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Onion Horoscopes

 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
10:22 / 03.06.03
I'm a Sagittarius - never was a truer word spoken.
 
 
jUne, a sunshiny month
11:27 / 03.06.03
damn i'm a sagittarius too... i suck, do i ?
 
 
No star here laces
12:19 / 03.06.03
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
A team of paramedics won't have the heart to revive you after finding your gin- and sex-drenched body floating happily in a country-club pool.

Yesssssss!

Am loving horoscopes right now. One the other day told me I was a supermodel.
 
 
Jub
12:20 / 03.06.03
Yeah, I've got problems - but I've got drugs too! The joys of being an old goat.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
12:30 / 03.06.03
Slightly off topic, but wasn't there somebody who tried to live for a month or so by following every instruction and piece of advice given by a half dozen horoscopes?
 
 
that
12:40 / 03.06.03
"Heartbreak is in the stars for you this week when the woman of your dreams confesses she cannot love a man with such an unholy appetite for pie."

Do horoscopes really give much advice? Beyond the very general, like keeping your options open and not spending too much money? My point being, I suppose, that it is not necessarily difficult or damaging to live one's life by such advice...at least for a short time.
 
 
Jub
13:06 / 03.06.03
Slightly off topic, but wasn't there somebody who tried to live for a month or so by following every instruction and piece of advice given by a half dozen horoscopes?

Tez - I think that was that Dave Gorman character - you know the bloke who tried to find all the Dave Gormans in the world? or something.
 
 
Mazarine
14:10 / 03.06.03
Aquarius Pisces cusp. Aquarius- Nuh uh. Pisces- What the hell...?
 
 
rizla mission
16:09 / 03.06.03
I'm a longtime fan of the Onion horoscopes.

"You may think of yourself as having a face that can stop a clock, but you are about to meet somebody who throws clocks a lot harder than you're used to."

"They say you can't believe everything you read in books. So just remember - there's no such thing as a John Updike."

and so on.
 
 
Shrug
05:02 / 04.06.03
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Some problems can't be solved by retreating into drugs and alcohol, but thankfully, yours aren't that kind.

I like mine... so much better than "this week you will find love" types.
 
  
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