| |
|
Okay, I read somewhere that "Celtic trilogies are selling really well on the fantasy market."
Right. Now look here. I could write a totally new, innovative and dark and scary and shivers down the spine book based on some form of fantasy, i.e. featuring a world not entirely true to our own in some way. It would not sell.
Or: I could cobble together a book like this, and get lots of money.
Title:
Author's "Portentious Name Of World" Trilogy, Book One,
"Dodgy Pseudo Irish/Scottish Name's" Quest for Something".
Let's call him Grobo. Grobo lives in a world that is just like medieval europe, or the dark ages, with a bit of ripped off ancient cultures thrown in. There are of course Dragons, and ogres, Orcs, Goblins, etc, see checklist. There is "magic". There is also THE GIMMICK.
GROBO has to go on a quest all of a sudden. He has to team up with A WIZARD, who has A BEARD. There is also a STRONG MAN, probably, he is a BARBARIAN. He invariably wears furry underwear, even if he come from a very hot country. There is also a SEXUAL WOMAN, probably an ELF.
They will go for A WANDER. They will come across some weak monsters. The Elf will shoot them, with arrows. Very magical ones. The wizard will use an impressive spell. The Barbarian will beat them with his large hammer.
There will, at some stage, be a crisis of faith. "is it worth doing this quest?" they will say. It will be. Then you will have to buy the next book.
OK, people in this world really shouldn't say things like "Bogor got cut by that mean Orc, but Bimble saved him with an elven herb poultice." But they will, damn it.
The cover art looks as though someone has gone and randomly pulled pictures from a history book and pasted them together. To anyone with even a basic knowledge of regional dress, culture and history, this will be abhorrent. Ussualy this is because a trendy young American "Fantasy Artist" has had their hands on it, damn them.
The point is, everyone wants to copy Tolkein, to the letter. It is one of those incredibly stupid things that makes you look at our world and say "Why? WHY?". Fantasy doesn't mean fantasy, it means a tolkein rip-off. Whether or not you like Tolkein doesn't matter.
What really, really sums this up for me is some twat called Tad somethingorother having a credit at the front of his book to "The people who assisted me in the creation of the world and characters depicted in this book". I mean, if you can't cut your own mustard, don't play with a knife. or something. |
|
|
