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I awoke this morning thinking about something which has plagued me for weeks, now. A problem which started out as a niggle, but has now became a full-blown philosophical quandary that haunts me even in my sleep. And it is this:
Those Magnum '7 Deadly Sins' lollies.
You will recall the concept. Walls release limited editions of their
popular Magnum ice lolly/choc ice hybrid in order to revive a
flagging brand. They support this with a typically
overblown 'chocolate=sex' advertising campaign featuring a young
woman, a man of apparently mediterranean extraction, and several
women in gothic costume, apparently meant to represent the seven
deadly sins of medieval theology, this being the theme of said brand
extension.
My problem is this: although there are seven deadly sins, and
although seven goth chicks representative of same appear in the
advert, every time I go into a shop which sells ice creams, they only
sell 'greed' and 'gluttony'. Now, I grant you that these are probably
the easiest of these metaphysical concepts to embody in choc ice
form, but what of the others? Wrath, for example? How does one embody
that concept in the form of an iced confectionery treat? Is it just a
solid block of ice, designed to cause the eater to break a tooth and
thus experience wrath? Is it spicy? In which case, surely they'd have
advertised that one a bit more heavily - a spicy ice lolly would
certainly be big news. And what about the others? Envy? How the fuck
do you create a lolly to represent envy? What about pride? Lust? Is
the lust lolly spiked with viagra, or something? Sloth? Is that a
lolly that takes ages to eat, like the everlasting gobstopper in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? I think we should be told. As it is, the difficulty of joining these two concepts - the sins of Pride, Wrath, et cetera, and the world of luxury ice cream - has caused me undue bother in the past few days, and I think we need answers. So if any of you have seen the elusive Lollies of Wrath, or any other sins for that matter (besides greed/gluttony), inform us all here, so we can make our own judgements on the theological soundness of Walls' ice-cream-based decisions. |
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) As for lust and lollies, I also have some ideas, but I think they're best not shared with the entire internet. Oh and should anyone Stateside be confused, this thread may well be about what you critters call popsicles. 