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Sexual Query re. Orgasms

13:57 / 11.05.03

Question: how common/uncommon are female orgasms during penetrative sex which does *not* involve purposeful clitoral stimulation?

Matthew Fluxington

14:45 / 11.05.03

Cholister, I am sure that you are physically capable of having orgasms from penetrative sex. Perhaps you need to deal with any issues you may have with penetration, so that you can relax more. Relaxation seems to be very key, not just in regards to your feelings about the act, but also with the person you are having sex with. I am sure that under the proper circumstances, you will be able to orgasm from penetration. Don't get too hung up on having clitoral stimulation at the same time, just because you're doing that it doesn't mean that the phallus is entirely ineffectual. It's not cheating, it's just good common sense!

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

14:48 / 11.05.03

It's probably more to do with the technique employed by your sexual partner than any frigidity on your part, Cholister.

I spent years trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm through penetrative sex, then sorta 'stumbled' across a slight shift in position that did the trick a lot faster that I really wanted.

Another factor could be that you're sorta caught in a mental negative-feedback loop; the worry that you're not gonna come stopping you from coming and the fact you didn't just come making you worry more about it next time round, ad infinitum.

But who the fuck am I to be telling you this? I've slept with slightly more people than I've bought houses off.

The Natural Way

15:05 / 11.05.03

It's just different strokes (ho! ho!), isn't it? Doesn't imply uptightness at all. Or maybe it does. I don't know. Perhaps you SHOULD be worried!

But seriously: It seems to be mainly women that get worried about this kind of thing. Why bother? If other stuff gets you off, that's totally fine and valid. If this is just about maximising pleasure potential, then, hey, cool! But if it's the other thing: forget about it - there ain't enough hours in the day to get yrself worked up over that bollocks. It's pointless.

Maybe. I don't know.

The Natural Way

15:08 / 11.05.03

I'm useless at advice. It occurs to me you may have good reasons for worrying about uptightness. Afterall, nobody knows yrself better than you.

15:11 / 11.05.03

Interesting subject, Cholister. Some of my partners have been able to but some haven't. I think Flux is on the money when he says it's all about relaxation. I think "hassle" to do anything/have anything happen when you're getting intimate with someone isn't going to be conducive to good sex.

Wilhelm Reich's writing is interesting to look at in this regard, as Reich's ideal of health was the dischage of all bodily tension during orgasm (which would for him, would constitute normal pentrative sex). Which may have been something of an unrealistic ideal on his part, actually, but it's an interesting idea. The only problem with his stuff is that it's very "hetreo-normative", to use a hideous piece of jargon. I've just finished reading a book on by a pupil of his, Alexander Lowen, called "Love and Orgasm" - which really fucked me off because of it's anti-homosexual predjuice, assumption that there is a "correct" sexuality etc etc. I do find Reich's work interesting though because it focus on the links between body, emotion and freedom of express - how we express with our bodies, how we inhibit with them etc. Orgasm is key to his understanding of this - his major work is The Function of Orgasm

18:13 / 11.05.03

Good question. My personal experience is that all my partners have been able to orgasm through penetrative sex, though with a great deal of difference in frequency and ease.

Have you ever read Shere Hite's book? It is a bit old now, but is still a good read. IIRC, the author believes that anatomical compatibility (?) may be a factor. Specifically, she relates being able to orgasm via penetrative sex with a previous partner but not her current one and sees no "fault" on either side for this. Relaxation at al probably play a part, but maybe at a certain point one should just enjoy?

20:13 / 11.05.03

Can we all just pretend that I'm drunk, by the way, which is why I'm actually saying this stuff? I feel it is my right as a teetotaller to call 'drunk' occasionally.

20:22 / 11.05.03

Absolutely. As a "Depth Charge", I'm glad to forgive and be forgiven.

Having said that, it is an important topic in many ways. I've spoken to lots of women who have brought this up. Personally, I don't think that the mechanics of sex gets talked about enough. Then again, sometimes the best advice is to "just chill". I said that already, I suppose.

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:32 / 13.05.03

I'd just like to second Runce's initial comments - if this is something you're not happy with *yourself* and you want to explore ways of changing, great. But as for getting hassle off other people, particularly partners - why not tell them to quite literally go fuck themselves?

10:04 / 13.05.03

I have never, never, never come from penetrative sex alone and I am fairly sure I never will, and entirely happy about that as it's not my favourite thing. I have had orgasms during penetrative sex, but always from having my clitoris stimulated with fingers in a manner totally distinct from the actual penetration. I just seem to have a very specific physical path to orgasm and that just seems to be the way I'm made (and I don't consider myself to be 'stone', by the way).

No star here laces

10:23 / 13.05.03

Also, there are people who go completely the other way and require penetration for orgasm, and cannot come from clitoral stimulation alone. So it's all a bit bell curve, innit?

The Apple-Picker

11:07 / 13.05.03

I've never had an orgasm from penetration alone. The extra pressure caused by penetration has tended to make my orgasms more intense, but attention to the clit has been necessary. I've never once worried about this. Having an orgasm from penetration alone doesn't matter to me; I just want the orgasm.

11:16 / 13.05.03

Just wondering...'cause of the discrepancy between the statistics and the fondly held beliefs of everyone else. Thank you, all, muchly.

12:26 / 13.05.03

whether being stone (sexually untouchable, though in a low-level fashion, myself), which is how I have increasingly started to identify, is a valid life choice or the symptom of serious fucking issues

Missed this on my first skid through this thread, and just wanted to say that I thought I potentially had serious fucking issues for several years, but it turns out to have been just that the right circumstances hadn't arisen. So my own advice is not to worry about having fucking issues unless and until they are interfering with other areas of your life. Far too much emphasis placed on this shagging nonsense anyway, when people could be writing slash and sharing the pleasure with the rest of the class...

12:45 / 13.05.03

Hehe. Apart from that my slash is a bit bollocks too. Perhaps I will have to make the move to Potter-slash after all...

12:47 / 13.05.03

Er, not that Potter-slash is bollocks. Just that it might be a more successful forum for moi than Star Wars slash... sigh.

14:27 / 13.05.03

hey girl, cheers to searching for more sexual fulfilment.
'cause of the discrepancy between the statistics and the fondly held beliefs of everyone else
fuckin' a. research has displayed to us that nearly all women admit to faking orgasms LIKE ALL THE TIME. to which straight guys go, "not w/me, though." yeah, right. if it doesn't happen to *any* of you, who's it happening to? the thing is, most women don't come from intercourse, according to more studies. and yet, one of the things that makes you good in bed in a man's eyes is displaying, er, enthusiasm. so women do it to be better liked, or to get him to quit attempting and attempting, etc. which results in people not knowing what works. it's all so sad.
a leeetle too much info alert...
when i come from intercourse, it's cos the guy's pubic bone is grinding on my clit, either w/him on top, or me. i recommend this. switch around in variations of different positions and see what works for you. other people have good luck touching themselves while engaging in intercourse. odds are he'll think it's hot to watch, too.
best of luck to you, cholister!

15:22 / 13.05.03

*raises glass*
cheers

19:08 / 13.05.03

I feel it is my right as a teetotaller to call 'drunk' occasionally.

Yes. Yes!

I know what *I'm* taking from this thread.