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History repeating itself - anyone willing to do some diviniation on the issue?

  
 
ShadowRain
08:43 / 30.04.03
Hi there. It's been ages since I've posted on the site ... working from home means that my time online has been limited. At the beginning of last year (2002) I posted to the magic forum for help and support on my first pregnancy, which subsequently had to be terminated. You can read all about it here - A not so random plea for help.

And I'm back, asking for help, information, anything. Once again, I'm pregnant - 6 weeks to be exact and up to this point things were perfectly normal. But the shit hit the fan again on Sunday, I was rushed to casualty and though the signs weren't that positive, the blood test indicated that everything was fine.

Had another blood test yesterday morning (Tuesday) just to check that the hormone levels were consistent with the progression of the pregnancy. Well, the test indicated that things were starting to go wrong. I'm having the same problems that I had with the first pregnancy, insufficient rising in hormone levels, bleeding and cramps. Again, I'm laid up at home playing a waiting game. My gynea told me that there is nothing she can do until my hormone levels reach a certain threshold (which it was supposed to by now) and I have to wait until Friday, do another blood test and hope like hell that things are okay enough to go and see her.

I'm angry and upset. Why can't I have a normal pregnancy like millions of women out there? Why do I have to sit here, worried sick, thinking the worst everytime I feel a slight cramp? Will I have to go through this every time I'm pregnant? Will I ever be able to have children or is it my destiny not to have any of my own? I'm too afraid to hope that things are normal .... I did last time, and it took me a year to come to grips with the first failed pregnancy. How many times do I have to go through this?

If anyone would be willing to do a divination to shed some light on the situation, it would be greatly appreciated. I've tried, but my current frame of mind is of such a nature, that I battle to keep a clear enough head to interpret what I see.

Some of the questions I desperately want answered are:
* Is there hope for this pregnancy?
* If not, will I ever be able to have a normal pregnancy and children of my own?
* Why do I need to go through this specific test, and why more than once?

Feel free to email any results, comments, ideas, prayers etc to yolande@shadowrain.co.za

Thanks for listening to my ramble.

Shadow
 
 
ciarconn
23:17 / 30.04.03
Bump!
 
 
Quantum
07:52 / 01.05.03
Best wishes and good luck. I am willing to do a Tarot reading for you but am a little hesitant because 1) I don't know very much about you 2) It's such a serious issue to read that I'm daunted 3) IMHO a reading by a woman might be more useful.
Any women out there willing to read?
 
 
ShadowRain
06:51 / 02.05.03
Quantum - maybe the fact that you don't know much about me and that you're a man will give some much needed clarity to the reading. PM or email me if there are questions you would like answered.

Update - I went for the blood test this morning and now it's a question of waiting. Right now, it's a fifty-fifty split. The pregnancy's normal or it's failed.

Shadow
 
 
ShadowRain
21:03 / 02.05.03
Hi there - update on the situation. It was confirmed today that I've miscarried. So I've got two failed pregnancies under my belt now. Sort of makes you wonder what the point is. I'm coping okay ... thanks for the support during this time.

Shadow
 
 
Wyrd
16:23 / 03.05.03
ShadowRain, I'm dreadfully sorry to hear about this. It must be a crushing disappointment for you.

I did a tarot spread for a general feeling for the situation. What I get is that you finding it hard to be optimistic about having a child, though that is what you really want. You're prepared to do what it takes, but your strength and determination is no longer what it was. My feeling is that you have to be selfish with your time and resources in the future if you want to have a baby. Don't get caught up with trying to be all things to all people, but instead concentrate on doing what it is you need to focus upon. Of course, try not to obsess about it too (yeah, I know, easy to say...).

My impression also is that you need to pay particular attention to your diet, and perhaps your vitamin/mineral balance. There could be some inbalance that you need to address - but perhaps that's because you've just been through a major physical trauma.

You're probably going to feel a great deal of frustratrion and upset over this miscarriage and remember that you're entitled to be angry, sad and scared. I think the main thing you should focus on is getting your health sorted out, and bringing yourself into balance again. Be patient, and pay attention to what your body tells you over the coming months. I think you'll probably get some good advice/information from a healer/doctor in the next 3/4 months.

Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you often. Good luck.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
17:10 / 03.05.03
I'm really sorry to hear that this has happened again, ShadowRain.
 
 
ShadowRain
07:00 / 04.05.03
Wyrd - you were right in that I find it hard optimistic about falling pregnant and about the fact that I really do want children. After one failed pregnancy you tend to feel wary about getting excited again when you do fall pregnant, because there's always a niggle in the back of your head that says that something can go wrong with this one as well, and you're afraid that you'll have to go through the pain and disappointment again. I've had those kind of problems all my life, which means that falling pregnant and carrying a baby to term would be nothing short of a miracle.

I've also started my own business a month ago, quitting a job that was slowly killing me a little everyday. Things are unstable and in chaos at the moment. So maybe it wasn't the right time for a child to grace our lives.

We're coping with the loss and the one thing that has come out of this is that we'll never take for granted that being pregnant means that there will be a bouncing baby in 9 month's time.

Thanks for the feedback. Uncanny how accurate it is - on the health side of things, we were planning to get back to the gym after a month and a half break when we found out that things weren't going well with the pregnancy. So now we're going to actively start working on that side of things again and hope for the best.

Once again, thanks for the feedback and the support.

Shadow
 
 
gingerbop
14:07 / 04.05.03
So sorry bout it happening again- but so much love and luck for future pregnancies. Love, G'Bop xx
 
 
Salamander
22:42 / 04.05.03
Oh dear heart, I'm so sorry to hear of your plight. I would do a reading for you, but I just don't do reading for strangers, it's a long story. I will pray to every god and goddess that I traffic with for a safe, succesful pregnancy, and a healthy child, or if this is not possible, one in the future. My best wishes, prayers, and thoughts.
 
  
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