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Those wacky xenophobes

  
  

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rizla mission
11:17 / 18.06.03
the Star's classic piece of reportage on the Middle East situation HAS to be "Teenage suicide bomber hid explosives IN HER BRA"...

..is that for real?..

that's incredible.. surely the equal of anything Chris Morris could come up with.. I don't know if I should laugh or sit in the corner shuddering..

Actually, i reckon the Daily Mail's pretty upmarket compared to this horrible, semi literate, right wing free paper that we get shoved through our letterbox here in Leicester that basically just consists of rabid editorials and letters complaining about "immigrants", "Europe" (they seem offended by it's very existence), students (apparently they're all rich communists who harass old people and transform family butchers shops into trendy wine bars), parking regulations and people (particularly "immigrant" people) who "ignore our history". They did a piece on the 'Asylum Seekers eat our swans' thing, claiming (direct quote) "these heathens can starve to death for all I care, but they should leave the Queen's property alone!"
I secretly love this paper - it uses logic so fucked it makes Littlejohn look like Chomsky, and it's set out like a newspaper made by primary school children - loads of !!!!s and headlines with spelling mistakes and pages of photographs of (I assume) the writers and their friends grinning, with no explanation. It has to damage their political cause way more than it helps it. Perhaps the best thing is that they keep writing about the amount of abusive and threatening mail they get in a "whatever have we done to offend you?" tone, and seem to be getting more and more paranoid with each issue. I keep meaning to take an oblique approach just send them lots of .. really weird mail, but I've never got round to it. Oh, and they also have a pop quiz which consists entirely of questions about '80s New Romantic bands. Because I guess there are just too many black people on top of the pops these days.
 
 
sleazenation
11:26 / 18.06.03
On the subject of Richard littlejohn, does anyone have a link for the streaming audio of the conversation between Littlejohn and Will Self from radio five - I want to hear that more than anything at the moment...
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:32 / 18.06.03
Ah, Self vs Littlejohn. Made me respect the man with the Death's-Head stare far more than anything he ever wrote...

(and he is really sweet about Nicky Campbell not having read "How the Dead Live")

CAMPBELL: Neither did I get a chance to read yours Richard but that's not to say that I won't. But what do you make of what David Aaronovitch has said? It is front page in the Independent. He says Richard Littlejohn's novel is a 400-page recruiting pamphlet for the BNP.

LITTLEJOHN: What else do you expect from an overgrown student union leader who used to be a member of the Communist Party?

SELF: Well he is right.

LITTLEJOHN: Is he?

SELF: It is a 400 page... I've read 200 pages of it and that is a 200 page recruiting leaflet for the BNP.

LITTLEJOHN: Well, you can't comment until you have read the other 200.

SELF: Why? Does it suddenly turn into Tolstoy?

LITTLEJOHN: You'll have to read it and find out, won't you.

SELF: Well it won't take me long.

LITTLEJOHN: This is typical of the self-regarding, self-appointed metropolitan elite. If you don't agree with them they don't engage you in argument, they throw slogans at you. If you disagree with them on immigration or asylum, you are a Nazi. If you disagree with them on Europe, you are a racist or a xenophobe or a little Englander. That is all they have got - they have only got slogans - they haven't got arguments.

SELF: I don't have slogans, I have reasoned opinions and I am sitting no more than 2ft 6ins away from you, Richard.

****

SELF: You should be pleased that the critics are debating it.

LITTLEJOHN: I am absolutely delighted. If I get the Guardian to call it racist, sexist, homophobic and goodness knows what else, we will put that on the cover too.

SELF: It is homophobic isn't it?

LITTLEJOHN: No.

SELF: The baddies are typed up as being gay.

LITTLEJOHN: Not necessarily.

SELF: Well they are.

***

LITTLEJOHN: The British people are tolerant and they are understanding.

CAMPBELL:Well that is the kind of Aaronovitch/Self criticism of what you have done in your book - that all the villains seems to be swarthy, Kosovan asylum seekers.

LITTLEJOHN: Not true at all....The main villains of the piece actually are two white middle-class lawyers and policemen.

SELF: Wait a minute, the solicitor is dubbed as being part of an entry-ist plan by left-wing Islingtonians who kind of submerge themselves - one of them becomes a policeman who incidentally is graphically depicted masturbating with a truncheon - and the other one is a gay lawyer who runs a left-wing - a kind of firm that actually is vaguely impossible - that operates out of the Gray's Inn Road. I have read your book Richard, I do wish you would stop saying that I haven't. I have read 200 pages, I read them quite closely.

LITTLEJOHN: But you haven't read the book in its totality and you have to read the book in its totality.

SELF: Why?

LITTLEJOHN: In order to understand it.

SELF: Does it turn into Tolstoy at page 205?

LITTLEJOHN: No it doesn't turn into Tolstoy. I don't set out to be Tolstoy. It is a much more complex book than that.

SELF:Than Tolstoy?


More edited highlights here
 
 
penitentvandal
12:15 / 18.06.03
Ah yes, Richard Littlecock. Can anyone imagine what kind of absolute fucking bore he'd be to run into at a party?

Actually, scratch that. He'd be brilliant at a party. You could just shit him the fuck up for about two hours, pretending to be as gay, left-wing, public-school, chattering class as they come, and watch as he slowwly descended into foam-at-the-mouth lunacy.

'Yes, this is Tarquin, he's my partner, he teaches Queer Theory at the local primary school, and volunteers to help immigrant children learn the British benefits system and basic swan cookery at weekends. Only not this weekend, because we're going to the Nigerian Lesbians Against the War rally. Would you like to come?'

And then his head would explode. And all the little Ewoks would celebrate! Yay!

Interesting that only Littlejohn seems to like Claus 28 ( Margaret Thatcher's genetically engineered, anti-gay superhero) at the moment. I think the Tories are soft-pedalling on it quite a bit, and the local schools in my area are basically ignoring it, given the number of posters against homophobic bullying which have sprung up. As to the 'fat kids get bullied' argument...Well, I know he's not Socrates, but that basically isn't an argument, is it? Is he saying teachers shouldn't intervene in cases of bullying? Wanker.

We should start a campaign to send him something really disturbing through the post. Gay bondage magazines, possibly. A subscription to Green Anarchist. Dodgy pictures of Stewart Home. The trade paperback of The Filth (or the Mirror of Love, when it gets republished)...
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
13:04 / 18.06.03
Rothkoid... I'm losing track... are you still all nonce-lizards as well?

Convict nonce-lizards, yes. Though really, we're pirates. Taliban pirates. Who jaywalk.
 
 
Brigade du jour
20:24 / 18.06.03
I'd just like to say, this thread rocks.

Oh, and sorry Hattie's, I didn't forget about you, I just didn't realise you were skulking around on the periphery, like a drooling asylum-seeker, waiting, just waiting for the moment to strike.

Oh, and one more thing (shit, I'm Peter Falk!) ... I think velvetvandal's idea is absolutely brilliant. In fact, I'm up for hanging around outside the Sun offices waiting for him to come out, then, following him around all day until he goes to a public toilet and then importuning him with the classic phrase "Ey up ducky, fancy an arse-shafting?" I mean, that's what these homersexulls do, right Richie?
 
 
Bill Posters
15:17 / 20.06.03
I have to bump this thread! For our friends at the Daily Mail have had a serious shock. Having had to run a story on a Readers Digest poll on honesty which...

... and this needs bold...

...indicates that Brits are "less honest than rest of Europe"...

... a genius at the Hate Mail managed to decide, by the 4th paragraph - that "interviewees from the UK might have answered the questions more honestly [than those of other nations]".

Phew, for a moment there I was worried that British Moral Fibre(TM) was declining! Anyway, it's not all that important, because a mere 3 pages later, we are presented with a tale of how the internet turned a loving husband into a sex monster. Really. He'd never have done it without the net. ("It" being talked to women, and viewing pornography.) But hey, ... is it such a surprise in a society where sex is just a click away?"
 
 
Bill Posters
15:44 / 20.06.03
(i'd just like to add that i've clicked my mouse many times in the last five minutes, and didn't get laid once, thus proving once and for all that the Daily Mail peddles falsehood and nothing else.)
 
 
Brigade du jour
21:19 / 20.06.03
Daily Mail can suck my fat one, that cheap dimestore hood.
 
 
bjacques
10:36 / 21.06.03
Damn. We yanks have to get by with Ed Anger, a true American original from the Weekly World News (my future wife leads the main page this week), and he doesn't even exist! He was cooked up for a laugh and his "My America" column was so wildly popular that the Florida-based staff have made it an institution. Now that another WWN creation, Batboy (who volunteered to sound the caves of Tora Bora for you-now-who), has a broadway show, can Ed's one man show be far behind? Coming one day, insha'llah, to the West End...

Viz did a great one-off a few years ago, of "Gary Bushell the Bear." He gets shot by mincingly gay hunters and winds up in the house of a couple of plain, bespectacled lesbians. It ends with "Before we go to the Pride parade, let's have sex on the rug!" Cue comical horns: mwah mwah mwah mwaaaah!
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
14:20 / 21.06.03
Much like Sadistik Exekution - they were invented so Picture would have an 'orrible death metal band to run. Except they now release CDs... and have the slogan "We are death... fukk you!"

All fucking class.
 
 
_pin
22:50 / 21.06.03
I like it's persecuted liberals thing, and how it whines about establishment liberals in the BBC.

I don't get it, I really don't. We're evil and persecutery because we.. what? Don't let them persecute people? Is anti-racism just another form of racism? Can I fucking hit you now?

I broke the world view of an odl lady from the UK Independance Party yesterday by signing her petition to get That Fucking Referendum Already and then telling her, too her face, that I'd vote yes. In a calm, polite way. She was really flustered. I think I'm going to get hate mail.

I used to send John Neddledick (face it, it's a better name for him) his column back with corrections and point about the thing where he makes everything a new paragraph becuase he's stupid. I got the same damn mail in return every time, and then I had exams and stopped. I think I'll start again now.
 
 
w1rebaby
23:14 / 21.06.03
At least you got something back... I complained to the Sun (pointless, but you have to do it by the procedure) and the PCC about one particularly bad Littlejohn column, pointing out exactly how it breached the Code of Conduct, and never heard anything.

Incidentally, bringing Viz up again, they also did a Littlejohn/Little John one, with Littlejohn as one of the merry men, complaining that everything was down to asylum seekers and feminists and poofs. It ended up with King Richard coming back being a flaming queen, Sherwood Forest becoming a cottaging area with free condoms for gay asylum seekers, and Littlejohn saying "you couldn't make it up"....
 
 
Brigade du jour
05:17 / 22.06.03
I could make it up. I just know it. Please, don't give up on me, man. fridge fridge fridge just made it up, look, see? I - I bet I could do it too if I tried.

I like the way Littlejohn changed his picture on the byline, so that instead of looking all bemused and I'm-just-like-you, he now looks all mean and three-quarter angle, like he's taking no more shit from liberal lesbian asylum-seekers with bigger houses than him.
 
  

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