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Underground > Radio & Music >

Audio Oddities / The Apology Line

  
 
Matthew Fluxington
15:39 / 07.05.03
This thread is for discussing and trading all manner of audio oddities, found sound, radio airchecks, homemade recordings, comedy and spoken word records, how-to records, and any other interesting recordings that you may have.

I don't normally make a practice of advertising content on my blog, but I think that some of you may be interested in checking out two mp3s that I posted today.

The Apology Line (1-212-255-7714) was an art project created in 1980 by an anonymous person who goes by the name of Mr. A. The idea of the line was to give people a non-religious outlet to apologize for things that they were feeling guilty about. The line recieved hundreds of calls daily from 1980 up through the mid-90s, but the numbers for the Apology Line are no longer in service or have been reassigned.

I recorded these mp3s from a tape that The Apology Line created and circulated titled The Apology Line: Uncut Gems From Year Zero (1980-1981) which I bought at this past weekend's WFMU record fair. I didn't bother breaking up the individual confessions into separate mp3s, and decided that it was just easier to offer each 22 minute side of the tape as its own track.

Please bear in mind that many of these confessions are very upsetting, and some of the callers seem to be genuinely disturbed individuals. There is a caller on side B who is particularly creepy, who sounds like a psychopathic murderous rapist version of Woody Allen, and another caller at the beginning of side A who admits to brutally attacking homosexuals. This is not easy listening. However, there are some lighter moments here and there, and some other parts which are just bizarre. The tape is an amazing document, and an often fascinating peek into the minds of total strangers.

I am very interested in your reactions to the confessions on the tape.
 
 
deja_vroom
18:16 / 07.05.03
Well, it's downright scary and sad, isn't it? This guy saying "This is fantastic, now I don't feel guilty anymore, nor do I need to worry about the police or anything! I can just keep doing it and doing it again..."

Don't know what else to say other than the thing depressed me. Stopped listening it thinking "Oh, why should I let this sort of thing ruin my day?".
Still, interesting material.
 
 
bio k9
18:52 / 07.05.03
I just finished listening to Side A.

Saddest: The girl that apologized to herself for not doing much with her life.

Funniest: The "Are you Satan?" guy.
 
 
Char Aina
19:27 / 07.05.03
i wish my bastarding, bollocking, cunty-cunty dickshit of a computer would let me download a file for more than five minutes, so i could hear these.

i need broadband.

dont take them off your site anytime soon, yeah?
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
20:01 / 07.05.03
I'll be keeping this up for maybe two weeks, and then it's gone. I keep putting up new mp3s, and take them down when I need room. I have a LOT of amazing audio that I've been collecting lately, and I'm going to be posting a lot of it over the next few weeks.

I've got all kinds of radio oddities, including: excerpts of Nazi radio propaganda broadcast over pirate stations to British and Canadian audiences during WWII by Radio Charlie and Lord Haw Haw, a crazy American DJ from the late 50s called The Mad Daddy who speaks in manic rhyme with severe echo, radio ads for Beatles and Velvet Underground concerts, original music written for radio ads by The Left Banke, Cream and Jefferson Airplane, a bit of a radio documentary about Haight-Ashbury and "The Canyon People," a ton of scary right wing religious nuts from the 60s and 70s, a portion of a broadcast from Radio Beijing on the day of the Tianamen Square massacre, and excerpts from a broadcast featuring an Inuit man who can barely speak English subbing in on a CBC station during a strike which is just too bizarre for words. I've got a lot of corporate/political/religious propaganda that's very interesting too.
 
 
Cosmicjamas
20:21 / 07.05.03
Flux, slightly off topic, do you have any recordings of Wolfman Jack from AFN (American Forces Network for Europe) from the 1970s? Many happy childhood memories of listening on a crackly transistor radio in under the bedcovers lurk there?
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
20:35 / 07.05.03
No, I don't have any of that, but there's a good possibility that someone has some on Soulseek. I'll try to remember to check around for some the next time Soulseek is up and running - it seems to be down today.
 
 
casemaker
14:08 / 08.05.03
Flux, what is you Soulseek member name?

I'd love to access some of that radio stuff you referenced.
We can prove human beings are good at sharing.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
14:16 / 08.05.03
My soulseek id is "perpetua." I've got tons of non-music audio shared, and my collection is growing all the time.

If anyone has any kind of audio oddities (particularly radio oddities), let me know, I'd love to trade with you.
 
 
Saveloy
15:31 / 08.05.03
I've got a couple of things that I've picked up from charity shops. They're nowhere near as odd as the stuff you've got there, Flux, so I dunno if they'll tickle your ear-buds, but I'll describe them anyway:

"Attack From Zarrus", episodes 3 - 8 A cheesy British sci-fi audio play on 78 rpm vinyl. I've transferred it to CD (I don't have a grammaphone so I had to record it playing at 45 rpm onto my PC and then speed it up!) It's classic Dan Dare type stuff. I don't know if it was produced specifically for release on 78, or if it was originally a radio play (which is what it sounds like - a cheesy 50s radio serial). Features a very amusing attempt at an American accent and startling sound effects - to create the sound of a spaceship being hit by cannon fire they've used what sounds like a cardboard box full of broken crockery being dropped onto the wooden floor of a church hall.

Audio Batman comic It's a vinyl LP with a different Batman story on each side (imagine a comic being read aloud by butch actors, with sound effects), which you can read along with in the comic that is stapled inside the gatefold sleeve. Story one is about some mad apes on a jungle island, story two sees our hero traveling to Engerlandshire and bumping into Sherlock Holmes! Cue hilarious british accents. I like the fact that there's a beep on the record every time you need to turn the page.

Dr Weekes Talks About Agoraphobia and Anxiety Attacks This is something my mum got through mail order back in the 70s when she was having a bad time of it. It's two records of australian Dr Weekes shouting fist-in-palm advice on how to cope with anxiety etc. I've heard it sampled on a dancey tune on the radio recently.

Get Fighting Fit with 2 Para A big gruff sergeant major shouts at you to jump up and down, to the stirring sounds of a military marching band.

Colditz Experience Can't remember the exact title of this, but it's quite odd. It's an attempt to tell a story - an airman is shot down over France, caught by the Nazis (ouch!) and banged up in Colditz castle - entirely with sound effects, atmospheric synth noises and the odd vocal (snippets of Churchill, coded radio broadcasts etc). I haven't managed to listen to it all the way through yet, but it has its moments. Lots of genuine aircraft noises and jackboots on parade grounds etc. "Raus! Raus!"
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
15:35 / 08.05.03
Oh my gosh! That all sounds fantastic, particularly the last three items. Is there any way you can transfer that all to either mp3 or audio tape and send it to me? I'll send you a few cd-rs full of mp3s of what I've got in return.
 
 
Saveloy
15:51 / 08.05.03
Cool, audio tape will be no problem, I'll sort it out soon as I can.
 
 
pomegranate
17:02 / 08.05.03
once i was looking for the booty bass song that goes "let me see yr birf control, let me see yr birf control" and D/L'd a song called "birth control" on the off chance that it was that. instead, i got some catholic bishop preaching for about half an hour about the evils of birth control. i kept it, though, cos i figured there'd be some good samples in there for when i begin my electronic music career.

flux, that apology line thing sounds well interesting, but i'm too scared to listen based on what others have said. i need to cling to my ostrich-head-in-the-sand steez i have going on, sometimes.
 
 
pomegranate
17:03 / 08.05.03
incidentally, the bishop recording is from the late fifties, if memory serves, and is thusly funnier.
 
 
Cat Chant
17:12 / 08.05.03
(imagine a comic being read aloud by butch actors, with sound effects)

Ooh. Yes, please. I shall be doing just that for the rest of the evening.

(Flux, your Apology Line sounds too hardcore for me. I have decided to devote the majority of my energy to maintaining a happy fantasy world in my head for me to live in, and I suspect that these mp3s would constitute a violent invasion of that space. So: La la la, I can't hear them = happy, smiling Deva.)
 
 
grant
19:48 / 08.05.03
Re: Apology Line.

Given the religious "confessional" undercurrent to the project, the guy asking "What's your name? What's your NAME?" was really kind of poignant and moving. Before the Satan ranting, of course.

Re: other non-music audio.

I've got an OK collection of "Tale Spinners for Children" discs, but it's not radio. Things like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or Wizard of Oz, read aloud with soundtracks & different characters. I think Disney was related somehow. I can slap a few on tape, if you like. I've also got a few... stranger properties. Excerpts of a 17-year-old interviewing John Wayne Gacy, an album on developing psychic abilities (The Burgess Method), and a record of the Search for Bridey Murphy hypnosis sessions (complete with a dramatic narrator), some other things. Again, more than willing to put stuff on tape....
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
20:05 / 08.05.03
I would love to get a copy of the last three things Grant, it all sounds fascinating. I'll pass on the audio books/soundtracks. I'd be happy to send you a few discs full of what I have in return.

I think we really ought to send this thread to music and repurpose it for trading audio oddities.
 
 
Murray Hamhandler
00:01 / 09.05.03
Listened to side two of the Apology Line today. The Woody Allen guy was terrifying. I had to do a Google search to see if "Bernie" had actually followed through on his promise to kill Mr. A (a.k.a. Allan Bridge), only to find that he (Mr. A) had died in a hit and run jetski accident. So I guess it's possible...

Flux, your MP3's and This American Life get me through the long, tedious hours spent in the school computer labs. Your good work is most certainly not in vain.

And speaking of This American Life, the 1/3/97 episode has a bit about the Apology Line, complete with audio exerpts. I haven't listened to it yet so I don't know if there's any different material from that which you've already posted.
 
 
pacha perplexa
00:23 / 09.05.03
Stopped listening it thinking "Oh, why should I let this sort of thing ruin my day?".

Now, hon, you don't have to pretend you weren't delighted by the theme - or have you given up on those bone-chillingly detailed psycopath short stories in your weblog?
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
02:55 / 09.05.03
Wow, it really popped up in an episode of This American Life? I have that episode on mp3, no less! I have pretty much every episode of TAL from 1995-2000 on mp3, if you want a set, I'll hook you up.

Wow. Mr. A died. In a hit and run jetski accident. Wow.

I'm going to have to look that up.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
02:59 / 09.05.03
...and here is the info/transcript about The Apology Line and Bridge's death.

It's funny. The TAL episode in question is one of the few I hadn't gotten around to listening to yet. I'm very happy that I found the tape without having heard the TAL episode first.
 
 
Saveloy
07:32 / 09.05.03
Flux:

"I think we really ought to send this thread to music and repurpose it for trading audio oddities."

I second that.

Just remembered some more that I've got tucked away somewhere:

Real Ghosts I imagine this tape was one of those things you would see advertised in the back of The Unknown or Ghosty Magazine in the 80s. It claims to contain field recordings of actual ghosts made at an airfield and an old church somewhere in Britain. The recordings make up only a tiny fraction of the tape (and it's mostly just echoey bangs anyway), the rest being filled by the presenter (a man with a lovely tea and biscuits voice) explaining the stories behind each case. The highlight is a recording of two paranormal investigators; one of them starts channelling the spirit of a dead airman in a creepy, whispery voice: "he-elp us!"

Real Train Sounds / Real Bell Sounds. A kids record. The bell side is great, not so much for the recordings of bells but for the introductions by very posh ladies and gentlemen, some jolly in an Arthur Askey way ("My mother owns a shop! Listen to her shop bell!"), others stern and stilted in a 20s BBC broadcast stylee ("My. Father. Was. A. Fire. Man.")
Real Police Interview I didn't know this but when the police do a recorded interview with you you get to keep a copy of the tape. This is an ex flatmate of mine. I've been tempted to use it on many occassions on tunes but I suspect it would be a bit illegal.
I've got a tape of "On the Hour" as well, Flux. Have you got the war episode, where they spoof Michael Nyman and P Glass? "War goes bang!" etc
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
12:41 / 09.05.03
Oooooooh. Those sound fantastic. I would love to hear them! I have a complete set of On The Hour though, so that won't be necessary.

I'm getting a whole lot of new stuff from a trade with a collector soon, and I'm going through the Audio Kitchen archives and recording the bits that I like the most. I just put up some more interesting mp3s on my blog this morning, if no one has noticed.
 
 
rizla mission
14:04 / 09.05.03
oh wow, oh wow..

I do from time to time find myself obsessing to a quite unhealthy degree over finding strange and entertaining bits of sound to slot into mix tapes etc.

I can't hope to rival Flux or Saveloy's collections, but i do have;

* an audio version of a rather dark children's book called 'the Mouse Butcher' which features some frightening descriptions of monstrous, one eyed cats fighting (complete with sound effects), and some speeches by a sanctimonius cat vicar with a Welsh accent..

* a scratched LP entitled "The BBC Sound Effects Library Vol.13: SOUNDS OF DEATH AND HORROR". Sadly it doesn't quite live up the promise of the title, although numbers like "Lunatics Laughing", "The Electric Swamp", "The Mad Gorilla", "Graveyard at Midnight" and the ever popular "Wind in the Rigging" have a place in my heart.

*"The Voice of Winston Churchill" - featuring some of the big man's famed speeches in extremely poor quality mono, mysteriously interupted by blasts of cheesy spy music, sound effects (horses galloping, rockets being launched etc.) and utterly inexplicable bursts of white noise..

* a recording of Barry White repeatedly screwing up the process of recording a voiceover invitation for a weekend retreat in Texas. He gets very angry with, as they say, hilarious results.

* a brief sample from a soap opera which I absolutely love - an angry Australian shouting "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TURN OFF THAT CLASSICAL SHIT AND START LISTENING TO BLACK SABBATH AND DEEP PURPLE! ... WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" Absolutely perfect for the kind of tapes I'm making at the moment..

Along similar lines, I'd be really interested if anyone could find a source on some absolutely amazing samples I heard used in a DJ set I recorded off the radio:

they seemed to be from an American radio call-in show dealing with para-normal stuff - it started with a nervous sounding guy giving an introducion to a tape he'd found in his uncle's collection - he explains that it was the result of somebody drilling a hole to the centre of the earth and lowering a cassette recorder into it(!) to record "the sounds from hell"(!!). Then later on, there's another lenghy sample of a woman describing an encounter with some kind of Lovecraftian monster ("it had .. hundreds of eyes.. it was surrounded by .. blue flame" etc.), and then there's another caller to the show, obviously responding to the first guy, who says "well I'm no geologist.." and then proceeds to try and outline the absurdity of drilling a hole to the centre of earth in an attempt to find hell.. and, well, you get the idea.. crazy, extrordinary stuff..
 
 
rizla mission
14:08 / 09.05.03
er.. I'd like to point out that it's the sample from the soap opera I love, not the soap opera itself.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
14:31 / 09.05.03
I can't emphasize enough how amazing The Audio Kitchen on WFMU is, there is an extensive archive of every episode on the site, each containing several strange, one-of-a-kind recordings from The Professor's enormous collection of audio. The Professor is particularly interested in homemade, private recordings found at thrift stores, junk shops, and garage/estate sales. I'm currently going through the archives copying the bits that I find most interesting.

Aircheck is another show from WFMU involving the Professor and his archives, but focusing on oddities from the history of radio.

If you want to donate any of your audio oddities to the Professor for future radio programs, you really ought to contact him at prof@wfmu.org
 
 
Jack Fear
14:54 / 09.05.03
Allow me to recommend the Yiddish Radio Project, for fans of strange audio...

All that survives from the "golden age" of Yiddish radio in the 1930s to '50s are a thousand fragile discs, rescued from storerooms, attics, and even dumpsters. But what a story they tell! The Yiddish Radio Project is a celebration of these recordings and of the forgotten geniuses and dreamers who created them...
 
 
rizla mission
15:11 / 09.05.03
I did a free RealPlayer download with no credit card details last month and it worked ok. I think I found it via www.download.com

Just remembered another amazing thing that Radio 4 bring out occasionally on "golden age of radio" type programmes;

The recording from the '30s (or possibly earlier - very old, anyways) of a drunk-out-of-his-mind admiral attempting to describe an armada of decorated royal navy ships celebrating something or other - and he falls over and loses his way or something and begins announcing "they've gone! good lord! - the whole fleet has .. disappeared!" Very funny, and worth seeking out. I wish I'd recorded it.
 
 
Mystery Gypt
06:02 / 10.05.03
do a lot of these apologies sound like people making something up that they think is transgressive? first thing on side b, for example, seems like some goofy guy trying to convince himself he's cool. the homophobic on side a, also, sounds like he's trying to be cool to himself, saying something he can't really do. anyone else feel a tension between fantasy and reality on some of these? (other parts are genuinely terrifying, of course!)
 
 
Mystery Gypt
06:05 / 10.05.03
they seemed to be from an American radio call-in show dealing with para-normal stuff - it started with a nervous sounding guy giving an introducion to a tape he'd found in his uncle's collection...

i'd guess that's ART BELL, paranormal talk show host extraordinaire. recordings and archives have been known to exst on his website and elsewhere... his radio show COAST TO COAST is often just full of amazing craziness, no illuminati rock left unturned. don't know if he's still on, it's been on and off for years. its also been among the most popular national talk shows in the country.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
12:00 / 10.05.03
Art Bell is currently on the air. He retired for a little while in 2000 after his son was kidnapped, raped, and infected with HIV by a school teacher, and then was indicted by the FBI for child molestation charges himself. You can read about Bell's retirement and comeback here.

I only have one Bell aircheck, and it is his announcement of his retirement and discussion of his and his son's difficulties. The link above has a transcript of the aircheck that I have.
 
 
Spaniel
13:43 / 10.05.03
Anyone ever had access to a scanner? An old flatmate's mate brought one round once. We spent the whole evening living a cliche. It was all dirty phone calls, arranging illicit rendevous and police radios.

Bloody entertaining in a guilty, voyeuristic way.
 
 
Saveloy
12:00 / 12.05.03
Not about audio oddities exactly, but possibly of interest to readers of this thread: Radio Lovers contains hundreds of mp3s of old radio progs, both British and American. Mostly vintage (40s and 50s), with the odd recent thing like League of Gentlemen.
 
  
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