

Give and take, ebb and flow—we all relate in currents which generally reflect and complement one and other.

We may note at this point that a personal attack ain't personal if >0< makes it. This is worth remembering.

I:

As I say, I'm afraid I'm very busy at the moment, and as such do not feel I can in good conscience apply myself to the previously bootless task of persuading you that any of your percepts are in any way not entirely correct.

You rotted a thread in the Head Shop. You are a moderator of the Head Shop. Your fight with Lurid belongs in PM, or in the Policy, or in the Conversation.

Yawn. Take a nice hot bath and soke that tension away, Lurid.

"Lurid's statement is not valid - it is a result of tension, not ratiocination. Lurid is emotional, not rational. You should not listen to his argument because of his personal weakness"

But I do not expect you to consider this seriously, and I am, as I mentioned, too busy to read your subsequent refutation in depth, for which I apologise.

My viewpoint is that your response was offtopic, inflammatory and childish. This is my opinion. Everybody rots threads sometimes becasue they are cross, but it is traditional to understand that threadrot adn personal arguments that leave the topic behind are not a good thing, especially when they are perpetrated by moderators of that forum.

Lurid's behaviour I commented on in the thread. He has not, at this point, contacted me to explain why he is completely justified, has said nothing more in the thread, and may perhaps have decided to have a bit of quiet time and think about his responsibilities. I can't speak for him.

Now, this problem you and Lurid seem to be having seems to belong in the Policy, or in the Conversation and as such I am not entirely sure why you are a) not talking about it there and b) so keen to talk about it with me, rather than with him.

What you will not see from this reproduction is that I left an i tag off, making the lower three quadrants of my response italic. >0< responded to this by making much of his next post italic, thus rendering it deliberately almost totally incomprehensible. Insulting somebody's typing is always more important than actually being comprehensible in these exchanges, I have learnt from bitter experience.

He:

> As I say, I'm afraid I'm very busy at the moment, and as such do not feel I can in good conscience apply myself to the previously bootless task of persuading you that any of your precepts are in any way not entirely correct.

See, it's funny because what is the case is not merely that my precepts are likely not entirely clear, but that your and Lurid's are not entirely clear either. It's interesting because, like I have said to you before, some people do not seem able to look in the mirror, but appear to have no difficulties picking out other people's problems. Of course, I suppose that it could be the case that the likes of Lurid and yourself are entirely without fault in all circumstances...

> You rotted a thread in the Head Shop. You are a moderator of the Head Shop. Your fight with Lurid belongs in PM, or in the Policy, or in the Conversation.

No and yes. I mean, Lurid rotted a thread, but I did not shy away from responding with like.

> Yawn. Take a nice hot bath and soke that tension away, Lurid.
>
> "Lurid's statement is not valid - it is a result of tension, not ratiocination. Lurid is emotional, not rational. You should not listen to his argument because of his personal weakness."

Hmm, perhaps—appears forced, but valid. From person to person, the tension was reference to Lurid and my recent exchange of a couple of PMs. He has tension he needs to relieve. And of course, there’s always the point (quite obvious) that Lurid had no argument, but maybe you’re simply more generous than I.

> My viewpoint is that your response was offtopic, inflammatory and childish. This is my opinion. Everybody rots threads sometimes because they are cross, but it is traditional to understand that threadrot adn personal arguments that leave the topic behind are not a good thing, especially when they are perpetrated by moderators of that forum.

Off topic?—only insofar as it responds to something mentioned in thread previously by another member, but that particular member was “off topic” to start. Inflammatory?—could be if you’re someone who is already (or easily) hot and bothered. “Childish”?—you use this word much too much without any apparent appreciation of the depth involved in being childish—you use it as something always derogatory: grow-up!

> Lurid's behaviour I commented on in the thread. He has not, at this point, contacted me to explain why he is completely justified, has said nothing more in the thread, and may perhaps have decided to have a bit of quiet time and think about his responsibilities. I can't speak for him.

Only a half-hearted and sympathetic comment—you speak reasonably to his off topic remarks, but no mention that his post was “ad hominem”—you only choose to “scold” me for this—why?

> Now, this problem you and Lurid seem to be having seems to belong in the Policy, or in the Conversation and as such I am not entirely sure why you are a) not talking about it there and b) so keen to talk about it with me, rather than with him.

a) because it is something that Lurid needs (the desire in order) to be able to discuss: I am not going to start a thread only to talk to myself.

b) see the above & Lurid and I, like I’ve mentioned several times now, have already exchanged a couple of PMs about some things, but he seems unlikely to step outside his fixed view of myself and his closed mindedness about certain matters. Put differently, he can’t think clearly about the things he needs to in order for him and I to actually have a dialogue. As it stands it is all “you are to blame for x, y, and z, mod & no one else is wrong in any way whatsoever, and nothing you can possibly say to me can persuade me otherwise.”

It’s funny because I am typically the only one willing to admit my mistakes and errors, while others are merely happy to point them out; i.e., they do unto others what they cannot do unto themselves.

getting ruder, getting ruder...Christ complex kicking in nicely, and I have still not upbraided that wascawwy Wuwid for being a bad. Note that at this point he admits that the description of his post as ad hominem is valid, although he will deny that later. I'm getting a bit tired at this point - >0<'s method, as you may have noticed, is to hang around prioducing vast quantities of text and essentially harrying people into submission -

I:

Quite so. No doubt everybody here is coloured by their own judgement. I for one have no wish to continue to impose that judgement. If you have a problem with the identification of your thread as offtopic, I suggest you go to the Policy. If you believe that Lurid's behaviour needs to be discussed, I suggest again that you go to the Policy.

As it is, I'm afraid that I am very busy and etc. You believe yourself to be right, I really don't mind very much as long as you stop misbehaving in the Head Shop. I am bored by your suggezstion that nayone who does not immediately celebrate you must be on the same side. I criticised your behaviour and Lurid's. The difference so far appears to be that Lurid has not immediately dashed off an angry letter to the Daily Mail.

Now, it seems that if I have the temerity not to agree with you, I will receive the same abusive treatment as previously, which strikes me as neither a very mature or a very profitable relationship.

So, to restate. You are welcome to believe what you will. I respect absolutely your right to feel so. You contributed to threadrot in the Head Shop in the pursuit of a personal grievance. You believe yourself to have acted unimpeachably, and as long as you accept that my opinion differs, then fair enough; it will no doubt lead to trouble further down the line, but there we go. If you wish me to refer this correspondence upwards to Tom, or wish to do so yourself, please do feel free to mention.

He:

“If you have a problem with the identification of your thread as offtopic, I suggest you go to the Policy. If you believe that Lurid's behaviour needs to be discussed, I suggest again that you go to the Policy.

There is no problem in the first case: Q and I are managing (oh!—somehow) to get along after the tragedy. However, there is a problem in the second case, but it is not really my problem, ya’ see (of course, I am afraid that you don’t, but I am getting used to some of your blind spots by now)?

“As it is, I'm afraid that I am very busy and etc.”

Yes, and yet you keep writing for some reason…

“You believe yourself to be right…”

Yes, and you believe yourself to be right—boring.

“I am bored by your suggezstion that nayone who does not immediately celebrate you must be on the same side.”

I’m not even sure—typos aside—what you mean here, Tann. What side? Who is being asked to “celebrate” me and who put in the request? Not me.

“I criticised your behaviour and Lurid's. The difference so far appears to be that Lurid has not immediately dashed off an angry letter to the Daily Mail.”

Look Haus, here is where you are clearly wrong. Lurid’s post was ad hominem, and yet you chide me for that mistake and not him. That is the difference. As an administrator you might want to try for an air of impartiality, don’t you think?

“…it seems that if I have the temerity not to agree with you, I will receive the same abusive treatment as previously, which strikes me as neither a very mature or a very profitable relationship.”

Look, disagree with me all you want—I don’t really care so much about that, but remember from our marathon PM race that I will give to you what I seem to be getting from you. If you start to give me abusive treatment, you might expect some in return. In this respect I agree our relationship becomes neither “mature” nor “profitable”—it takes two to Tango, doll.

“You contributed to threadrot in the Head Shop in the pursuit of a personal grievance. You believe yourself to have acted unimpeachably”

No see, this is where you are simply not listening to what I have said to you. I freely admit I contributed to “threadrot,” & I admit that it wasn’t the best behaviour—I can say that I’ve committed these wrongs. Therefore, I fully believe the opposite of how you think I do.

What I do believe is that Lurid does not recognize the full extent of both his role in creating “the wrong” and the attitude that he has which motivated such participation.

I had hope that you had a better understanding of both myself and how relationships work by now.

>0< mentions here that he is more than happy to gear up to a stream of abuse, threats, dark mutterings about armies of disgruntled Barbeloids ready to rise up against my tyranny, and all the other things that characterised our last little contretemps unless I start agreeing with him RIGHT THE HELL NOW. Endgame, I think. The accusations of partiality are interesting - the only moderation action >0< has thrown himself into so far with any enthusiasm, it seems, was puppyishly editing Lurid's posts for typos until asked not to. >0< has a bit of a thing about other people's typos. To explain part of the next post, I must explain that his orignal title, before moving onto the slightly more minatory "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me" (>0< appears to enjoy being rude through quoting lyrics. it's sorta puckish) was "wrt Lurid and I", rather than the more English "wrt Lurid and me".

Hey ho. Nearly there. I, by now horribly aware that this was never going to end unless moves were made to end it:

So, let me make sure I understand you correctly: you admit that you rotted the thread, you acknowledge that this was a bad thing to do. You accept that your response was indeed ad hominem. So, the only complaint you have is that I did not accuse Lurid Archive of using an ad hominem argument as well?

Well, that's easy enough. Lurid Archive was questioning your competence to moderate. As such, his argument was by definition not ad hominem but simply homini. Notwithstanding Latin, I asked both of you to stop rotting the thread, and it appears largely to have worked. Thus, as a piece of moderation it worked perfectly well, barring your hurt feelings, which I regret but cannot allow to prevent me from acting as I have been charged to do by Barbelith in keeping threads clear of clutter in the Head Shop.

Lurid is also an intelligent user of language. He will therefore understand how he is being upbraided, and the force behind the words. I have faith in his ability to comprehend written English, and it appears that I judged the forcefulness of the rebuke aright, since the threadrot from his corner appears to have ceased in that thread.

Now, briefly, for I am rather busy at present:

I’m not even sure—typos aside—what you mean here, Tann. What side? Who is being asked to “celebrate” me and who put in the request? Not me

Well, it seems on current form that I am going to get this wave of abuse every time I criticise you, and thus that I am perforce going to have to celebrate you. This may not be how you perceive it, but it is certainly how I feel.

However, the "typos aside" demonstrates rather why I fear I must ask you to desist. You are very, very rude, in a highly repetitious fashion, and it tires me. The references to typos, the puerile imitation of a missing i tag - it is dull. I have thus far managed somehow not to correct your solecisms (even when they involved glaring grammatical errors in post titles), but while I have no particular wish to sink to this level of playground hair-pulling I also have no real desire to sit around here on the end of it.

So, I must ask you with regret to refrain from PMing me further. Any further PMs will be taken as harrassing, and dealt with as such. I regret also any inefficiencies that may result from this in the process of moderation, but am sure they will be surmountable. I suggest that if you have a question about how to moderate in the Head Shop, you ask one of the other moderators, or use the Policy. Likewise any continuation of your problems over my choice of words, which I feel other members of Barbelith should have access to if it is worth this amount of bother; I am, after all, hardly equipped to comment, being in your eyes so clearly partial.

I am very sincerely sorry for this, but as I say I am terribly busy and you are quite right - as time-consuming and only fun for the wrong reasons, I should not be indulging in this profitless antagonism.

I remain ktl.,

The ways in which >0<'s representation of this above is dishonest are reasonably legion. Obviously, there is the use of "suicidal" and "speeding" for "ad hominem" and "homini". >0< does not speak Latin, and there is no shame in that, but he has clearly simply failed completely to understand this distinction. Briefly, "ad hominem" is *short* for "argumentum ad hominem" - the argument towards the man. If Lurid, as >0< maintains, did not have an argument, then his post could not have involved an "argumentum ad hominem", but could only be "homini". I admit that this was my little joke, but the principle, I feel , is good - if I am to deluged with PMs every time I fail adequately to flatter somebody's vanity then I will not have much time to contribute to the bits of Barbelith I enjoy, which will make Barbelith rather less pleasant a place to be.

So, that is dishonest. What next...oh yes. He seems to have extended the driving metaphor to my comment on how rude he is in PMs (and, to be fair to the boy, to a reasonable extent on the board as well - never let it be said that he is inconsistent in his attempts to insult and shout down those who disagree with him). "Talk back" is rather different from "abuse" and "criticise" from disagree - if we leave out Susan's driving skills, I think his interpretation above is rather what he felt the exchange should have been; I may have been wearing my Slytherin robes also to demonstrate further my weakness and arrogance. And the suggestion that "moderation", "use of ad hominem arguments" and "typing" all fit the single metaphor of driving - >0<'s English is of variable quality, so as I say, this may simply be his best effort, but the obfuscatory effect is pretty clear.

So, we leave you, gentle reader, with my repeating my request that he continues this in the Policy if he must, and adding, since subtlety is clearly not going to cut it, that whatever he chooses to do I do not wish to receive any more PMs.

You guessed it.


He:

> So, let me make sure I understand you correctly: you admit that you rotted the thread, you acknowledge that this was a bad thing to do. You accept that your response was indeed ad hominem. So, the only complaint you have is that I did not accuse Lurid Archive of using an ad hominem argument as well?

Close. I still don’t feel my post was ad hominem. There is a specific definition of what that is, and I don’t think my post qualifies. So, yes, I assisted the rot that Lurid had started, and yes, not necessarily the best tactic to take. I still believe that you are wrong about it being ad hominem though.

> Lurid Archive was questioning your competence to moderate. As such, his argument was by definition not ad hominem but simply homini.

Yes, questioning my competence to moderate based on personal feelings about me & expressed in an ad hominem attack against me as a person: he asserts, without argument or evidence that I, as a participant in intellectual discussion, do not follow certain so-called (and left vague) “minimum standards” and that I suffer from some sort of shortcoming where I define words “ad hoc” to support my “agenda.” This isn’t intellectual debate, and it isn’t argument: it is the expression of Lurid’s personal grief with me as an person!


> Lurid is also an intelligent user of language. He will therefore understand how he is being upbraided, and the force behind the words. I have faith in his ability to comprehend written English, and it appears that I judged the forcefulness of the rebuke aright, since the threadrot from his corner appears to have ceased in that thread.

Umm, clearly the threadrot has ceased by both of us. He had his say & I had mine, then it was over—your “moderation hat” wasn’t even necessary.

Certainly Lurid is a capable user of English and it is likely that he is aware of what he is written; however, I doubt, based on previous interaction with him, that he is able to understand and remedy the ill motivations that prompted such an outburst. So yes, Lurid is intelligent—I’ve said as much to him myself—but I do not feel he is as emotionally intelligent as he would like to believe.

Now I had said, “I’m not even sure—typos aside—what you mean here, Tann. What side? Who is being asked to “celebrate” me and who put in the request? Not me.”

> Well, it seems on current form that I am going to get this wave of abuse every time I criticise you, and thus that I am perforce going to have to celebrate you. This may not be how you perceive it, but it is certainly how I feel.

And what is peculiar is that I’ve little to no problems with your criticisms when they are fair. Again, I’ve no problems with being wrong, but I do have problems when people believe me to be wrong for the wrong reasons—this seems equally as applicable in this situation.

You had written, “I am bored by your suggezstion that nayone who does not immediately celebrate you must be on the same side,” and, typos aside, I really did not understand what you were trying to convey here, but with your further clarification I’ve got it now: you figure that I figure that anyone who doesn’t agree with me is involved in a network of conspiracy against me—ridiculous! I certainly don’t feel this way. That said, I do figure that you and Lurid are sympathetic to one and other’s feeling and thoughts about me. This is also seemingly connected to the Ierne incident. Like I’ve said to Lurid, when you (and he) are able to judge not only me, but also Ierne and yourself by the same standards is when we’ll all likely get along better.

> You are very, very rude, in a highly repetitious fashion, and it tires me.

“You ever use that machine on yourself?” Rachel to Deckard in Bladerunner, referring to the machine used to detect replicants.

> So, I must ask you with regret to refrain from PMing me further. Any further PMs will be taken as harrassing, and dealt with as such.

Well, like wrt any other Lither related matter of “the final word” I am afraid it doesn’t work that way (you said as much in the thread that was related to our unfortunate marathon of PMs). I feel I am free to respond to your messages. If you want to treat this as “harassment,” then feel free to do what you think is necessary.

> I am, after all, hardly equipped to comment, being in your eyes so clearly partial.

Not “clearly partial” in general, but certainly in this instance: you do not treat Lurid with the same attitude you treat me—this much is clear.

> I am very sincerely sorry for this, but as I say I am terribly busy and you are quite right - as time-consuming and only fun for the wrong reasons, I should not be indulging in this profitless antagonism.

Well, I’ve certainly better things to be doing with my time.

> I remain ktl.,

What is “ktl.”?


As I say, >0< has failed to understand the meaning both of ad hominem and homini here, but more to the point he has decided that he has the right to continue the abuse by PM...because he is >0<, and thus the magic unicorns give him that right.

Another one from our irony department, by the way, is that, barring the generally abusive tone of his posts, >0<'s main argumentative weapon is a variant of the ad hominem - the tu quoque, in which you simply accuse your interlocutor of doing exactly what ze says you are doing until eventually they give up in disgust and you can celebrate your glorious victory.

A singularly unedifying exchange, and I will never get those minutes of my life back. How's that ignore button for PMs coming along?

What it does show is that >0< does not appear to understand the difference between an open thread and a private message wrt being asked to cease and desist, which is a fairly major hole and not one I had previously imagined needed explaining, and that he feels perfectly entitled to send further PMs after a clear request to desist and moive the conversation to the Policy because...well, unicorns.
 
 
Ganesh
22:46 / 20.07.03
Thanks, RRM. I guess the second definition of 'harass' - and possibly the third also - is relevant here.
 
 
—| x |—
22:53 / 20.07.03
But Ganesh, you are clearly choosing to ignore what goes along with the notion of "rights" & you are neglecting the complexity of the issue by opting for a (disfunctional) generalization.

1) Anyone clearly has “the right” to request so and so to cease from PMing them.

2) However, “rights” are involved with two things:
a) obligations &
b) duties.

3) Simply because someone claims “a right to so-and-so” does not entail that everyone else either has: a) an obligation to let hir [do, say, claim, etc.] so-and-so, &/v b) a duty to let hir [do, say, claim, etc.] so-and-so.

4) Therefore, there will be cases where, although anyone might have “the right to so-and-so,” this right might fail because of there is neither a duty nor obligation upon others to support such a right.

5) And so, some claims to such-and-such a “right” are defeated by other factors. Some of these could include:
a) the person’s own behaviour,
b) the person’s motivations for claiming such-and-such “a right,”
c) the “rights” of others, which can (and often seem to do) supersede specific claims to such-and-such “rights,”
d) the failure to establish an obligation for people to grant “the right” to a person,
e) the failure to establish the presence of a duty that people have to grant “the right” to the person.

So you see Ganesh, it isn’t as simple as some vague generalizations: rights are complex and subtle indeed!
 
  

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