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Barb-advice for a Blue Girl

15:28 / 23.06.03

Alright ladies and lads, I need some advice.

I've only been in the for about a week and a half and this strange, dull kind of lonely feeling hasn't left yet. It's not the kind of slightly scary loneliness that threatens to be overhwelming and forces one into into an overly-productive/super-social state. I just feel funny and kind of ambivalent.

It may be that every other time I've made a big move like this, I was sort of thrown into a pre-existing group of extended friends (living in a crowded punk house, job at hip little cafes, etc.) or just that I've always had rockin' good luck and it's made me lazy.

Any ideas?

15:37 / 23.06.03

yikes, i don't want to sound like a whiner. it's just that apathy can be a bit maddning.

15:43 / 23.06.03

I'm stating the obvious, but I've always heard London can be a very cold city. I was lucky when I moved over in that I arrived into a network of friends (most of which have since emmigrated... I must smell really bad or something), but it took the edge off the city. So I never found London that hard to deal with. Also I tend to enjoy solitude, so that certainly makes matters a lot easier (if a tad predictable at times).

Is it a case that you're bored? Having a gander at this may help.

Lack of full time work? Hours can be hard to kill? (this is starting to sound like an infomercial, sorry!)

Social? Organise a barbemeet, noodles this sat. afternoon in this cheap (but tasty) noodle place off Soho Square? Possibly before or after the Tate Modern or V&A?

London markets are amazing and vitalising? Loads going on.

.. and yes, apathy is an absolute killer.

15:45 / 23.06.03

Or graff? Grab some cans and some stencil material?

Kali, Queen of Kitteh

15:50 / 23.06.03

Walking. Lots of walking. And if you can, explore places where others think you are unlikely to go. I have found in any strange city, a sense of fearlessness tends to kill homesickness.

Whisky Priestess

16:00 / 23.06.03

Get cable telly. Then you will no longer feel this weak human need for "friends" and a "social life".

16:13 / 23.06.03

I have a lot of sympathy with you, mononoke - I am feeling a bit listless myself at the moment (not sure this horrid muggy weather is helping, either). I am, however, 'fortunate' in that I have to find a job pronto, or starve and get kicked out of my room. Not that I would recommend this as an incentive, it seems to have a great deal of angst attached to it. And we're out of term now, so there aren't many people around here. I don't really have any advice, just fellow-feeling... but usually I end up getting so fed up with myself that I do do something about it in the end, and maybe you'll find something just right soon - certainly hope so. Keep at it, I suppose - and it *is* only a week and a half, after all.

No star here laces

16:26 / 23.06.03

It just takes time. You don't stop feeling lonely until you've got people you really click with in your life, and if you haven't found 'em yet then you need to look some more.

The UK and US are really different social milieu. In the US people will be pleasant and open when you first meet them, so when you're somewhere new everyone is interested in you and it eases the transition.

But in London everyone's wrapped up in their own shit, and aren't interested in you at first. But once you've spent time with someone, I think the bond people form here are more meaningful because they stand out against the coldness of the general public.

So just keep going - keep talking to new people and you'll soon have really good friends and the loneliness will go away.

21:38 / 23.06.03

Hey Hon!

I hope some good coversation, beer and food has helped massage those blues into either becoming a different shape or on the way to becoming different colours all together.

Big hugs and remember you know what you need to do, just stop giving yourself a hard time about it. Just get on with it!

Oh, and you know where to find us if you need some respite! Or some more beer to be drunk!

It was lovely meeting you.

xx oo xx

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:46 / 23.06.03

Yup... Laces has hit the proverbial nail right in the bollocks. I don't know about the US, but he's spot on with London.
Blah. I've just realised I'm making little sense. Sleep deprivation, beer and the new Harry Potter have turned my brain to mush. Bear with me.

ahem

Personally, I found the very things that made me feel so alone and isolated when I first came here are now (12 years later- and yeah, I didn't come from another country, but Somerset's pretty fucked!) the things that I miss whenever I leave (which is as rarely as possible. I get scared when I cross the M25.)

Give her time... she's a wonderful city, and she WILL win you over. (Oh, and watching zombie movies always helps

)

The Return Of Rothkoid

23:02 / 23.06.03

It just takes time. You don't stop feeling lonely until you've got people you really click with in your life, and if you haven't found 'em yet then you need to look some more.

It's true. When I moved to London, it took a long time for me to get used to it. Admittedly, beer played a large role in increasing my comfort zone...

08:14 / 24.06.03

Mononoke – I can sympathise with you. I had similar sensations when I was travelling in India. Well, it wasn’t really travelling in the big epic journey sense, I was just there for an all too brief period of time. I thought just by being in India, all would be cool, but I still felt a bit strange and lost for a couple of weeks, until I hooked up with a load of Israelis (ex-army) bumming around in Dharamsala, and then it got good – so I think it’s a lot about having people around who’re after similar things to you, whoever they are – I think the aussies have it sorted in a way, seems like there’s so many of ‘em of the same age, that they got a million and one ready made circles, therefore being easy to indulge in a mass copping off/ booze session for two years. Not saying that all of ‘em do this, but a lot of the ones I’ve met do.

London is weird - everyone is in different ratios, busy, stressed or skint. (Usually all 3 for me) therefore people seem very wrapped up in 'emselves as Mr Laces says - I've no practical advice to offer other than that which everyone else has, it'll take it while but it'll be worth it. It's a great city in a lot of ways.

09:32 / 24.06.03

Best advice a big-time travellin' friend gave me when I moved to London: "Don't expect it to all happen in a day." Basically what she meant was you have so much mentally and emotionally riding on The Big Move that you think will be All Great and full of fabulous times etc. etc. that when you get there and it takes time to meet people and sort yourself out and establish a comfort zone for yourself and sometimes that makes one a bit sad and bleurrgh.

I remember after my first full day of work here, which was essentially the physical manifestation of a year and a half dreaming and goal-setting and planning, I should have been elated but instead I came home, throw myself on the bed and sobbed for a while.

Moving abroad is an emotional experience. Go with it. You'll be aiight.

No star here laces

09:47 / 24.06.03

Also - go out lots. Clubs, bars, warehouse parties and random underground gigs are by far the best thing about london - we have an unrivalled variety here. Remind yrself why you came...

09:55 / 24.06.03

I was the same when I moved here but it soon gets better, Barbelith will help - to be honest without it I could possibly be back in Scotland now.

I'd say give it 2 months tops and you'll be happy.

11:19 / 24.06.03

Best advice a big-time travellin' friend gave me when I moved to London: "Don't expect it to all happen in a day.

You have a big time-travelling freind?

11:41 / 24.06.03

aawww...thanks guys. after a nice long talk with the angel last night, i realized that i'm pretty bummed about only having a six month visa (i do NOT wan tto go back to the states) and really want everything to be happening super quickly.

also, i'm not too skilled at pestering new acquaintences to hang out with me, not wanting to seem like a creep or like i'm coming on too strong.

that said, laces or anyone else: if you know of any fun parties/underground stuff let me know!!! i'm staying with some very nice, but normal girls in greenwich, am starving for strangies and always up for an adventure.

11:42 / 24.06.03

Time-travelling friend? That's exactly how I read it as well.

Making the advice "Don't expect it to all happen in a day" kinda ironic.

unheimlich manoeuvre

12:05 / 24.06.03

hello all.
mononoke welcome to London!
the city can seem a bit cliquy at first. a good idea is to try your hand at some classes or something. say yoga or a reading group or something. pick up a copy of "time out" for gig listings. check websites like urban75.com for partyline phone numbers and contacts. and see Cherry Bomb's storming thread for other ideas.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

13:23 / 24.06.03

Join your local library, go to 914.2 and they should have books of London walks. Cheap and can be quite relaxing. Plus, help you to get to know the place. I'm not suggesting this is THE big end to all your problems, but I've found that it can help me sometimes.

14:23 / 24.06.03

mononoke, it certainly is horrible to feel lost and overwhelmed, but its absolutely appropriate in your situation. I'm sure its how I would feel if our situations were reversed.
I've been struck by your resourcefulness. You seem to know what you are missing, and you are taking action to sort things out. I think you'll do just fine.

No star here laces

14:18 / 25.06.03

Speakin' o interesting stuff to do:

FORWARD>> & HAYWIRE
@ The Egg
200 York Way, London, N7 >>

Saturday 28th June >>

BENNY ILL>>
>> LANDSLIDE
HATCHA >>
>> ORIS JAY
KODE 9 >>

10pm >> 5am

>> RSVP to info@badmanagement.org.uk for £5 guest list >>

Kee-razy underground dubstep garage business...

Should be busy.

08:25 / 26.06.03

re: the big time-travelling friend: On her answering machine the message is in fact, "Welcome to the future. Leave a message."

As far as I know she doesn't have a tardis or anything cool and time-travelly like that, though...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

09:10 / 26.06.03

A rabbit suit?

09:19 / 26.06.03

HA!