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Modern day circles of hell.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

22:15 / 23.05.03

Inspired by Chairman M’s circles of hell thread.
What are the modern day circles of hell?
For me it walking around Ikea on a Sunday afternoon, at some point you may stray from the path and find yourelf walking the wrong way around the cuiruit (there are arrows on the floor). You may be assaulted by an onslaught of jumper wearing middle-aged middle class types and “young professionals” who aren’t that young anymore but think they are. Hold on I thought, the only thing that could make this situation worse is a certain song being played right now. That song would be Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader. And do you know what? THEY PLAYED IT. And I thought that it could not get any worse, I thought that the only way it could get any worse was if they started playing Queen “This could be Heaven”. I don’t need to tell you what happened next.
Ok, so I wasn’t gang raped by a bunch of Elton John clones, but the above illustrates the possible psychic HELL that can exist on this planet. Weep. Any more examples?

23:12 / 23.05.03

Oh geez, it surely has to be a permanent LSD gone bad experience, what if the third circle of hell is for the narcissistically paranoid.

23:16 / 23.05.03

visiting the family back home then going out with your mates and gettin a bit *carried away* then having no-where else to go, after having sat in a random park/playground until half five, returning to the family home and sitting in the garage smokin (as of course this would be severly frowned upon within the house to the point of evacuation) and your momma coming in umongst the wrekage, and insisting everyone should come in for breakfast with Great Aunty Rennee & Uncle Walter (who also invaded the depraved garage fest at some ungodly early hour, and recorded photographic images on his West Counry venture for future amusements all round) - So, I attempt to recall the speach ability and persuade my mum that no, we don't want any bacon sarnies and everyone's going to book into a hotel and I need to go with them to help them sort it out... you probably had to be there

23:17 / 23.05.03

Data-entry, the circle of eyestrain, carpal tunnel, uncomfortable chairs and monotiny.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

00:07 / 24.05.03

I think that in our “modern” age, the hellish experience is the one we have control over, but don’t, in a certain type of way. Like sitting in a Railway/Tube carriage, that has been delayed at a platform, but you have your seat and your going to the end of the line, you are really tired.
And people are piling on. And a woman of “almost” old age gets on the train and you are one of two or three likely candidates to give up your seat. You have been sat there longest, you know the expectations about civility. But she is not that old, but she is, is'nt she? , No she is not. Why wont some other young guy give up his seat? I was here first, but they don’t and you know you should but you are going to the end of the line. Ok just close your eyes, pretend you’re asleep. This doesn’t say much for the altruism of us. I could stand up but would I appear weak? Will she get of in a few stations? Do you make your hell based on others perceptions?

00:49 / 24.05.03

Well.....

You are on the bus, and you sit down, with your favourite magazine in tow, but not before realising that two rows behind is that girl who you sort of know, in a kind of "perhaps I should say hello" even though you really want to do nasty, nasty things with her. But you don't. She is terrifying.
So you hide in your magazine, feigning interest in some article or another, forever thinking that perhaps you really should acknowledge her presence. But you don't. And you eventually get off the bus. And you're really, really, really grrrrrrrr.

Strange Machine Vs The Virus with Shoes

01:08 / 24.05.03

Maybe it is unhealthily to think of everyday situations as Hell!

But walking down Hounslow high street? Sheees Exceptions must be made.

02:18 / 24.05.03

Morpheus Reloaded: it's forever between 2am and 4am and you've got annoying and completely random thoughts running through your brain, and they become completely and totally obsessive. Like - "must purchase x item online this second because my life does not feel tidy without it, even though it means getting out of bed and switching on the computer and giving up on sleep entirely...what's x's email address again? From memory, for no reason...dear god, must lose weight...when I move out will I be taking too much crap with me?...aaaaaaahhhh, I have no job and no money!" And so on and so forth.

15:16 / 27.05.03

cigarettes, but no lighter.

being thirsty and having to pee at the same time.

15:49 / 27.05.03

Trying to perform any simple task in a small, untidy and cluttered flat when you're either very tired or stressed. The inanimate objects around you sense your weakness and act up accordingly. You cannot move a single inch without either knocking something off of something else, banging into something and sustaining a minor but aggravating injury, or brushing against something unpleasant or unhygienic. Any attempt to avert any one of these mishaps simply causes twice as many somewhere else.

The hell factor is increased a thousand fold if the simple task in question is that of trying to find a small but crucial item in a hurry.

See also: indecision over what order to perform a number of minor domestic tasks - eg putting a kettle on, washing some filth off your hands, and having a piss. Put the kettle on first so it boils by the time you've had a piss? But your bladder is screaming! Piss first? But your hands are covered in yucky shite! Wash your hands first? But you'll only have to wash them again after you've had a piss! That's inefficient! And so on, forever... Face this in a tiny, cluttered flat for Super Mega Hell.

16:13 / 27.05.03

being thirsty and having to pee at the same time.
---

I can think of a solution to this hellish situation.

16:43 / 27.05.03

I can think of a solution to this hellish situation.
eeeeeee!!!!

Ninjas make great pets

16:46 / 27.05.03

dont listen Mantis..

Now, put down the sodapop and step away from the sponge!