Barbelith Underground > Conversation > Lol: a thread for humorous anecdotes and apocrypha

And then there's this:

Another robber with a poorly written note was Anthony Doyle, who tried to hold up the Midland Bank in Tottenham Court Road, London. Grey-haired Doyle, 54 and seven stone, was armed with a candle that made his pocket bulge like a gun, as he handed his note to the woman behind the counter. It read: "Sorry Luv. This is a hold up. Keep quit. God luv you. I ned cash. And it over."
When the woman finally deciphered the scrawled note, she told him that he was at the information desk, with no till or money. Doyle then said: "This is a bank, isn't it? Get me the manager." When the manager arrived, Doyle told him to have the money ready in five minutes, when he would be back to collect it. Then he walked out to do some window shopping. Unsurprisingly when he returned, the police were waiting. Doyle held out his arms ready to be hand-cuffed and said, "Pleased to see you, lads." He was sentenced to 12 months at the Old Bailey in March 1993.

Feel a bit sorry for Doyle.