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Have Some Fun at God’s Expense

 
  

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—| x |—
23:37 / 04.05.03
There's a fairly well known contradiction that derives from seeing God as omnipotent—having unlimited power. It goes kinda’ like this:

Could God make a stone so big that even He could not lift it?

If God is omnipotent, then He can lift any stone, but the contradiction, of course, is that His ultimate power ought to be able to create a stone that can’t be lifted—even by Him!

So I thought we could, using this as a model, have a little fun at God’s expense. Here’s a couple for ya’:

Could God bake a raisin bread with so many raisins that even He could not count them?

Could God make a basketball hoop so tall that not even He could slam the alleyoop pass from JC?
 
 
Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey
00:01 / 05.05.03
Could God derive a thread so all-encompassing that even he couldn't manage to inject a scintilla of thread-rot?

Could God make music so cool that even he couldn't create a zitty teenager capable of dissing it?
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
00:39 / 05.05.03
if god starts a thread and leaves no abstact, who can moderate it?
 
 
Saint Keggers
01:52 / 05.05.03
to quote my religions teacher "yes he could but he wouldn't, he'd rather spend his time creating special hells for people who create questions like these".
My religions teacher was rather interesting.

To quote my english lit. (cyberpunk as a literary genre) teacher's son: If god is all powerfull why doesn't he help move our fridge?
 
 
gingerbop
11:57 / 05.05.03
Could he create an egg so big that the chicken that hatched from it could trample him?
 
 
Saint Keggers
14:00 / 05.05.03
no, because even god knows the giant chicken comes first.
 
 
Char Aina
16:37 / 05.05.03
could god make a god more powerful than himself?

(in his own image of course, vain bugger that he is.)
 
 
6opow
16:54 / 05.05.03
Because opposites attract...

Could God make a light so bright, that not even He could look at it? Or could God make a night so dark that not even He could see?

Could God make a pair of pants so small that not even He could wear them? Or could God make a pair of pants so large that not even He could fill them?
 
 
—| x |—
03:45 / 06.05.03
What if those were rubber pants?

Would that make more of you want to have some fun at God’s expense? Whatsa’ matter?! Are you too God fearin’ for fun? Oh, so sacrilegious! Or are you not divinely inspired? Where’s your sexy spontaneous sacriliciousness?

Well—damn it?! Have some fun with it…

Could God make a butt-plug so big that not even He could take it up His ass?
 
 
Quantum
08:58 / 06.05.03
Could God make his penis bigger than himself?
Could he make sweet love to himself?

(Dude, I used this paradox last week to whup the ass of a mormon in the street who insisted I talked to him. He said 'What's the point of that?' and if he had known the word 'sophistry' I'm sure he would have used it. I said 'It means our concept of God is wrong. Either he doesn't exist or he's ineffable, beyond human experience and transcendant, suffusing all things and omnipresent as the creator and sustainer of the universe. If that's the case why attempt to confine him to one book, or religion, and why do you need a church or a priest if God is within every one of us? What's the point of stopping people in the street pretending you have a special hotline to God?' Then I walked away smiling.)
 
 
Jub
09:09 / 06.05.03
Quantum that's quite good. They always seem to come for me when I'm at my very worst, stumbling to the bus stop hungover and late for work was the last time. TBF though - I think the Mormons are the least offensive of them all.

Anyway - how about: Can God create a riddle which he can't understand?
 
 
Quantum
13:51 / 06.05.03
Could God commit suicide?

The Jehovahs always seem to call around when I'm in my dressing gown. BTW if a Witness gives you shit, ask them if they take the Bible literally, then ask them how many Jehovah's Witnesses there are in the world. (They'll say Yes and Loads) Then point out that only 144,000 people get to go to heaven according to the bible (twelve thousand from each of the twelve tribes of Israel) so WHY SHOULD YOU JOIN THEM TO GET INTO HEAVEN IF IT'S FULL?!? Who gets in and who doesn't? Ask them if they will be getting in, then sit back and watch their faith crumble, hehehe.
 
 
Char Aina
14:49 / 06.05.03
i usually tell them to call me when their numbers have dwindled to 143,999.

works like a charm.

i dont seem to get to many visitors from the tabernacle these days; are they still beating the streets where you reside?
 
 
Bomb The Past
17:04 / 06.05.03
Could God create vodka so potent that He never sobered up?

Could got eat so many baked beans that He never got off the toilet?
 
 
gotham island fae
18:52 / 06.05.03
Could God make a self-evident truth so subjective even He couldn't grok it?
 
 
—| x |—
19:18 / 06.05.03
All right!

Q—I typically enjoy talking to the religious folks that come knockin’ every now and then. I usually invite them in and then the game is afoot! It’s all about them trying to convert me (HA!) while I try to push their boundaries. I remember one time a Mormon left not entirely convinced that it was God who made his prayers come true, but that perhaps it was his own unconscious power. Another time two women came to the door—they didn’t want to come in but instead stood on the porch for fifteen minutes. They asked if I believed in God, and I said that yes, I felt that God was everywhere, even in our feces…

Anyway.

Could God make a circle so big that not even He could measure its diameter?

Could God make an ocean so deep that not even He could poke His head out by standing on his tippy-toes?
 
 
Olulabelle
19:22 / 06.05.03
Could God go so insane that he thought he was God?
 
 
—| x |—
19:30 / 06.05.03


hahahahahahahahaha! Nice work olulabelle!
 
 
Salamander
20:26 / 06.05.03
Could God make a disease so terrible even he couldn't cure it, and...

Could God catch that disease and then refuse to get it cured by himself because he was doing the naughty with satan??
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:53 / 06.05.03
Could God go so insane that he thought he was God?

Nahh. When God goes insane he thinks he's me.
 
 
Linus Dunce
21:00 / 06.05.03
He can you see you doing this, you know. You're all going to be very sorry.
 
 
Olulabelle
21:22 / 06.05.03
*waves to God*
 
 
—| x |—
22:41 / 06.05.03
And, what’s more, in taking a little more time in it—because, when we get right down to it, God knows there’s enough of that to go around—and in paying (because “time is money,” after all) a little more attention:

Along the lines of Jub’s (cheers!), and perhaps Frater Fae’s (word!):

Could God make a universe so complex and so subtle that not even He could understand it?

Could God create a theory about that universe that was so difficult that not even He could “do the math”?

Dead Flower (salubrious salutations!), did you read my mind? Last night I was thinking of something along the lines of:

Could God create a drink so potent that not even He could remain sober after drinking it?

Pangalactic Gargleblaster anyone?

Thanks to sparkly spangle and His excellence Elijah D, this one’s for y’all:

Could God create a thread so revolting that even He would delete it?

Shouts out at supersonic speed to Tom & Cal (the ‘Preview Reply’ button is genius), and to mods and admin everywhere!

With transmissions of terrible toksik-ity to transmute truncheon trauma. To translate:

Could God create a God so powerful that not even He, the first bloke that is, is God, the other fella’?

Touché!

Psycho-mad props, proper parts, and propellers to Q, Hermes Nuclear, 6opo6, and the rest of the “Magick Ghetto Gang.” Especial UPs to Her mighty mistress MC and the ever lustrous LA!

And always, “raise the Jolly Roger, yarr!” to fellow Canuck Keggers…we gots snow aboot over here, how’s it on the East Side in TO, eh?

Huggles, smoochles, and whatever else to ginerbop, olulabelle, Ignatius J—thanks for coming out!—and to all the rest of you folks here on Litherland Isle.



Or, like one alleged “evil Cartman” once said,

“I love you guys.”

And this one’s for all you ravers, ragers, rovers, and rivers out there:

Could God make a dose of E so crappy that not even He got off on it?

Within windows
flakes fall from
sky.
 
 
fidrich
11:20 / 07.05.03
Could God create an argument for another religion so convincing that even He had to convert to it?
 
 
gingerbop
22:09 / 07.05.03
Could God make me believe in him?
Could he fuck....
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
22:51 / 07.05.03
Could God make a piece of chocolate cake so delicious that even he couldn't eat it without going 'Mmm, oh, oh that's gorgeous' and getting crumbs in his beard?
 
 
—| x |—
18:20 / 08.05.03
Mmm...sweet chocolate.
[drool]

Could God make an outfit so unfashionable that even He wouldn't be caught dead in it?

Could God make a detergent with so much cleansing power that even He couldn't fail to keep his whites white?
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
18:27 / 08.05.03
could got create enough duct tape to make a sit that would fit hir?

if god got fighting drunk, who would he sucker punch?

If god is your "friend with benefits" is that the only situation where that sort of thing works out?
 
 
LVX23
21:06 / 08.05.03
"Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?"
 
 
Nietzsch E. Coyote
22:08 / 08.05.03
if god got fighting drunk, who would he sucker punch?

Us of course, hense this reality.
 
 
Linus Dunce
22:31 / 08.05.03
I know you're watching all this, baby Jesus, and I just want you to know that I think that imagining a product of infinity as somehow bigger than infinity means you haven't imagined infinity properly in the first place. Oh, and that it's a sin. Probably. Somewhere.
 
 
Quantum
10:30 / 09.05.03
*waves to God and the baby Jesus*
Could God kill the Devil? With only a long spoon?
Could He kill the holy spirit? Could he drink it?
Could he create a joke so funny he would die laughing and the power of the joke would raise him from the dead so he could die laughing again it was so damn funny?
Could he create a beard so secret not even He could perceive it's hidden inner facets?
 
 
deja_vroom
14:22 / 09.05.03
Could God do something so astonishingly powerful that even Him would go "Whoa, dude! That was some fucked up shit I did!"
 
 
—| x |—
04:59 / 14.05.03
Mmmyesss...

Could God make a game so fixed that not even He could out cheat it and win?

Could God make a field of grass so green and lush that not even He could resist taking off His sandals so He could skip barefoot through the grass while singing "Tra-la-la"?
 
 
Oresa delta 20
21:11 / 14.05.03
Could God make a man so beautiful that even He couldn't resist smoking the fleshy cigar??

Could God get Himself a job so interesting that even He would work on Sundays??

And finally, Could God make a gun so powerful even George Dubya would be afraid to use??
 
  

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