BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Underground > Conversation >

Dry

  
  

Page: (1)2

 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
11:53 / 28.04.03
So I've decided to give alcohol a break. Not necessarily for good, just for a while.

I don't know if there's a word for people who aren't alcoholics but have a tendency to get horribly, horribly drunk on the occasions they do drink: 'idiot' is the only one that need concern us here. If I'm honest, giving up for a while is something I should have done about a month ago, when I alienated a whole bunch of people, some of whom I'm still avoiding even though we used to be great friends, and theoretically still are. Hell, arguably I *should* have done it all those times I woke up not knowing what the fuck I'd done the night before but sensing it was bad, very bad. I *should* have done it the first time I ever had to persuade a friend to start speaking to me again, and counted my lucky stars I hadn't fucked that friendship up for good.

But no. Instead, I just muttered "I'm never getting *that* drunk again" and mentally added the caveat not for a while, anyway, and not unless it's a special occasion. Funny thing is, it's the special occasions that are the easy part these days: it's just that whenever I let my guard down that I tend to get really messy. And it's not always a disaster: the problem is, when I wake up in the morning feeling like death, I *couldn't tell you* whether I'd parted company with all present on perfectly pleasant if drunken terms - or whether I'd been hurled out of the venue onto the street, screaming abuse at my nearest and dearest.

And I'm sick of it. Sick of the gaping holes in my memory, sick of the creeping sense of guilt and dread that can last for weeks afterwards, sick of The Look people give you when they see you for the first time after one of those nights. Sick of lying to myself that I can control how pissed I get when *everyone* knows nothing could be further from the truth. Most of all, I'm sick of knowing that I've acted in ways I never would when sober - that there's a person who comes out to play after a certain amount of alcohol who is, to put it bluntly, a nasty, utterly unreasonable fuck.

So: I'm quitting. For at least a month, which doesn't sound much, but it's a start. Not tried this before. Could be tricky.

Norminally I disapprove of posting this kind of stuff on Barbelith, but a) this affects some people here, and b) it's a good way of making it official. Once I've said it, I have to stick with it.
 
 
The Puck
12:08 / 28.04.03
Good luck, i wish i had your willpower. Lets hope that your freinds see the positive step you have took.

Oh and keep us updated i havnt known anyone to try this and im kinda intrested.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
12:08 / 28.04.03
Sounds like a good idea. If you're having some of the problems that you're describing, you may not currently be an alcoholic, but it sounds like you could be in danger of becoming one eventually. It's good to make some effort to control yourself, and you need not quit cold turkey to do so. Good luck, man.
 
 
that
12:09 / 28.04.03
Very best of luck to you, Flyboy.
 
 
Jub
12:13 / 28.04.03
Fair play Flyboy. I gave up booze for Lent for similar reasons but did it during that period so that people wouldn't ask me why.

Depending on how much you drink at the mo, be prepared for some unexpected drawbacks. After about 3 days I started getting withdrawal symptoms; nothing major, just feeling really weird and confused all the time.

More difficult though is knowing what to do with yourself socially, since for me at least all social occasions involve booze. At first I found in really difficult to not drink; not because it was so physically difficult just because the urge to say "fuck it", or "ah, just the one won't hurt" was really overwheliming.

That said, as time went by it became easier, not least because I knew it wasn't going to last forever. Also having all that extra time meant I could do other things - both the time spent not drinking and the time spent watching TV or whatnot because you're too fucked to do anything else.

All in all, I wish you well with your period of abstinence, and commend your reasons for doing so. Good luck!
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
12:52 / 28.04.03
Good lord I know exactly what you mean. My only addition is that genrally I'd phone up my good friend who I generally go out with and say "What happened?" almost as soon as I could move again. It's strange how I used to panic in such a way and try and find out everything that happened as soon as possible.

But it is indeed really bad not knowing what's happened. I find the worst times - for me - involve the time when I've parted company from all the people I know and have blanks that could just never be filled in. Not that all the blanks that get filled in are top either. But I remember posting quite a while back about waking up with severe bruising and the like (an actual swollen buttock!) and not knowing what the hell happened (I was on my own apparently). And then meeting these two total rocker long hair types in a club. I say meeting, they called me an idiot. And I found out it had been from that very night, and they said I had been a very drunken twat. Yikes, when people you don't know are just insulting you... but anyway. That's a long time ago, and best not though of. Just sayin', good god, I know how you feel.

And I pretty much stopped drinking for a good long while. Not totally, of course, there's been a few lapses. But on the whole, I've done pretty well. I've been watching my behaviour, and well, just been having a better time because of it. But I didn't drink properly for so long, that I do have a social drink now, and that's alright.

In fact, I stopped drinking for so long, that I can pretty much get drunk after three pints. But wait! It's ok. Previously, I drank a lot. And I mean a lot (You know, it started off as a bottle of wine before the pub, but then I thought why not two?). By the time I actually got drunk, my memory just flew out the window. I encounter such a different type of drunken-ness now. It reminds me of being a youngster, and those first steps in to drink... where you couldn't really get too drunk yet. It's kind of nice and safe, and still allows me to use alcohol as a social crutch... ha. I just avoid the bit's where I start talking to random people about the moon and crawl around pubs.

So good on ya Fly, hope it works out.
 
 
Bill Posters
12:53 / 28.04.03
Good luck with it, absolutely. It's not impossible, at all, not even unpleasant, necessarily. I'd avoid boredom at all costs, and physical exercise helps because it combines avoidance of thought with some endorphins. Oh and my personal top tip - bizzare as it may sound - is tidy your room. I read this somewhere and crazy as it is, it really helps to be in a tidy environment if you're gonna kick. Oh and take no notice of anything I say 'cos my two recent attempts to clean up a bit ended in abject failure.
 
 
Ariadne
13:02 / 28.04.03
Good luck with it - sounds like a generally healthy idea to give up for a while, both physically and because you're obviously worried about it.

Try to look on it as a positive choice rather than a denial. Do some exercise, enjoy the fact you'll almost certainly lose weight and look healthier, and you'll have loads more money too. It'll be hard work in our booze-focused world but you can do it.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
13:09 / 28.04.03
Sweet Jesus - I just tried this online AA test and answered 'yes' to a staggering 11 out of 12 questions. Apparently you should be concerned if you get more than four. Even though I know a lot of people who would probably have got similar scores, maybe the "I'm not an alcoholic because I can easily go five days without drinking" argument isn't very sound (nor the "I don't need a drink when I wake up" one, which is the only question I said 'no' to...).
 
 
The Natural Way
13:10 / 28.04.03
You're in the same club as my bro, actually. He doesn't always get out of control, but when he does..... Aaah, total skuntitude. What is it with you? Shyness? An inability to control the dosage? Ey! We want answers here! We had to clean up your puke!
 
 
The Natural Way
13:24 / 28.04.03
Out of interest, does anyone here know anyone who improves as their alcohol intake increases? I swear blind that Fraelyboy does. Or, at least, his big, warm enthusiastic (but not overly so - that horrible desperate drunk "enthusiasm" we all hate so much) side really comes out to play. I've never seen him become a wanker.
 
 
captain piss
13:33 / 28.04.03
[b]that there's a person who comes out to play after a certain amount of alcohol who is, to put it bluntly, a nasty, utterly unreasonable fuck.[/b]

Heheh- I just spluttered tea onto my keyboard reading that.
Fuck - and i've just scored 5 on AA's little test- I should be worried. Yeah, it's something I've been considering lately, too- it's mainly just the issue of all the time it seems to take up. I could do with getting more shit done. It's that whole thing of "I wasn't an accountant who drank but a drinker who occassionally did a bit of accountancy".
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:00 / 28.04.03
I feel like I should react to this but I'm not sure what to say... so to be, possibly overly, harsh and tight lipped- it's about fucking time. Soberflyboy is a much nicer person.
 
 
moriarty
14:01 / 28.04.03
Best of luck, Flyboy. Hope you get all the love and support you need.
 
 
gravitybitch
14:03 / 28.04.03
Hmmm... three and a half on the little quizzy and I'd been thinking of giving it a rest anyway...(and consistently finding reasons not to for the last month and a half, which bugs me more than anything else!).

The big catches for me are boredom and habit. I definitely recommend finding ways not to be bored, simply because it's too easy to grab a drink and fuzz out.
 
 
William Sack
14:07 / 28.04.03
Going back in time I would have scored a straight 12 if on the end of the drinking in the morning question they'd put "but one would be nice."

If drinking is causing problems then remind yourself that addressing problems is a good thing and a positive thing. Memory loss, acting like a dick, aggressiveness in social situations, searing guilt etc. are NOT insignificant problems - your life would be better without them. Tell yourself that and you shouldn't have to try too hard to convince yourself. As Ariadne says, look on it as a positive choice.

Likely as not, alcohol carries with it many positive as well as negative things. It may be the cornerstone of your social life, it may be pretty inextricably connected in your mind with the notion of enjoyment. You may well have to modify your behaviour to a greater or lesser extent, but you don't have to turn it inside out. You can go to zoos, you can go to cinemas, it may be that you can even go to pubs, bars and parties, and as Bill says, you can even derive pleasure from little things like tidying your room.

If you cut drinking but still socialise then don't try and second-guess what people will think if they see you in a bar without a drink. It really doesn't matter. If they are good friends then they will think none the worse of you for not drinking and more likely much the better. If they are not good friends then they can just swivel.
 
 
Bear
14:13 / 28.04.03
Boredom is the killer aint it, I've managed to stop the whole getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk madness - actually calmed down a huuuuuge amount in the last year (although it's sometimes hard to tell).

Good luck Flyboy though, I really don't think it's that hard to be honest. Not easy but not impossible - I'll be stopping myself soon, maybe I'll wait until after the weekend!

Hey at least you didn't spoil the end of Angel for me, although I think you urge was getting stronger all the time..
 
 
telyn
14:37 / 28.04.03
I'm very glad to hear that you are trying. Even though it might be tough or wierd now, I think it will make you happier overall.

As for advice - find a soft drink you like the taste of. That way you aren't sitting without a drink at all, and have something you can request should people do rounds.

Good luck!
 
 
The Apple-Picker
15:29 / 28.04.03
Best to you, Flyboy.

Like lots of other folks here, I can sympathize. I've had an on-again, off-again abusive relationship with alcohol for quite a few years. It's been off-again since my last birthday--June 26th. I still drink, but only occasionally and rarely much. I don't know if I want to qualify this as advice, but when I get started on cutting back again, I tend to also cut back on (though not necessarily eliminate) the evening, drink-typical socializing. I need a little time to situate myself and to feel confident about what I'm doing before I head out again with my drinking pals.
 
 
pomegranate
15:36 / 28.04.03
i scored a 4 but i think maybe it should have been higher--i didn't check yes for #9 (Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?) just cos i've never said i could stop at any time. i know i couldn't. (but you know, my mom says that too, and she drinks like anywhere from once every other month to four times a month, *maybe*, and never gets drunk.) well, i prob'ly could if i had to, like cos of some medication or something.

i also didn't check yes for #12 (Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?) cos i think w/o drinking, my life would would suck. uh...yeah so i think maybe my score's a little misleading.

has anyone here ever heard of or tried moderates anonymous? (i think that's what it's called.)

flyboy, good looks on this. i dunno if you smoke weed but i had a friend give up drinking for lent and she just smoked weed all the time instead, in fact smoked way more than she ever drank before. so beware swapping one drug for another.
 
 
moriarty
16:23 / 28.04.03
Is there really an external pressure to drink when in social situations? Or is it an imagined pressure that comes from second-guessing how people perceive you? Would that pressure exist if people weren't familiar with seeing you with a drink in your hand? Do they maybe feel uncomfortable in seeing you in an "unnatural" sober state?

Sorry if this is a little off-topic, but I'm curious. I've gone to quite a few pubs and bars and have never felt any pressure to drink. I can't even imagine friends foisting drinks off on me when I've already said no, but if it did happen, I couldn't think of a worse thing to do to someone you care about.
 
 
moriarty
16:27 / 28.04.03
Excuse me. I can think of plenty of worse things you can do to someone you care about. What an idiotic statement.
 
 
The Apple-Picker
16:32 / 28.04.03
Is there really an external pressure to drink when in social situations? Or is it an imagined pressure that comes from second-guessing how people perceive you?

For me, it's because I'm uncomfortable in just about any social situation that involves more than one other non-family person and me. The drink loosens me up, and I feel comfortable.
 
 
The Strobe
18:32 / 28.04.03
Good luck to you, Flyboy. SoberFlyboy is a better prospect.

I took the test, and scored 2. I also took it from my perspective of two years ago. Two years ago, I was drinking nearly 60 units a week tops; certainly well over 40. That, as they say, is not good. But all the way through, I've known my own limits and known when to stop. And can stop myself on a dime. Also, I drink less now not because I like it less, but because I like hangovers less, and there are more fun things to do that aren't drink. At that point in my life, I made a lot of friends in the bar and had a great time, and I don't regret it... but it's not a way to live. What I do know now, though, is that I was nowhere near alcoholic. That reassures me. (I did partly cut back now I'm on meds, but have since realised it barely interferes; if anything, I'm not miserable-drunk anymore.)

Good luck with this. It's different for everyone, but I think this is probably the right course of action for you. It is quite possible, and you're obviously very aware of the myriad benefits.
 
 
grant
18:53 / 28.04.03
I can't even imagine friends foisting drinks off on me when I've already said no,

Oh, they do. They do. Well, not "friends" as much as "relatives" or "acquaintances," but yes, people do that.

It's a shame/fear thing, I think. Fear: the sober have an advantage over the fucked-up. They're also not on the same *trip*, maaaaan. That whole LSD tribalism thing extends to other drugs, alcohol being one of the biggies. Shame: society applauds sobriety while encouraging drinking. The sober are the "virtuous," see. Drinking is a "vice."

So that's some bullshit to cut through. Eliminate it.

I never had a problem with drinking, because I don't really like it that much. I just register the fact that I feel toxic, moreso than intoxicated. In the past, I've flirted with a mild addiction, once (more for the dramatic flair than anything). Doing favors for impoverished chem lab TAs can be a double-edged sword.

Anyway, the biggest asset you've got (or at least I had) when facing that sort of thing is a tendency to procrastinate. That whole AA "One Day at a Time" thing... just put it off until later. Every time it comes up. I'm also not a big fan of time limits, whether it's a month or 40 days or 48 hours. Because a/ they can be broken, and b/ they tend to expire dramatically. Better to be vague and indefinite. Cutting it out for a while. That sort of thing.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
19:20 / 28.04.03
That all makes a lot of sense, grant. I'd like to add that yes, people do sometimes try to get their friends to drink when they don't want to, and to my shame I've done that myself on more than one occasion. I don't think that's going to be a problem in my case, because I'm quite lucky with friends - work colleagues might be a different matter, but they're fairly easy to ignore. In fact, I can easily see how it might happen the other way with friends: I'll be sitting there saying "ah, maybe I do want a pint or two after all" and they'll be saying "dude, I thought you were going to stick to this"...

I do however think that there's a very real sense in which 'we' (by which I mean not just my own circles of friends but a large proportion of mid-20s people in the UK) act as enablers for each other's less-than-healthy drinking habits. We tell each other not to worry, because we were also really pissed that night ourselves; we play down how bad it was when people do misbehave because we don't want to hurt each other's feelings; we buy rounds... Sometimes you just need someone with a different perspective to come along and tell you just how ugly it looks from the outside.

On the plus side: weirdly, I'm actually starting to really look forward to this now. It's something I've been toying with for months bordering on years, but there's always been a reason to put it off... And now I've *said* it publically, I have to stick to it.
 
 
pomegranate
20:04 / 28.04.03
personally, i don't feel a *pressure* to drink as much as i feel like, wow, this is so boring cos i'm not drunk. everyone else is, and i feel like a damn chaperone or some shit.
 
 
Lilith Myth
22:13 / 28.04.03
Good luck, Flyboy. I wish I could think of something suitably witty/pithy to say, but I can't.
 
 
Ganesh
22:29 / 28.04.03
He's off the pith now anyway. Good luck, Dryboy.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
23:02 / 28.04.03
So, does anyone know any London-based late-opening (i.e as late as a pub) places that sell a decent range of soft drinks and coffee? I would nominate the cafes in Borders, but they are now Starbucks and evil. Waterstones? Bar Italia? The cafes along Old Compton Street? Where could we have sociable and non-alcoholic (and possibly non-smoking) Barbemeets? One or two places would be very handy...

Limonatas in Bar Italia sounds cool to me, but the small tables might be a problem....
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
23:13 / 28.04.03
Well, I think I'll have to deal with gatherings in the pub sooner or later, I'll just end up getting caffeined and sugared up on cokes. And smoking lots of cigs.

There's the Blue Room, of course...
 
 
Tryphena Absent
23:28 / 28.04.03
Cigarettes and Iced Mocha. Mmmmmm-hmmmmm.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
23:34 / 28.04.03
Dude, at least you don't live in Europe. You can get beer in vending machines! VENDING MACHINES!

Ha, I said you don't live in Europe. That's because alcohol has affected my poor little brain and it no longer functions at a respectable capacity.

Best thing to do is not think about it, will happen without you even realising I swear!

Oh, and tests are stupid. I mean, you might have an alcohol problem, sure. But alcoholic...? 'Cos I'm sure most people think of alcoholics as the people they see in the street and wonder if they ever had a decent life and threw it all away because of drink and now they sit there endlessly scrabbling together money for their next bottle of white lightning. And I think you're a long way off from that. There's a difference, to be sure. Both alcohol-based problems but I know where I'd prefer to be...
 
 
the Fool
02:57 / 29.04.03
Well, I think I'll have to deal with gatherings in the pub sooner or later, I'll just end up getting caffeined and sugared up on cokes. And smoking lots of cigs.

Or a lemon lime and bitters or any other non-alcoholic drink, sometimes its just having a drink in your hand.

I'm in a similar, yet alternate, boat at the moment - I've given up smoking pot. I realised I was smoking everyday. And I wasn't smoking to have fun, I was smoking to feel 'normal'. I was slowly fucking up my job, not dealing with a lot of emotional stuff, isolating myself and being depressed and tired all the time. I realised I smoked to cover any emotional pain and stress, even though it did not ultimately help my stress or depression (it made them worse) Though it still took another 6 month binge before I really admitted that to myself.

So I too decided 'to take a break' left it indefinite. Though demanded that it was at the very least 4 weeks. I wanted to be not stoned, get it out of my system. Get back to being myself, not this stoned git that wandered around in a daze all the time being paranoid.

And for me it wasn't just dope, it was ciggarettes as well. I don't smoke cigarettes but I always mixed them in with pot for smoking in bongs. So I was basically a nicotine addict by default.

Now it wasn't easy. I went pretty nutty for a while as it got out of my system - full on mood swings. But I had made the decision and I kept to it. I didn't want to smoke. Even when I felt like I really NEEDED a smoke (like when bad stuff happened at work) I reminded myself that smoking wasn't the cure-all I imagined it to be and I didn't want to go back to what I was. I also had to admit that the longer I didn't smoke the better I felt and the better able to function socially I became.

Its now a few months, and I don't really want to smoke anymore. Works improved. I'm getting a lot more shit done. I'm a lot happier. Meeting loads of new people and stuff. I'm pretty happy I did it.

I guess what I'm saying is admitting to yourself that you want to stop is pretty powerful. Being honest with yourself about the realities of your relationship to a particular drug or chemical. I think its a good part of the battle.

Good luck Flyboy, let us know how you go...
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
06:28 / 29.04.03
Perhaps it's time to call a non-pub meet.
 
  

Page: (1)2

 
  
Add Your Reply