BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Underground > Conversation >

Barbelith Risk: let battle commence

  
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
08:02 / 30.05.03
Know ye by these presents, that we, the People's Republic of Micronesia hereby lay claim to the land masses which surround our mighty realm, and defy any and all oppositional claims. Raise ye up armies and fear our wrath, because we shall do Warre upon ye.

Micronesia invades...

Columbia!
 
 
Gary Lactus
08:30 / 30.05.03
Bah! This isn't PROPER RISK. Micronesia and Columbia aren't even on the Risk board. The whole idea is preposterous! Anyway, here in Columbia we've been gathering intelligence from Micronesia and we're ready for your attack. We've all been snorting coke and we're ready for a fuckin' fight. We parry your attack and make a troop movement from Brazil at the end of our go just in case you try anything that stupid again.
 
 
The Strobe
11:39 / 30.05.03
I am planning a George W Bush special, namely, getting all the purple countries.

No-one's ever got all the purples before.

Hmn. I choose... Iran.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
11:45 / 30.05.03
Colombia's mighty armies watch and chortle as Micronesia's pitiful forces grapple with their imaginary foe. Clearly, our Advanced Grammatalogical Confusion Squad has done its work well, as the homeland of Micronesia is now defenseless! These islands and their people will make excellent coffee plantations indeed!
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
13:03 / 30.05.03
Hah!

Behold the genius of Micronesia, the Strategos of Yap, the Lion of Pohnpei!

Foolish dwellers within the Global Village, you are deceived! Did you imagine that the heart and soul of the great nation of Micronesia could be contained within the tiny island chain which gives us our name? We are legion!

Behold! The Earth Shall Rise! The Bourgeoisie, the Proletariat, the Bosses, united as one by Micronesian Consciousness! See the foolish Columbian onslaught mangled by our collectivised Capitalist war machine! Our forces level your puny army and advance upon mighty Brazil!
 
 
invisible_al
14:33 / 30.05.03
AHA! You have not counted upon the superior fighting spirit of the Peoples Republic of Kiribati! We have been preparing for this day for DECADES, you are outmatched by our long range cannon's cunningly disguised under Volcano's.

We move our Glorious People's Navy forwards, to it's destiny in...
New Zealand.

Tremble while our forces enjoy the fruits of victory (Green and Spiky just the way we like them).
 
 
alas
14:41 / 30.05.03
OHMMMMMM.

In refusing to fight, I fight.

OHHMMMMM.

From the UNITED STATES of ENLIGHTENED CONSCIOUSNESS.
 
 
Baz Auckland
15:10 / 30.05.03
I claim Austria! But not in any sinister way. It's a consensual act.

I think we'll take Prague, just for fun. I've heard it's nice, and it would go well with Austria, nein?
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
19:19 / 30.05.03
Right... So I'm the top hat right?

< rolls dice >

Um, I have 8 it seems. That take's me to Cuba and I get a Manic Street Preachers Chance Card.

'It's your birthday only no-one's remembered because they hate you because you're SO DEEP and THOUGHTFUL. Drink a bottle of cheap vodka then slash your arms. Double points if you can get all the lyrics to 'Yes' on there before you pass out'.
 
 
Gary Lactus
20:26 / 30.05.03
Brazil really gets its balls out, cunningly dancing around those pesky micronesians creating a carnival atmosphere. Whilst the Micronesians are dazzled by so many feathers and besequined buttocks, a troop movement is made from Peru. This is no ordinary troop movement, no sir, this is a giand dog that resides deep within the Peruvian rainforest. This is no ordinary giant dog, oh no, for this dog is comprised almost entirely of wheels and guns, all of which are completely impervious to any form of attack. The name of this dog is Leonard Sussed, and as the little Micronesian shits shrivel and die he utters his catchphrase/battlecry "YOU'RE SUUUUUUUUUUUSED!!!!!!"

And Micronesia is sussed. There is no point trying to retaliate from Sussed. YOU ARE SUSSED. SUSSED TIMES INFINITY!

SUSSED!

(I think players should only be able to play their sussed card once unless they are called Fraely Boyce)
 
 
Foust is SO authentic
20:55 / 30.05.03
The mighty forces of Oceania launch a rocket bomb attack against the foolish gnats of the USEC!
 
 
Mazarine
22:59 / 30.05.03
-takes out a whistle and awakens the Leviathan that lives off the coast. It heads for Greenland.-

Block Island and all her giant monsters await you. Bring it.
 
 
sTe
00:28 / 31.05.03
Well sTe is going down to Asda to see what bargain price weapons are available - and behold!
There seems to b some kind of 'Ultimate ult-im-ate ator' device which will ruin all kinds with equal and opposite Varity.

you's all best keep away from sTe-donia all we're all going up in that dark and devious purple smoke. And also I threaten to utilise my Gamma-Cappa-donna-beta force to invade any neighbours or other deemed undesirables. I'm talking to you Peru, Czech Rebulicico, Manics, Micros and any other infidels who are thinking of trespass.

And in summary "Get offa my land or I',m fetching the tractor"
 
 
Baz Auckland
03:43 / 31.05.03
Since everyone seems to be occupied away from Europe, I'm expanding my empire to include Venice, Bohemia, and Bavaria. Mountains, beer, and BMWs! I'm set for fun!
 
 
Saint Keggers
03:51 / 31.05.03
I just want Canada.
 
 
—| x |—
13:22 / 31.05.03
Canada, eh Keggers? Perhaps ye best be sharin' tha' booty, yarr!

Or are we gonna' battle it out Eastern vs. Western provinces stylee, yo'? If so, Manitoba can be the battle feild.

Otherwise, I suggest we pool our resources to stave off and overpower these other scurvy dogs, yarr!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
15:46 / 31.05.03
The Hegemon of Byelorus and Upper Manchuria deplores the Microneisian war of aggression in Columbia, but as we need only occupy seven territories with two units apiece we are not getting involved in your global conflict. Instead, we instruct our slave army of sound technicians to stealthily and quietly undermine the Basque economy with a slew of Shakira and T.A.T.U. bootlegs.

Uno!
 
 
Baz Auckland
16:55 / 31.05.03
Right! Napolean style! I'm sending out my family to be kings of various bits of my new empire. Older brother: King of Rome, Younger Brother: King of Spain, Sister: Queen of Poland, Dog#1: Queen of France.

Oh, and I am personally invading all those tiny bits like San Marino, Monaco, Lichtenstein, and Andorra and um... will er.. bring democracy to the people! Yeah, that's the ticket!
 
 
unheimlich manoeuvre
17:07 / 31.05.03
...and in the blue corner, representing the Ancien Regime!
"Iron Duke", Arthur Wellesley and "Marshal Forward" Gebhard von Blucher!

*crowd goes wild*
 
 
cusm
19:04 / 31.05.03
Before power can be consoladated in Austraila, my hidden forces of gurrella fighters stationed in Siam stage a mighty uprising, taking the poorly defended states of New Guina and New Zealand, disrupting the vital unity of the Australian continent! Aboriginal seal-men blocade the harbors while the resources of the Shire are plundered and an out of work Xena is hired to general the northern defenses. Sam Raimi is executed at dawn with much moral boosting fanfare.
 
 
cusm
19:08 / 31.05.03
Meanwhile, Sibera declares its independence and uses its rich oil resources to finance an overhaul of the abandoned Russian nuclear facilities from the cold war to threathen dirty bomb death upon any who challenge their national sovernity.
 
 
&#9632;
23:25 / 31.05.03
I'm sure someone has mentioned this before but:
"...never start a Land War in Asia!"
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
03:45 / 01.06.03
And that was Grand Nagus Zek who said that, so he should know.

Okay, pass me the book, it's my go.

"You are standing in Berlin, looking west. To go west, turn to 161. To go north, turn to 345. To go south, turn to 86. To go east, turn to 200."

"200." Oh man, who left that cave troll guarding Leningrad? Bastards. All right, I have a Skill of 9 and Stamina of 18. Do your worst!
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
05:58 / 01.06.03
The island paradise of Catlipoca is sorely tempted to go to war with the Hegemon of Byelorus and Upper Manchuria for eating their eggs from the round end.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
18:43 / 01.06.03
Oh, we're so scared of those Catlipocan deviants and their very latest fighting rocks. We have lowered the tarrif on cream sherry and suborned your youth culture, weakening the workforce of your sugar plantations.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
21:02 / 01.06.03
With a cry of 'Viva Micronesia', our glorious units are decimated by the unearthly dog monster of the lumpen Brazilians! We are trod beneath the clawed paw of oppression, and suffer the outrageous arrows of torturing fortune! See our mighty forces blow as dust by the wayside!

Ah, Micronesia... a dirge I sing for thee...

But this, and this alone I say: Micronesia is like Ming the Merciless. Only with better moustaches!
 
 
sTe
21:38 / 01.06.03
Now! my hoardes of inediable posinouss squid now! rise from the depths and prepare to submerge the entire state of Europe in future time space, sending shockwaves back through the ether to snufflicate all lifeforms currently based on the said countries, thereby neatly bypassing the need to trudge through the continent one country at a time.

spins the Atlantic swirler, where will it stop... nobody knows...

Bugger! Stormy waters, all sea based units to miss 2 turns
 
 
Gary Lactus
07:24 / 02.06.03
Sussed.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
10:32 / 03.06.03
AaaaaHAH! See the power of the Micronesian Strategos! There is nothing he does not foresee!

Observe the flanks of the mechanoid hound of Brazil! Do they quiver? Does the animal lurch and shudder? What strange palsy wrecks its motor skills, reduces mighty wardog to drooling pup? I shall tell you:

Micronesian nanopsychotropic governers!

Yes, behold! The Dog Of War is ours! See it rise, impervious to the slings and arrows of carnival goers and drug lords! Micronesian Consciousness lives!

Brazil is ours, trodden beneath the four heels of our army, transfered by superior technology to the brain of the enemy!

Now...

Argentina!
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
12:52 / 03.06.03
The...ahem...problem there of course, Nick, is that the daughter of the Catlipocan King is married to one of the more docile Argentinian Yaks, the union having resulted in a binding Mutual Protection Pact. I fear any aggression on your part will necessitate an immediate attack by our proud legions of lioncloth-clad natives and our many wonderful species of butterfly.
Might I suggest an alternative course of action? Attacking the erroneous-egg-eating devils of Hegemon of Byelorus and Upper Manchuria, might be a good start...
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
09:43 / 04.06.03
Aha! Micronesia is delighted to acknowledge the wisdom of the Catlipocan King, and extends the respectful paw of friendship! Greetings, fellow-travellers on the road to victory and cross-species friendship!

Perhaps an alliance is in order...
 
  
Add Your Reply