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Barbadvice column

  
  

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8===>Q: alyn
18:09 / 28.06.03
To foster the growing movement in Barbegoism, and because getting PMs makes me feel good, I invite all and sundry to PM me their questions. I will answer them pseudonymously in this thread. I will post sections of your PMs, probably out of context, unless you ask me not to. I can be reasonable.

You needn't ask for advice, though. You could ask me impudent questions, call me an arsehole, tell me a secret, pledge your life in my defense... whatever. I'm dying to hear from you.

Everyone will get an answer. Eventually.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:40 / 30.06.03
People, if you ignore me, you'll only force me to make shit up.

Q: What's my phone number? -- Specious Mung And Random Trash As Spectacular Scandalmongering

A: I dunno, SMARTASS, what is it?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:06 / 01.07.03
Okay, as this doesn't seem to be a very popular concept I'm going to repurpose the thread a little. We'll still do the Q&A/Advice thing if you want, but this will also be an opportunity to have things said that you wouldn't want the others to know you want said. I'll get them said for you.

Q: I think this forum is quite cliquy not to mention (truth be told) bitchy and self referential. Knowing that I am not forced to post or read here, has the forum changed in the time you've been a member and have the main contributors always been the moderators and their coterie? Not Ever Willingly Brought In, Ever

No, NEWBIE, the board has not changed all that much in the time I've been here. It goes through cycles of prissiness and jocularity, but overall the signal-to-noise ratio has been about the same. If you are holding out for some sea change, don't. It is probably not worth putting up with the social aspect of the board if you find it unrewarding. But, a few particulars:

First off, I don't think "self-referential" is necessarily a bad thing. As I had cause to say elsewhere recently, everybody likes a good wank now and again. And again. It can be a little baffling if you weren't around when the in-joke got started, but fear not. If you hang around long enough, and provided you are not some kind of humorless twat (as I have no reason to believe you are), you'll find yourself at ground zero of some new in-joke, and it'll be a golden moment for you.

Second, while I don't agree that the moderators and their coterie actually are the main contributors, I feel I should point out that they are among the "oldest" of Barbelith's posters--many of them having hung out together elsewhere before Barbelith was plopped down on the 'net like a wet umbrella. If they seem to you like a gaggle of hoary old reactionaries, it's because they "own" more of the place than others, having put more time & attention to it over the years and days, and have more at stake. But, truth be told, they're really not that cliquey. They go to rather suprising lengths to avoid it, in fact, and can be quite humane about newbies not grokking local etiquette and/or standards at first. What seems like a clique to you is probably a group of people who know each other in the flesh and/or have extensive common interests, and they're not likely to actively exclude you. It's just that they already have a set of references that they get, and don't necessarily know you're watching and want to play.

Third, from what I've seen, you have little to worry about in this regard. You don't seem to be a horrible prick or anything. You've even demonstrated marked cleverness in a couple places. If you want to get more out of the board in terms of interaction and discussion (not quite the same thing, I don't think), you could be more vocal in areas that interest you. If someone snarls at you, harbor a few resentful fantasies but don't let it worry you much. Over time you'll find that others agree with you & appreciate your input. If you get ignored, well, look at this thread. I think it's a smashing idea, but no one else seems impressed. Dem's de breaks. It doesn't occur to most people to fire off a PM to the author of a post they liked, probably because it's hard to imagine a PM like that not coming across as slighly insane, but they'll look at your posts with more interest next time, and the time after that, and before you know it you'll be like a bunch of hens.

As for bitchy, well...
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
04:13 / 01.07.03
Q: Is your name really Alyn with a 'y'? Currently Under Treatment In Equador

No, CUTIE, my real name is Nylaq.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:06 / 01.07.03
Q: So I have a friend, who I'd like to make clear right now IS NOT ME, right? So. This friend, he^H^Hshe reads Barbelith. And she has developed a crush on another poster.

But. She's not sure if ze's a guy or a girl. And if ze's a gu^Hirl, what if ze's gay? Ze seems to be into cool music and has great taste in music and is really ironic and sarcastic, but since this is the internet, ze might be a mouthbreathing troglodyte who just reads about cool bands and pretends to be with it. Even worse, what if ze's british?

What should I tell her to do? -- Confused by Anonymity

Your friend has a serious problem here, Confused. Obviously no one likes to find out that a prospective partner is, in fact British--in my experience, the British are not only congenital pederasts, they have an almost pathological hatred of Godfearing American values of any type. However, the objects of your your friend's desires might be Scottish. Everyone knows that Scottish people are upright, lovable, and almost as intelligent as a natural-born American.

Fortune favors the bold, Confused, and your friend should screw her courage to the sticking post, etc. But before going to meet with the mysterious poster, your friend should be sure to notify the appropriate authorities and bring along a can of Mace. An ounce of forethought, after all...
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:12 / 01.07.03
Q: My partner is better looking, funnier, sexier, more sociable and younger than me. Should I leave him for someone older and uglier and duller or just kill him? -- Gwynnie P, South London

Gwynnie, if you are who I think you are, we should discuss the matter in person. I'll forward my home number in a sec. Incidentally, have you ever been in a three-way?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:15 / 01.07.03
Q: I am having trouble with moths in our wardrobe. They have been eating woollen garments and having parties in there when the doors are closed. Can you suggest a natural remedy which will not involve filling the bedroom with chemical pollutants we will breathe in as we sleep? -- Eco-wuss

Wuss, if you can afford it, get your closets lined with cedar. If you can't afford it, simply soak your clothes in pesticide.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:20 / 01.07.03
Q: We recently went to see a retrospective of the work of Bridget Riley. Whereas I very much liked the early monochrome work, my partner much preferred the later, pastel, more intricate work. Should I continue to point out his error of taste, which seems to irk him, or should I just put his eyes out with cocktail sticks? -- A troubled Aesthete

Aesthete, there are many advantages to having a blind mate, but also severe disadvantages: they walk very slowly and will probably want to hang on your arm like a fucking child. You may want to consider chemical weapons that can temporarily blind the big oaf.

Alternatively, you could stick to watching sports, like a real man.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:21 / 01.07.03
Q: Why is it that one of the U.S.'s most popular tv series is about a hugely intelligent, liberal Democratic President, when the U.S. President in real life is currently an intellectually challenged, right wing primate? -- Anon Sorkin

Is that show still on?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:24 / 01.07.03
Q: I am at work and should be preparing for a teaching session this afternoon but I just can't seem to focus. This is a pattern of behaviour which is becoming alarmingly common. How could I best recover my motivation? Would you suggest a Freudian analytical approach to uncovering my fear of applying myself or should I find myself a more disciplined career, like the army or being the Pope? Do you think wearing uncomfortable underwear might stimulate me to greater effort, like a mediaeval monk? -- Can't-be-arsed-anymore, The Office

Oh, Christ, I don't know. At least you have a job. Can't you get your students to do this work for you?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
12:28 / 01.07.03
Q: I just don't know what to do with myself since I finished Harry Potter and the Side Order of French Fries, which was a good long read. Could you suggest some hobbies /pastimes which would not result in jail time or financial ruin? Something which involved minimal physical effort with ensuring that my name goes down in history would suit very well. -- Joanne KR, Privet Drive

Joanne, if you are who I think you are, we should discuss the matter in person. I'll forward my home number in a sec. Incidentally, have you ever been in a three-way?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:14 / 01.07.03
Q: I am a giant blue bunny rabbit hopping through the fields. Would you shoot me and eat me for breakfast, or would you leave me to get run over by a tractor? -- A Giant Blue Bunny, The Fields

You know, Bunny, I'm not sure. Maybe if I was hungry enough I would shoot you, but I can be squeamish about dead things so I might prefer to go to Denny's instead. I just love Denny's's "Moon Over Mi-Hammy" breakfast special. But surely if you're such a giant, the farmer would see you and not run you down, but would rather try to catch you and sell you to scientists or a carnival operator or something. I mean, evidently you speak English and have fingers, so I imagine you'd be quite a find and no thrifty farmer worth his mesh cap would miss such an opportunity. Maybe I'm wrong.

In fact, maybe we should discuss this in person. Have you ever been in a three-way?
 
 
gingerbop
17:09 / 01.07.03
Q: How bored are you?
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
17:19 / 01.07.03
I'm not bored at all, gingerbop, but I'm chained to this damn computer day and night and I type pretty fast. Or are you implying that I made these questions up? I didn't. They are honest-to-goodness PMs I have received--it's not my fault that four out of five 'Lithers are frivolous nogoodniks with shockingly cushy lives.

But please! This is not an "interview" thread! PM your questions directly to me and I'll respond.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
17:22 / 01.07.03
I'm enjoying this greatly. I don't really need any advice, though.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
14:05 / 03.07.03
Q: One question. Are you doing it all? Or are you actually getting PMs? I just have to know. -- Can't Believe It's Not An Ego Trip

That's two questions, but I'll let it slide.

As you can no doubt now see, these are real PMs from real Barbelith posters--at least one of them is even a "respected member" of the board.

Yes, it is kind of an ego thing for me, as I said in the first post, but only inasmuch as it makes me absurdly happy to get PMs--any PMs, apparently. Being funny and irreverent in the thread is not particularly important to me and, in fact, I hope I'll get more earnest questions in the future. But more important than any of this, it is an opportunity for you to unburden yourself in public, like on Carnivalle, or a Communist self-criticism retreat, or the Policies forum, but without any of the embarrassing looks afterwards. Only I will know and, believe you me, that's as good as no one. Plus, maybe you'll get some good advice. Cedar really is good for getting rid of moths. Bay leaves drives off roaches, but I'm not sure it works on moths.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
14:58 / 03.07.03
Q: Is there any chance that Confused By Anonymity was talking about me? -- Some Elves Lambast "Friends", Like Other Voracious... Ecclesiasts?

I wondered about that, too, SELFLOVE, but I'm afraid it cannot be: CbA knows perfectly well that, to your credit, you are not British. If you like, I can try to arrange an introduction, but I'm not sure how it can be done whilst maintaining anonymity. Also, I fear it may have been a prank letter.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:40 / 03.07.03
Q: Hi. I'm an Evil Overlord, building my first Empire of Doom. It's currently a small and largely web-based operation, but growing rapidly. I'm very satisfied with most aspects of my Career of Evil; minions, leather, imaginative unpleasantness, being all British, stuff like that. However, I lack the one thing that makes an Evil Overlord's life complete: an Arch Nemesis. I have plenty of enemies, but frankly none of them are Nemesis material. For a while, I hoped that my last Nemesis might rekindle the old spark by escaping and wreaking revenge, but I think he's started to enjoy the Dungeon of Unspeakable Suffering a bit too much.

I need someone with ambition, drive, and a tendancy to say things like "You won't get away with this, you fiend!" In return I offer cackling, plotting, fits of insane minion-bashing rage when thwarted, and a fully equipped Lair of Terror. Oh, and genuine Britishness.

But I just don't seem to be meeting the right people. Should I abduct someone associated with a possible Nemesis, conduct a series of flashy, high-profile crimes, or just try the personal ads? -- Mothers Advocating Dastardly Gansterism Everywhere

No need for all that, MADGE. I submit myself as a candidate for your Arch Nemesis. My sophisticated combination of rockribbed, clean-limbed fighting prowess, bumbling Columbo-esque tactical brilliance, pearl-handled six-guns, and bevy of applecheeked sidekicks of various genders make me a perfect foil for your dastardly enterprise. However, I am a little short on funds. If you'd front me a crime lab and a streamlined vehicle of some sort, we could be making headlines by October.

Just a bit of advice, though. I think in the near future all the really hip villains will be wearing all white, not all black.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
20:07 / 03.07.03
Ooh, ooh, my crimefighter name will be Stirling Silver!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
21:21 / 03.07.03
Q: I've figured out how to end my financial woes, but I'm wondering "how much is too much?" Should I try to capture Saddam, or be satisfied with getting one of his sons? -- Guns'N'Ammo Enthusiast

I'd recommend, in ascending order, Udai, Qusay, then Saddam. I'm sure any one would be better than nothing, but I think you'll find that there's more profit in harboring the Husseins than capturing them and turning them in. For one thing, it's probably a lot less dangerous, and, for another, their money will be tax-free.

Of course, there's nothing to stop you from taking their money and harboring them in your basement, hung from falaqas and beaten silly once a day.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
22:11 / 03.07.03
Q: I am in a monogamous relationship, but find myself crushing something awful on an established poster.

Issues:
1. Is it cheating to flirt with somebody I'm unlikely ever to meet?
2. I am not concerned about the gender of the crushee, I am interested in all variations, but I don't know whether the reverse is true. I had a bad experience once with somebody I liked a great deal refusing to speak to me after discovering I was of the 'wrong' gender and don't want to misrepresent myself (but neither do I want to flatter myself by thinking that the person in question will actually care either way).
3. Is there any generally accepted etiquette for this sort of thing? -- Hankering for Unapproved Sexual Hijinx

I'm sorry to say, HUSH, you may be asking the wrong cracker. I'm not going to get all moral majority about this--each to his or her own, and all that--but I think web-based sex is kind of creepy. When someone seeks an anonymous long-distance relationship it suggests to me that they are in some kind of emotional condition that prevents them from pursuing these things in the flesh, which, personally, I don't find sexy at all. That doesn't mean they're an unattractive person, but that the situation is unsettling. This is my prejudice, obviously, and I only mention it in the interest of transparency. This may not be the right advice for you.

Perhaps oddly, I find that I don't have similar feelings about internet dating, where the goal is to meet people. Go figure.

That said, I don't think there are many people who've been in long-term relationships who can't empathize. Sometimes you just get a hankering. No big deal.

1. Flirting is never cheating, but you're right at the border. There's a difference between harmlessly flirting with some random hottie at a kegger and actively seeking out some sort of gratification. A lot depends on your partner, obviously, but the most important thing is whether you're being kind to them. Even if they normally don't mind, even if they never find out, even if they've done it themselves, there's no excuse for willfully doing something that might hurt them. If you find you don't care, or actually want to hurt them, you should consider ending the relationship--or changing. Just don't do anything you wouldn't want to tell them about or that you'll be ashamed of. I find I can tell that I'm being unkind when I feel bad about something I'm doing or considering. That sounds boneheaded, but it can pop up in unexpected places.

2. No, you definitely shouldn't misrepresent yourself. It's not fair to your crush and it's not fair to you. I know this flies in the face of the usual "ficsuit" thinking around here, but we both know that stuff is a goofy little game. This isn't. This is your self-esteem we're talking about. It may or may not be a game, but it's not a goofy one. Again, you have to ask yourself why you want to do this. Is it really just gratification, some kind of artistic/sociological experiment? Or is it in fact some other need peeking its head out from under the covers?

3. Well, shit, I dunno, is there? Has the person in question shown any inclination toward this kind of relationship? They might be receptive to an open invitation or to some friendly innuendo. Go with your strengths. Try to approximate the kind of moves you'd make in person--it'll probably be kind of creepy otherwise. If you can't tell whether they're interested, try to engage them like any other person you'd like to be friends with. Take your time. You may learn that they're a kinky little fucker, or that they'd never consider something like this, or that they're really not so interesting after all.

Good luck with this, HUSH, and keep me posted on what goes on.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
22:19 / 03.07.03
Q: Could the rapid deterioration of my eyesight be linked to my habit of sitting up till 3 a.m. reading appalling Harry Potter slash and refreshing Barbelith, and if so, what remedy would you recommend? -- Sardonically Raised High-brow

It is almost a certainty, High-brow, unless there's something congenital going on. Are you British?

I recommend you smoke a bowl and hit the sack by midnight, and for Pete's sake, slash is for kids. Get a library card.

Kidding! Seriously, eyestrain, unless it goes on almost continuously for years and years, is temporary. If you lay off for a couple of days, your eyes should return to normal. If they don't, get them checked.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
00:28 / 12.07.03
Q: I was just standing outside my door waiting for the goddamn UPS people and two of the winos on my street got into a fight about whether I was "slim" or "petite." Which one of those means fat? This is really important. I was crushed. How can I become more skinny?

You can just answer me privately if you don't want to bring the thread up again. -- Taking Advice From Hobos, Now

Dear TAFHN,
"Slim" definitely does not mean fat. In fact, it's practically the opposite of fat. "Petite," however, can mean fat--it really means "small" and we've all seen small fat people. So the guy who called you "petite" is the one you want to deck; the other guy you might consider sleeping with, because he obviously has a lot of respect and admiration for your boooo-oooooty.

I recommend you check your email for numerous resources, products and techniques for losing weight, having a larger penis, and getting cheerleaders to go to bed with each other. But I really think you're doing this all backwards. I think you want to be fatter. Notions of beauty are based not just on cultural ideals, but on cultural norms as well, and our culture is a fat one. Fatness has become more and more desirable of late. Did you know that Liv Tyler's sister is a plus-size model? Liv, herself, could crush Cameron Diaz like a Pepsi can against her forehead. I've met Liv Tyler, she's practically a giantess. She's about eighteen feet tall. So unusual for a movie star. Usually, they are midgets with gigantic bobble heads.

Anyway. Clearly you are not actually fat at this moment--there is still some question in the minds of some ginsoaked layabouts outside your building--so you are at one of those crossroads in your life where you can choose your destiny. Will you be the safe, conservative, skinny TAFHN, or the footloose, avaunt-garde, fat TAFHN?


As for letting this thread die, are you kidding? I love this shit!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
10:44 / 12.07.03
Q: If I goddamned you, would God Damn you?

Goddamn you. -- Peace Enforcing Activist & Social ANT'

Uh, I dunno, PEASANT. I don't think so. I think you have to follow a certain procedure and stuff. Sorry, dude.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
00:10 / 15.07.03
Q: I have recently moved to lovely Mount Vernon, NY, from Canada. Please don't make any jokes about Westchester, I know that it sucks, but this is where my spouse lives. I had no choice.

That being said, I am new to the USA, am somewhat shy, I don't drive, I'm not allowed to work, and I don't know anyone. What I need from you are suggestions on what to do with myself. I have at least another 4 months of not being allowed to work, I have no money, can get into the city quickly and easily, and enjoy walking around and looking at stuff.

That being said, the thought of paying for the Metro North in just to lurk pointlessly around Manhattan/Brooklyn makes me want to open my own veins, so please: Only suggestions which involve actually DOING something. Sitting in Central Park does not count, though I will consider sitting in other parks. Although not Prospect, unless you have a really good reason why I should. -- Sitting Around Upstate New York

Dear SAUNY,
Actually, Mount Vernon is a hell of a town. I used to buy sheet metal there. Don't ask.

I am terribly offended that you snub Prospect Park. I live across the street from it and consider it one of the loveliest parks in NYC. Last week, I saw an egret in the great big pond near my house. So phooey on you.

I don't know of many cheap day trips in New York. There are thousands of relatively inexpensive museums and galleries which could fill your next four years, including the Cloisters in upper Manhattan, which are incredible. Not only are the grounds very beautiful, it is home to an extensive collection of medieval art. You could do targeted, self-guided tours of, say, movie locations or residences/hangouts of dead celebrities such as John Lennon, EA Poe, and the Beat Poets. Battery Park City, which starts at the southern tip of Manhattan, where the Staten Island ferry departs from, and curves around the western shore of the island to Chambers Street, is also lovely. Continuing on the West Side highway tip, Chelsea Piers is home to A) the Pegasus, the oldest working powered vessel in NY Harbor (a tug built in 1904), and B) The Harvey, an old fireboat. Both have websites around somewheres.

You could run up to Kingston, which has a thriving arts community, including a number of mates from me old sculpture department. You could chill at the White Plains Mall. You could go boating on the Hudson.

For cheap stay-at-home fun, you'll have to do a little soul searching and decide what it is you like to do--then do it. In fact, I imagine many people would envy you, in that you are prohibited by law from doing anything useful and so are forced to spend all your time participating in "hobbies". The possibilities are endless, but here is a short list: painting, sculpting, drawing, writing, mathematics, acting, dancing, creative anachronasty, Ren fairs, sewing and knitting, animal husbandry, mechanics, martial arts, literary critique, social/cultural critique, Open Source programming, philandery, ballistic research, or mime.

Or you could fuck around obsessively on Barbelith. But that won't last long.

Hope this helps.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
15:50 / 15.07.03
Q: Are you sure you are sane enough to give other people advice? -- What Sentence Can I Torture Into a Clever Acronym For You?

I just call em like I see em, WSCITICAFY.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
15:58 / 15.07.03
Q: The song goes...
Everybody's looking for that something
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
If you find that special thing
You're flying without wings

May I know when is flight possible without wings?

And all my girlfriends have cheated me of my feelings, lieing to me that they are not married even when they got a hubby already. And all these have lasted for 5 years... -- Bitter About Females From Long Island, No Good

I'm not sure what you want from me, BAFFLING. If you have consistent problems with romantic relationships, you might want to seek therapy. Often, we unconsciously recreate unsolved problems from our childhood, and psychoanalysis can help us recognize these patterns. Alternately, you could embrace the hate and use your emotional turmoil to fuel your work in some other area.

If I've misunderstood your question, please try me again.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:20 / 15.07.03
Q: How do I become a rock star -- even a virtual one? -- Really Andrew W K

The good news, RAWK, is that being a virtual rockstar is absurdly easy. My own imaginary band, the Bitter Fleshpots, being a banjo-centric Rasputina tribute band that also covers 80s Goth hits and most of Tom Waits's early material, regularly plays to sold-out imaginary crowds in my living room. I find this imaginary fame to be much less time consuming, not to mention more reasonably priced, that actual rockstardom.

However, I'm satisfied to play to my core audience (myself). If you're looking for a wider audience, you could A) commit some spectacular crime and transition your notoriety into a record deal, B) make friends with someone who is slightly famous but getting famouser, C) be really hot and slutty, or D) be related to a famous person. These are all proven methods, though A, I think, applies more to book deals.

Have you promoted yourself shamelessly enough? A number of Barbelith posters are active music-scenesters. It probably depends on what kind of music you're making, but dishing out a few free numbers could get you spread around the blogosphere. That's assuming you're making music, of course.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:28 / 15.07.03
Q: red or white wine with fish? -- Hostess With the Mostess

Pervert.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
16:51 / 15.07.03
Q: I have a horrible, paranoid suspicion that you set this thread up specifically to learn MY secrets. Is this true? In either case, should I seek professional help for the distrust of the motives of others that constantly plagues me? -- Not Up To Clandestine and/or Shady Enterprises

Well, not yours in particular, but yes, I'd say that's an accurate, if partial, assessment of my motives. And you should see some of the things I've gotten but haven't posted--SICK! 2/3 of Barbelith posters are totally sick, depraved bastards. I know advice columnists are not supposed to say that out loud. Maybe I should call Doctor Laura's agent.

As for your own persecution complex, NUTCASE, remember the old adage, "Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you." It will be hard to find a therapist who has not been coopted by the establishment. Instead, I recommend you stalk Chuck Palaniuk. If you play your cards right, he'll let you join his secret club (I can't tell you its name).
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:10 / 16.07.03
Not only am I gross because I just totally ate half a tray of Oreos, I'm ethically torn. I did promise that everyone would get an answer, and word is bond, yo, but I just don't get where this person is coming from--I feel like I'm doing hir a disservice answering questions I don't understand. If anyone would like to help out, please PM me your answer to the following and I'll do something with them.

Q: I have problem reading and understanding the majority of the posts on Barbelith Conversation forum. Like someone who posted before, I quote hir "I do read but I tend to loose words and my mind will be wondering else where if I read long enough"

Am not asking Barbelith to post something simple. But I must confess that sometimes I enjoy reading things that I have no idea what the person posting is talking about. -- STILL BAFFLING

Clearly, BAFFLING, we're in the same boat. If this were a Headshop/Magick Forum issue, either dilligence or abstainance on your part would be in order, but you say your problem is with Conversation. But the Conversation is not that complicated, dude. If it's a language problem, I'm not sure there is a solution. If it's all the in-jokes, I refer you to NEWBIE's letter, above.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
04:36 / 16.07.03
Here is an answer to BAFFLING from John Q. Public:

It is possible that this is due to a natural home-culture basis for many of the posts. As a person from not england/scotland I find myself having to look up many of the references...(I still have no idea what a joycore zone is although I find my zones are quite joyous..right to their core) perhaps this is STILL BAFFLINGs problem.

The only thing I have to add is that the Barbadvice thread is not a joycore zone. Please leave your booooo-ooooooty by the pool where it can sip on some Belvedere. I can't think with this block of girl up in here.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
03:16 / 03.08.03
Aha! You thought it was dead, but it's back! Speaking of which...

Q: I have a friend, ze tends to (when ze takes a dislike/ falls out with someone) to demonize them verbally at every social possible social occassion to King Lear like proportions (if you know what I mean).

This may be the most unattractive characteristic ever in my view. How can I change, suggest a change to this behaviour without causing a massive blow out with ze and being subject to silly histronics and badmouthing. -- If It's Not One Thing It's Your Mother

Well, IINOTIYM, there isn't much point in trying to change someone else's behavior. If you consistently stick up for the people ze is badmouthing, ze might eventually get the point, but it's just as likely ze will get pissed at you, too. You could find some way to inform hir anonymously of hir flaws, but that is probably going to be very hurtful. You could stop being friends with this person. I mean, ze sounds like a total pain in the ass, though I sure ze has hir good points. Finally, ze could be mentally ill. If it matters enough to you, you could research mental illness and see if ze shows symptoms of particular disorders. Brooching the subject is going to be hard, though. As they say, one has to want to be helped.

Here's the site for NAMI, the National somethingorother of Mental Illness: www.NAMI.org

Sorry it took me so long to answer.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
10:31 / 17.12.04
I just thought I'd bump this. It seems like a lot of people are asking for advice around here lately... though, I think most of the time people don't need advice. What are you going to learn that you didn't know already? Mostly you need assurance or interferance. Well, I can do that. And I quite enjoyed it the last time and it helped me get to know some people I probably wouldn't have, &c. So, tell me, Barbelith, what's going on with you? How can I help? In a PM, please. I promise I won't laugh at you--I'll laugh with, or at the very least quite near you.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
11:08 / 17.12.04
Q: How can I go about travelling into the past and changing it for the better? I made a really stupid mistakes a few minutes ago, and now someone that I love is dead.- Someone Understanding of Present Errors in Reasoning Made this After Noon.

I'm pretty sure that's impossible, SUPERMAN. Time is, apparently, a function of the cloture of uncountable subatomic calculations happening simultaneously and instantaneously, all the time. To "reverse" time, you'd have to comprehend, caluculate, and reverse every cloture since the event you want to change, and I'm not sure you would then be able to do things differently. To do even the first part of this, you'd need a calculator much more massive than the universe itself. The whole thing just doesn't make any sense.

I'll tell you what you shouldn't do. You shouldn't fly around the earth backwards and reverse its spin, because that would pretty much destroy the planet and all life thereon. I understand that right now, in your terrible grief, you may not care, but I do, because I keep all my stuff here. Please don't kill me, SUPERMAN.
 
  

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